Loving My Pack

by Lane Whitt

  “I think it’s worth noting that Logan’s time abroad hardly equates to potentially being ripped to shreds by an entire wolfpack,” Kellan chimes in.

  “Clearly, you’ve never been left alone in a room full of starving models,” Logan retorts.

  “I think we’re getting off track, men.” Remy rubs a hand over his ever-growing beard. “I think Finn and Reed have a valid opinion on the matter, and when we’re all together again it’s worth a discussion. However, at the heart of it all is Kitten’s safety in the hands of Kendrick. I don’t want to tell her she can’t do this. I don’t think any of us do. I just want to make sure she’s safe while doing it.”

  “There has to be a middle ground,” Finn supplies.

  “Right. That’s what we need to figure out. I’m going to call Kendrick and pry as much information out of him as I can. Let’s see how far we can get with that route before we make any final decisions.”

  Kitten

  The wait is almost painful. Getting sent outside again was silly in my opinion, but whatever. This time I chose to sit on the top step, in clear hearing range if I wanted. I leave them their privacy, lost in my own thoughts. This time their conversation doesn’t take as long, though. Jace calls for me to enter the plane again, the phone still on speaker.

  “I think we’ve come to an agreement we can all live with,” Remy begins. “Kendrick did admit that some of what he wants to share has to do with your origins, and we all know how important this is to you. We want you to have your answers, Kitten. We never want to stand in your way, please know that.”

  “I do,” I offer quickly.

  “The plan is for the three of you to travel with Kendrick and Anna to Albany, where we will meet you. After that, we’re not welcome to accompany you. Albert will travel with you to a remote community as guard. Kendrick will only take one of his own in exchange. You will have one day there, Kitten, then all bets are off and we will come for you, understand? That’s all I can bear, Love. If you need more time then we can regroup and talk it out, okay?”

  I’d have one day. One day to learn everything I need to know. Okay, I can work with that. And they’re trusting me to go by myself! “I love you guys. So much,” I squeal happily.

  Remy laughs, sounding relieved. “We love you, too. We’re overprotective, but we care deeply for you. Your happiness is our happiness, Love.”

  Flying into Albany is an experience I’ll never forget…if I could forget things, that is. There was one part where the ground was bright yellow as far as the eye could see, sitting in stark contrast to the clear, dark blue sky and snow-capped mountains in the distance. Kendrick had noticed my fascination and explained that they were canola fields. Whatever it was, it was probably the most beautiful thing in nature I’ve ever seen. Technically we didn’t land in Albany, but a few miles away from it. Now we sit in an elaborate hotel room near the airport, waiting for Remy and the others to arrive.

  “Are you going to stare out every window you come across?” Jace asks, his legs kicked up on a table as he reclines in the bedside chair, sipping some kind of alcoholic beverage with a sweet scent.

  “Oh, yes. I want to see all the things. I’ve never really been anywhere, remember?” I tell him, not taking my eyes from the view. There isn’t anything special that I can see from here, but I know I’ll never it again and I want to memorize every detail.

  “I remember,” Jace whispers in my ear before laying his chin on the top of my head and wrapping his arms around my waist. “I can’t wait to show you the world.”

  “I can’t wait to see it. Can we go to the water before we leave? I’ve never seen a beach,” I ask.

  “I’m sure we can find time for that,” he replies.

  Ash grunts from the balcony on the inside of the room, which faces a courtyard-like lobby area the hotel has made to look like an old town. “Is there enough sunscreen in the world to keep your skin from burning?”

  “Who, me?” I ask, not sure if he means me or Jace. We’re both fairly pale compared to Ash’s natural tan.

  “Yes, you. With that hair and that complexion, I don’t think you’d last five minutes in the Australian summer.” He smirks.

  “Hey! I grew up outdoors, mister. And I never had sunscreen,” I remind him.

  “And I bet you spent several months out of the year a nice shade of pink, too,” he jokes.

  “Maybe,” I grumble reluctantly.

  “Aww, don’t let him get to you, Doll. Tanning is overrated. We’ll get you a pretty parasol to keep the evil sun away from your delicate skin,” Jace assures me.

  Ash laughs. “And so you can hide under it with her, you pasty bastard.”

  “Don’t be jealous that I’ll be snuggled up to a bikini-clad Kitten while you frolic in the sand,” Jace retorts.

  “I don’t frolic,” Ash says disgustedly.

  “Riveting conversation we’re having, it seems. Is this the kind of shit my girl has had to deal with this whole time?” Logan’s voice carries to me from the now open door of the suite, and I swear my heart leaps from my chest.

  Moving at a speed I didn’t know I was capable of, I launch myself at him and jump for him to catch me. He does, and I squeal in delight. “You’re here! I’ve missed you so much.”

  “Then stop running off, you silly girl,” he says before crashing his lips to mine.

  “Okay,” I respond when we finally come up for air.

  The twins stand side by side, Finn with a strap over his chest holding his computer bag. They look deliciously disheveled and I squirm in Logan’s grasp to go to them. Mint and grass-green eyes track my movements, cataloguing me from head to toe. “Hi, guys.” I smile brightly at them.

  “Hello, beautiful,” Finn says through a smile of his own.

  Kellan takes longer to reply, choosing instead to run his hands over my abdomen, feeling the bump that is significantly larger than when he last saw me. “You’re showing. That’s…not possible. How is that possible?” he asks, more to himself than me, before pulling me into a hug.

  Remy stands by the door still, looking as if doesn’t know whether he should come or go. “Rem?” I question.

  “Come here, Love,” he demands, arms open wide. I go to him without hesitation. Drawing in a deep breath, I take in his scent, my hands running over his strong back. Instantly, I feel calmer than I have in a long while. It’s his presence, I realize, that steals some of the burden of life from my shoulders. He makes it his, just by being in the same room.

  It takes me longer than it should to realize what’s missing. Or rather, who is missing. “Where are Tristan and Reed?” I ask no one in particular.

  “They’re down in the kitchens, making you something to eat,” Kellan tells me.

  I frown. “They didn’t have to do that. Are they even allowed to do that?”

  Logan laughs loudly. “Are you kidding me? Like anyone would say no to the world-famous Chef Tristan taking up residence in their kitchen. Reed’s just keeping an eye…on things. Helping.”

  “Oh.” I guess that makes sense. “They didn’t want to see me first?” I try to hide the hurt in my voice, but it’s clearly there anyway.

  “He didn’t want to show up without food. It’s a Tristan thing, Love,” Remy corrects.

  Okay. I guess I’ll have to let that go then. Still, I hope they hurry. “Did you guys bring bags?” I change the subject.

  “We have a room full of them. Come on, I want to show you what I got you,” Logan tells me, taking me by the hand and pulling me down the hall.

  “You got me a present?” I ask as we enter another room. Wow, he wasn’t kidding; it is a room full of bags. “Where are you even going to sleep?”

  “Huh?” Logan says distractedly as he rummages through several bags, making a mess. “Oh. No, this room is just for stuff. We rented out the whole place. There’re plenty of beds to sleep in.”

  My head rocks back in shock. “What? Why would you do that?”

  He raises a brow at
me, having found what he was looking for. “Uh, cause you’re a fucking princess? Security measures and all that.” He stalks toward me, fisting a scrap of green fabric. His cat-like stride does things to me.

  “Besides,” he uses his free hand to brush my hair away from my face, “I plan on making you scream out…repeatedly, and nobody but my brothers get to hear your sexy screams of pleasure.”

  “Oh.” I breathe, swallowing thickly as my body heats.

  “Yeah. Oh.” He smirks, knowing full well what he just started.

  There’s a knock on the open door, and with a look full of promise Logan breaks eye contact. “Food’s here,” Ash informs us.

  That means Reed and Tristan! Finally. With a bright smile, I practically skip back to my room. Reed must be able to sense me because he turns to me as soon as I enter, his own excitement written all over his face. He scoops me up under my arms, bringing my face up to his for a loud, smacking kiss. “I missed you more than you will ever know,” he says through a smile. Lifting me above his head, he nuzzles my tummy with his nose. “I missed you, too, little one.”

  I giggle uncontrollably as he sets me down on my feet. I love this silly side of Reed. My eyes scan the room for Tristan, finding him at the table arranging platters with his back to the room. I almost call out for him, but I stop myself. He knows I’m in the room, but he hasn’t so much as turned around? That’s odd.

  I watch him for several minutes, noticing how stiff and robotic his movements are. It’s like his body is here but his mind is somewhere far, far away. “Tristan?” I call softly as I approach him slowly. He pauses, but doesn’t turn around.

  I eye Remington for answers. The look I receive is filled with resignation and guilt. Ah, I see. Remy’s odd behavior has something to do with Tristan’s. I silently wave everyone else from the room. Remy tries to escape with the others, but a hard look in his direction has him stopping in his tracks.

  “Tristan?” I say again, taking another step to him. I’m close enough to reach out and touch his back, so I do. His body tenses momentarily before he sighs deeply and relaxes. Before I can pull my hand back, he spins and grips it tightly in his own.

  His appearance makes me gasp. “Oh, Tris. What’s wrong, my sweet man?” His eyes are sunken and rimmed in red. Not like he’s been crying but as if he hasn’t slept in weeks, like he’s torn and raw. Bleeding out on the inside. His normally chocolatey eyes are dull, his skin pulling tightly across the hard planes of his face.

  I turn to Remy accusingly. “Explain,” I grit through my teeth, taking up a defensive stance in front of Tristan.

  “Kitten, stop,” Tristan says behind me. His usually smooth voice is as rough as he looks. The sound grates on my nerves. I don’t like it. I want my Tristan.

  “It’s not for me to explain, Love. It’s his. I’ll answer for my part when the time comes,” Remy says, resigned.

  “Well, someone better start talking then, because the two of you are scaring me and that’s making me angry. Why does Tristan look so broken, and why was this kept from me? Did I do this? Because I left?” My breath leaves me in short pants as the realization that my actions could have done this to such a beautiful man.

  “No, Sweetie. Not you. I’m just…this is my shit, okay?” Tristan bends at the waist to say in my ear, his hands placed loosely around my hips from behind. “Don’t blame Rem. He helps.”

  I close my eyes against the tears that want to fall. This isn’t about me, this is about him. I need to be the strong one here. “What do you need help with, Tristan? Tell me what’s going on, please,” I beg.

  “I don’t know where to start with that answer.” He sighs.

  “Start anywhere,” I implore.

  “Okay.” He swallows thickly. “You already know that I grew up in a wealthy family much like Jace, but that’s only partly true. I was only with my human family for part of my childhood. I was taken from them, to a place I can only describe as Hell on Earth. I was stuck there for a long time. Every now and again, the memories become too much to handle. Rem helps me the only way he knows how.”

  Knowing that was the shortest version of events ever, I think hard about how to pry the rest of the story from him. “Where was this Hell?” I ask, feeling like this is a small detail to reach for.

  He shakes his head as he buries it in my neck. “It doesn’t exist anymore. It was just an old English route used for trade. It was mostly a small village that catered to travelers.”

  “And you were taken there,” I state. Holding my breath, I ask a question I already know I don’t want the answer to. “For what?”

  Silence reigns for so long I’m not sure he’s going to answer. After a time, he does. “At first? I was taken for a ransom. When it became clear that my father wouldn’t pay—I had brothers and he had other heirs—the thieves had to find another way to make money from me.”

  I give him time, not interrupting.

  “I was sold to a pleasure house, Kitten,” he admits painfully.

  Well, fuck being strong. A sob escapes me as tears crash against my eyelids and stream down my cheeks. I can just imagine a mop-headed little boy with dazzling brown eyes, scared out of his mind as he’s ripped away from his family and sold to the worst kind of humans. How long did he wait for rescue before he gave up?

  With an angry roar Tristan rips away from me, almost causing me to fall where I stood against him. “They forced me to do things no child should even know about. I was fair-skinned, a rarity around those parts. Most of the people didn’t even speak my language. They kept us in this tiny room, left us weak with hunger and pain, and only brought us out for clients who requested us!” he shouts angrily, swiping out at a lamp and sending it crashing near Remington.

  Remington moves for me but I put up a hand, holding him back. Tristan is dealing with something, but I still don’t think he’d hurt me. “That’s why you cook? Because you grew up hungry?” I ask softly.

  Tristan laughs darkly, scrubbing a hand down his face as he starts to pace in front of the window. “Ha! No, sweetie. Not because I was hungry. I prayed to God every night to let me die of starvation. It would have been better than what I had to deal with during the days. It was them. The other whores who stared at me day after day, night after night. With their smeared, painted faces and torn dresses and suits. They’d stare at me with hate and hunger and the worst…understanding.”

  “Understanding?” I manage to choke out.

  He laughs again, doubling over with the effort as his own tears break free. His mind is definitely not in this room with us. “I was rare. I got special treatment. Clients fucking loved me. I mean, how often do you get the chance to fuck a member of the gentry? Some lord pisses you off? Here, take it out on this boy who looks just like him,” he scoffs.

  He turns then, heading straight for me. Taking my shoulders roughly in his large hands, he shoves me back until I hit the wall. “I learned to play their game, Kitten. I took advantage of them as much as they took advantage of me. I made demands of my own. Jewels, food, anything my little whore-heart wanted. So, they stared. Stared at the whore making a fool of himself as he ate aplenty and sat decked out in fine clothing and gold in front of them as they fucking starved to death!” he roars in my face, canines elongating.

  “That’s enough, Tristan!” Remy barks, once again trying to come between us. I stop him again, even as Tristan’s hands feel like they’re crushing my shoulders, nails digging in painfully. I know he doesn’t want to hurt me, he wants to hurt himself by hurting me. If I let it show that he’s succeeding, he’ll really break.

  “That wasn’t your fault, Tristan,” I say shakily.

  “Wasn’t it? I could have shared, you know. Why didn’t I fucking share!” He uses his full weight to press against me, his teeth scraping dangerously close to my carotid artery.

  “You were a scared kid. You didn’t know any better. They made you that way. You weren’t a whore, Tristan, you were a victim.” My eyes connect with Remingto
n’s across the room. His body shakes with the need to pull this unhinged version of Tristan away from me. He won’t let it continue for much longer.

  “Tristan, look at me,” I demand, making my voice as hard as I can.

  He raises his head, eyes pleading for me to punish him. I bring my hands up to his cheeks. “That wasn’t you. Not the you I know. You were a kid put into an awful situation. There was no right and wrong in a place like that. Only survival. You got out, you’re not there anymore. You do good for others now. You fed me when I had no food, remember? You don’t need to punish yourself over this, Tristan. You deserve a medal for surviving that kind of Hell, and for not killing every last one of those bastards!” My own anger at his situation gets the better of me.

  His laugh is breathy this time as his body sags against mine. My hands come up to help hold him to me. “I did. A wolf visited our little establishment once. Not to partake, mind you, but to shut it down. He took me into one of the bedrooms and asked what I desired most. I asked for rubies and emeralds, but he told me he knew that wasn’t what I truly wanted. He asked and asked until I finally broke and told him. I told him I wanted every bastard who frequented the place to burn.”

  My eyes connect with Remington’s once again over Tristan’s shoulder. I don’t know how I know, but I know that wolf was Remington. His eyes hold no apology, no remorse, and I suddenly know the end to this story. “You turned him, then,” I say, not a question.

  Remy nods. “I did.”

  “You wanted him to?” I ask Tristan.

  “I did. I so did. I wanted to make them pay so badly, I’d have given anything. My life as a human was a small price.” His hands begin to roam over my body. His hips press into me, his state of arousal clear. I take a moment to shake off the lust he creates, reminding myself he’s not my Tristan right now.

  “So, you tracked them all down?” I ask.