by Lynda Chance
“I’ve got condoms.”
“You’ve had condoms since the first time you kissed me.”
“Yeah, but I want to actually use ‘em.”
“We can’t,” she whispered, even as she reached down and began unzipping his pants.
“Why not?”
“Because you don’t really want to. You want to wait, I know you do.”
“I don’t think I can wait anymore.” His green eyes glittered at her in the dark of the night. “I told you this would be dangerous.”
“I’m going to help you.”
“Good, let’s get your pants off.” He hissed out as his hands reached down to unsnap her jeans. She knocked his hands away.
“No. We’re going to take your pants off,” she said.
“Hannah, baby—” The button on his fly popped open and she slid his zipper down. Josh had no willpower and lifted his hips and helped her push his jeans and underwear off. “We need your pants off for this to work, baby,” he teased. “I know I’ve kept you innocent, but I figured you had that part worked out.”
“We’re not doing that.”
His hand pressed against the vee between her legs and that very instant, the wet heat he felt through her clothing almost drove him over the edge. “Please, baby.” Shit. Now he was begging.
“Shhh. It will be okay.” Her hand wrapped around him and held him tightly and Josh saw stars. “I want to do this for you.”
Shit. He wasn’t going to fight her on this anymore. Although he hadn’t really been fighting her over it, more like avoiding it, was all. But now he wouldn’t do that anymore. She was seventeen and if she wanted to jack him off, who was he to tell her no?
He put his hand over hers and showed her the motion he needed as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. He was rock hard in an instant and his eyes opened and fastened on her, watching her hand on him. “God, that’s good, baby.”
“Yeah, it is. You’re so hot, Josh.”
“You are. I love you, Hannah.”
She lifted her head and kissed him softly, without stopping the movement of her hand. “I love you, too.”
“You’re mine forever.”
“Please, yes. Forever.”
Josh felt it coming and he knew he was only seconds away from exploding in her hand. “Next time, we come together. I promise.”
“Yes.” Her lips came back to his and as she thrust her tongue inside, the universe exploded and all that was left was Hannah. Ecstasy engulfed him, and he came, hot and hard, in the tight little fist that was making his world perfect.
****
Several weeks passed and Josh could have kicked himself in the butt. Why in the hell had he waited so long to do what they were doing now? Well, he knew why, and he supposed he was glad they waited, but holy crap. It was good. Things between them were excellent. The things she did to him, he was in Hannah heaven. Yeah, it was good they’d waited, but now she was seventeen and everything was as near to perfect as Josh could have ever hoped for.
****
Josh felt the euphoria slowly recede and a feeling of total contentment permeated his being. He hugged Hannah tightly and leaned down and kissed the top of her hair. Their fingers were entwined and he gently played with the softer skin under his.
What he felt for her was so strong that he was almost disturbed by how much he needed her. His happiness seemed to revolve around her, and he vaguely wondered if that was an entirely healthy emotion. He pushed the uneasy thoughts aside and refused to dwell on them. If anything ever happened to Hannah, it would be pure hell and his life would probably be absolute shit until the day he died, but somehow, he knew that he would manage to survive. He’d survived everything that life had thrown at him.
All he wanted was for them to be together, and with satiation running through his veins, he couldn’t stop himself from telling her how much he needed her. “I want to marry you, Hannah. You know that, right? Just as soon as you finish college, we’re getting married.”
Josh knew that what he was telling her wasn’t anything new; she’d heard him say the exact same thing before, so she shouldn’t be surprised by his words. So when her head slowly lifted from his chest, and it was etched in lines of uncertainty, he had a bad premonition. Josh could read every nuance of Hannah’s expression, and when disquiet encompassed her features, he knew something was wrong. A strong look of guilt was in her eyes that he couldn’t miss, and it sent queasiness down to his stomach where it settled like a ball of curdled milk. “What’s wrong?”
Her eyes dropped from his and her gaze settled somewhere below his chin. She tried to speak several times before she was successful. “I need to tell you something,” she said softly.
Her tone held something that Josh didn’t care for and he grimaced in reaction. “What?”
“It’s really no big deal … it shouldn’t be a big deal.” She took a deep breath and her eyes stayed focused below his face. “It’s kind of a secret, you know? I’ve never told you before because … “
When she stopped speaking, Josh’s heart accelerated with sudden fear. “What is it?”
“It’s just that things are getting really serious between us and I think you should know.” She began shaking her head back and forth. “Truly, it’s nothing bad … I mean, nobody else would think it’s bad.”
He gritted his teeth in impatience and from the implication that he was different from everyone else. What the hell did she mean by that? “What. Is. It?” His fists tightened on her upper arms.
“It’s silly, really. I don’t know why I’m worried about telling you. You won’t care. I know you won’t.”
Hannah’s words sounded as if she were trying to convince herself rather than him and Josh’s nerves were jolted to another degree. “What?”
She inhaled deeply. “I have a trust fund.”
“A trust fund?” He didn’t know why he was shocked, but he was, and he tried to keep it from his tone.
“Yeah.”
A streak of pain and disappointment hit him, and he lifted her by the upper arms until she was hanging over his chest and he could see her eyes. “What the hell kind of trust fund?”
“M-money.”
“Money.” His tone was flat but there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
“Yeah.”
“How much?”
Her eyes closed momentarily before opening again and staring straight at him. “Three million.”
Josh choked and pushed her away as he sat up straight. His world had been so perfect not five minutes ago. What the fuck had happened? Hannah moved to the passenger window and put her back against the door as he shoved his fingers through his hair and tried to get his emotions in order. Shit. Three million. Three-fucking-million. He didn’t think he could deal with this right now. When she’d gotten her damn car, he’d hated it so much that they rarely took it anywhere. But he figured that someday, the car would get old and die and that would be that. But three million? That shit wouldn’t ever go away. Oh hell, no. Even if they never touched the money, which they wouldn’t, it would just keep growing and growing and always be there, dividing them, putting a wall of inequality between them. She’d have three million dollars and he’d have … nothing.
Nothing but Hannah. And she was worth more than all the money in the world. He needed to remember that and stay focused on his goal but it was more difficult than anything he’d ever done.
A rock lodged in his esophagus and dropped to his gut as torment grabbed him around the throat. Misery bled through his veins as he realized that for the rest of his goddamned life, the people of Redwood Falls would look at him as if he were exactly like his father, out for a free ticket through life.
After a few moments he became aware that he’d been staring unseeingly at the steering wheel, but now he managed to glance over at Hannah. She was as white as a ghost, and he knew that she’d been right to worry about his reaction. He tried like hell not to blame this on her, when it had been hi
s own damn fault from the very beginning that he’d never been able to stay away from her. He should have known this was going to happen. There was just too damn much money in the McIntyre family for it to be otherwise. He’d been lying to himself, pretending she wasn’t a part of that damn family, when that was as far from the truth as you could get.
And she was lowering herself to him. For him. And he didn’t want her to do that. Fuck. How could he deal with this? An idea blossomed in his brain. You could just give money away, couldn’t you? There were charities and shit that would take that kind of money off your hands, right? Starving kids in the world? Shit. He couldn’t make her give her money away. He put it from his head and resolved to worry about the immediate moment.
His hands clenched around the steering wheel. “When?” It was the only word that he could manage.
“When do I get the money?”
“Yeah.”
“On my twenty-fifth birthday.”
That wasn’t so bad. Surely nobody would think he’d want her just for the money? Shit. Look at her. She was gorgeous. And what guy in his right mind would wait eight years for money? If the world thought he was out for an easy mark, he wouldn’t wait eight years, right? His heartbeat began to settle down. “And that’s it, right?”
“What … what do you mean?”
“Just the money? Three million fucking dollars, but no other surprises?”
Her eyes left his and if possible, her face became even paler. His guts clenched in rejection of whatever was putting that sick look on her face. “Hannah?” he questioned, scared to know the answer.
Her eyes turned awash with tears. “Please, Josh. It really doesn’t matter. I love you. You love me, I know you do, and that’s all that matters.”
Pain constricted around his heart and he knew what was coming. His heart rate shot off into the stratosphere as he felt his entire world crumble around him. A man had to have some pride. If a man didn’t have some pride, what reason was there to even live? He felt as if he wanted to bury himself under a rock, bolt into hiding, and never face what was staring him in the face. He flinched at his own cowardliness and attempted to bring his emotions under control. “Tell me, Hannah.”
She shook her head back and forth. “I love you, Josh.”
“I know you do, baby.” He tried to keep the words gentle, because he knew the look he was piercing her with was anything but.
“Josh—”
“Say it. I already know anyway.”
She took a shaky breath and her lips quivered. “Eventually, later on … I’ll inherit half the land.”
In that moment, when she confirmed his worst fear, Josh knew without a scrap of doubt in his mind that he loved Hannah and only Hannah. He loved her beyond anything in the world and she was all he ever wanted. He knew it because he hated the land. He hated her inheritance. He hated the money. He hated it all with a vengeance. He had a fuzzy vision in his head of how it would be if she came to him with nothing, with only the clothes on her back, if that. He had a vision of how perfect it would be between them and it coalesced into a daydream of taking care of her, providing for her, giving her babies who would complete their family. They’d join together and fight the world together. They’d take care of their family and earn money together and face whatever the world threw at them. Together.
But now he couldn’t have that dream of a normal life. He’d never get the feeling of satisfaction of having earned enough money to give her something that she really wanted. Whatever it might be: a diamond bracelet, a new set of patio furniture, a nice house. Whatever. He’d never know that satisfaction because she’d be able to buy whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it. She was rich beyond his comprehension and he hated it.
She had everything and she needed him for … nothing.
And the knowledge was agony to his soul.
Without thinking about what he was doing, he slid his fingers to the ignition and started the truck. He began to pull away from the washout through a haze of grief. Yeah, that was exactly what he was feeling. Grief. He felt as if he’d just lost something, something that meant more to him than anything.
“What are you doing? Where are we going?”
“Buckle up,” he answered shortly.
“Josh—”
“Buckle up.” The words felt ripped from his throat. He just needed some time alone to come to terms with everything. That’s all. Just some time alone to figure all this shit out.
Chapter Fourteen
When Josh pulled up in front of her house, Hannah was so upset she could barely keep the tears at bay. She’d absolutely known with a sick feeling in her stomach what his reaction was going to be to the money. But the longer she’d waited to tell him, the more it began to feel as if she were lying to him.
He put the truck in park and let the engine idle. “I’ll talk to you later.”
Hannah sat still as she watched him. He wasn’t looking at her; he hadn’t even turned in her direction. He was making no move to walk her up to the door as he always did, or to even kiss her goodnight. He was upset, even though she knew he was trying like hell not to show it. “Tomorrow?” Needing clarification was a new experience for her; they spoke everyday.
“I don’t know. I need some time to think.”
“Think? Think about what?” She couldn’t help that her voice rose in alarm.
He whipped his head toward her. “What the hell do you think I need to think about?”
“There’s nothing to think about. I’m inheriting some money. Big deal.”
“It is a big deal, Hannah. And only someone like you would think that it’s not.” His voice was harsh and angry.
Hannah became mad in return; his comment didn’t make her happy. “Someone like me. What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. Just nothing. I’ll talk to you later.”
He was obviously trying to dismiss her, and Hannah didn’t care for it one bit. The last thing she wanted was to go in the house and try to fall sleep, only to toss and turn for hours because she was worried about their relationship. “Are we okay?”
“I don’t know,” he replied succinctly.
Her heart skipped a beat. “You don’t know?”
“I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just a lot to take in, you know?”
“It’s so far in the future it has no bearing on our relationship now, Josh.”
“That’s bullshit, Hannah.”
“Bullshit? How so?”
“You’ve got it easy. You get to go along on your merry way as if nothing has changed. I’ve got to put up with the ridicule from people who think I’m nothing but a fucking freeloader.”
Hannah was so shocked by the anger bleeding through his voice that for a minute she didn’t know how to respond, but then her own anger kicked up another notch. “My merry way?” She glared at him. “Like my life is so perfect that I’ve got people knocking my door down trying to be friends with me, right? The money’s made me so popular. Nobody’s jealous. Nah. I’ve had a great life. Now you’re pissed about it. And there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Poor little rich girl.”
It was only a mumble, but Hannah heard it all the same and it sent a piercing pain through the region of her heart. She took a sharp breath. “You did not just say that.”
Although he stared back at her steadily, he didn’t offer a comment.
Hannah wrapped her fingers around the door handle and prepared to open it. “I knew you wouldn’t like what I had to tell you, but I never expected you’d try to intentionally hurt me.” She popped the door open and when she turned to slide out, Josh reached out and wrapped his hand around her wrist. But still he didn’t say anything. Hannah looked down at the hard brown fingers encircling her flesh and told him, “I’ve never judged you by who your father was. I’ve never let your scars define what kind of a person you are; I’ve always looked past them and focused on the person you are on the inside. Why can’t you look past the mon
ey and just let me be me?”
There were so many emotions showing on his face that Hannah couldn’t define even half of them. She saw despair and it killed her, but she also saw antagonism and temper and it set off the same responses within her.
His fingers tightened on her skin. “The money and the land are tangible, in case you haven’t figured that out yet, Hannah. They aren’t inconsequential objects that can be glanced over or ignored. They’re there. They’re going to stay there, right in front of my face, and I’ve got to figure out if I can deal with it.”
“If?”
“You expect me to lie to you? To tell you that everything’s okay when it’s not?”
“I don’t expect you to lie to me. I don’t expect anything from you,” she spit out. Hannah’s eyes filled with tears and she pulled on her arm until it was free as she realized exactly how upset he was. It alarmed her, worried her, and it pissed her off. He had no right, no right to put her through this. He had no right to let a bunch of damn money get in the way of their relationship. She hadn’t done anything wrong. And he was what? Putting their relationship on hold? Breaking up with her?
“I just need some goddamn time, that’s all.”
“How much time?”
“How am I supposed to know that? You act like this isn’t a big deal. You’re so used to all that money that you just don’t get it.”
More than anything else, fury ran through Hannah’s blood. “Take all the time you need.” She jumped down from the truck and stood facing him with her hand on the door. “I’ll probably still be free when you come back.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. Just sayin’. You can’t tell me that you need God knows how much time and that you don’t know if you can get over it and expect me to sit here on my ass waiting around for you forever.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” he roared.
“No! You’re breaking up with me!”
“Bullshit.”
“Fine. I’ll ask you again. Are we okay?”
“I. Don’t. Know. Yet.”