The Husker stepped back without speaking. The two men entered the compartment. The ships officer made a show of counting the inhabitants. “We brought twelve of you on board, he said, “but there are only eleven here.
“I am John Smith, the leader of this delegation, the biggest Husker said. “You are correct. John Doe is missing.
“John Smith? Gordon said. “John Doe? Is that the best you can do?
“Its not my fault, the translation program said. “These are common names on this species home planet, and thats the way they translate.
“Why dont you just leave the names in their language? the young diplomat said. “Fewer distractions.
Which was how the two humans learned that it was Clickclickwhistle who was missing, according to Clicksquawksqueal.
“We think we know where Clickclickwhistle is, Carter said. “Computer, would you show us the Unknown Origin 37 we removed from the deck?
The computer threw up a scene on the opposite wall. The Huskers seemed to see in the same spectrum as humans, so Gordon figured they should be able to follow what was going on. Unfortunately, what was going on was that the two subengineers had the Unknown Origin 37 on the shuttle deck, the section that was open to space. There were wires running from it to a console some distance away where the subengineers stood in space suits.
“Computer! the ships officer yelled. “Stop whatever they are doing immediately!
Too late. One of the space-suited figures threw a switch, and there was a tremendous explosion. Pieces of Unknown Species 37 flew everywhere. The two subengineers were blown backward and dangled at the end of tethers, their suits leaking air in dozens of places. Other space-suited figures began moving their way.
Carter began whispering into the left forearm of his powered exoskeleton.
“Is this the way you treat visiting diplomats? Clicksquawksqueal demanded. “You blow them up?
Gordon moved closer to the ships officer, who seemed to have finished whispering. For a reason Gordon couldnt quite name, the Huskers suddenly seemed much more dangerous.
“We didnt blow up Clickclickwhistle, he said. “We found him all folded in the hallway outside the diplomats area and his temperature was rising. Our computer told us he would explode on his own. Why is that?
“All folded up? Clicksquawksqueal said. “What do you mean?
“Show him, Computer, Gordon said.
The computer projected a photograph of the Unknown Origin 37or, rather, the late, lamented Clickclickwhistlein front of Clicksquawksqueal. The creature did the same swiveling routine as the doorman and was silent for several minutes.
“Clickclickwhistle was in decommissioned pose, Clicksquawksqueal said. “He would have expanded to the universe on his own.
“Decommissioned pose? Gordon said.
“Hey, Im doing the best that I can, the translation program said.
“Is that how your species disposes of its dead? Explosion? the young diplomat asked.
Clicksquawksqueal swiveled and was silent again.
“It is, it said at last, “it is our way of returning our biological material to the planet.
“Well, Id hate to walk through one of your graveyards, Gordon said.
“Graveyards? Clicksquawksqueal said. “What are graveyards?
“Perhaps we should turn our attention to what happened to Clickclickwhistle, the ships officer suggested. “When did you see him last?
Gordon thought about strangling the starspawn. The demise of an alien diplomat in his keeping was the last thing he wanted to talk about.
Clicksquawksqueal seemed to share that sentiment. It swiveled and was silent for so long that Gordon thought perhaps itd gone to sleep.
“Clickclickwhistle was an adventurous sort, the Husker said, when it had swiveled back. “He went out exploring and never came back.
“Werent you worried? Gordon asked.
The swiveling was shorter this time.
“Define worried, Clicksquawksqueal said.
“Never mind, Carter said. “Perhaps it would be better if we discussed this in more comfortable surroundings. Will you and your colleagues follow me?
He turned his exoskeleton and walked out the hatch into the hall. Gordon was right behind him. “What do you think youre doing? he hissed at Carter.
“Solving a mystery, the ships officer said. “Watch and learn.
After a few minutes of what had no doubt been furious swiveling in the compartment, Clicksquawksqueal emerged, followed by the rest of the Huskers.
The two humans led them down the hall. When they reached the Lambchops quarters, one of the creatures was standing in the hatchway.
“Wheres the party? it asked.
“No party, Carter said. “We are simply going somewhere more comfortable to continue our discussion with the Unknown Origin 37 delegation about the demise of one of its members.
“Cool, the Lambchop said. “Mind if we tag along?
Gordon opened his mouth to tell the Lambchop, as diplomatically as possible, to mind his own beeswax, but the ships officer beat him to the punch. “Not at all, he said. “The more the merrier.
“What are you doing? the young diplomat demanded in a fierce whisper. “Do you think I want the whole galaxy knowing about the blot on my record?
“I said watch, Carter said. “I didnt say talk.
He stopped his exoskeleton opposite the hatchway to the Gaspassers quarters. He pressed the doorbell. No response. He tried the handle. Locked.
“Computer, he said.
The hatchway popped open. The Gaspassers were all huddled in one corner.
“Were having a meeting, Carter said cheerfully. “Diplomats love meetings. Come along.
Without waiting for a reply, he moved on. When he reached the door to the Mutts compartment, he stopped again. “If you creatures can tear yourselves away from your card game for a minute, theres a discussion in the common room you wont want to miss.
“Says who? one of the Mutts growled.
“Believe me, youll want to be there, Carter said pleasantly, “and so will the Unknown Origins next door.
“Josef Stalin! Gordon said. “Are you going to invite the entire diplomatic corps to this meeting?
“Nope, Carter said. “Thats it.
With that, he led his group down the rest of the hallway and into the common room.
“Table, he said, and a long, rectangular table rose out of the floor.
“Chairs, he said, and chairs rose to line the table.
“This is normally the ships conference room, he explained, striding to the head of the table. “Please, take a seat.
The Lambchops and Huskers all sat on one side of the table. As they sat, the chairs shaped themselves to fit their anatomies.
“Now, Clicksquawksqueal said, “perhaps you can explain what were doing here.
“Not just yet, Carter said. “Lets wait for the other delegations to arrive.
“Youre pretty confident theyre coming, said Gordon, whod taken a seat next to the ships officer.
“Its my winning personality, Carter said. “Its irresistible.
Sure enough, a minute later the Gaspassers came into the room, trailed by the Mutts. They took seats facing the Lambchops and Huskers.
“Thank you for coming, gentle creatures, Carter said. “In the interests of universal harmony, it is truly an honor to welcome you to this historic meeting aboard...
“Get on with it, a Mutt that looked like a border collie snapped, “Ive got a full house waiting back at the game.
“Yes, said one of the Lambchops, “you said you had something to reveal about the death of one of the Unknown 37 diplomats. Lets not spend more time than we have to in such odiferous surroundings.
“Who you calling odiferous, you cotton-covered assassin? the collie barked.
This started all the Lambchops and Mutts bleating and barking. The Huskers rustled their fronds, and the Gaspassers emitted noises that indicated that they were about to become airb
orne.
“Oh, great, Gordon said to Carter, “youre starting a riot. Well, why not? They cant drum me out of the Corps Diplomatique twice.
“Silence, the ships officer thundered, his voice enhanced by speakers in the exoskeleton. “I can have the walls lined with Federation Marines in a heartbeat.
That seemed to make an impression. “Now, Carter said, “we know that the unfortunate Clickclickwhistle left the Unknown Origin 37s compartment and never came back. We know that he was, what was the word, decommissioned inside diplomat country and was rolled through the hatchway into the outside hall. So we know that the culprit is a member of one of the diplomatic missions.
“What? the border collie snarled. “Youre accusing one of us of murder? I wont stand for that.
“If you dont calm down, Carter said, “Ill send for a rolled-up newspaper. Now, before we go any further, perhaps the leader of the other Unknown Origin delegation can explain why one of its members is missing.
That caused a flap among the Gaspassers, who chirped and whistled at one another, then at Carter.
“Missing? No one is missing from our delegation, one of the Gaspassers said.
“Now, now, Carter said. “Do you take us for chumps? Computer, how many of this species came aboard?
“Twelve, just like all the other delegations, the computer drawled.
“And how many do you count now?
“Eleven.
The heads of the Gaspassers all bobbed as they tried to count each other. The other delegates seemed to be trying to count them, too.
“Do you mean to say, Clicksquawksqueal said, “that one of that species was involved in the decommissioning of Clickclickwhistle?
“What sort of a charge is that, you overgrown bush? the border collie howled.
“Who are you calling names, bitch? the head Lambchop bleated.
In the next instant, all of the Lambchops and Mutts were standing in their chairs snarling and snapping. The Huskers were standing and shaking their fronds at the Gaspassers, who in unison emitted loud noises and rose into the air. Clicksquawksqueal slammed a frond down on the table.
And it cut right through the tabletop.
“George W. Bush! Gordon shouted, “that tabletop is high-density alloy.
The Gaspassers shot across the table at the Huskers. One pair of their appendages was moving so fast they looked like circular saws.
“Tanglefoot! yelled Carter, and every alien froze in place.
“Thats a neat trick, the young diplomat said. “Howd you do that?
The ships officer smiled. “Oh, just a precaution, he said. “When I went to get this exoskeleton, I took the opportunity to ask engineering to modify a couple of stasis fields so theyd work on the Xtees. Later, I got on the communicator concealed in herehe waved his left power arm“and ordered the stasis projectors installed in the floor of the deck above us. The computer is controlling them.
“Well, I hope you know that subjecting diplomats to stasis without their consent is a violation of several all-creature protocols, Gordon said. “Not that it matters to me. Ive lost not one but two alien diplomats. My career is over.
“Oh, I dont know about that, Carter said. “Computer, why dont you release oh, say, the border collie-looking Mutt and the Lambchop with the biggest mouth.
The aliens came out of stasis yelling at one another, but when they saw what had happened to their colleagues, they stopped.
“You cant do this to us, the Lambchop said. “When we report this to your Corps Diplomatique, both of you will regret it.
“Oh, I dont think so, the ships officer said. “I just thawed you two to see if you want to come clean.
The Mutt and the Lambchop looked at one another, then back at Carter. Neither made a sound.
“No? Carter said. “Then why dont you two sit quietly while I explain what happened to my young friend here? Now, then, Probationary Intern to the second assistant undersecretary Oscar Gordon, lets pretend. Say youre a species in toward the core of the universe, and youre engaged in an all-planets donnybrook with another species in your neck of the stars. Lets call you, oh, I dont know, Lambchops, and your opponents Mutts.
“You and your opponents are pretty evenly matched, and each of you is always looking for an advantage. That includes sending out long-range teams, searching for new military technologies.
“Within a few years of each other, you both encounter the Federation of Planets. They wont sell you weapons, but you figure if you get to know your way around, youll find some member species that will. So you send out spies disguised as diplomats, traders, what have you.
“Then you get word from your spies that theres going to be a big meeting. You hear your opponents will be there, too. One of the items on the agenda will be the little tiff youre having. You know it will take some time to make arrangements for the meeting that are satisfactory to diplomats representing more than five hundred species. And its taken, what, forty years to make the arrangements and get everybody together?
“So you could use two things. Allies. And, in case things dont go your way, weapons. You know the Federation forces wont let you bring weapons to the conference, at least not anything they recognize as weapons.
“But youve got an edge. You use mechanical weapons in your fight with the Mutts, but you also use biological weapons. And you figure that you might be able to get some of those weapons past by having them posing as diplomats from a new species.
“How am I doing so far? Carter asked the Lambchop.
“Eat dirt, you bald ape, the Lambchop replied.
“I must be pretty close, Carter said. “So you need something a little more sophisticated, and, just as important, something your opponents have never seen before. So you modify some plant life you found somewhere and, voilà, you have the Unknown Origin 37s, also known as the Huskers.
With a snarl, the Lambchop leaped toward Carter. It hit the intervening stasis field and was knocked to the floor.
“You mean, Clickclickwhistle wasnt an alien diplomat, it was a weapons system? the young diplomat asked. “How did you figure that out?
“Ive had occasion to see military hardware once or twice, Carter said, “and I didnt like the look of those fronds the minute I saw them. But what convinced me was the explosion. Giving his biological material back to the planet, my eye. I know a fragmentation bomb when I see one.
“Bahhhd, bahhhd species, the border collie taunted. “Well have to report these miscreants to the proper authorities.
“Not so fast, Carter said. “Im not finished. You see, one of the reasons you and your opponents have been at war so long is that you are pretty evenly matched. So its no surprise when they have exactly the same idea as you do.
“What? said the Lambchop, which had shaken off the effects of its collision with the stasis field and climbed back into its chair. “They brought weapons, too?
“Thats right, Carter said, “the Gaspassers. I suspect that when we check, well find that their first contact was within months of the Huskers. So when you sent Clickclickwhistle out on whatever errand it was on, it ran into one of the Gaspassers. Was it out doing some snooping, too?
“Im not saying anything, the border collie whined.
“No matter, Carter said to Gordon. He gestured to the aliens in stasis. “This little display here shows me everything I need to know. Maybe the Gaspasser couldnt control its flight too well in the different gravity. The one we saw was certainly having trouble. Maybe Clickclickwhistle did something that led it to attack. Whatever happened, it struck the Husker in some vital spot with something, its beak or one of those saw-blade appendages. And Clickclickwhistle est mort.
“But what happened to the Gaspasser? Gordon asked.
“Im guessing the Huskers are bred so that when they take a fatal hit, they fold up immediately to form a fragmentation bomb, the ships officer said. “The Gaspasser couldnt free itself in time, and ended up inside the bomb. And remember, it was full of methane.
; “So when Clickclickwhistle exploded, the Gaspasser did, too? the young diplomat asked.
“Precisely, my dear Watson, Carter said.
“Whos Watson? Gordon asked.
“Never mind, Carter said.
Nobody said anything for a minute.
“Interesting theory, the border collie yapped, “but how are you going to prove it?
“Well, Ive got some proof already, Carter said. “The computer monitored shortwave communications between the Lambchops and the Huskers, and between you and the Gaspassers. Probably the Lambchops telling the Huskers what to say to us humans, and you ordering the Gaspassers to this meeting. And then theres the fact that few species but you Mutts could put up with a weapons system that smells like that.
“Hardly conclusive, the Lambchop said.
“I know, Carter said. “Thats why you two are going to confess.
That set them both to protesting, but Carter waved a power arm at them. “The jigs up, fellas, he said. “If you dont confess, well have Federation cruisers in your systems within a month. You wont be able to warn your governments, because Ill just have the computer put you back in stasis. Then Probationary Intern to the second assistant undersecretary Oscar Gordon and I will depart. Well block off this room, drop the stasis fields, and deal with whoever survives.
“Personally, I hope its a Lambchop or two. The crew hasnt had fresh meat in a while.
That brought a gasp from the Lambchop.
“But I dont want to be speciesist about it. The Mutts arent really dogs, so they might taste just fine, too.
A snarl from the border collie.
After their confessions had been recorded, the weapons systems moved to a safer place, and Marine guards stationed in the diplomatic area, Carter and Gordon went to visit the two subengineers in the infirmary. Harper and Scott, who were mostly encased in healing gel, had some pretty wicked-looking wounds, but didnt seem to have learned much from their brush with death.
“Its like I told him, Harper said, “we just needed slightly lower voltage and everything would have been fine.
Gordon and Carter left the infirmary, the former walking gingerly and the latter propelling himself along the hallway from gripfast to gripfast.
Stabenow, Dana - Powers Of Detection (Editor) Page 16