His fire and passion soon passed to Kathy. Forgotten were thoughts of pretending he was Gray Eagle or of resistance and deceit. Animal lust and pleasure filed her mind and thoughts. Al the nerves in her body were tense and tingling. Liquid fire ran in her veins. She was consumed with the desire for fulfilment of these strange new cravings and feelings. The more she responded and worked with him, the better the feelings and the higher the cravings. When ecstasy was reached, she realized what she had been denying herself al these years with men and al this time here in the teepee. She thrashed about wildly under him and moaned with pleasure. Slowly, the feeling ebbed and passed and relaxation came. At that moment, she decided she would give her al to any brave who came to her from now on. Just look how her meager response had been rewarded—the brave had openly desired and wanted her, and there were the other rewards deep within her own body. How she wished she had known of these things sooner!
Soon, Kathy thought, Alisha’s brave or his friend wil come to me. I wil fil him with such pleasure he wil be unable to resist me. And you, my little Alisha, wil take my place here. He wil learn that I can please him in ways she knows nothing about. She smiled, confident she would soon possess Gray Eagle or White Arrow for her own and leave the tipi sa forever. Patheticaly, Kathy did not realize she had just set and sealed the pattern and destiny for the remainder of her life.
remainder of her life.
Chapter Nine
Gray Eagle rushed straight to his teepee with Alisha and laid her down on his mat to wait for the shaman’s helper. Tension mounted inside him as he stared into the blank, unseeing eyes before him. He held her cold, rigid hand in his and spoke softly to her. Nothing…
Ckulaketua entered the teepee and examined the inert girl. He asked many questions about what had brought on this state. Gray Eagle painfuly related the events in the wokasketipi. Ckulaketua pictured this gentle-spirited girl in his mind and what she must have endured. He fuly understood and recognized her condition. He had seen it a few times before. He told them it usualy folowed an event which was too difficult for a person, most often women or children, to accept. He caled it spirit-hiding. He explained how her spirit had gone to hide and heal the hurt and shame the brave had forced on her tonight.
He said this condition could last for hours, days or longer. There was no real danger to her life unless she refused to awaken soon. Her fight to keep her spirit hidden would be determined by how deep and painful the hurt and shame were. Spirit-hiding was used as a protection against madness and reality. He mixed a fine yelow powder with water in a smal crucible. He forced this potion down her throat, holding her nose to force her to swalow. He began to shake a smal wagmula as he chanted softly and melodiously. Slowly the potion took effect. Her eyes closed and the color began to return to her face. He ceased his closed and the color began to return to her face. He ceased his chanting and touched her arm. The chil left her body and she relaxed in a deep sleep.
Ckulaketua smiled and said this was a good sign. It meant her spirit did not hide too deeply or resist being forced to return to them. In his chant, he had caled on the spirit helpers to lead her wandering spirit back while she slept, and to protect it on its dangerous journey. He told Gray Eagle she would sleep for a long time, then he departed silently.
Ckulaketua paused outside the teepee to lift his head and give thanks to the Great Spirit for his help. Never had the pain of a white-eyes touched him before. Why this fragile creature brushed his heart and pity, he could not understand. As surely as I am Oglala, he thought, she is protected and used by the Great Spirit. He has used me to heal and restore her spirit for his purpose. Sleep for a long time was exactly what she did. She slept al night, the next day and al the folowing night. Gray Eagle watched over her closely and protectively during the long hours. When she finaly awoke, she stil felt drowsy and weak. The facts of the night before, as she recaled them, painfuly flooded her mind. But she could not recal anything past the first few, agonizing minutes. What had happened after that? Had Wanhinkpe Ska raped her? She couldn’t or wouldn’t remember. If so, she hoped and prayed she never would remember that night.
She was filed with anguish as she recaled how close they had become and how good he had been to her. She had trusted him and accepted him as her friend. She had helped to save his life. Her only friend … how could he do this horrible thing to her? Had he only feigned his acceptance and friendship? Had he only been waiting for the day when Wanmdi Hota would let him take her? Surely he the day when Wanmdi Hota would let him take her? Surely he hadn’t believed she would respond out of gratitude to him. Perhaps she had misread his intentions al along. Was it al deceit and lies?
Was it al some cruel joke to taunt her and make a fool of her?
Were they al laughing at her stupidity?
How could he have done this to me if I am truly his koda? My whole life here has been filed with lies and deceptions. I am al alone now. No one loves or cares for me. I doubt if he ever did. She wondered if the wokasketipi would be a part of her life from now on, perhaps as punishment or reward to friends for deeds. In torment, she cried out, “I wish I had never awakened. I wish I had been murdered at the fortress with al the others. No torture could be as brutal as last night’s. Ben and the others are lucky—they can suffer no more. Wil this Hel never end? How much more suffering wil I be forced to endure for helping and loving him? Let my debt be paid or forgiven…”
Gray Eagle had entered moments before and stood silently listening to her tormented words. She felt his presence and turned. She glared at him as though she could punish him with only a look. There was no visible light or sparkle in those large, sad eyes which glowered at him.
Her thoughts screamed at him. Her eyes chiled and narrowed as she thought vehemently, I wil never accept this kind of brutality to my people or myself! Never wil I go wilingly to the wokasketipi!
I wil be your slave and harlot, but never the other things! I wil force you into kiling me first!
He remained stil, returning her long, chily stare until she turned away from his scrutiny. Why did she always feel as if he were reading her deepest, most secret thoughts? It was as though he probed her very heart and soul with those piercing, ebony eyes. he probed her very heart and soul with those piercing, ebony eyes. He would gaze deeply into her eyes and read her like a map or open book. She mused bitterly, if he realy can, then he knows how much I loathe and despise him, and long for the day I am free from him and this place, even if death is the only way out…
He touched her shoulder and said, “Woyetu, mni, Lese. Kuwa.” His gentle tone angered her greatly. She jerked her shoulder back as if he had burned her with his touch. She moved so abruptly she nearly fel over. Struggling to remain upright and show no weakness or pain to him, she shouted,
“Don’t touch me! Ever! I hate you!”
She lowered her face to her hands, trying to conquer her confusing dizziness. Her head felt light, but her body heavy. Unaware she had been unconscious for two days, she was bewildered by this strange feeling. She wanted to refuse the food and water, but quickly realized she would need her strength to escape if the chance ever arose. Surely a chance would come some day soon.
She reluctantly gave in. She turned to look where he had been standing, but he had silently left, leaving the food and water where he had been only moments before. Angrily she thought, if starving me would only hurt and not kil his slave and harlot, chances are he would do it. To be completely dependent on him for her very life and existence was maddening.
I must be free of him, she resolved. I must! I wil surely go mad or die if my chance doesn’t come soon.
Don’t wait for a chance to slap you in the face, Lese, she scolded herself. Make your own chances… She toyed with the idea for a time. I must plan and prepare. I must be ready to flee at a moment’s notice. One day, he wil be looking the wrong way, or be moment’s notice. One day, he wil be looking the wrong way, or be gone hunting, or stay al night in the medicine lodge, and I w
il escape him and this savage land. He wil never see or hear of me again. I only regret I can’t repay his cruelty or make him feel the shame and hurt he has inflicted on me. If he were my prisoner for only one week, I would… I would … Her train of vindictive thoughts halted, for she knew deep inside she could not do anything any different that she had the first time he had been a prisoner to her people. Damn him! she cried, for I stil could not bring myself to hurt or hate him. God help me for I have lost my heart and soul to a brutal savage.
Weak and exhausted, she reclined on the mat and laid her limp arm across her eyes. She vainly tried to drive al thoughts of him and what he had done to her from her battle-weary mind and heart, at least for a little while. She needed to rest and plan. As she dozed lightly, she did not hear him enter. He stopped at the teepee’s entrance and studied her for a minute to see if she were sleeping. Guessing not, he caled for her to come to him. At the sound of his voice and command, she lowered her arm and sat up. Her new resolve and determination to rebel against him were quickly forgotten as she faced him. He caled for her to come with him once more. This time the command was given more sternly. Why do I always cower in fear to him? she asked herself in disgust. Why not just refuse and stand up to him and his evil treatment of me? What more can he do to hurt me? Instantly, she knew what he could do. Fear stormed her brain. The wokasketipi… Surely he wouldn’t take me there again. Is he angry at the way I treated him a while ago? Can’t he understand how upset I was? No, he wouldn’t understand anything like compassion, mercy or pity.
mercy or pity.
When wil I ever learn to curb my tongue and outbursts? It doesn’t do any good to argue or resist. It only makes things worse for me. Wouldn’t he have left me there last night if he didn’t want me for himself? Maybe he won’t tolerate the slightest rebelion from me now. I proved to him last night how powerful and devastating this new weapon is. He’l use it without mercy against me. Her head and heart were pounding wildly. No… not again!
She placed her cold, trembling fingertips to her temples and began to massage them with smal, circular movements. She closed her eyes. He saw her fear and hesitation, and came over to her. He puled her to her feet and guided her outside. He released her hand and said for her to folow him. He headed in the direction of the forest, away from the wokasketipi. She watched his retreating back and turned to stare toward the tipi sa.
Realizing she did not folow, he halted and returned to her. He folowed her gaze with his eyes and read her thoughts. He puled her around to face him. Lifting her chin to force her to look at him, he stated firmly, “Hiya wokasketipi. Ku-wa, yuzaza.” He caught her arms to steady her as she nearly swooned with relief. At least for a while, I’m safe, she thought with relief. But I won’t go back there. I must do exactly as he says and wants. Soon, I wil be free. I won’t give him any reasons to take me there again before I can get away.
They went along the forest path to the stream in silence. Gray Eagle glanced back at Alisha. She was looking up and did not catch his look. He saw the warm sunlight play across her face, shine in her eyes and bring her auburn hair to life. How he wished this beautiful girl was not white! He returned his attention to the path, wondering what Wakantanka thought about this white girl he had taken what Wakantanka thought about this white girl he had taken captive. Would he object to one so innocent and so like his own people in her thoughts and ways? She seemed to revere and respect the work of Wakantanka and Makakin. Many times, he had thought she was like an Oglala except for her skin. At times, she totaly accepted him and her life here.
He looked back once more, thinking how Wi seemed to caress and touch her in some hidden, special way. She closed her eyes, and let her face and body absorb the sun’s warmth as he watched curiously. Why did the Great Spirit watch over and protect her, a white slave and his enemy? Was he not there at her fortress to capture her? Does he not leave her in my keeping now?
She was like the work of Makakin herself—hair of fiery bark, skin of white snow, eyes as green as newborn leaves or grass, and voice like a babbling brook near a waterfal. Hunger for her smile and warmth came to him, and he knew he must have her touch and tenderness again. She must be mine in body and spirit, he resolved. I know and feel this is what she wants, but she is afraid. She cannot resist my touch, but fears and hates the touch of others. When she forgets for a time that we are enemies, her eyes sparkle with love and she smiles with tenderness. Her laughter sounds of a gentle breeze in the leaves at night. The day wil come when she accepts her fate here and she wil stop this resistance. We wil both be happy then.
Her resistance forces me to hurt and punish her over and over. She must come to learn the place of the Indian winyan is not as it is with the wasichus. When she learns this obedience and submission, then I can withhold my hand. She must learn I cannot show weakness to her before myself or my people. She must learn to yield to me before the others and not to defy me openly. Her yield to me before the others and not to defy me openly. Her courage and gentleness are winning many of my people to her. If she would but learn respect and obedience, she could earn their acceptance in time.
When my father returns, he wil know of her value. He wil agree with the council’s decision this day that I be alowed to keep her as my kaskapi. I have earned the right to have her if she wil only accept my captivity without defiance. They have shown great wisdom, for they, too, have seen more than a white girl in Lese. When I marry Chela, I wil keep Lese with me. I have not felt such joy in my life since entering manhood or since the day of my sun dance. The Great Spirit has accepted my flesh and blood in gratitude, and given me flesh and blood in return in Lese. I have seen this in my vision last night and this day, she was returned to me. She is a part of my sacred life circle and without her my life wil not be complete. She was sent to fil the loneliness and hunger in my heart. She is my reward from the Great Spirit.
They had reached the stream and were bathing as troubled thoughts filed both their minds. It no longer bothered Alisha that he watched her when they came to bathe. If she refused to undress and bathe, either she would be the one to suffer, or he would simply force her to bathe by stripping her and tossing her into the water. She had always loved long baths and swimming. She slowly learned to accept his watchful stare and bathe happily and leisurely with her back to him.
This daily event of bathing in the cool stream was one of her most cherished things. It seemed to have a soothing, relaxing, and reviving effect on her. She would not leave the water until he caled for her to come. Only then would she reluctantly leave and dry herself off.
herself off.
She had to admit Gray Eagle had shown her one great kindness—she did possess three deerskin garments, each beautiful, soft, and trimmed in a different design of beadwork or quils. Three garments provided her with a clean change every day. For this, she was very grateful to him, and to Matu who had made them at his command. She had one to wear, one to wash and one drying from the day before. This hot climate, so unlike the English one, made a daily bath and change of clothes a miracle.
She had become accustomed to the strange undergarment and liked it better than the bloomers she used to wear. It was much more comfortable and definitely cooler.
On the days she washed her hair, she would rebraid it later in their teepee. Other days, she simply left it braided and squeezed the water out after her bath. When al was completed, she would gather her things and folow him back to camp and their teepee. Such was their routine on most days, but not today. This day was different from the others. Today, her mood was melancholy, and her thoughts and feelings in upheaval. She had undressed, bathed, dried off, dressed, and sat down to wait for him to finish. Today, she did not linger in the water, nor did it soothe and relax her. Today, she was not singing or happy. Today, her mind was on freedom from the cruelty and love of Gray Eagle.
Subconsciously, she sat watching him. He lifted water in his hands and chanted in his deep voice as he shook the water into his face and onto
his chest. He performed this same ritual each time they came to bathe. She was completely unaware of the effect his voice and the sight of his nude body was having on her. The melodious baritone of his voice made her skin tingle and the virility of his body inflamed her emotions. His lithe body moved with ease of his body inflamed her emotions. His lithe body moved with ease and grace. She would feel the warmth spread throughout her body and ache with longing for him at times like this. She would have to force herself to tear her eyes from him before he caught her admiring him so openly and boldly. She tried to forget the many times he had turned and found her staring at him, those aluring, green eyes pools of darkened desire. He often wondered if she realized how great her desire for him was. The heat from her eyes was enough to burn and inflame him at any distance. Today as she watched the ritual, she sarcasticaly thought, even savages pray to their pagan gods. She had given a great deal of thought to their worship of the sun, but without a wider vocabulary, she would never be able to fuly comprehend or understand their beliefs and ways.
She could shut her eyes and picture him as he faced the rising sun each morning and chanted a prayer. This was the first thing he did each new day. On rainy days, he would sit cross-legged just inside his teepee, face east and chant softly. At these times, there was a different lilt to his tone. Why, she did not know. When she would face the sun with closed eyes to absorb its warmth and life, she would find him studying her and looking bewildered. He would look as if he were trying to solve some deep mystery about her and this act. Then, he would simply smile as if she had pleased him in some way.
As he finished his ritual and bath, she looked away as he came out of the water. She shifted uneasily as the sounds of his drying off and dressing reached her alert ears. She was stil too timid to openly look at his nude body, but had done so several times secretly. She had watched from lowered lashes, unable to prevent her eyes from straying there. He was as graceful as an antelope—long, sinewy straying there. He was as graceful as an antelope—long, sinewy legs; flat, hard bely; brawny, powerful arms and back; hard, smooth, muscular chest; and … He was like Apolo in human form. She flushed and fidgeted just recaling these images and thoughts. He had dressed and was caling for her to folow. She arose to accompany him back to his teepee. Shortly, they were back inside. She sighed with happy relief because they did not meet either Kathy, Chela or Wanhinkpe Ska. She could not deal with contact with any of them. In fact, she wished she could avoid al three forever.
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