Usurper (Chaos #4)

by Claire Farrell

  My stomach did a somersault. I couldn’t bear it, so I looked away before I said something I would likely regret. Confidence wasn’t something I wore well, and I was still getting used to the changes motherhood had brought. And according to a prophesying mirror, I wouldn’t recognise myself in the future either.

  It had been over a year, and Brendan still looked at me in the exact same way he had before I knew I was pregnant, before I spent time in Sadler’s court, before my heart grew dark and mean. He was the only one who treated me the same as before, not as a victim or a murderer or anything else. I knew how to deal with failure and rejection; I couldn’t handle anything else. Not as me.

  Brendan cleared his throat. “What are you going to say to the water fae?”

  “I hadn’t thought that far ahead,” I admitted.

  His laugh was his usual one, which made me feel relieved. He never made life awkward when I pulled away from him. But I was never sure if that was because he really didn’t give a shit or for some other reason. Sometimes, he could have fooled me.

  Drake returned with a sour-looking Sorcha. “This is a stupid move,” she said.

  “It’s our best chance to get a heads-up on those ships,” I said.

  “That’s not what I…” She held up her hands. “Never mind. Go. If there’s trouble, they all die.”

  “She means she’ll send the soldiers in after us,” Brendan whispered.

  But I kept picturing Sorcha’s face when she drew the life from the lineage consultant. I definitely didn’t want to see that again.

  The three of us trotted toward the river on the two horses until all we could hear was the rushing of the water and our own voices. Reaching the calmer part of the river where I had once met the water fae took us all afternoon, and I felt uncomfortably hot. I had crossed the river twice, both times chased by Darksiders. The memories and feelings and consequences came rushing back.

  “This is weird,” I said unsteadily. “I crossed this river in labour. How screwed up is that?” I shook my head. “I barely even remember…” I pointed at the water. “If we get up close, they’ll come to us. Maybe.”

  Brendan nudged me. “Maybe?”

  “It’s not like I’ve done this often. Maybe I should have brought Fiadh or someone. She’d know what to do.”

  Brendan snorted. “She might as well be a pampered princess. She’d be no use.”

  “She’s had it tough,” I said. “Leave her alone.”

  “Do what you do best,” he urged. “Figure out how to survive. You can do this. You don’t need Fiadh or anyone else.”

  “Not even you?” I joked.

  “You have everything you need already. I’m just the cherry on top.”

  I laughed, earning a glare from Drake.

  We finally reached the water. There was no movement apart from the waves. The Hollows and the only visible source of the river stood on the horizon. We were miles away from the Hollows, but the current was still strong, perhaps even too rough for the water fae.

  “Maybe it was farther than I remember,” I said. Then I thought I saw something dart under the water. “Wait. Did either of you see that?”

  We got off the horses and moved closer to the bank.

  “I don’t see anything,” Drake said. “Are you sure about this?”

  I shrugged. “If they want to talk, they’ll show themselves.”

  “I remember you.” The female voice came from across the river. Weeds over there moved aside as if they had a life of their own, and a tentacled woman appeared. She swam most of the way across. “Are you lost again, little girl?”

  “I know where I am,” I said firmly.

  “And do you know where you’re supposed to be?”

  I decided to ignore that. “I need to ask you something.”

  “Is it about your beaten little scouts? They left days ago.”

  “Scouts?” Drake asked. “You saw them?”

  “Yes,” she said. “One of the Fox’s pack led them to us, bloodied and bruised.”

  Brendan pushed his hair off his forehead. “What happened to them?”

  “They went home, of course,” she said, sounding offended at the question. “Do you think we have use for men who can’t even breathe underwater? They headed to the main road to find their keepers.”

  Drake exchanged a relieved glance with Brendan. “Reynard must have let them go, and they probably tried to find us. We took a different route and missed them.”

  “Reynard would never let them go,” Brendan said.

  “The Fox’s pack are not as loyal as he thinks,” the water fae said. Giggles came from the reeds behind her.

  “Thank you,” Brendan said sincerely.

  I just hoped the water fae was being truthful. “Do you still swear fealty to the Chaos Court?”

  “We haven’t rescinded our fealty, but—”

  “Then that makes me your queen.” I held up my hand. “And I want to stop this war before it begins. Before more people die for no reason.”

  The woman let out a laugh that bordered on hysterical. “How the fates play us. You can’t stop a war.”

  “But you’re water fae. So you know what’s in the water. You know what Sadler is bringing here.”

  She seemed to shrivel before my eyes. “I know the whispers.”

  “Then you can be the first warning,” I said. “As soon as you see them arriving, you have to warn us—you, your people, any kind of water fae who will cooperate.”

  “Warn you?” She looked at Drake and Brendan. “What is this? Kings and queens running around the Darkside as if there’s no tomorrow.” She sank halfway into the water. “And there may not be, at that.”

  “Whatever’s coming across the water, from under the water”—I gave her a meaningful look—“won’t distinguish between one court or the next. Everyone will die. And they’ll land here, so who do you think will be first?”

  A number of splashes erupted in the middle of the water.

  I held the water faery’s gaze. “I need you, but maybe we all need each other. War is coming, and we need to do what we can to stop it. I’m going to face Sadler and find a way to stop his deals with his god, but I might fail, and it’ll be up to you all to find help.” I swallowed hard. “And to save yourselves before the end comes. I understand that you’re loyal to Sadler, so I’m going to leave you with this request. If you see the ships, pass on the word. If they get close, tell anyone who will listen before hiding. Go to the human realm if you have to.”

  “Is it that bad?” she asked, her eyes filling with water that spilled over like a waterfall.

  “It’s worse.”

  Feeling that I had done all I could, I motioned at the two kings, and we mounted the horses.

  As we turned to ride away, a lone voice cried, “I will do it!”

  Another repeated the vow, then another, and another, until it seemed as if the land itself were crying out to be on our side. A shadow crossed my path, and I looked up at the sky. A white raven flew overhead then disappeared amongst the clouds.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The moment we crossed into the Darkside, I had felt the shift in the air, but nothing made the hairs on my arms stand up like the sight in the valley. There had once been tribes living there, but their huts were empty, blackened and broken, completely destroyed.

  “What happened here?” I asked Vix. A crow flew past, cawing harshly.

  “Sadler sent Reynard to burn out the Darksiders and force them back into the castle,” she said. “Safest for him, but these people were no warriors.”

  “There won’t be enough food to feed them,” I said. “So what happens then? What does he plan on doing with them?”

  “They’ll be his first line of defence,” Rumble said from behind me. I turned to see him holding Scarlet. She kept reaching for his helmet, but it was too heavy for her to move. “She woke up,” he added.

  “Thanks.” I stepped away from the sight of the burned-out valley and took m
y daughter from him. I held her close. “They’ll all die.”

  “They’ll die of starvation or sickness before this war,” Rumble said. “When you left, he stopped sending out for food.”

  We walked back to camp. The servants were still setting up the tents and building fires.

  “Who did he expect to kill me if he didn’t want anyone out of his sight?” I asked.

  “Anyone but Darksiders.” He sighed. “If I guessed, I would say he was hoping one of Brendan’s people would do it and spark off something between the Green and Silver Courts.”

  “It doesn’t matter anymore,” Vix said. “We lose the power as soon as those ships arrive.”

  “The water fae said they would warn us when the ships arrived. We’ll have time to figure something out.”

  “The water fae will betray you,” she said bitterly. “They don’t live on this land. Their water isn’t tainted yet. They can move freely. They won’t care about this.”

  “They sounded like they cared,” I persisted. “And if there’s no point to all of this, then why are you here?”

  She shrugged. “Because miracles seem to happen around you.” She gave me a mischievous smile. “And I’m dying to see your face when you realise you can’t save yourself, never mind anyone else.”

  I patted her shoulder. “That’s what I like about you, Vix, always with the optimism. See you two later.” I went off to find Zoe.

  As I strolled along the edge of the camp, I became aware of the cawing that seemed to accompany me constantly. I looked up and saw two crows.

  “They’re just scavenging,” Brendan said from my left. “There’s no need to worry.”

  I shuddered. “I feel like they’re watching me.”

  He reached out and plucked Scarlet from my arms. “This child needs to walk. You carry her overmuch.”

  “Excuse me? Tell me all about your parenting qualifications, and then we’ll talk.”

  He grinned. “Silly mammy you have there, Scarlet. You’re strong, aren’t you?” He set her down on the ground. She looked tiny next to him. He grinned as she took a few steps then stopped to pull up a flower. “Another Kelly with a flower obsession. You do realise people will call her Scar, don’t you?”

  “Don’t you dare,” I said.

  Scarlet stumbled, but Brendan caught her before she fell.

  “Ha!” I said. “Look who’s mollycoddling now.”

  He sat on the grass and patted a patch next to him. “Sit and relax. There’s nothing we can do. You make me nervous when you fidget so much.”

  I willed my hands to stop moving. “I don’t fidget.” I sat next to him and watched Scarlet toddle around in front of us. “Do you think anyone is still alive?”

  “In the valley?” He shook his head. “Not now. There’s no sign of life down there.”

  “Vix told me that Reynard was sent to destroy their homes to force them back to the castle. Sadler’s going to use those people as shields.”

  “Coward,” Brendan said sharply.

  “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you sound like you blame him.”

  “I tried for peace,” he said. “Really, I did. But it’s impossible to appease a madman. There will never be a chance of peace. Not as long as we both live.” He gave me a hesitant glance. “But my feelings have changed. The idea of peace no longer appeals. I find myself wanting to destroy him in the worst way. I wake up at night after dreaming of his suffering, and for a moment, I feel… happy.”

  “You said you didn’t want to be that kind of man again.”

  “I warned you how the power changes us. It takes time, but it seeps into every pore until you lose yourself completely.”

  “I keep thinking about the mirror,” I said slowly. “I looked as though I had lost myself.”

  He reached out and curled his fingers around mine. “Maybe we can help each other remember who we really are. Maybe all any of us needs is somebody to keep us tethered.”

  I gazed at him, surprised by how his words made me feel. The loneliness threatened to overwhelm me, and I squeezed back.

  The harsh caw of a crow startled me. It dived straight at Scarlet. I launched myself in front of her and faced the crow as it hovered before my face. It opened its mouth, but no sound came out, and the look in its eyes was scarily intelligent. After what seemed like hours but could only have been a matter of seconds, the bird flew up into the air and was soon gone from sight.

  I checked to make sure Scarlet was okay. Busy plucking flowers, she seemed oblivious to the odd event.

  “That was fu—” I caught the swear word midway out of my mouth. I really needed to watch my language around Scarlet. “Um… that was really weird.”

  “Brave bird,” Brendan said, but he looked unsettled. “I don’t think we should stay here very long.”

  I didn’t see another crow until later that day when we all sat around to eat. Six of the black birds circled overhead then darted down toward us, one by one.

  Vix ran across the clearing and grabbed a bow and a quiver from one of Brendan’s soldiers. The birds soared high then circled again. Suddenly, all six veered off in different directions as if by unspoken command. I briskly rubbed my arms in an attempt to shake off the chill, but nothing could warm the cold feeling I had inside.

  Zoe and I played with the children after dinner. Zoe told Setanta stories about the human realm. He asked questions, and his cheeks flushed with pinkish tones.

  “How are you feeling, Setanta?” I asked. “It must feel strange to come back home.”

  “My home’s with you,” he said, startling me. “Mother said we belong to you now.”

  “No,” I said. “Nobody belongs to me. You’re free people.”

  “Are we all going to die?” he asked in a matter-of-fact tone.

  “You’re going to live,” I said. “You’re wouldn’t want to leave Eithne and Scarlet alone, would you?”

  His smile was sudden. “Never. I’m getting stronger. I can use a dagger. I can protect them, even like this”—he waved a hand across his lower body—“and when I get older, my legs will work, and I’ll be a soldier like Conn.”

  “I look forward to that,” I said.

  Conn came to take Setanta and Eithne back to their mothers, leaving Zoe and me alone with Scarlet. I had watched Scarlet for signs, but she hadn’t once reacted negatively to being in the Darkside. In fact, she had taken her first steady steps there, amidst camp—much to the confusion of everyone else when Zoe, Anya, Bekind, Líle, and I began to cheer her on like lunatics.

  “It feels weird here,” Zoe said, “like something’s crawling across my skin, something I can’t see.”

  “Yeah, way to creep me out, Zo.”

  She laughed. “Sorry. It’s just… new to me.”

  “I know. You’ll get used to it. It used to bother me, but now it’s nice and familiar.”

  She studied me. “Familiar like home?”

  I shrugged. “It wasn’t all bad here. And once I deal with Sadler, things will change.”

  “Deal with him?” She shook her head. “Can I say something? You won’t get that big soldier to behead me or anything, right?”

  I shoved her good-naturedly. “Of course not, idiot.”

  “Good.” She scooped up Scarlet and cuddled her. “I’m worried about you, Cara. You’re like a different person here.”

  “That’s because I have to be.”

  “But you expect Drake to do something different?”

  I stared at her, dumbstruck. “That’s not how it is.”

  “Isn’t it? Avoiding him isn’t going to make any of this easier for you.”

  “He’s always with his wife. It’s not like I can sit there and smile and pretend that everything is okay. He broke my heart!”

  “You told me you weren’t even sure if you loved him. I think you’re just doing it again—pinning your hopes on someone unavailable because you haven’t got a clue what to do with somebody who actually shows you how he fee
ls.”

  “Are we really doing this right now? The world could basically end here, and you want to talk about my lack of a love life? Again?”

  She continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “You didn’t even try to move on when you came back, but I’m finding it hard to work out who it is here that you’re hung up on. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but the chemistry between you and Brendan is ridiculous. I mean, what are you waiting for? Drake is married. He can’t undo that. It’s over. So why are you hanging on?”

  To my horror, tears sprang to my eyes. I pulled my knees to my chest and hid my face. She was right. It was over. I knew it. I hadn’t exactly been in a relationship with him, ever. So why was I holding on to my anger and bitterness, dwelling on the idea that he had rejected me or owed me something? Why was I letting myself feel like some kind of victim? Was I really so comfortable with pain that I was happy to sit in a limbo of my own making instead of moving on?

  I had my excuses, my justifications for feeling as I did. Everyone who was ever supposed to love me had rejected me by withholding their love or disappearing from my life, or in one case, even taken his own life, all because of something about me. But Zoe hadn’t. She was still here, still my best friend. So why couldn’t I focus on that instead of the negatives? Why did I allow the past to mark me so deeply that I couldn’t let myself have a future?

  Zoe rubbed my back, muttering apologies that I knew she truly meant because she really did care about me. She had always been there, and even knowing that I was planning on doing things she didn’t agree with on any level, she was still with me.

  “No,” I mumbled. “You’re right. It’s over, except it never really started. He was clear from the start. He never promised me anything. He warned me about the way things were, and I just… I don’t even know. And if you really knew Brendan, knew the things he was capable of, you wouldn’t want that for me.”

  “I don’t care about people’s pasts, Cara. I care about how they treat my friends.”

  I raised my head and peered at her through teary eyes. “And if you really knew me, you wouldn’t be sitting there thinking of me as a friend.”

  “A friend isn’t there just for the good times. They stick around even when it’s tough and unpleasant. Someday, you’re going to have to accept that somebody out there cares about you enough to do that, Cara.”