Love on Mimosa Lane (A Seasons of the Heart Novel)

by Anna DeStefano

  Law grunted again.

  He knew exactly who his friend was thinking he might be getting out with. According to Dan, it sounded as if half the town was wondering the same thing—especially since no one had seen him and Kristen together since that morning in her office. Especially since Kristen had left Chandlerville for almost two weeks, once school let out for Christmas and New Year’s. She’d evidently never done that before, not once since she’d moved to town. It had made people think there was something, someone in particular, she’d needed to get away from.

  Law could be pissed at Walter for prying into his personal life. He could refuse to answer. But the truth was pressing up from somewhere inside, until it came tumbling out.

  “Yeah,” he said. “I think about it a lot.”

  He’d thought about following Kristen to wherever she’d gone over the holiday. He’d thought about calling and telling her he’d made a mistake, and then begging her to give him another chance, to be there for him the way she’d said she wanted to.

  Then he’d thought about Libby, and his still having to deal with her, and how many times he hadn’t dealt with his life, and the pain that had caused people he’d cared about. Dumping on Kristen, after the way he’d treated her, wasn’t going to change his reality one bit. And it would likely hurt her all over again.

  Walter took another bite of his burger. “It’s got to be hard.”

  “What does?”

  “Doing all of this alone.”

  Law thought of Dan and Charlotte, supportive but in a hands-off way. Mostly because Law hadn’t had it in him, after dealing with Libby and Chloe every day, to delve any deeper into the unspoken truce he and his brother had found. He thought of Chloe and how skittish she still was around him, ever since he’d pried the truth out of her about Libby’s drinking. He thought of Walter, stopping by McC’s so often when there were better places in town to get lunch. And Marsha and Joe Dixon, always making a point to ask how things were going when they dropped Fin off and picked him up at the park.

  “I’m not alone,” he said. The weight of everyone still seeming so far away settled heavier on his shoulders.

  Walter kept eating.

  Law wiped down the bar’s already spotless counter.

  “Kristen stopped by Pockets last night,” Walter said, watching the flat-screen over Law’s shoulder.

  Law stopped wiping.

  “What are you getting at?” Law wasn’t talking about Kristen today, or any other day.

  Walter crumpled his paper napkin and tossed it on top of his half-eaten burger. “She asked about you, is all. Actually, she asked about you and Chloe. She’s as worried as the rest of us are.”

  “Us?” It should help. It should feel good to know he had the kind of support Walter was talking about. Only it didn’t. None of it felt real yet. Maybe it never would.

  “Julia and me,” Walter said. “Dan and Charlotte. A lot of the families on Mimosa Lane would like to get to know you two better, and see you happier, now that you’re living near us.”

  “We’re only there temporarily.” Everything in his life felt so damn temporary, Law suddenly wanted to smash every glass he was sliding onto the overhead rack.

  “People around here aren’t going to stop caring about you,” Walter said, “whatever you end up doing about Libby and your family. Especially not a lady who’s still as into you as Kristen is, if I don’t miss my guess.”

  Law braced both palms on the counter.

  Kristen had asked about him. She’d been looking out for Chloe at school, too. His daughter had mentioned how Kristen kept stopping by class or during recess or lunch, to check in and say something kind or just to give Chloe a hug. Kristen was still there every day, so close to his life it was maddening. She hadn’t backed off one bit, even though she’d given him the space he’d said he wanted, not phoning or trying to see him again.

  “I appreciate everyone’s concern,” he said to Walter. “But…”

  “But what?”

  Law couldn’t get past it. He also couldn’t say it. Not to his brother, not to Walter. Certainly not to his daughter.

  “But you think Libby’s drinking still?” Walter asked, right on the money, the relentless bastard.

  Law almost told his friend where he could shove his insight. Instead, he nodded. “Yeah.”

  Walter rested against the back of his stool. He took a sip of his Dr Pepper. “Dan is figuring that, too. I think Kristen’s wondering as well, though she’d never come right out and say it.”

  “I’d be surprised if everyone in Chandlerville wasn’t thinking it.”

  “And?”

  “And what? Of course my ex-wife’s biding her time, waiting to yank my chain again once she has everyone believing she’s past the mess she made out of last year. That’s what she does, Walter. And she’s Chloe’s mother, which makes her part of my life for good, no matter what she screws up next. This is my family. I’m dealing with it.”

  “Are you?”

  “Am I what?”

  “Dealing with it? I see you scrambling. I see you dedicating yourself to not giving in to Libby again, no matter how hard it’s making things. But I don’t see you leaning on anyone for the kind of help you’re gonna need to get through this. You and Dan are doing better, I guess, since you’ve made it this long living with him. But that’s not all there is. This isn’t just about having a place to stay while you wait Libby out, or lining up lawyers and dealing with family court, or getting Chloe through another disappointment. What about you, Law?”

  “What about me?” Law wadded a bar towel in his fist. “I’m holding my daughter’s life together with my bare hands, and I have no control over whether or not Libby lets her down again. Half the time I think Chloe still thinks her mom and I are going to get back together, and that that will fix things. Divorce is hell on a kid under normal circumstances. But this…Eventually I’ll have to break her heart about the fact that nothing between Libby and me will ever be together again. All I can do in the meantime is try to control the damage. Libby’s going to do whatever she’s going to do next. She’s going to get better once and for all, or she’s going to hurt whoever she’s going to hurt.”

  “So you just let her mistakes overwhelm every part of your and Chloe’s lives? For how long?”

  “However long it takes. If people think I should be doing more, then I’m sorry to disappoint them. There’s no more of me to go around.”

  I’d like to help. If you ever decide you really want me, Kristen had said, and trust me…

  Walter braced his elbows on the bar. He clasped his hands in front of him and leaned in. He looked frustrated and earnest and resigned, like a father giving advice to a troubled kid he knew wasn’t going to listen.

  “I asked Dan the other night,” he said, “when he and Charlotte and Sally came to bowl without you and Chloe. I asked him how he thought things were going for you and your daughter. I’ve never seen him that way before, Law.”

  “What way?”

  “He’s worried sick about you still trying to get through this alone. He said that all your life you’d always done everything by yourself, until you met Libby. And then you insisted on doing everything with her, even after the accident, when he was desperate to help you, just like he is now. Only now…it’s like you’re still in this alone with Libby.”

  “I’m not with Libby, I assure you.” The thought was chilling.

  “Who are you with, then? You’re living near all of us. Like you said, you’re taking care of your responsibilities and doing what you have to for your family. But you and Chloe are still on your own. You’re expecting things to get worse before they get better, is all I can figure. So why settle in and learn how to make something good happen for your life? Is that what you think your daughter deserves?”

  “We’ll be fine.” Law was taking care
of Chloe. He was going to get her through this.

  Walter cut him a killing glance. He drew a business card from his pocket and pushed it across the bar. Law took one look. Al-Anon. He pushed it back.

  Walter stared at him. “I’m sure Libby thinks she’ll be fine, too.”

  “I’m not drinking again, Walter. I’m not a walking time bomb like my ex-wife.”

  “I never said you were.”

  “Then back off.”

  “Codependence can be just as destructive as addiction, if you don’t deal with it. Julia had to learn that the hard way, remember?”

  “Well, I don’t.”

  “Then what’s going on with you and Kristen?”

  “Nothing,” Law bit out. Not a damn thing.

  Walter stared some more. “Give her a chance to help, Law. I saw the way the two of you were looking at each other at my opening. Dan told me how she stood up for you outside, when Libby first started to come unglued. She’s your daughter’s assistant principal. She has to know enough about your issues with Libby to make her own decision about being part of your life. And she’s still asking after you. I could hear how much she cares in her voice. Why are you treating her like something you and Chloe can’t have?”

  “Let it go, Walter. I’ve already done enough damage to enough lives.”

  It was all Law could do each night as he lay awake not to call Kristen and beg her for another chance. He wanted her close again. He wanted to fall deeper into her and feel her understanding him, wanting him the way no one ever had. Only sooner or later, his world would explode again. And then they’d be right back where they were in November.

  When he’d walked up to her that first morning on the playground, he’d told himself he was the one taking a risk by confronting her. If he acted on the things he’d been feeling about her for so long, it would threaten the stability he needed in his life. Then he’d gotten to know Kristen, touched her, kissed her. And when she’d taken a chance on him, risked knowing him even better, he’d cut and run. He’d been the threat all along.

  “So, being around you means trouble, it’s always meant trouble, so what’s the point?” Walter asked. “Law, if it weren’t for me falling apart on this very stool last April, if it weren’t for that call you made to Julia so she could get Brian Perry over here to kick my ass out of my drunken pity party, both my boys wouldn’t be thinking about going into business with me. They want to help me run the bowling center, when they could be off doing anything else. My wife and I are working together every day, even though I’ve put her through the wringer. Julia and I are celebrating our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary and renewing our vows at the Valentine’s party we’re hosting next week. The whole town’s coming to Pockets to celebrate with us. Because of you, Law. None of it would have happened if you hadn’t seen how much trouble I was in and gotten someone down here to help me when I couldn’t help myself.”

  “And if it weren’t for me being so out of control ten years ago when I hooked up with Libby”—Law felt himself unraveling—“Chloe’s first few years on this earth wouldn’t have happened without me there. And the rest of her life—”

  “Are you telling me you think could have magically changed Libby into a better mother from the start if you two hadn’t been drinking yourself senseless? That if you hadn’t gone to prison, she wouldn’t still be drinking now?” Walter stood and threw enough money on the bar to cover his bill and a healthy tip. “Or are you saying you’d go back and not hook up with Libby at all, so neither one of you would be where you are today? Because then you wouldn’t have Chloe, would you? But at least you wouldn’t still be contending with her mother, right?”

  “You go to hell for saying that.” Law leaned over the bar, looming over a gentler, smaller man who’d never been anything but kind to him.

  He was thinking of doing serious damage to a friend who was only trying to help. He was thinking about Libby and prison, and Chloe and Kristen, and all the mistakes he still felt powerless to fix. Because maybe Walter was right. What the hell difference did any of it make, when more each day it felt as if Law couldn’t change one damn bit of his life or move forward to anything better?

  And suddenly he was thinking about drinking again.

  A lot.

  Walter pushed the Al-Anon card toward him again.

  “You’re already in hell, Law. You may have divorced Libby. You’ve finally got the court on your side, dealing with her problems. But her disease still has a stranglehold on you and your daughter. If seeing Chloe settled and happy is what you really want, you have to figure out how to do that for yourself first. And your saying no to a stable, loving woman like Kristen, who obviously still wants to care about you, seems almost as destructive for you and Chloe as what Libby’s doing. If you can’t grab hold of something better for yourself than what you have with your ex, what makes you think you can teach Chloe how to believe she can have more?”

  Law stared at the business card. He stared across the bar at his friend, and then back at every chance to break free that he’d wasted in the past.

  “You called Julia for me last year,” Walter said. “I’m callin’ you on your denial now. You need help, Law, from somewhere. You need to deal with Libby. You need to get right with yourself. If not for you, then do it for your daughter. And if you could do that on your own, don’t you think you would have by now?”

  “How are you doin’, honey?” Aunt Charlotte asked Chloe, in her fake cheery way. “What happened at school today?”

  Chloe glanced at her cousin. Sally was sitting with her in the back of Aunt Charlotte’s brand-new car. At least, it looked and smelled and drove brand-new, not like her family’s cars—her mom’s ancient Camry or her dad’s forever-old truck. Sally was staring out her window. She’d been with Aunt Charlotte when they’d picked Chloe up at Chandler, since middle school kids got out before elementary ones.

  Sally turned her head and stared at her mom in the rearview mirror. She’d told Chloe she couldn’t believe her parents wouldn’t stop asking the same questions over and over since Chloe and her dad had moved in. They thought it would make Chloe feel like part of their family if she knew they worried about her.

  Did Chloe feel okay? Did her mom say something to upset her again? How was her Thanksgiving? Did she get anything special for Christmas? What did she and her friends do at school today?…

  Chloe didn’t want to feel like part of Sally’s family, even though Chloe and her dad were still living at Uncle Dan’s house. She’d thought that by now, at least, her dad would be back at his apartment and Chloe would be back to staying with him and her mom again. Except her mom had kept getting drunk all the way through the holidays. Chloe still didn’t have her family back yet, no matter how much better things had been since Christmas. Dad had said she could trust him to understand and help. But so far, nothing was helping.

  School was okay, she guessed. She and Fin were sort of friends now. Her old friends, and sometimes his, made fun of her a little still. But he never did. And she didn’t really care so much anymore about everybody else, now that Mom wasn’t bugging her to be nice to all the popular kids all the time. Dad had made Mom stop doing that. And even though Chloe was acting like herself again, Brooke and Summer still talked to her a lot, even when she didn’t want them to. Not that having friends, especially ones who hadn’t completely stopped making fun of her, helped the way it used to.

  It didn’t keep Chloe from thinking about all the other stuff. Her family’s stuff. When she’d asked again that morning when things would be back to normal, her dad hadn’t been able to tell her. He’d seemed really sad that he couldn’t. And that had made going to school today and pretending she was okay for everyone harder. Just like it was hard to pretend for Sally and Aunt Charlotte now.

  The one good thing about today was that the first soccer practice for her new team, the Strikers, was tomorrow. An
d she and her dad and Fin had their last workout tonight, before the season began. The new team was going to be great, Dad said, with a lot of the players he’d coached before moving up with them to the new age group.

  And even though Thomas Kilpatrick, who was still a pest sometimes at school, was going to be on the team, and her mom still hated that Chloe was playing, and Summer and Brooke still thought she was nuts for being the only girl on the team…Chloe couldn’t wait.

  “Did something happen in class?” Aunt Charlotte’s face didn’t look cheery anymore, staring into the backseat through the rearview mirror. She sounded worried, not fake. “You’re so quiet. Are you okay?”

  Sally rolled her eyes at Chloe. Chloe didn’t answer. Things were worse than ever. Didn’t everyone know that she knew that? Didn’t her dad?

  He hardly ever smiled anymore, not the way she’d seen him smile the night at the bowling center when he’d been talking with Ms. Hemmings, or later when he’d first played soccer with Chloe and Fin. Even when they got to play soccer with Fin in the afternoons, because Dad had changed his schedule at work so he and Chloe could do more things together after school, he pretty much never smiled. He was acting so weird. How could anything be okay?

  “Why didn’t my dad pick me up?” she asked.

  She’d seen her aunt in the carpool lane, and Summer and Brooke had been going on and on about how cool her aunt and uncle’s car was, talking to Chloe nice today, when tomorrow who knew what they’d say. Today they’d told Chloe she was lucky to be living with her aunt and uncle. Only instead of feeling lucky, Chloe had started crying.

  Because she’d thought for a minute something was wrong with her dad or her mom, because Dad had promised to pick her up today. She still thought something was wrong, even though Aunt Charlotte was acting like it wasn’t. Maybe because so much had been wrong for so long.

  “Your dad said he had something last-minute he needed to do after work,” her aunt chirped, fake-cheery again, like she wanted to know what Dad was doing, too, but she didn’t want Chloe to think she did. “He said to be ready for soccer at six. He’ll be home by then for sure, and you guys can head over to the park after you grab whatever you want for dinner. The Dixons are still dropping Fin off. Sally has a basketball game, so she and her dad and I will be heading for the YMCA right around then. Are you excited your season’s finally here?”