Kelly wrapped her up in a big hug and she looked up at him.
"What did you think?"
"That you were amazing," she told him, and she meant it.
He kissed her quickly and then led her out of the theater. In the lobby he kept hold of her hand while he accepted congratulations from everybody. Carl found them in the lobby and gave Kelly a high five.
"Holy crap man, that was unbelievable," Carl told them, "Oscar for sure," at which Kelly immediately shook his head no. Carl continued, "No seriously, you were like..."
"Two different people," Holly said.
She wouldn't have thought it was possible but the shaking inside grew even more intense. She looked down at her hands. Perfectly normal.
"Yes, exactly," Carl said pointing to her, "The way you changed, I mean, you even looked different. I'll never get how he does it," he told Holly, then added, "Okay, I'll see you guys at the party."
Holly had all but forgotten about the party. She didn't want to go to the party, she wanted to go home. Home was three thousand miles away. She really, really wanted to go home. She thought about her workshop. She was very proactive about making sure she had enough clay on hand. When she opened the new bag she ordered another. The bags were fifty pounds. She had a little left in a bag and an unopened package. It would be enough. When she was like this she rarely saved anything she made. She just made a pot then squashed it back down and started over. Over and over again.
"Holly, you ready?"
She smiled at Kelly and he smiled back. She doubted she had ever seen him this pleased.
"Yes, let's go."
Everyone in the limo was happy and excited. Champagne was poured and passed around and Holly took one, crossing her fingers inside her head that the alcohol would help. The champagne was delicious, easily the best Holly had ever tasted, and she drank it quickly. By the time they got to the venue where the party was, she had relaxed quite a bit. She felt a bit light headed getting out of the limo but Kelly quickly put his arm around her waist and she knew if she stumbled he would have her. But she decided she better not have any more alcohol, at least not until she had eaten some food.
The estate was gorgeous. The night was not too warm and the French doors that lined one side of the ballroom were all opened up to the terrace. There were no circus performers or costumed wait staff like the ones that had made the opulent party for the "Son of Cronos" premiere so spectacular. If not for the massive movie poster that dominated one wall you wouldn't have been able to tell what the occasion was. It seemed like a very elegant and extremely expensive wedding.
Holly was very curious to get out on the terrace and see the grounds but she didn't want to leave Kelly's side. It took a while to get across the ballroom since everyone at the party wanted to talk to Kelly and shake his hand. They were almost to the terrace when they crossed paths with Zoe.
Zoe's simple soft white dress was set off by an amazing sapphire and diamond necklace. Holly knew it was probably on loan from the jewelry designer but wondered what it cost anyway. Then she noticed the two security guards hovering nearby and had her answer. A lot.
Kelly held out his free hand to Zoe and she put her hand in his, but not so much to shake it, more like she expected him to raise and kiss the back of it. Kelly gave it an awkward half shake and let it go.
"You were, amazing," Holly told Zoe, "but that's not surprising, you are always amazing." Holly regretted saying anything as Zoe turned her blue and very cold eyes on her, "I'm a big fan of yours, actually."
"Thanks?" Zoe said looking from Kelly to Holly.
"Oh, sorry," Kelly said, "this is Holly, my...girlfriend."
"Mmm hmmm," Zoe said. Her eyes ran up and down Holly's body once. "Candace, Leila and Ava," she said motioning to the women on either side of her. Then she quickly moved on, taking her entourage and security with her.
Holly glanced quickly at Zoe's friends and then dropped her eyes to the floor stealing one last glance at Zoe's dress on the way down. I'd never could wear that length, she thought miserably, mid-calf, no way. Not to mention white. Holly had been happy with her dress but as she followed Kelly out to the bar on the patio, she looked around and felt that certainly every other woman at the party was taller and slimmer than her. And they were probably all looking at her and Kelly together and thinking WTF?
"Holly," Kelly asked her, "You want a drink?"
"Umm, do you have a Moscato?" she asked the bartender.
"Of course," the woman said and turned around.
"Moscato?" Kelly asked her.
"It's just sweet and festive, I guess."
"You're sweet," he said and pulled her closer.
He was kissing her cheek moving down towards her neck and she was pretending to like it when the bartender came back. Inside the vibrating was starting again and Holly wanted to chug the glass of wine but she held off and waited until Kelly had his scotch. Then they said cheers and Holly allowed herself a very small sip.
Again the alcohol helped (thank god) and then there were hors d'oeuvres. Holly alternated the food with sips of wine. Occasionally the panic surged back up in her and she forced it back down. Eventually she excused herself to go to the bathroom.
She stayed in the bathroom for what seemed like a very long time. She sat on the settee in the lounge area and when women came in and out she looked down at the phone in her hand, pretending there was something very interesting on the screen. When she finally decided she couldn't stay in the bathroom anymore, after wondering if Kelly had even noticed how long she had been gone, she dragged herself over to the mirror. She took her time freshening up her make-up which didn't really need it that badly. She looked perfectly normal. She was just afraid if she opened her mouth she would start screaming.
The party was still in full swing when she came out. She glanced around the ballroom looking for Kelly. She didn't see him but she thought she spotted Carl on the far side of the room. Thinking, or rather hoping, that Kelly was with Carl and also hoping, rather desperately, but doubtful, that Kelly was ready to call it a night and go home, she made her way across the room.
Kelly wasn't there and Holly quickly realized that Carl probably wasn't going to appreciate it if Holly interrupted him to ask where Kelly was. Carl was deep in conversation with a gorgeous brunette who seemed vaguely familiar. It wasn't until Holly turned away from them, pulling out her phone, ready to text Kelly so if they couldn't leave yet at least she wouldn't have to navigate the party alone, that she realized that the woman Carl was hitting on was one of Zoe Portnoy's friends. Zoe and the other two girls were standing right there as Holly turned around.
"Oh hi," Holly said automatically.
"Do we know you?" one of them said.
"We met earlier, sort of," Holly said and looked at Zoe.
Holly hadn't really caught which of the girls went with which name and she was ready to introduce herself again when the third girl spoke.
"Oh right, Kelly Rockport's girlfriend."
There was something about how she said it. Holly didn't know why but she knew the tone. Disdain. Disgust. She looked from the girl who had spoken back to Zoe but Zoe just raised her eyebrows at Holly, ever so slightly.
"Well, excuse me," Holly said, "Actually, I need to find him. Kelly, that is. Kelly Rockport. My boyfriend."
She turned and walked away from them with her head held high, willing her legs not to crumble underneath her. She made herself walk at a normal pace so it wouldn't seem like she was running away from them when the truth was that was exactly what she had wanted to do. So she was still close enough to hear what was said next, even if she wasn't sure if it was Friend One or Friend Two who said it.
"You'd figure Kelly Rockport would have better taste."
She made her way out to the patio wondering if the flinch she had been unable to control had been big enough to be observed by them. Outside she looked left and right and spied Kelly at the bar with a bunch of his friends. She got over to them just as
they downed a round of shots.
"Where were you?" he asked her but then someone was pressing another shot on him and she didn't have to answer.
Someone tried to put a shot in her hand but she laughed and pushed it away. She couldn't ask him to leave. This night was too big of a deal for him and he was so happy. So she went along.
Thankfully, that was the end of the shots. The rest of the night was text book late night party stuff, if there was such a thing. The dancing, the singing around the piano, Holly did it all and there was no doubt in her mind that everyone thought she was having just as grand of time as they were. At least several times she asked herself if this was what having a heart attack felt like.
It was very late when they climbed into their private, smaller limo for the ride back to Kelly's house. He was all over her the whole way back and even though he told her he loved her, over and over again, she still didn't want to.
She did it anyway. She did it and she did what she needed to do to make sure it was over as quickly as possible. He pulled out of her and fell asleep with one arm and leg still on top of her. He jerked and muttered when she slid out from underneath him but it was too late (too early?) and he was asleep again immediately.
She tripped on her dress as she made her way around the bed and debated hanging it, and Kelly's tuxedo, up but didn't. She grabbed a big t-shirt from his closet and left the bedroom. In the living room, unsure of what to do, she finally went out to the deck. The night had cooled off considerably and she sat there, shivering.
I'll go home, she decided. As soon as he wakes up I'll tell him and I'll go home. She tucked her knees in the shirt and sat there shivering saying the word "home" over and over again in her mind.
The sun came up and once she began to warm up she closed her eyes at the brightness and stretched out on the chaise. It got warmer and she started to wonder if she was going to burn, but she didn't care. When Kelly woke up and found her, hours later, she hadn't slept at all.
Chapter 44
Holly got out of the car and practically ran into the house. Kelly got out but the driver rolled his window down and kept talking. The guy had talked all the way from the airport and Kelly had gone along with it, but all the while he had been stealing glances at Holly, silent and still next to him.
On the surface she had seemed okay the whole trip, but somehow she wasn't. She had spoken politely and nicely to Kelly, the flight attendants, and the other passengers when, and only when, it was required. Other than that, nothing. On the plane she had plugged in the ear buds and watched three movies in a row.
"Well, good night then."
"What, yeah, good night, thanks,"
Kelly turned his attention to the house as the car pulled away. The light was already on upstairs in Holly's bedroom. She had wanted to come home, insisted really, he thought, thinking back to the odd conversation they had had, when he found her out on the deck in nothing but a t-shirt. He had tried to ask her about the plans they had made, especially the surfing, he had thought she was looking forward to it, but all she would say that she was going home. When she had gotten up from the chair and gone into the house to book a plane ticket he followed her and said he would take care of it.
"Okay, it's done," he told her after the tickets were booked, "We need to leave in about an hour and a half.
"We?" she had asked him.
"Yes, we, I booked two tickets, first class, direct, we're going to get in late though."
"You don't need to go with me."
"Of course I'm going with you."
Holly was exhausted, it was obvious. Kelly wasn't sure she had slept at all but he was kind of afraid to ask her. Anyway it didn't matter. She wanted to go home and he had brought her home. But he was very concerned about what was going to happen next. He went into the back room to check on the rabbits, doing that had become a habit of his. Even Kelly was surprised how attached he had gotten to Timber and Mercedes, and how distinct their personalities were.
"Hey guys," he said as he entered the back room, then realized the cages were empty.
The animals were staying with one of Holly's friends while they were in California. He set down Holly's bag, and the small overnight bag he had quickly packed earlier that day, and went back into the living room. He stared up the stairs wondering if she was going to bed and if he should go up and check on her. He couldn't decide and he turned back around to the room.
Something was different, he realized almost immediately, but it took another bit of thinking to figure it out. She had painted, the walls were definitely fresh and the color was different, but only slightly. The furniture was all in the same spots but something else was changed. He turned his attention to the painting on the wall. It was one of the ones he had admired the first time she had shown him her work in the barn. He stepped over in front of it. It was the sunrise and the scene, while almost hypnotic in its realism, was somewhat unsettling by the use of the truly violent reds, oranges and yellows, way more intense than you would actually see in nature.
He wondered briefly why she had chosen that one, then decided that it needed to be framed. He was wondering how to go about doing that for her when she came back down the stairs. He spun around at the sound. She had put her hair up and was wearing what she called her clay clothes.
"You're going to make pots? Now?" he asked her.
"Throw pots."
"It's almost one in the morning."
She didn't answer him so he changed the subject.
"You painted?" he asked, motioning around the room.
"Yes."
"And the picture," Kelly was about to offer to get it framed when he realized what was missing. What the picture had replaced. "Wait, where are the photos?"
He turned back to stare at the painting. All the photos of Holly and Lia and her late husband were gone. He turned back to Holly just in time to see the pained look leave her face, replaced by something much stronger, colder.
"Lia wanted them for college. For her room."
"All of them?" Kelly asked. He couldn't imagine that collection of photos in a dorm room, it had taken up an enormous section of the wall. The strange look crossed Holly's face again and once again, just as quickly, vanished. "What's wrong Holly, won't you just tell me?"
"Nothing's wrong."
"Something obviously is."
"No, it's not. Why do you keep saying that?"
"I can tell, that's all."
"Oh you're a mind reader now?"
"No, I, just notice stuff like that." Holly glared at him so he tried to explain, quickly. He really just wanted to talk her out of going to the barn to THROW pots so they could go to bed and get some sleep, he was exhausted and he could only imagine how much more tired than him she was.
"I decided when I was like nine or ten I wanted to be an actor, okay," he said, "So when I watched movies, or TV, I paid attention, in kind of a different way. Then I started watching people in real life."
It was exactly what he had done. He studied people all the time. Looked for clues about what they were feeling and how it was showing in their face and body language. After a while it had become a habit and eventually he was barely conscious of doing it, but he always was. Subtle changes were his craft, his art. It could make or break a scene, film, a career. He noticed them in everyone.
"I'm going to the barn."
"You didn't do that for my sake, did you?" he asked her.
Anything to keep her from going out to the barn to do god knows what.
"Do what?"
"Take down the pictures."
"What?"
"The pictures, of you and Lia and your husband, you didn't have to take them down for me." She just stared at him so he continued, "It's okay, he's Lia's father and he was your husband. I know you loved him, I'm okay with that."
"What did you say?"
He barely heard her, it was so soft but not in a gentle way.
"I know you loved him, I"
He didn't finish,
he couldn't. She snarled and then she was screaming and coming at him like a freight train.
Chapter 45
"No!"
"What?" Kelly looked at her, obviously confused. She didn't blame him. She had tried to say "no" but it hadn't come out as a word. She wasn't sure it had even sounded human. "Holly?"
"I. Didn't. LOVE HIM!"
And that was it, the dam broke. Together it was all too much, seeing Kelly, twenty feet high on screen, abusing his character's wife, Zoe and her friends, sneering and treating Holly like she was a piece of absolute garbage, for absolutely no reason, more than twenty four hours where her brain just wouldn't quit, no sleep and now this.
"What are"
She didn't let him finish. She flew across the room at him screaming it over and over. "Ididn'tlovehim. I didn't. I didn't. I DIDN'T!"
"Jesus Christ Holly," he said as she pummelled him as hard as she could.
Then he grabbed her by the wrists. She fought to get free, knowing it was useless, knowing Kelly was so much stronger than her husband had ever been, but she fought him anyway. They wrestled until he had her turned around and she couldn't hit him. The rage drained from her arms, which couldn't move in his iron grasp, to her body and she flung her head back into his chest as hard as she could.
"Jesus," he swore again and in one swift move he had them on the floor, his weight on top of her.
She struggled manically against him and he rearranged himself to hold her down even more securely.
"Stop it, Holly, stop. I won't hurt you, I would never hurt you but I can't let you do this, you're going to hurt yourself, you have to stop."
She fought him anyway.
"Holly, please, calm down, please."
His voice cracked on the last please. He was almost crying, and she realized then what she had done. She stopped fighting him and started crying. Very hard.
It went on for a long time. Kelly didn't try to do anything, but she felt him relax on top of her and finally he got up off of her and sat down on the floor next to her. When she finally stopped crying he stayed quiet, for what seemed like an eternity.
Role of a Lifetime Page 17