The Persecution of Mildred Dunlap

by Paulette Mahurin

  “You’re early.”

  “No, I’m not.” Josie paced and fumed until Sarah and Annalee arrived five minutes early. “About time.”

  The two women gave each other a look.

  Helene, sweating up a storm, was standing outside when they arrived. She took one look at the expression on Josie’s face and shrank into herself. “I got the baby to a sitter,” she stammered. “Worked out okay. Frank’s gone to Walker Junction.”

  “The baby’s better?” asked Sarah.

  “Never mind all that. Let’s go.” Josie commanded.

  The women were uncharacteristically quiet as they rode to Mildred’s place, each imbued in her own thoughts, Josie in an excited anticipation while Helene was freaking out, desperately trying to calm herself. She tried to get her attention off the nagging feeling that what they were doing would come to no good. She wanted to turn around and go home but worse, she feared any reaction she might get from Josie were she to say anything. When she saw the Dunlap’s ranch surface over the last hill they turned on, she felt ill.

  Thinking that it was Charley when she heard a knock, Edra nearly fell over when she opened the door.

  “We heard Mildred was ill, so we brung her this.” Josie handed her the pie.

  Helene, feeling uncomfortable with the edge in Josie’s voice, joined in. “Didn’t think you would mind us bringing this to you.”

  Hanah and Sarah nodded. Annalee fidgeted with her fingernails.

  Edra, still dumbfounded, could not utter a word.

  Josie, in a sickeningly sweet manner spoke. “Is Mildred here? We’d love to see her.”

  Edra found her tongue, but stumbled over her words. “She’s resting.”

  “Mind if we wait? Can we come in?” Josie stepped in closer to Edra.

  “This is not a good time. I appreciate your effort but she needs her rest. Thank you, ladies. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

  Josie blocked the door so it wouldn’t close.

  Helene, on reflex reacted, “Josie!”

  Josie shot Helene a dirty look then turned to Edra, “We just wanted Mildred to know we were here. Sure do hope she’s okay. Just wanted to pay our respects.” Josie tried to suppress her animosity and act concerned in order to get through the door.

  An annoyed Edra would have none of it. “I’ll let her know. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

  Helene nervously nudged Josie’s leg with her foot indicating that that was enough. Josie reluctantly stepped back. “Well, all right. How about we come back another time?” Helene asked as she also backed away. “Sorry for any inconvenience.”

  “If you’ll excuse me now…” Edra started to close the door.

  Josie broke in. “We’ll come around again to see how things are.”

  Edra stood by the closed door fuming. What nerve! Haven’t you all done enough! It was all she could do to contain herself from screaming. She went to the kitchen and dumped the pie in the garbage.

  On their way to drop off Helene, Sarah commented, “Mildred must really be ill.”

  Annalee added, “She never even showed her face.”

  Josie laughed. “She’s just too far along and doesn’t want anyone seeing her.”

  Helene was silent.

  Edra was still stunned when she went back to check up on Mildred, who was in a deep sleep. As she watched Mildred breathe, the aftershock of the visit sank in, filling her with a horrific reminder of the first time she felt threatened, just after the rape. She sensed the sickening pleasure Josie had in violating the boundary of her privacy with Mildred, just like her rapist took pleasure in forcing his way on her. To her there was no difference between then and now, except for the blood and physical pain. Out of nowhere she thought of their dog, Chessie, who was killed by a rattler. She found it curious why that came up until she felt the fear she experienced watching her dog squirm to a horrible death. The same fear ran through her after the rape, only then it wasn’t the fear of a snake but all mankind. She sat by Mildred, watching her chest motion rise and fall, till her insides began to calm. Just as she was about to walk out she heard Mildred mumble, “Harold, Bert, run...”

  At first Edra had no idea what the mumbling was about, then she heard her say, “The Parker boys did it,” and she knew exactly what Mildred’s nightmare was. The next thing that happened startled her. Mildred moaned with a smile on her face, “Charley.” That’s the last thing she expected, that Mildred would be calling out for Charley. Is it the truth coming out of you now? We don’t lie when we’re sleeping! I knew it. Goddamnit all to hell!

  By some inexplicable coincidence, as if fate had picked this day to test her limit for torment, Charley arrived at the door with a bag of groceries. “Mildred?” he called.

  Mildred didn’t stir.

  Edra went to the door in a huff. “Who told you to come with those!”

  “I thought you could use…”

  Without letting him finish, she stormed out.

  He watched her run toward a field a ways from the house, then decided to find her. When he did she was huddled on the ground under intertwining trees, screaming in grief. He stood at a distance to give her some room to calm down before approaching. When the screams became louder he wondered if he should turn around and leave until he heard her utter a desperate howl. “Why! She loves Charley!”

  Charley, not sure what to do, stayed put. How could you think Mildred loves me? She doesn’t even want me around. He reflected back to what he had started to imagine a few days earlier. It’s true what I thought…how you two watch over each other, the tenderness, the way you touch each other. The one bed! How could I have been so stupid? I see in you two what I had with Emma. Oh God, what am I going to do with this? It mattered not that he was aware then that Mildred had been using him, for he knew that in protecting love all things were fair. He would have stopped at nothing for Emma. He remembered his conversations with Gus, who expounded on the hatred that Wilde’s imprisonment engendered. He also recalled the incident years earlier with the Parker boys, which made him feel a deep sorrow, an empathy that was new for him. It gave him strength, an inner knowing, that if he were honest it would set things straight. He approached her delicately and when he was behind her, spoke very softly. “There’s nothing between me and Mildred.”

  Edra bolted up to face him. “What are you doing here? Leave me alone.”

  He very gingerly responded. “I’m not the one she loves.”

  Edra could not believe her ears. “What?”

  “Edra. Let me help you. Let’s take you back. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Hope you know I’m a friend.

  “You’re not my friend! Ever since she took up with you it’s brought us nothing but heartache. Leave me alone!”

  He knew there was truth to this statement. He also knew that Mildred’s interest was a diversion. The pieces that had not made sense were now falling into place. He stood before her hushed, refusing to move.

  Edra broke down in tears. When he reached to comfort her she backed away, still unable to speak or stop crying.

  “I don’t want to bring any more upset to you or Mildred. Maybe that’s why she called my name. She knows I’m a friend.” He put a hand on her elbow. This time she did not try to move away. She listened as he continued. “I’ve been grateful to have a friend. I thought that’s what Mildred wanted also. There’s absolutely nothing between us, other than that.”

  “You overheard me…and you…don’t want to …” she muttered.

  “No, Edra. For me Emma was it.”

  “There’s really nothing with you and Mildred?”

  “Oh, there’s something but not what you’re afraid of. She’s been kind to me.”

  Edra felt embarrassed. “Oh my God. What did I just do!”

  Charley took her by the shoulders. “Listen to me. There’s no hurt going to come from me to you, or to Mildred. I know what it is to love. And I sure as hell know what it is to hurt. I have no intention of bringing any harm to either of yo
u.”

  Edra saw the honesty in his eyes, felt it in her body. She wanted to believe what he was saying. She remembered what Doc had said about him. But she was so deeply wounded that she could trust no one beside Mildred. “I just don’t trust you.”

  “I don’t blame you. That’s gonna take time. There’s been so much meddling. Been hard for us to just get to know each other. I sure do hope, with time, you’ll learn to trust me.” His eyes welled up with tears. “Got my own pain I’m dealing with. My friendship with Mildred…and Gus…and the kids at school…means the world…”

  She saw and understood what he was trying to say but it was more from what he was not saying, how his voice was tender and the expression on his face so filled with deep hurt, that spoke to her and momentarily calmed some of the fear.

  “Charley…I…I just can’t…” She didn’t know how to respond.

  “It’s okay. No need to say anything else. I’ll be getting now and let you be.”

  She looked at him with tears flowing down her cheek.

  “There is just one more thing.” With a gentle understanding smile, he continued, “I’m going to do my best to show you I am your friend.”

  “Wisdom comes with winter.” OSCAR WILDE

  23

  The relief Edra felt with Charley was quickly replaced with worry. She was inexperienced in matters involving relationships outside of Mildred, yet felt there was something speaking to her that told her experience was irrelevant when it came to her inner voice, the sense inside that sat right with her. She knew when she first felt something for Mildred that it was safe to pursue it. She knew, just as the sunset gave way to darkness, there was a natural order to everything. She sensed it around Ben, who worked for the Dunlaps as far back as she could remember, with Doc who never betrayed them, and today this same feeling arose with Charley out in the meadow. All that did nothing to stop the doubt from arising that maybe she let too much slip. Up came the image of Josie at her door and flashes of too many times Mildred was upset over the turmoil her feigned interest in Charley had created. By the time she arrived back at the bedroom to find Mildred waking, she was scared she’d opened a can of worms. “You had a good long sleep. Good that you’re catching up.” She didn’t want to hit Mildred with what happened all at once. “How you feeling?”

  “Yeah, getting some rest sure helped. I had the weirdest dream.”

  “About the Parker boys?” Edra’s stomach fluttered at the thought of mentioning Charley.

  “No, why would you bring up them?”

  “You were moaning their names in your sleep.”

  “Huh, I don’t remember that one. The one I was aware of was about Charley. Very strange, like a fairy tale. He was on a horse and came to rescue us. He found out about us…”

  Edra had a hard time focusing on what Mildred said.

  “…he disappeared. I looked all over for him, to thank him. That’s when I woke up.”

  Edra wiped moisture from her forehead and tried to speak but burst into tears.

  “Why are you crying?” Mildred sat up.

  “Mil, I’ve done something.”

  “What?”

  The blood drained from Edra’s face. Her mouth felt like she’d been sucking cotton. “I told Charley.”

  “What?”

  “I told him. Well, not exactly, he overhead me.”

  Mildred winced. “What are you saying?”

  “He was here.”

  Mildred waited for her to continue.

  “I hope I didn’t mess things up.”

  “Just tell me.”

  “I couldn’t help it. I heard you calling out for Charley. I thought maybe you…I was so upset. It was just after Helene came by with Josie.”

  That jolted Mildred. “Josie was here! And Helene! For God’s sake, why?”

  “To bring you a pie. They wanted to see you. Josie was obnoxious. I don’t want to talk about them!” With the mention of Josie’s name, Edra felt shame over what happened with Charley. What if he says something to them?

  Difficult as it was to quell her anger, Mildred calmed herself. “Okay, go on.”

  Edra relayed the events up to the part where she screamed about Mildred loving Charley…”

  “What’s wrong with that?”

  Edra became hysterical. “It just came out. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know he was there.”

  “Hey. Hey. Hey there, come here.” Mildred patted the bed. “Come sit by me.”

  Edra cried and talked till she finished telling Mildred what happened.

  “That’s it? That’s what you’re all upset about?” She wanted to soothe Edra.

  “How come you’re taking this so well?”

  Mildred smiled. “We don’t really know exactly what he thinks or not. Lot of family love each other.”

  “He equated it with his love for Emma. I’m telling you he knows.”

  “Love is love. Everybody knows I love you as family. Been taking care of you for years. That’s been the story. Probably what he’s thinking.”

  “I don’t think so, Mil.”

  “Well, look, we really don’t know for sure. Tell me about Josie.”

  “Oh, they made me so mad. They brought a pie. Josie was despicable. I swear, she almost ran over me to get into the house…”

  “What! She came into our home!”

  “No, she didn’t make it past Helene.” She went on to tell what else transpired. “She gave me the willies.”

  Mildred was disgusted with what she heard. “Now you see why we needed this distraction with Charley.”

  “I hope I didn’t give him the impression.”

  “From what you told me, don’t worry. We just need to be more careful.”

  “I’m so sorry, Mil.”

  While Mildred and Edra discussed and reviewed their options, Charley stopped by Gus’s on his way home, where a light shone through a single window upstairs. He tossed a small pebble at it. Gus came to the window, saw it was Charley, and went downstairs. “What brings you here at this hour?”

  “Think I can have a drink?”

  “Sure, Charley. Come on in.”

  “Let me give you something for the booze. Must be costing you a pretty penny.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Charley.”

  They went upstairs and Gus poured drinks. “Here ya go. What’s on your mind?”

  Charley downed the shot and held up his glass for another. Gus pushed the bottle over to him.

  “Got something going through my head.”

  Gus didn’t respond, waiting for Charley to continue.

  “My parents taught me things. Ministers too. Was raised Protestant. Never questioned my faith till recently. Now, not sure what’s what. People say things are in the Bible about what’s right and wrong. But I don’t feel some of these things are wrong. Does that make me a bad Christian?”

  “God gave you a brain, Charley. If you’re using it then that’s a gift from him. Not for someone else to determine for you what’s right and wrong. Twenty people read the Bible and each has a different interpretation. More wars fought and blood shed over religion than anything else. That should tell you something. No clear right or wrong about anything. That’s how I see it.”

  “Why was everybody in such a huff over that Wilde fellow?” asked Charley. “Do you think people are really bothered over it? Do you think it’s wrong, Gus?”

  “Wrong? No.”

  “You’re serious? You weren’t raised to think a man with a man is wrong?”

  “How I was raised is irrelevant. It’s how I feel now. What do I believe now? What has experience taught me? Have I used my head to look for myself? Or am I a puppet to someone else’s ideas? I can think for myself. Same sex together don’t bother me at all.”

  “What brought you to feeling that way?”

  “Guess I got lucky.”

  “Huh?”

  “Yeah, somewhere along the line I learned to think for myself. I question things. Ask myself i
f it’s true…or just someone’s idea?”

  “How can you tell if anything’s true?”

  “Don’t know that I, or anyone for that matter, can ever answer that. That’s been a burning question for centuries.”

  “Well, then…” Charley downed his shot. “How come it doesn’t bother you?”

  “Can’t answer that either. Just know that I try to look at things with an open mind. Not judge. Can I just see things for what they are, not what I want them to be or what others tell me they are but what do I actually see or experience myself?”

  “Like what?”

  “Well, let’s take the Wilde situation. What was that really all about? Way I see, it was an extension of nature; whatever their reason for wanting to be together they wanted it. Who got hurt by it? What human being doesn’t want for something? We’re all human. Have our desires, needs, habits, the good, the bad, all of it. I don’t see myself as any different from anyone else as far as my insides.”

  This perplexed Charley. “I don’t understand that at all. To me, you’re so different than…”

  “Oh sure, on one level there are differences but in terms of understanding human beings we all have emotions and desires. What differs is our experiences. The stuff that gets put in our heads from others. From the minute we’re born we’re told what to think.”

  “Yeah, so how does one get to…”

  “Don’t really know. I don’t think there’s any how to get to, no switch to turn on, or turn off anything. Not really.”

  Charley scratched his head. “I don’t get what you’re saying.”

  “You know the expression, there by the grace…?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well then, how come what happened to Wilde happened to him and not to someone else? How come Josie’s family fell on hard times? How come Mildred keeps being persecuted? How did we come to be friends? It’s all a mystery. So in that sense, suppose you have to ask God that question. Not just another human.” Gus laughed.

  “Do you ever find answers in the Bible?”