Role of a Lifetime

by Wilhelm, Amanda

  Once she got to her phone and turned it on her heart sank. Lia had called at least ten times. Multiple texts. There were voice mails, several. Holly was sure she would never listen to them ever. No, she would. She deserved to. She had been out having fun and her daughter had needed her, for the first time in a long time, really needed her, and Holly hadn't been there.

  "I'm so sorry Lia," Holly said, on the verge of tears herself now, "I left my phone in the room last night and when I got back I didn't check it because it was...so late."

  "It's okay Mom, I understand."

  Well, she wouldn't have thought it was possible, but Holly felt even worse. And with three thousand miles between them she felt also helpless.

  "What can I do Lia?" she asked, guessing her daughter wouldn't have an answer.

  "I don't know, I just wish I could go home, I keep crying and everyone in the dorm knows now, I think, I just want to get out of here."

  "That I can do," Holly said, "I'll pack and go to the airport and I'll drive from the airport to pick you up and take you home. You can go back on Sunday or, what time is your first class on Monday?"

  "Ten."

  "Okay, maybe even Monday morning, we'll play it by ear."

  "What about the rest of your trip Mom?"

  "It was only one more day anyway," Holly said and, finally unable to stand it any longer, went around the corner to the bathroom.

  The door was open and the light was out but she turned the light on and even looked in the shower just to make sure. Kelly was gone. Great. One session of really hot sex in exchange for not being there when her daughter needed her. Way to go Holly, she told herself. Was she ever going to stop making bad choices when it came to men?

  "Mom?"

  "I'll go the airport and change my flight, okay, and when I know what's going on I'll call you, okay honey?"

  "Okay."

  "I should get moving though," Holly said.

  "Okay."

  "I'll call you later, love you."

  "Love you too Mom."

  "Bye."

  "Bye."

  Holly showered and raced around the hotel room packing. She stopped when she realized she didn't have a ride to the airport. Kelly had picked her up when she had flown in and she had assumed he would drop her off as well. Now that wasn't an option. She grabbed the hotel phone and, after glancing briefly at the directory, dialed the front desk. The woman who answered told her there was a shuttle that left on the hour or they could call her a cab.

  "Cab please," Holly said, "Oh and I'm going to be checking out today."

  "Oh, sorry to hear that, has there been a problem?"

  "No, not with the hotel, family...thing," Holly said, and hung up to finish packing.

  At the airport she let out a gasp when the attendant at the ticket counter told her what the cost was going to be to change her flight.

  "Ummm, you could switch to coach if you don't mind," the woman said, "Then it would only be, hold on."

  Holly ended up agreeing to that and called Lia when she was waiting in line at security.

  "My phone's on the last bar, I'm going to turn it off, hopefully charge it on the plane, okay? Oh, no I can't," Holly said, realizing the cord was in her luggage. The luggage she had just checked when she had changed her flight. "I don't have the power cord actually, I packed it by mistake, I'll call you when I land."

  "Okay Mom," Lia said sniffing.

  "You'll feel better once you are home," Holly told her.

  And after one, or possibly two, nights at home, Lia would be itching to get back to school. Once a teenager had a taste of that kind of freedom the other stuff didn't matter as much anymore. After all, in the beginning, that's why Holly had always gone back, hadn't she. Even though she shouldn't have.

  That's all done. Long done, Holly told herself. Lia was the important thing now. And Dylan was at a different school over an hour away from her. Lia would meet someone else, or, even better, decide to focus one hundred percent of her energy on her education.

  "Okay Mom."

  "Maybe like eight hours I'll be there, but I got to go now."

  "Okay and Mom?"

  "What?"

  "Thanks."

  Chapter 25

  Kelly woke up suddenly. He stretched out quickly, then leapt off the couch and headed to the kitchen. He grabbed his phone and stared at it, confused. Nothing from Holly, no calls or texts. Shit, thought Kelly, she might think he bailed on her. He glanced at the clock and wondered if she could still be asleep. It was after eleven. He wasn't sure but he called her. It went right to voice mail. He hung up and sent her a text. Then he waited.

  The clock on the microwave refused to change so he poked the steaks on the counter and flipped them over. Then he forced himself to empty the dishwasher. When he looked back at the clock six minutes had past. Plenty of time for Holly to have read and replied. Maybe she was in the shower?

  He waited another five minutes then called again. No answer. Five more minutes. Another call. Straight to voice mail.

  "Dammit," Kelly said and searched on his phone until he had the number for the hotel. He asked for the room number first.

  "Umm, there's no one in that room sir," the woman told him.

  "What? Holly Sawyer."

  "Sawyer? S A W Y E R, let me check, no one registered under Sawyer sir."

  "What? She was there this morning."

  "Let me check, yes, she checked out, around eight thirty this morning."

  "What?"

  "Ummm, Holly Sawyer, room 402 checked out this morning, she checked out early, oh. Is this about the room fee? I can't refund it, I'm just the switchboard, I can transfer you to the front desk and see if they can help you."

  "No," Kelly said, "Oh, thanks."

  He hung up before the switchboard operator could say goodbye. He dialed Holly's number immediately and though it went right to voice mail it still seemed to take forever for the beep.

  "Holly, hi, it's me, Kelly. Look, I'm sorry I left, I woke up and it seemed like a good idea to get out of there before the paparazzi figured out I spent the night at the hotel. It was stupid but I was just trying to protect you, I swear. Just call me and I'll drive over and pick you up, alright," even as Kelly said that he realized that Holly had checked out of the hotel hours ago, it was unlikely she was still there. He continued, "Or wherever you are I will come get you, just call me." He paused then added, "And you don't have to go surfing if you don't want to, okay."

  He ended the call thinking that he may have just left the absolute lamest voice mail in the history of the technological age. He hadn't said anything about how great last night had been or how he couldn't wait to see her again or how he really was hoping she could stay in LA longer. Kelly dropped his elbows onto the kitchen counter and his forehead onto his fists. He could deliver lines, brilliantly, when someone else wrote them, and he had time to practice them. Ad-libbing he sucked at. And he had never hated himself more for it.

  Frustrated, he glared at his phone and considered his options. He couldn't find her. He had no idea where she could have possibly gone. Once she called him they could straighten it out. He was sure of that. He could figure out what to say while he waited so he didn't sound like a complete idiot when he said it. Like he should have done before leaving the voice mail.

  Kelly grabbed his phone and headed to the bedroom to change. He could run his mile loop. He used it when he was short on time or wanted to do sprint intervals. That way he wouldn't be too far from home if, no when, Holly called.

  He felt better as he ran and as he ran he organized his thoughts. By the end of the second mile he knew exactly what he wanted to say and he spent the third mile perfecting it. But she still didn't call.

  On the sixth mile Mabel yelled at him from her front yard.

  "What the hell are you doing Kelly?"

  He just smiled and kept going. She was waiting for him the next time around. Standing in front of her house this time.

  "You stop
and take this," she said, holding up a bottle of water.

  Kelly stopped, more because he knew he'd catch hell from her later if he didn't, than because he wanted to. He didn't protest when she pushed the water bottle on him, he guzzled it down and it wasn't enough. The booze from the night before had dehydrated him. He felt like absolute shit. The only reason he had kept running was because he didn't want to deal with the fact that Holly still hadn't called.

  "What the hell are you doing?" Mabel asked him again, "I've never seen you run sprint intervals that long."

  He had to laugh, remembering the day she had first asked him about it and he had tried, rather unsuccessfully he had thought at the time, to explain the reasoning behind that particular type of training.

  "What are you doing for dinner Mabel?" he asked.

  "You didn't answer my question."

  Kelly laughed again, but it was fake this time, "My trainer, he came up with it, you know me, I just go with the program."

  "With no water?"

  "No that was me, I forgot the water. Now, you didn't answer my question," he kept talking although Mabel was muttering about dehydration, "what are you having for dinner?"

  "Oh, I have a salad."

  "You want some steak to go with that?"

  Mabel gave him a funny look, then shrugged and said sure.

  "I'll go home and clean up and be back with it, you got gas in your tank?" he said, referring to the grill on her deck.

  "Far as I know."

  "Okay, then, it's a plan."

  Kelly walked home slowly. When he got home he called Holly again, but again it went straight to voice mail. He hung up immediately. The only thing that might make him look like a bigger idiot was leaving another voice mail. Kelly took his second shower of the day and got dressed. He rinsed off the steaks and decided not to season them. Then he headed back through the neighborhood to Mabel's.

  She offered him some wine but he declined, opting for some more water instead. Kelly grilled the meat and they ate on the deck. He filled her in on the details of the party. Then they just sat. It was a pretty, quiet night. Kelly had all but given up when his phone chimed in his pocket.

  He opened it and read the text from Holly.

  "I went home," was all it said.

  Kelly sat there staring at the text. She was home, should he call her there? What had happened, why did she go home, without even telling him? The more he thought about it, the more pissed off he got. She couldn't have called him or texted him or something? She just checked out of the hotel and flew home. Fuck.

  "I'm going to get some more wine Kelly, you want another water?"

  "No Mabel, I think I'm ready to switch, what are you drinking?"

  "Well this is red, but I might switch to white, you want some?"

  "Yes. Please."

  "Okay, give me a minute, I have to open a new box."

  Fantastic, Kelly thought. Just fucking fantastic.

  Chapter 26

  "Mom?"

  "I'm out here honey," Holly called from the patio.

  Lia pushed open the screen door and came out onto the patio. She slumped down into the seat across from Holly.

  "What do you want to do today?" Holly said, "Movie maybe?"

  A movie sounded like a great idea actually. Just disappear into another world for a couple of hours. She looked at Lia who was staring despondently at her phone.

  "What do you say?" Holly asked Lia. She had just convinced herself that a movie was a great idea, now she was determined to convince Lia as well. It would help, Holly was sure of it, if Lia could just give herself permission to stop feeling miserable for a couple of hours, that is.

  "Look up what's playing," Holly said, gesturing to the phone in Lia's hand. "Ummm, please."

  "Fine," Lia said, with a tone that under ordinary circumstances would have required some parental correction, but Holly didn't bother. These weren't ordinary circumstances so Holly just waited. "Son of Cronos, 1:00, hey," Lia stopped and looked at Holly.

  "Well I just saw that," Holly said, "Next."

  "Mom!"

  "What?"

  "How was it?"

  "Better than I expected actually, not really my kind of movie, but it was very good."

  "Mom! Details!"

  "Oh, well, it was very entertaining but at the same time really touching, the way the...family dynamic was portrayed,"

  "Mom!"

  "What?"

  "Not about the movie, about your...date. Details about your date."

  "Eh, Lia, no," Holly said, shaking her head.

  What was she going to tell her daughter, that she had just had sex for the first time since, no. Ugh no. Not doing it, not going there.

  "Well are you guys dating or what?"

  "Ummm, I mean, he lives on the west coast, we can't really date, can we."

  "So what, friends with benefits?"

  "What?"

  "Friends with benefits, it means"

  "I know what it means, Lia," Holly interrupted quickly, "and no, not that, definitely not that, I mean, that's just not right, for anyone," Holly said, even as she realized she wasn't entitled to make that judgment for the whole world but hell, she couldn't help the way she felt about it. "I just don't believe in that, just no," Lia was watching Holly carefully, too carefully, Holly thought, so she decided better elaborate, "Have more respect for yourself than that, if a guy doesn't want to be with you, then he doesn't get to be with you, like that, that is. Period."

  "Yeah, I don't think so either," Lia said finally and Holly sighed in relief, then immediately hoped Lia hadn't noticed. Lia continued, "Some of my friends, well, never mind."

  Lia stopped and looked as though she thought she may have said too much. Holly wondered which friends Lia was referring to, but she didn't ask Lia to clarify. Did Lia mean the girls (or boys?) she had grown up with, some of whom Holly had known since they were in preschool? The ones whose moms were some of her best friends? Or the new friends, the college friends, the ones Holly really didn't know at all. Holly had friended Lia on Facebook but Lia never used Facebook anymore.

  Lia was all about Instagram and, per the family rule, the account was private. Holly had debated opening her own Instagram account, but she well remembered the battle she and Lia had had when Holly had insisted that Lia friend her on Facebook. Holly wasn't sure she wanted to go through that again. She also wasn't sure forcing her (legally adult) daughter, to allow her mom to follow her was the right thing to do. There were a lot of things Holly wasn't sure about these days.

  "So movie?" Holly said, to break the silence.

  Maybe she'd figure out something a little wiser to say on the drive back to Lia's school. In the car she could keep her eyes on the road and not have to look at Lia. And Lia wouldn't be able to scream "I don't want to talk about this," and storm off, as the kid had done numerous times during adolescence. Well she could scream, but she couldn't storm off, not in a moving car, anyway.

  Holly was so busy wondering if her daughter would rather jump out of a vehicle at highway speed than talk to her mom about sex (SO GROSS!), that she was confused for a second when Lia spoke. Holly agreed to the movie Lia suggested without even hearing the title.

  "I guess I should take a shower," Lia said.

  "Well, we have time, you want something to eat?"

  "I want to hear about your date with Kelly Rockport."

  "It wasn't," Holly stopped, unable to say it wasn't a date, when it clearly was. But now it was over. It had to be over. She couldn't go back to California. She had to stay home, in case Lia needed her again, for anything. She couldn't let her daughter down, ever, she had sworn to herself she would always be there if Lia needed her. Holly concentrated on the conversation at hand. "It was fun," she said, "I mean the party was amazing."

  They grabbed some bagels and cream cheese from the kitchen for breakfast and took them back outside. It was the time of year when the temperature could swing wildly from morning to afternoon, thirty degrees
or more, and now the patio was in full sun and heating up. Holly went back in to grab her sunglasses and, upon seeing it, grabbed her phone as well. She waited until Lia got up to go in and shower before looking at it.

  The only text was from Marie asking if Holly wanted to do lunch sometime this week. Nothing new from Kelly. He had texted once and called a bunch of times yesterday. He had left a voicemail and after she had listened to it she had texted him that she had gone home. He hadn’t responded. Holly hadn’t listened to Lia’s voicemails yet. She intended to save that until Lia was back at school. Holly didn't want to get upset while Lia was around, that would be counterproductive. She tapped on her phone and dialed Kelly's number, having absolutely no idea of what she was going to say.

  "Hello," he said gruffly.

  She could tell he was mad and she said what came naturally.

  "I'm sorry."

  Chapter 27

  "What?" Kelly had answered the call from Holly, torn between excitement and irritation.

  He hadn't texted her back when he had gotten the message, the night before, when he was sitting Mabel's deck. He had left her a very reasonable explanation as to why he had left Saturday morning. She had given him absolutely no explanation as to why she had flown home without a word. When the first words out of her mouth were, "I'm sorry", Kelly was confused. Why the hell had she just taken off unless she had wanted to?

  "I'm sorry, I had to come home, Lia," Holly paused.

  "What? What happened to Lia?" Kelly said, concerned. Man he was an asshole. He hadn't even considered that something might have happened to her kid, "Is she okay?"

  "Yes, well, not exactly," Holly said, then she lowered her voice, "Dylan broke up with her."

  "Oh," Kelly said.

  Probably a good thing, he thought to himself. Dylan had seemed like an egotistical little douche during the five minutes Kelly had spent with him.

  "I know it seems stupid," Holly said, "but she left me like ten messages when we were out at the premiere and I didn't even check my phone when we got back to the room."