“Swings!” They said in unison.
Kourtney snickered. “They would swing all day long if we let them. Are you okay with them?”
“Yes. Very much so.”
I moved Savannah’s hair behind her shoulder. “Do you know what my favorite part of the park is?”
“What?” Derrick asked. Savannah watched me with intense interest.
“The merry-go-round. When I was younger, Dad would spin me. I would giggle while I went round and round. He’d chant, ‘Around and around my sweet pea goes, where she stops, nobody knows.’ Then he’d try to guess where I’d stop. If he was right, I owed him five kisses on the cheek.”
“I want to do the merry-go-round. Can we?” Derrick asked.
I loved the park, so after taking a bite, I said, “Sure. That’ll be fun. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone.”
“Uncle Garrick!” Savannah screamed, and I looked up to see him leaning against the door, watching us. “I like Knoah. She’s going to come home with me for a princess slumber party.”
I giggled. “I think a princess party sounds good. We could paint each other’s toenails and do each other’s hair.”
She hugged me. “I can’t wait. It’ll be so much fun.”
Derrick huffed. “I don’t like princesses. They’re girlie. What kind of party could we do?”
Tapping my chin, I thought for a second. “Well, what if we painted a wooden car and then raced it?”
“Yes! I love cars.”
I’d been a big hit when I used to babysit in my teens. I loved watching kids. And Garrick’s family was amazing. Like the man himself, I’d instantly bonded with them. I shushed the part of me that wanted to freak out.
Savannah bounced in my lap. “Can we do it today?”
Garrick stepped in. “Not today, princess. Knoah is going to get settled in.”
“Is she going to live in your place?”
I glanced over at Suzette and Kourtney, who were watching Garrick.
“She’s going to live next door.”
Their faces lit up. It was strange how different these women were from Vivian. When Dylan and I moved in together in college, Vivian’s response had been the exact opposite. In fact, she’d called me a dirty whore. That was when Dylan practically cut her out of his life, which only fueled her hatred toward me.
“I want to come tomorrow, Mommy. Uncle Garrick, can we?” Savannah perfected the puppy dog face as she asked.
Garrick gave me a wink while Kourtney responded, “Sometime soon. But now we need to go. Daddy and Papa will be getting hungry.”
“Aww, man. I want to stay with Knoah.”
I gave her a little squeeze. “Well, I’ll see you at the family dinner MeMe is planning. Do you think you could be my friend there since I won’t know anyone?”
“Yes! Derrick and I will be your best friends.”
Garrick gave me a breathtaking smile. “I have a feeling I’m never going to get to see my girlfriend when I’m around my family.”
Again, the word sent a warmth inside my chest. We were really together. Officially.
Suzette gave Garrick a hug. “It’s good to share. I’ll see you next weekend. It was great meeting you, Knoah. Make sure he treats you right.”
Quickly, Kourtney cleaned up the kids, and we headed to the door. She waved and said, “Bye. We’ll see you next weekend.”
When they were almost at the door, the kids turned and raced back to me. “Bye, Knoah.”
I hugged them. “I’ll see you guys later.”
After the door closed, Garrick wrapped his arms around me. “You were wonderful with them. Thank you.”
“Kids are precious. I love how magical the world appears to them.”
His fingers grazed my chin. “Mom and Kourtney liked you, too.”
“I hope so.”
He leaned in. “I know so.”
Softly, his lips brushed against mine. The thought of being alone in that other apartment for the first night felt disconcerting. “Does this place have two bedrooms?” I knew it had more than one, but it was the easiest segue to what was on my mind. Earlier our tour had been cut short with Sawyer’s call.
He pulled back. “It has three.” I played with my ring, too nervous to ask for what I wanted. “What is it, Knoah?”
“Would it be okay if I slept in the spare bedroom? I don’t want to be alone in the other apartment. If it’s too awkward, I’ll understand. When Sawyer comes back, I’ll be fine.” I knew we were safe, but still there was a murderer at large.
“I would feel better knowing you were closer.”
And I wanted that, too. I chewed my lip, nervous at my decision. “Me, too.”
“I need to work for a bit. Let’s get the stuff you want moved here.”
I needed some space to sort through my thoughts. Around Garrick, my rational thoughts flew out the door. This was my new reality. I had someone amazing in my life. “After, I’ll scrounge up something for dinner if that sounds good.”
“It does.”
He pecked his lips against mine again. I wanted more. Needed more. The desire licked through my veins. I wanted to feel his hands on my body, know what it was like to be possessed by him. But first, he needed to know the truth before I thought about anything further than where we were.
Chapter Twenty
I stirred the spaghetti on the stove. Garrick’s apartment had a few ingredients I could use to make a meal. The smell of Italian spices permeated the air. Hands touched my hips. “This smells delicious. It was hard to concentrate for the last thirty minutes. Sorry it took me so long to finish.”
It was nearly nine o’clock. “I’m completely unpacked. Did you get a lot done?”
“I did.”
“Good. I hope you’re hungry.”
“I’m famished.” His eyes darkened, and I had a feeling there was more to the statement.
I swallowed and took a deep breath. “Me, too.”
Our eyes searched each other’s. The air grew thick. Garrick took a step forward. Were we ready? I took a deep breath to stay centered. Garrick’s thumb traced my lip. “Not tonight, sweetheart. I want to, trust me. But not on the heels of what happened today. I don’t want to spook you again.”
I exhaled. This was the right move, though my body screamed at me. “Would you get me a glass of wine?” My voice was strained.
“It would be my pleasure.”
That word would be the death of me.
Garrick pulled out two wine glasses and poured us a drink. We gave each other secret smiles as we plated our food. We moved as one while getting ready for dinner. Somehow with him near, I felt complete.
We brought our dinner to the living room and sat on the couch, eating and talking. Garrick seemed a little out of place, not eating at the table, but I liked the more relaxed feel. Part of me hated when dinner ended.
When we were finished, Garrick washed the dishes and I dried. It all felt very domestic. We moved together like a couple who had been together months, not a day or two. I liked the feeling. I tried to hide a yawn as I put the last plate away.
“Are you sleepy, sweetheart?”
Sweetheart. He called me sweetheart. I tried not to make it a big deal, but I’m sure I gave him a goofy grin. Inside, the little girl who believed in love jumped in excitement. “I am. I feel like a complete fuddy-duddy.”
He wrapped his arms around me. “You’ve had a long week. I’m going to work for a bit and then go to bed. What do you want to do tomorrow?”
“Don’t you have to go over the final information for the gala?”
Being in his arms had me anxious for more with Garrick. I wanted to feel him next to me. A low hum of excitement buzzed through me, and the tiredness ebbed. Not tonight. It’s too soon.
“No, since you’re not involved anymore, I handed that off to Brenda. You were the only reason I personally took on that project. The only reason I got involved is because I couldn’t stay away from you. Remember, I tried.”
We had talked about that at my apartment. He’d been unable to stay away and had sent Annie to bring me to him before I left. Garrick had been as powerless as I’d been around him. I affected him. Knowing he couldn’t get me out of his head made me smile. “I remember.”
“I’d like you to attend the gala with me. It would be our first social event together as a couple.”
Couple. First social event. My heart fluttered, and I reached out to touch his chest. Garrick’s hand gravitated to my lower back, and he pulled me to him. We weren’t going to last long without more contact. The mere presence of his touch brought images of me lying beneath him.
“Will you go with me?”
Oh, I hadn’t answered. “I’d love to. Hearts are going to break all over Orlando once you’re off the market.
He gave me a brief kiss and smiled against my lips. “I think they’ll manage. And every guy will know you’re mine.”
Mine. The possessiveness of the word should have scared me, but it didn’t. I wanted to be his… in every way. Now, I had to wait for the right time.
I kissed him again before pulling back. Our breath mixed together, and he pulled me closer. Something hard pressed against my stomach. My core needed a release… it needed Garrick. Somehow, I needed to break the connection. Neither of us was ready. “It’ll be weird actually attending an event instead of orchestrating it.”
“And I’ll have the most beautiful girl on my arm.”
My tired chuckle stifled a yawn. “Flattery may get you everywhere.”
“I hope so.”
The deep tone of his voice was another electric current shooting through me. I wanted to feel his hands on my body. I looked away, not sure what to say.
“Knoah, I’m not rushing you. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You make me feel things, Garrick. Things I want to keep exploring.”
“You make me feel things, too, Knoah. Let’s get you to bed before things go further than either of us is ready for.”
Garrick wasn’t ready, either. I wondered what haunted him. From what I could tell, he had a healthy sex life when he wanted it. We seemed to be two broken puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. Our imperfect perfection made us compatible.
At my bedroom door, he stopped. “I’m going to stay out in the hall. Our bodies want more, and right now, it wouldn’t take much to make me want to strip you down and feel you against me.”
I gasped at his intensity. “No, it wouldn’t.”
His mouth descended upon mine, claiming me with a ferocity I hadn’t felt from him before. Until now, his kisses had been sweet and tender. This was carnal, and he pulled me to him. His hardened length pressed against my abdomen. Our tongues stroked each other’s. I moaned and pressed myself into him, wanting to feel more of him.
Need.
Want.
Desire.
It was everything in that moment. All of a sudden, he pulled back. His chest heaved and his fingers flexed at my side. “Good night, Knoah. I’ll be next door if you need anything.” He touched his forehead to mine. “I don’t want to be a regret in the morning.”
“You could never be a regret. But you’re right. Good night, Garrick.”
Inside my bedroom, I leaned against the closed door. If he hadn’t stepped away, I wouldn’t have stopped. I would have kept going. Garrick had self-restraint unlike anyone I knew. But, he was right; if things progressed before we were ready, there might have been repercussions.
And Garrick Shaw was not someone I wanted to lose.
Chapter Twenty-One
I sat in a chair, rocking my baby girl. I wasn’t in my body, but floating around it as I watched the scene unfold. But I was still attached emotionally. The mother-child bond I felt between my baby and myself took my breath away. The connection was unfathomable. I felt the pull of the indescribable love. I would die for this child.
As I watched, the door crept open, and a dark shadow appeared.
Oh no!
“Look up! Knoah, behind you!” I screamed as loud as I could from where I hovered over my body, but no one could hear me—not the baby or myself. I continued to rock, unaware of the danger behind us.
Why is this happening again? I need to wake up.
Two figures approached from behind. One grabbed me by the shoulders while the other snatched the baby. “Come here, Bridgette. Come to Mommy.”
The stranger in black held her arms out and took the baby. I screamed from the chair as I thrashed about. The figure holding me down put a gun to my head. I watched myself freeze. Death wouldn’t get my Bridgette back. From above, my subconscious screamed, “Fight! Fight! Don’t let them take our baby! Bridgette!”
The baby cried.
“Knoah! Knoah!” I yelled to myself.
My body screamed more and thrashed.
“Knoah! Wake up!”
My eyes shot open, and I struggled to focus on Garrick as he stood over me in the dimly lit room. “Sweetheart, wake up.”
I shot up and clutched my stomach. The room was strange. “Where am I?”
“At my apartment above the office.”
My eyes darted around and my chest heaved. It was a dream. Just a dream. The same dream that haunted me from time to time.
Inside I felt shaken. Uneven.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
His concern touched me, but I wasn’t ready. I shook my head. “No. Not yet. It was just a nightmare. The same one I always have.”
“How often do you have it?”
I took a few more calming breaths as my mind began to realize I was safe. “It’s been a few months since I had it.”
What triggered it this time? I leaned back on the pillows and quickly wiped away the tear that came.
“What do you need, Knoah?”
My lip quivered. “Will you lie down with me? I don’t want to be alone.” I felt vulnerable asking for such an intimate gift.
“Of course. I won’t go anywhere until you ask me to.” Garrick slid in beside me and I molded myself to him, needing the contact… hoping it would help abate the emptiness I was always left with after the dream.
Without pausing, Garrick wrapped his arms around me. Scooting up, I pressed a kiss against his bare chest. “Thank you for not pushing.”
“You’re worth the wait.”
Those words were exactly what I needed. Instantly, I knew what I had to do. Would he still want me after finding everything out? I hoped so. But first, I needed to take care of something. Closing my eyes, I waited for Garrick to fall asleep.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I felt safe wrapped in Garrick’s arms. I glanced at the clock. It was almost four a.m.—about two hours since Garrick got into bed with me.
Ever so slowly, I extricated myself from him, instantly missing his nearness and safety. I had to do this. For me. For him. For us.
We were moving at such a fast pace. It would be easy to derail us if we weren’t careful. And we deserved the best chance to make something out of our relationship.
The yoga pants and T-shirt I’d worn to bed would have to do if I didn’t want to wake him by getting dressed. I grabbed my phone and purse and tiptoed out of the room with my tennis shoes in hand.
In the entryway, I found a piece of paper and quickly scrawled a note.
Needed to handle something. I will be back. I’m not running but need to take care of something for us. I’ll be safe.
Xoxo
Knoah
I made my way down to my car in the nearly empty parking lot. Though it was dangerous to be alone, I was heading straight to my parents’ house. As I drove away, I looked into the rearview mirror and took a deep breath.
This was necessary.
I had to let go of the past.
If I held onto it, I would be swallowed up and never found again.
My parents lived an hour away, which meant I’d be there around five—about the time they got up. They had always been early birds. It had
been a long time since I’d been home. The memories normally felt like a heavy weight waiting to suffocate me, but now that weight wasn’t there. A sense of relief laced with trepidation flowed through me.
Though it was early, I wanted to tell Kurt. I dialed his number, and he answered on the third ring.
“Hey, squirt. What are you doing up at this hour?” He yawned loudly into the phone.
“I’m going home. I had the nightmare again at Garrick’s apartment last night. It must have been bad because he heard me from his room and woke me up. Afterward, I asked him to sleep next to me. I want to move forward, Kurt, but I need to go to Dylan’s grave first. I need to say goodbye.”
Wow, talk about laying it all out there. Last night we’d texted after Kurt landed back in Orlando. I told him I was at Garrick’s and would explain today. Telling him about Jessica was something I wanted to do in person.
I heard rustling on the other end of the phone. “I’m on my way.”
“Kurt, you don’t have to come. I only wanted you to know where I was going.”
From the background noise, it sounded like Kurt had already grabbed his keys and was headed to the car. “I know, but I want to be there. I’ll drive you and sit in the car while you’re at the cemetery. You shouldn’t be alone. Where’s Garrick?”
“I left a note.” There was a pause on the other end. Deep down, I wanted Kurt to be there. “I’m already more than halfway to Mom and Dad’s. I’ll wait for you there.”
“I’ll be there in an hour.”
We hung up, and I took a deep breath. Having Kurt there—someone who knew everything—would help.
Less than twenty minute later, I pulled up to my parents’ modest three-bedroom house and smiled. It occurred to me how much I missed home as I watched the palm trees sway in the wind.
Behind me, a black SUV came down the road. Is that Garrick? I paused, wanting him here with me but wanting to be alone at the same time. The SUV continued without pausing and turned at the end of the street.
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