I dialed my mom. She answered, fully awake, “Good morning, Knoah.”
“Morning, Mom. What are you doing?”
She gave a little yawn. “Making coffee and then cooking your dad French toast.”
“Would you care to make some for me and Kurt?”
“When?” She sounded so excited.
This was going to surprise her for sure. “I’m outside. Kurt is on his way. He’ll be here in about half an hour or so.”
The line went dead, and I stared at the phone. Odd. I thought Mom would be excited for me to be home. With that thought, the front door burst open, and she ran down the stairs in her robe, her blond hair completely a mess.
I’d barely made it out of the car before she engulfed me in a hug. “Come here, my sweet Knoah. I have missed you so much!”
As she held me, I grinned so hard my cheeks ached. “I’m going to make biscuits and chocolate gravy.”
My mouth watered at my favorite breakfast dish. “Oh, Mom. French toast is fine.”
“Nonsense. Come on in. Your dad is still sleeping. He was up late watching the game since it got moved to Friday night. Thank goodness we won. Otherwise he might have shot the TV.”
Dad was very passionate about his Gators. I’d learned the Gator Chomp as soon as I could copy the movements. It broke his heart when I never took an interest in football.
As we entered the house, I saw not much changed. All of my school pictures still hung on the wall opposite the TV. I had some very unfortunate-looking years at school. The year with braces had been especially horrible in junior high. I wished Mom would take those down, but she wanted to remember all the years.
Mom handed me a cup of coffee, and I hopped up on the counter like I’d done as a child before taking a sip. She began to assemble the ingredients for homemade biscuits. This was our thing. I’d sit on the counter and spill my heart out while she cooked.
“I met someone.”
For a mere moment, Mom paused. I watched her face carefully, and she smiled. “Tell me about him.”
“His name is Garrick. He saw me at Cameron’s office and wanted to make me smile. He found out it was my birthday, so he sent me flowers.”
Her eyes widened. “Wow.”
Mom was good about not pushing me, either. “Yeah, then I had a really bad day. He listened to everything I said and did everything in his power to fix things.”
“Like what?”
The thought of his sweetness made me sigh. “I spilled coffee on my dress, so he sent me a new one. My car had a flat tire, so he sent someone to fix it.”
The pastry blender dropped in the bowl as Mom touched her chest, abandoning the biscuit mixture. “Oh my. That is the sweetest thing I have heard in a long time.”
“I know. He doesn’t push me. But there’s an undeniable attraction I can’t fight. And I don’t want to.”
I hadn’t told Mom about my job or Jessica yet. It was hard to believe how much of a person’s life could change in a short amount of time. But I wanted her to know everything.
“There’s more.”
“What’s that?”
I launched into every detail of the last week. Mom remained silent as she rolled the biscuits and placed them on the cookie sheet to cook.
When I got to Jessica’s death, she gasped. I did omit the fact that the cops thought the person might be after me. A shiver ran down my back as I realized driving here alone might not have been the smartest thing to do. Kurt was going to be pissed when he found out. “Knoah, why didn’t you call? Her poor family and fiancé. Have you spoken to any of them?”
“No. I never met her parents. I assume Michael is handling it all. I don’t have his number.”
Mom slid the biscuits into the oven. “Did you feel pressure to move in with Garrick?”
“No, we weren’t planning it. In fact, we’ve tried to take things slow, but somehow we keep getting catapulted forward. Garrick and I have acknowledged how fast it is, but we can’t put more distance between us. It’s almost uncontrollable. And I’m okay with it.”
I took a breath, and Mom stared at me. It was a lot for her to take in. I decided to keep going. “Early this morning, I decided I need to go to Dylan’s grave. I’ve never been back since the funeral. It’s time.”
Kurt appeared in the doorway. He looked relieved to see me. “You okay?”
“I’m okay.”
Mom was still in shock. She turned to Kurt. “Have you met Garrick?”
“Not officially. But I think he’s crazy about Knoah.”
Of course, Mom smiled at that. Then she said, “It’s terrible about her neighbor, Jessica. Did you know her?”
Kurt’s eyes cut from my mom to me. There was no surprise in them. He knew. Somehow, he knew. Uh oh. I was going to be in trouble. “No, I didn’t.”
Mom hugged Kurt. “It’s good to have you back in this kitchen. I’m making your favorite, too.”
“Chocolate biscuits?”
She winked, and he picked her up and spun her around. “Oh, Kurt. I’ve missed you.”
“Me, too, Momma Knox.”
Dad walked into the kitchen and stopped. “Knoah? Kurt?”
Seeing him in all his familiar disarray, from his messy hair to the thick-framed glasses on his face, made my heart ache. I had been gone from their lives for too long.
I hopped off the counter and rushed into his arms. Why did I stay away so long? Going forward, I would not waste any more time. Mom and Dad were older, nearly forty, when they’d had me. Now that they were in their sixties, I needed to treasure every moment.
“Hey, Daddy.”
He wrapped his arms around me. “I missed you, Knoah.”
“I missed you, too. I’m back.”
Mom called over her shoulder, “Breakfast will be ready in twenty. Everyone, get washed up. I’m going to make cinnamon rolls for later.”
The exact comfort food I needed.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kurt drove us to the cemetery. In the car, I rubbed my hands down my pants as the nerves settled in.
“You doing okay?”
“I think so. Nervous. Have you been back since the funeral?”
He stared ahead, contemplative. “I come every year for our birthdays and do our tradition.”
“Rum and Coke.” Before either of their parties, Kurt and Dylan used to go somewhere and drink a Coke with rum. I never knew what they discussed—it was their time and theirs alone.
“Yep.” Silence descended on us for the next few minutes until Kurt said, “Why didn’t you tell me about Jessica?”
I blew out a breath. “I didn’t want to worry you, especially when you were traveling. I planned to tell you today. I would have last night, but I was exhausted.”
“Fuck, Knoah. This might be because of me. Some crazy fan trying to hurt you. We’re going to need to talk about security.”
“Kurt—”
He held up his hand. “We will talk about it. You’re the only thing I have left of Dylan.”
My throat grew thick, and tears gathered in my eyes. “Do you think it’s bad that I’m trying to move on? Be honest.”
“No, I think it’s wonderful. Dylan would have wanted you to. One night, he basically told me as much.”
This was news to me. “What? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was afraid you’d think he didn’t love you. Or twist it, somehow.” That was a possibility. Generally, everything hit me full force all at once. Something small could be blown out of proportion, and that sometimes led to misunderstandings. “We were at his bachelor party. He said he’d found the one to love for the rest of his life. You were it for him, but if anything happened to him, he wanted you to be happy. It was an odd statement. I slapped him on the back and ordered another round, ignoring it.”
“Really?” I whispered.
“I swear. I remembered it about six months after he died. By then, things were rough. I was afraid to tell you because you were doing every
thing you could to hold on to him.”
Kurt parked in the cemetery, and tears fell down my face as I remembered that awful day in Paris as well as the weeks that followed. “Right before he died, he yelled through the streets he loved me. I loved him. So much.” I traced my fingers along the locks on the door handle, ready to confess more to Kurt. “Garrick stirs something deep within me. I’m not saying it’s love, but he’s not a fling. What if I end up loving Garrick?”
Kurt seemed deep in thought for a second. “Then you’re one of the lucky few who will get to experience love not once, but twice. I’m still waiting to feel it. Dylan tried to explain it, but I think you have to experience it to understand.”
One of the lucky few. That was a beautiful way to look at it. I squeezed Kurt’s hand. “You will find your happily ever after one day. I know it.”
“I hope so.” He blinked a few times, appearing to clear away the deep thoughts. “Do you want me to come with you?”
“No, I need to do this myself.” I took a deep breath. “If you need to leave, come get me.”
“Take your time. I don’t have anywhere I need to be except here for you.”
I got out of the car. A gentle breeze blew as I walked up the small hill where Dylan’s gravestone stood. It turned out nice. It was in the shape of a guitar. I’d picked it out but had never come to see it.
“Hey, it’s me.” I kicked at the dirt and then decided to sit near the gravestone so I could trace the letters. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. I’ve been trying to find myself again. When you died, part of me died, too.” I tried to keep from sobbing as I spoke, but wasn’t entirely successful. “We were supposed to grow old together. Have a family. See the world together. But life had another plan for us.”
I ran my hand along his name. “I met someone. It’s new, but it’s the first time I’ve felt like giving someone a chance. I’ll never forget you or our baby. I’ll never stop loving you. You will always have a place in my heart.”
I touched the smaller guitar beside Dylan’s that said Baby Reynolds.
The sun cast down its rays from the sky. The feeling engulfed me. Warm. Peaceful. I believed it was Dylan telling me to move forward. Selflessness was something Dylan had possessed in spades. He would have wanted me happy.
From behind me, I heard the sound of someone clearing his throat, and I turned around with a gasp, my body stiff.
Garrick stood a few feet away, dressed in jeans and a dark T-shirt.
I couldn’t help it. Seeing him made a few more tears fall. “How long have you been there?”
“I just got here.” He took several steps closer before he knelt a few feet away. “I woke up and couldn’t find you. You left without any security, Knoah. So I called Kurt and told him what happened with Jessica.” His face was unreadable. “Do you want me to leave?”
It was time to tell him everything. And here was the perfect place. In a way, it made Dylan part of this, which he should be. I shook my head. “No, stay. Did Kurt tell you anything else?”
“Only where you would be.”
Good, I wanted to be the one. I looked over at Kurt, who stood outside of the car. I nodded his way, and he smiled before returning to the driver’s seat. Looking back at the gravestone, I began to tell Garrick everything.
“Dylan was my husband. We met in high school and got married in college. On our honeymoon in Paris, there was an accident—an explosion where a facility blew up. I was leaving a shop after buying us some water while Dylan bought me flowers from a street vendor. He had just turned around to return to me, flowers in hand. It all happened so fast. Everything went black. When I woke up, the doctor told me Dylan was dead and I was pregnant. We weren’t trying. I was on birth control.”
Tears streamed down my face as I looked at the man who brightened my days. Garrick shifted to move closer, but I shook my head. If he touched me, I might completely break down. “I sustained some trauma to my abdomen, but the doctors thought it would be okay if I remained calm and was monitored. I tried. I pushed all the anguish away for the sake of our baby. But it didn’t matter. Three days later, I lost the baby. More damage had been done than they realized.”
As I said this, I traced over the words Beloved Husband and Father on the gravestone. Then I rested my hands on the smaller guitar next to his. Though our baby had been small, I never wanted him or her to be forgotten and had insisted on a gravestone.
I continued after a few deep breaths. “I lost the baby. The only piece of Dylan I had left. Because of the injuries sustained to my abdomen, it will be hard for me to get pregnant again. If I did, it would be considered a high-risk pregnancy.”
Garrick remained speechless. This was important for him to know. If having a family was something he wanted, needed, I had to walk away. Chances of a full-term pregnancy were marginal at best. More tears fell as I remembered his bucket list. I was not the girl for him, and my heart shattered.
I took a few steady breaths. “So, the song fits me more than you know. I’ve been completely lost. I think when your niece mentioned babies, it brought back the nightmare. And when I lay in your arms last night, it got me thinking that I needed to come here and sort out my thoughts. You needed to know the truth. I haven’t been here since Dylan died, and felt I owed it to him to talk to him before I told you everything.”
I wiped away the tears from underneath my eyes. I was relieved, yet terrified. A piece of me had been exposed to someone I wanted to explore a future with.
Garrick looked at the gravestone. “Can I speak freely here, or do you want me to wait until we go somewhere else? I don’t want to be disrespectful to your relationship.”
“Please, go ahead.”
Scooting closer, he grabbed my hand. “What was your nightmare about?”
The images from the dream haunted my thoughts. “I’m floating in the air, watching myself rock a baby. Two people come in. Someone holds me down while a woman takes the baby from me. There’s nothing I can do except scream. No one hears me, and the baby is taken from me. The nightmare started shortly after I lost the baby.”
Nodding, he rubbed my hand, and I focused on how much his touch soothed my nerves.
I forged on. “After Dylan died, I found out he’d taken out an insurance policy for a million dollars. In addition, I inherited the money from the sale of the companies his grandfather had willed to him in a trust fund. You see, Dylan came from a lot of money, and I had no idea. None. I mean, I knew his parents were well off, but I had no true understanding of the extent. We saw his family some, but now that I think about it, it was limited. His mother never forgave me for Dylan’s death.”
More tears welled up, and I tried to blink them away. “I understand if you’ve changed your mind and want to stop this, Garrick. I won’t blame you.”
When he didn’t answer, I glanced up. Garrick stared at me, adoration in his gaze. “No, I don’t want to stop. Do you know what I see when I look at you? I see an incredible woman. I see someone who is strong. I see a survivor. I have no idea where this is going. But if things continue to progress, I doubt not being able to get pregnant will change a thing.”
“Garrick, you don’t know that. It was one of your bucket list items. I can’t rob you of a future you may want. I always dreamed of having a family. Until the choice is taken away from you, you don’t understand what you’re giving up.” I knew adoption was a possibility, but I wanted to experience carrying a child. I wanted it more than almost anything else besides marrying the love of my life.
“Let’s see where this goes. Take it a day at a time. Having a family isn’t important if it’s not with the person you’re meant to be with. There are other options.”
True, but time changed people. Goals changed. Dreams and aspirations morphed.
He squeezed my hand and blew out a breath. “Knoah, please give us a chance. See where this goes. That’s all I ask.”
I nodded, feeling relieved. Despite everything, he wanted to give u
s a try. “I want this, too. Dylan would want me to be happy. I believe that now.”
“I think so, too.” I cocked my head to the side, unsure what he meant. “Even young, he made sure you were taken care of. Before he died and you were married, he took the necessary precautions to make sure you would be fine financially if something happened to him. I’d do the same to ensure the woman I loved had the best life possible if something happened to me.”
That was beautiful.
A car pulled up behind Kurt’s, and I stiffened before standing. Garrick didn’t need to see this. “Can you go wait in the car with Kurt? I’ll be a minute.”
A throbbing in my temples brought on a flush. Why was she here? My heart quickened at all the vile things Vivian would spew for Garrick to hear. He put his hand on my hip. “I’m not leaving you.”
Now he was going to see the ugliest part of all this. Vivian was already out of her car and headed my way.
“What the hell are you doing here? This is the time I come to see my son—every day.”
I closed my eyes at Vivian’s nasty voice. “I had no idea, Vivian.”
“There is no way I’m leaving you. That’s Dylan’s mother, isn’t it?” Garrick asked with a tense tone.
“Yes.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Kurt got out of the car and followed behind Vivian.
This woman hated me. Loathed me. Blamed me.
Garrick took a step in front of me.
Kurt tried to defuse the situation. “Vivian, Dylan was Knoah’s husband. She has the right to be here.” Kurt’s logic should have calmed her, but the woman saw no reason when it came to Dylan.
They stopped in front of Garrick, who physically blocked her from reaching me. “She killed him and has no place here. Who are you?” She pointed her polished red index fingernail at Garrick.
“Garrick Shaw.”
He held out his hand, and she nearly scoffed until her eyes widened. “The Garrick Shaw? Of Shaw International?”
“Yes.”
She moved her head and cocked her eyebrow. Calculating, Vivian narrowed her eyes. “Well, watch your pockets. This one will take everything you’ve got.”
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