Chapter Five
‘‘I want details,’’ Cindy said when Beth opened the front door to let her in. ‘‘I want you to start at the beginning of the date and tell me everything that happened. Don’t leave out a single word.’’
Beth smiled at her friend. ‘‘When did you and Mike get back in town?’’
Cindy glanced at her watch. ‘‘Oh, about ten minutes ago. I left him to unpack and put the kids in bed. After all, I do have my priorities.’’
‘‘I’m thrilled that I rank so highly on your list.’’
Beth led the way into her family room. She’d known that Cindy would want to hear what happened on her date with Todd Graham. The fact that her friend had been out of town for a long weekend had only meant a postponement of the inevitable.
‘‘At least Mike didn’t come with you,’’ Beth said.
‘‘I promised him I would give him the abridged version when I got back.’’ Cindy plopped on the sofa and patted the cushion next to her. ‘‘Come on. Have a seat and start talking. I’m not leaving until you spill your guts.’’
Beth glanced toward the stairs. At least both her kids were upstairs studying in their rooms. She wouldn’t have to bear the humiliation of them hearing about her date in more detail than she’d given them before. She settled on the sofa and thought about protesting that this was private and something she didn’t want to share. Unfortunately she’d teased Cindy as much or more when her friend had been single, and she’d wanted to know what was happening as Cindy and Mike had started getting involved. It was what she’d told Todd yesterday—payback.
‘‘There’s not much to tell,’’ Beth began.
‘‘I can’t tell you how much I don’t believe that,’’ Cindy said. ‘‘Come on. Spill it.’’
Beth touched on the highlights from her aborted date with Todd. She described the limo drive into the city, the awkward conversation, the expensive restaurant.
Cindy nodded sympathetically. ‘‘I would have hated being in a place that fancy. Did you feel really out of place?’’
‘‘Yes. The food on the menu was strange, the other customers were wearing designer clothes. I didn’t know what to do.’’
‘‘But you survived the experience.’’
Beth felt a faint heat on her cheeks. ‘‘Um, not exactly.’’
‘‘What do you mean? Of course you survived. You’re sitting in front of me, looking completely normal.’’
‘‘It’s not that simple.’’ Beth folded her hands together in her lap. ‘‘I left him there. After we ordered drinks I realized the whole situation was crazy. Todd and I have nothing in common, I didn’t want to be there and…well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I went into the rest room, wrote him a note and took a cab home.’’
She was afraid to look at her friend, but when she finally did, she saw Cindy staring at her with a stunned expression on her face. Then she burst out laughing. ‘‘You stood him up?’’
‘‘It wasn’t exactly like that.’’
‘‘Oh, what was it like?’’ Cindy chuckled. ‘‘Mike is going to love this.’’
Beth thought about asking her friend not to share the information, but she doubted it would do any good. ‘‘I’m not proud of what I did. I know it was rude and thoughtless. I just panicked. The dating thing is too hard. I’m too old to be going out with men. Todd was actually pretty nice, and when we were in the car, it wasn’t that difficult to talk to him, but in the restaurant I felt like everyone was staring at me.’’
Cindy’s smile faded. ‘‘I’m sorry for laughing. You’re right. Starting over isn’t easy. I wish your first experience had been a little nicer, but at least you got started. The next time won’t be so bad.’’
‘‘I don’t think I should have a next time. I never learned the rules in high school, so I still don’t know them now. Besides, I’m not someone a man would be interested in.’’
‘‘Oh, please!’’ Cindy glared at her. ‘‘You’re intelligent, you have a great sense of humor, you’re attractive. What’s not to like?’’
Her friend’s compliments made Beth feel a little better. ‘‘You’re kind to say so, but the fact is I’m nearly forty. That’s too old to be dating.’’
‘‘Why?’’
‘‘Todd only dates women in their twenties.’’
Cindy’s gaze turned speculative. ‘‘How interesting.’’
‘‘What do you mean?’’
‘‘I was talking about dating in general, but you were talking specifically about Todd. You liked him.’’
It wasn’t a question. ‘‘No. He was fine. Very nice.’’ And very nice looking. ‘‘But not my type.’’
‘‘As you informed me when I was freshly divorced, you have to actually be dating to have a type.’’
‘‘Fine. If I had a type it wouldn’t be Todd.’’
‘‘He’s not the only single guy around.’’
‘‘I know.’’ But he was the only one who had caught Beth’s attention. She reminded herself he was also the only one she’d ever been out with, too, which meant that she would probably be attracted to other men…assuming she ever met one and he asked her out.
Cindy leaned toward her. ‘‘So if you ducked out on him, I guess I don’t have to ask about a good-night kiss.’’
Beth swallowed. She hadn’t even thought about the possibility of kissing. If she had, she would never have been able to get into the limo in the first place. She wouldn’t know what to do if a man tried anything like that. Just the thought of it made her want to curl up and die. Having it actually happen would be worse.
‘‘No kissing, no significant touching,’’ she said.
‘‘How about insignificant touching.’’
Beth glared at her friend. ‘‘Leave me alone. Nothing happened. I abandoned the poor man in a restaurant. It was not my finest hour and I just want to put the situation behind me.’’
‘‘Okay. You’ve made your point.’’ Cindy held up her hands in a gesture of surrender. ‘‘I take it you’re not going to see him again.’’
Beth paused. ‘‘I am, but it’s not what you think.’’ Cindy’s hazel-green eyes widened slightly. ‘‘I’m not thinking anything.’’
‘‘Yes, you are. You’re thinking that he likes me or something, but he doesn’t. I sent him flowers to apologize for what I did. He came here yesterday because he wanted to hear me grovel in person. Then he suggested we go out and finish our date. I told him it was impossible. My life is full. I’m not interested in having a man.’’
‘‘But if you’re seeing him again, you did say yes to the date.’’
‘‘No. I told him I was busy next Saturday. I’ve got to do the planting, then there’s Matt’s baseball game followed by the swim party. After all that I’ll be way too exhausted to go out with anyone. When Todd didn’t believe me, I invited him to participate in all I have to do. If he has enough energy after that to go out, I said I would.’’ She shrugged. ‘‘He won’t want to. It’s going to be a long day.’’
‘‘Beth has a boyfriend,’’ Cindy sang under her breath. More heat flared on Beth’s cheeks. ‘‘I do not. He doesn’t like me. It’s not like that.’’
‘‘Oh, honey, it’s so exactly like that. He does like you. Why else would he bother?’’
The question had kept Beth up most of the night. She picked at the hem of her shorts. ‘‘I’m all wrong for him. He likes perky young women. I’m a widowed mother of two. It doesn’t make sense.’’
‘‘Maybe he wants a change.’’
‘‘Maybe this is Be Kind To Widows And Orphans Month.’’
‘‘Does it matter?’’
Beth looked at her friend’s face. She wanted to say that it didn’t matter, but if she was going to be honest with herself, she knew that it did. She didn’t want to be a mercy date for Todd. Being around him was exciting. For the first time in many months, she’d awakened early, with a sense of expectation. But she was afraid, too. She didn’
t want to start anything with a man. She wasn’t ready, and even if she could get ready, she didn’t know how to play the game. The last thing she wanted was to make a fool of herself.
‘‘It’s too strange,’’ she said at last.
‘‘You could see him naked,’’ Cindy told her. ‘‘When I was single, isn’t that what you always told me? That you wanted to see a man other than Darren naked?’’
‘‘I must remember to be more careful about what I say,’’ Beth muttered. ‘‘Everything seems to be coming back to haunt me.’’ She drew in a breath. ‘‘Okay, I did mention that I wanted to see another man naked. I’d only ever been with Darren and I was curious. But that was before. I was making a joke from the safety of a happy marriage. I didn’t really want to do it, I wanted to talk about it.’’
‘‘Now you can have both.’’
‘‘Do it and talk about it?’’ Beth shuddered. ‘‘Not in this lifetime. I can’t have sex with a strange man.’’
Cindy grinned. ‘‘If you do the wild thing together, he won’t be a stranger.’’
‘‘I couldn’t do that. I’m willing to admit seeing another man naked would be interesting, and I guess I don’t actually object to the sex part, but I don’t want to take my clothes off.’’
She tried to imagine the moment and couldn’t. ‘‘I hate to harp on the age thing, but it’s true. I’ve had two kids. There are lumps and bumps and stretch marks. Do you realize that I’m about sixteen years older than the last woman Todd saw naked?’’
Cindy looked at her. She didn’t say anything, she didn’t have to. Beth closed her eyes for a moment and groaned. Once again Cindy had been talking generalities and Beth had been talking about Todd.
‘‘You like him,’’ Cindy said. ‘‘You don’t have to admit, but we both know it’s true. That’s okay. It’s nice that you like him. If he wants to see you again, he obviously likes you, too. Go with that. Have fun.’’
‘‘I absolutely cannot have a relationship.’’
Cindy tucked her hair behind her ears. ‘‘I want to ask why, but you have that stubborn look on your face and I’m afraid you’ll snap at me.’’
‘‘I don’t mean to be difficult.’’
‘‘I know. Maybe it would help to think of all of this as a chance to learn those rules you never understood before. A practice class, like Lamaze when you were pregnant. Instead of learning about childbirth, you’ll be learning about dating.’’
It could work…in theory. ‘‘Lamaze training was nothing like having a baby. It’s a lot easier to do the breathing when you’re not having labor pains. I doubt a practice relationship is anything like a real one.’’
‘‘It gives you a place to start. Or you could just call him up and cancel.’’
Beth opened her mouth, then closed it. She didn’t want to cancel on Todd and she didn’t want to go out with him. Great. She was going to have to phone her mother and find out if mental illness ran in her family.
‘‘Maybe the practice thing isn’t such a bad idea,’’ she said slowly. ‘‘I know he’s not really interested. I’m not, either. I guess.’’ She wasn’t sure she would know what being interested in a man felt like.
‘‘Then tell him to forget it.’’
‘‘I can’t do that.’’
‘‘Why not?’’ Cindy’s expression was bland.
‘‘Because.’’
Cindy raised her eyebrows.
Beth glared at her. ‘‘Because I don’t want to. Okay? Isn’t that what you wanted me to say? I want to see him again. There. I’ve admitted it. Are you happy?’’
Cindy smiled. ‘‘Very.’’
*
Saturday morning Beth pulled on a T-shirt, tucked it into her shorts, then stared at herself in the mirror. Due to an extra ten minutes of fluffing, she was having a good hair day. She’d put on mascara, a little eye shadow and lipstick. She’d even slid on a pair of gold hoop earrings. Considering her to-do list for the day, she was dressed up. Every other person at the plant store, then at the baseball game would be casually dressed. On any other Saturday, she wouldn’t have given her clothes another thought.
But this wasn’t a regular Saturday. Todd was due in a few minutes and despite telling herself that this wasn’t a date and that he didn’t matter, in her heart of hearts she wanted to impress him. Even though after a half hour in the chaos that was her world, he would want to run screaming in the opposite direction.
She heard footsteps upstairs and smiled. Talk about a miracle. It was a Saturday morning and her kids were up before eight. Of course last night she’d explained that Todd would be spending the day with her, which could have something to do with their desire to get up earlier than usual.
What would Todd think of her children? What would they think of him? During the discussion the previous evening Jodi had been intrigued by the concept of her mother dating, even though Beth had taken great pains to explain it wasn’t a date. Matt had just looked worried. No doubt Todd threatened his memories of his father. Beth told herself that if she ever starting dating for real she was going to have to sit with Matt and discuss his concerns.
She touched the waistband of her shorts, reminded herself that a party dress and pumps would be inappropriate for her plans that day and left the room. If Todd was interested in glamorous, he was going to have to start seeing a fashion model. She was doing the best she could with what she had.
Once in the kitchen, she made coffee then wondered if Todd would eat before he came over. Should she start breakfast? The thought of serving pancakes or waffles made her shudder. It was too much like a movie scene, one symbolizing the morning after. As they hadn’t had a night before, doing the morning-after thing seemed premature.
Footsteps thumped on the stairs. She glanced up as her kids walked into the kitchen. ‘‘We’re here to check out the man in your life,’’ Jodi said cheerfully.
Beth’s sixteen-year-old daughter was radiant as always. Her bright red hair had been pulled back into a ponytail. Her skin was clear, and between her youthful metabolism and her running around, she was all of a size four. Todd would probably take one look at Jodi and fall for her instead, Beth thought grimly.
‘‘While he is a man,’’ Beth said, ‘‘he’s not really in my life.’’
‘‘Then why’s he coming here?’’ Matt asked, as he pushed up his glasses.
Her youngest had pulled on shorts and a T-shirt. His feet were bare and his hair stood up in spikes from his night’s sleep.
The sound of a car engine saved Beth from coming up with an answer. Which was a good thing because she didn’t have a clue as to what to say to Matt. She wasn’t sure why Todd wanted to hang out with her for the day, although Cindy had proved her point by making Beth admit she was happy about it. Life was so confusing.
The front doorbell rang. She hurried to answer it. Through the glass panels in the door, she could see Todd standing on the front porch. He held a large plastic-covered tray and several brown bags.
‘‘Good morning,’’ she said as she pulled open the door.
‘‘Hi, Beth. I hope you haven’t eaten. I brought breakfast.’’
She was vaguely aware of him stepping into the house and handing her a couple of the bags. She must have led the way into the kitchen because they were suddenly there and he was putting down the tray. But she couldn’t remember any of it. Instead, all she could do was tell herself to breathe.
He was taller than she recalled. His seemingly genuine smile and pleased expression were difficult enough for her to deal with. Both made her toes curl inside her athletic shoes. Then her gaze moved down to the T-shirt he’d tucked into tight-fitting jeans. She wore a T-shirt, as did Matt, but their articles of clothing had nothing in common with Todd’s garment. On him, the thick navy cotton clung to his broad shoulders, emphasizing a chest that had been hidden by his suit jacket or the loose-fitting dress shirt on their previous encounters. The color brought out the blue in his eyes. His arms were tanned an
d muscled. She didn’t dare drop her gaze lower to his jeans. What if he was just as wonderful down there?
‘‘I stopped by a deli in my neighborhood,’’ he was saying. ‘‘There’s bagels, different kinds of cream cheese and lox.’’ He pointed at the tray. ‘‘Fresh fruit. I got some of everything because I didn’t know what you liked.’’
There was enough food for the neighborhood, Beth thought, still stunned by the physical reality of Todd Graham in her kitchen.
‘‘Thank you,’’ she managed, then realized he was looking at her children and they were looking back. Shock number two. How did one introduce a strange man to one’s children?
‘‘Todd, this is my daughter, Jodi, and my son, Matt.’’ She turned to her kids. ‘‘This is Todd Graham.’’
‘‘Nice to meet you, Mr. Graham,’’ Jodi said, and gave him a wide smile. ‘‘Thanks for bringing the food.’’
‘‘My pleasure. Please call me Todd.’’ Todd angled toward her son. ‘‘Matt.’’ He held out his hand.
Matt hesitated, then shook the older man’s hand.
Beth saw the potential for an awkward disaster so she put Matt to work getting out plates, knives and forks, while she had Jodi unpack the food.
‘‘Do you want coffee?’’ Beth asked as she motioned for Todd to take a seat at the table.
‘‘That would be great. Just black.’’
She opened the cupboard with the mugs and searched until she found a plain green one. Until that moment she hadn’t realized she had a collection of cartoon character mugs, mugs celebrating various openings at banks, and mugs from several Mother’s Days and Father’s days. She doubted Todd would want to drink out of something that told him he was ‘‘the world’s greatest mom.’’
‘‘What is this?’’ Jodi asked.
Beth set Todd’s drink in front of him, then turned to the island counter. Jodi stared down at a small container filled with thinly cut smoked salmon. ‘‘It’s called lox. Some people eat them with bagels and cream cheese.’’
Beth and the Bachelor Page 6