“The solar panels I mentioned.”
She lifted the tarp edge. The blue reflective surface and shiny aluminum frame glinted in the sunlight. “Will we be able to sell these if we can’t use them?”
“Sure, but I’m really hoping we can use them. The English expect good lighting when they are shopping. Your father has a key cutter that could be run by solar electricity instead of your generator. You will need a cash register, too, and that takes electricity. If you have several battery-charging stations, folks could bring their car and marine batteries here, and you could expect a small fee for them to use it. Roy could recharge his cell phone at home instead of paying someone else.”
Emma touched the gleaming surface and received an unpleasant jolt. The thing was dangerous. She dropped the tarp back in place and glanced at Luke sharply. “I told my brother to give his phone away.”
“There’s nothing wrong with him owning one.”
“I hate how much he enjoys using worldly things. He wants a car. Father will never permit it.”
“I had one when I wasn’t much older than he is. I kept it at Jim Morgan’s place so my folks wouldn’t find out.”
“I remember.”
“You never would come for a ride with me.”
“You forget, I watched you learning to drive. I saw you plow through the fence and drive across Jim’s garden. It seems safer not to get in the car with you.”
He laughed out loud. “That was my first day. I got better.”
“You were so determined to learn.”
“It was a skill I knew I would need when I left.”
There it was again, the reminder that he never intended to stay in Bowmans Crossing. “Did you get your license?”
“Yup, for all the good it did me.”
“What happened to your car?”
“I had Jim sell it and give the money to my parents when I was locked up. I knew they could use it.”
“Someone recently saw you driving.”
“I’ve done so once in a while. Jim Morgan has let me drive his Jeep for old times’ sake. I hate to lose a skill I’ve learned, but it isn’t something I plan to keep doing.”
“Life rarely works out as we plan.” She was walking proof of that. “That is why we must accept the will of God and let Him lead us.”
“Why haven’t you married, Emma?”
His personal question sent a rush a heat to her face. She stifled the urge to tell him it was none of his business. For some reason, she wanted him to understand. “The time never seemed right. My mother became ill and died suddenly not long after you were gone. Alvin and Roy were young and still needed me. My father was lost without Mamm. He needed me, too. I didn’t have time for courting. After a while, the young men around here stopped asking.”
“I’ve wondered about it. I couldn’t see you spending your life alone. Not you. You are so full of life and light. My mother wrote to me every week, and I watched for news of you.”
His tender words brought the sting of tears to her eyes. At least he had spared a thought or two for her after he left. She pulled the tattered remains of her hopes and dreams around her heart to shield it from the pain of wanting him to care. She couldn’t let him see the power he still held over her.
“If you thought I was pining away for you, you were sadly mistaken. The best thing you ever did for me was leave without me.”
He stepped closer to gaze into her eyes. “You don’t know how many nights I prayed that was true. I’m glad to know I was right.”
He was telling the truth. He believed he had done the right thing. Stunned by his revelation, Emma looked away.
“I have work to do.” She left the hayloft and returned to the house. She took one look at the pile of dishes in the sink and ran upstairs to her room, slammed the door, fell on to her bed and cried her eyes out with her face buried in her pillow so no one could hear.
Chapter Nine
An hour later, Emma washed the last trace of tears from her face and went downstairs. She made short work of the dishes, put a chicken in to roast for supper and changed into her good dress. She wanted to be at the school when Luke spoke with Lillian. She would be there to support him no matter how painful it was. If he was to remain in their community, he had to see he would be accepted in spite of his flawed past.
And she did want him to remain. Up until now, she wouldn’t have been able to admit that. Even to herself. Luke believed he had done the right thing leaving her behind. She still didn’t know why, but it hadn’t been because he didn’t care. All these years she thought she had failed somehow. That she wasn’t good enough, pretty enough or smart enough to be loved by him. Her greatest fear had been that he never really cared about her. That leaving her had been easy.
She walked through the door into the store. Two tall shelves, painted a bright white, were lined up down the center of the room. Luke was putting away his tools. She watched him for several minutes.
He wasn’t the same man who had left so long ago. He was older. His face had the start of crow’s feet and brow lines that hadn’t been there when she first fell in love with him. She wasn’t the same, either. She was quite familiar with her appearance. The mirror didn’t lie. Crow’s feet touched her temples, too. Her skin wasn’t as fresh. Her eyes showed her worry.
It was time to stop acting like the child she had been. It was time to stop hiding behind the hurt. “Are you ready to go to school?”
“I am.” As he approached, his eyes narrowed. He studied her face. “Are you all right?”
She wasn’t about to admit she had been crying over him. “I have a small headache. It’s nothing. The fresh air will cure it in no time.”
“Should we take your buggy so you don’t have to walk so far?”
“A brisk walk is exactly what I need. We should hurry. We don’t want to keep the children later than we have to.”
He nodded and held open the door for her. She slipped past him and started down the lane.
Falling into step beside her, he remained silent for the first half mile. “Are you better? I can go back and get the buggy.”
“Stop fussing, Luke. There are worse things in life than a little headache.”
“Do you always help with the school Christmas program?”
“Every year. Lillian sometimes has trouble getting volunteers. She doesn’t like to add to the workload of the children’s parents, so she won’t press them for additional help. I think she would find more people would step up if she had the bishop or the school board ask for volunteers. As it is, people see that the same few folk do the work every year and they don’t feel there is a real need for them to do more.”
“That’s just human nature, I guess.”
She glanced at him. “Why did you volunteer to help?”
“Timothy asked me, and I had nothing better to do.”
That wasn’t the answer she was hoping for. She wanted to hear him say he was eager to help his community, or the children, or to spread Christmas cheer.
Or spend more time with me.
Had he known that she would be helping? Or was it simply a coincidence? Maybe it was something more. Maybe he was interested in impressing Lillian. Her friend was single and pretty. A tiny stab of jealousy hit Emma. She quickly subdued it. Lillian was a wonderful caring person. If she had caught Luke’s eye, Emma could understand that.
She tried to gauge his interest in her friend. “Lillian is a wonderful teacher.”
“Hannah likes her a lot.” Luke leaned a little closer. “So does my brother Timothy.”
Emma couldn’t suppress the bubble of happiness that rose at his words. “I wondered about that. Timothy volunteering when he doesn’t have a child in school has created some talk about the two of them.”
“Is that a
good thing, or a bad thing?”
“Honestly, it’s just human nature.”
“You know her pretty well. Do you think she would be interested in walking out with Timothy?”
Emma shot him a coy glance. “Are you his go-between?”
“Not officially. In fact, he hasn’t said anything to me. Because you’re her friend, I’m just trying to get a jump on the issue in case she has some objections or she is interested in someone else.”
“There isn’t anyone else, but you might warn Timothy that he may be facing an uphill battle.”
“What makes you say that?”
“I have heard Lillian say that her desire is to remain single and to keep teaching school.”
“That doesn’t sound promising for my brother. I’ll let him know.”
She gave him a pleading look. “After Christmas?”
He chuckled. “All right. After Christmas.”
Emma’s heart lightened at the sound of his laughter. To her surprise, she found it made her happy to see him smiling. Perhaps they could be friends again. They weren’t teenagers in the throes of first love anymore. That part of their relationship had been horribly painful, but it had been over years ago. If she truly forgave him, she had to let it go.
The school came into sight and he paused at the edge of the fence. “I want to thank you for doing this, Emma.”
“For doing what?”
“For being my moral support. Maybe that wasn’t your intention for coming with me, but having you here makes it easier.”
“Then I’m glad I came.”
“How is your headache?”
She pressed a hand to her temple. “It’s completely gone.”
“I reckon a walk in the fresh air was exactly what you needed, then.”
He bent over, scooped up some snow and packed it into a ball. She watched in amusement as he took aim at the hapless snowman in the school yard. After a pitcher’s windup, he let fly and knocked the tattered straw hat from atop his target. “Take that. Now who’s going to step aside?”
Puzzled, she looked at him for an explanation. “What do you mean by that?”
“It’s a little personal business between me and Frosty. Never mind. Shall we go in?”
“Only if you put the poor thing’s hat back on and apologize. Violence never solves anything.”
Laughing, Luke replaced the snowman’s hat and brushed the loose snow off the scarf around his neck. “I’m sorry, sir, it will never happen again. You may melt into a puddle of slush at your leisure.”
Emma walked past him, shaking her head. “I’m not sure that was an actual apology.”
“Under the circumstances, it’s all he’s going to get.”
* * *
Luke’s good humor dried up when he walked into the building. Timothy was already building one of the frames he had promised. He and the three oldest boys had covered it with a piece of white canvas and began cutting it to size. They would staple it in place after the painting was finished. Lillian and the eighth-grade girls were testing paint colors on small strips of paper.
Luke glanced at Emma. She smiled and nodded encouragement. He walked across the room to the teacher’s desk. “Lillian, I wonder if I might speak with you privately for a moment?”
Her eyebrows rose slightly. “Privately?”
Timothy scowled in his direction. Luke realized how bad that had sounded. A single fellow asking the teacher to step out with him alone in front of her students. “I meant that Emma and I would like to speak with you privately.”
Lillian relaxed and turned to the girls watching her with interest. “I think the medium brown will work best for the walls of the inn and the stable. Try mixing a little white with the green paint we have to achieve a nice grass color. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
She motioned for Luke and Emma to follow her outside, stopping to grab her coat by the back door. On the small stoop at the back of the school, she crossed her arms and waited.
Luke cleared his throat. “I should have told you this before I volunteered to work on your program. I’m sure you heard that I was in prison on drug charges.”
“Ja, I have heard this.”
“Most people think because I’m at home with my folks that I served my time and I’m free. That’s not true. I’m still on parole. I’m still serving my sentence, although I get to do it in this community. I have rules I must follow or I can be taken back to prison. I understand if you feel I don’t belong here with the kinder.”
“Are you a danger to them?”
“I’m not. I promise you that. I like kids.”
“I don’t see that you are any different today than you were when you first offered to help us.”
“Are you sure?”
“Completely.”
“Danki.” Relief sent his breath out in a whoosh.
Lillian glanced between Luke and Emma. “Can we get back to work now, or is there something else?”
Emma smiled brightly. “Nope, that’s all.”
“Goot. We have a lot to get done and not many days left to do it. Emma, would you see if there is more paint in the back of my buggy? I’m not sure the children brought it all in.”
“Of course.”
The second she was out of sight, Lillian rounded on Luke. “If you hurt her again, you will regret coming back here.”
He knew what she was talking about and didn’t deny it. “It’s not my intention to hurt Emma. Ever.”
“See that you don’t.”
Emma reappeared a few seconds later. “There’s no paint in the buggy.”
Lillian’s smile was only for her friend. “Then we have it all. Danki.”
Luke followed the women inside and joined his brother. He smiled and winked at Timothy to let him know everything was okay. Timothy shrugged and went back to work.
After transferring Lillian’s scene designs to the backdrops with a felt marker, Luke showed the girls how to use slightly darker or lighter shades of the same color to produce shadows and depth to their artwork. Emma had a steady hand and was able to draw the outlines of the many sheep dotting the hills.
When the girls were all busy, he left them and joined Timothy and the boys working on the second frame. Before long, he and the boys were all laughing over stories he and Timothy shared about building projects from their school days. Some of which had gone very wrong.
Lillian called a halt to the work and sent the children home before it grew dark. Timothy and Luke waited until Lillian and Emma were ready to leave, then they followed the women outside. At the road, the women walked up the road together. Luke waited and was rewarded with the sight of Emma looking back at him. He raised a hand, but she didn’t wave. Still, he knew their relationship had taken a new turn.
“What are you grinning about?” Timothy asked and started walking toward home.
“Nothing.” Luke pushed his hands in the pockets of his coat. The sun was just touching the horizon. Bands of low clouds were glowing with gold and pink colors that reflected off the snow in the fields, giving them pink hues as well.
“So what was your short personal conversation with Lillian about? I hope you didn’t mention my name.”
“Roy spilled the beans about my parole to Emma and her father. They were shocked, but Emma said it didn’t matter. I was afraid it might matter to Lillian so I offered to step aside and let someone else help with the Christmas program.”
“What did she say?”
“That I was the same person who offered to help. My situation didn’t matter.”
“I thought that’s what she would say.”
Luke glanced at him. “You like her a lot, don’t you?”
Timothy’s expression softened. “I do.”
Luke
didn’t want to destroy his brother’s hopes, but he felt he had to warn him not to get them too high. “Lillian likes being a teacher. If she were to wed, she would have to give that up.”
“I’m not in a hurry to change things for her. We’re friends. I just like being around her. Time will tell if we are meant to be together.”
“I know what you mean,” Luke said, thinking of Emma. He liked being near her, too. It was enough for now. He wouldn’t push for more. Not yet.
“You mentioned Zachariah has some solar panels he might use or sell. I spoke with a friend from over near Berlin. His father makes furniture, but he also has a booming solar business sideline. I thought Zachariah might want to talk to him about it. Solar is gaining popularity, and a lot of Amish businesses are going to it because the lighting is safer than gas or kerosene and it’s sure cheaper than running a diesel generator all day.”
Luke looked at his younger brother with a newfound respect. “Danki. I’ll tell him that. I didn’t know you were interested in new technology.”
“I’m not looking to run a television or a game console, but whatever we can do to make our business more profitable interests me. We employ six young men from the area now. Each one we hire means one less family has to move away to find work.”
“You sound like Samuel.”
“That’s a nice compliment.”
“How have you learned so much?”
“I like to read. If Zachariah decides he wants to use solar in his hardware store, he’s going to have to get permission from the bishop first. I don’t imagine everyone will be in favor of it. He should talk to the bishop on Sunday after the church service.”
Luke sent Timothy a sidelong glance. “Doesn’t it annoy you that we have to ask permission before making a change to our businesses?”
“Nee. Well, maybe just a little. But our ministers know that they must consider more than what benefits one family. Will this technology maintain our separation from the world? What impact will it have on our entire community? I tend to see the small picture. I’m glad there are prudent men who look at the big picture.”
An Amish Noel Page 10