Before Gray Eagle had come inside, he had halted to speak with a brave. When he finaly entered the teepee, he took a smal parflech and began to pack it with bread and strips of dried meat. He took a ful mni skin and extra buffalo skin he used as a mat on hunts and put them down beside the parflech. He gathered his weapons and sat down to check and prepare them.
Comprehending what these preparations meant, her heart leaped in joy. He must be going on a raid or hunt. This is the chance to escape I have wanted and prayed for, she thought eagerly. Freedom, at last! She could hardly keep from shouting and singing. I have been here long enough that I can come and go without much notice from the others. If he does as usual and leaves me unguarded, I wil be long gone and far away before he returns. Never again wil I see or feel his hate. By tomorrow, I wil be free. She smiled.
Gray Eagle glanced up to see her smiling secretly to herself as she watched him gather his things for the raid. But the smile quickly faded and she looked away when he studied her with suspicion. She cautiously tried to behave normaly.
He guessed, she wil be glad to have me away for a time. But He guessed, she wil be glad to have me away for a time. But this is good. It wil give her the time to be alone and think. There are many things she must come to understand and decide for herself. She wil come to know she is mine and always wil be. She wil come to understand she can be happy if she comes to me of her own free wil. There is no choice but to accept me and al my ways. Just to nettle her, he caled her to come and sit down beside him while he prepared to leave. Knowing her freedom was near and not wanting to provoke him, she instantly obeyed. She sat down in elated spirits at his side. She looked on as he roled some items into a buffalo skin and neatly tied them up.
As he began to fil his empty quiver with new arrows, she retreated to her mind to plan. She unconsciously toyed with the gold locket around her neck. He had believed the shiny yelow circle was an amulet against evil for it resembled the sun in color and shape. He had alowed her to keep it for that reason.
She lovingly touched it with her fingertips, caressing it lightly between them. She did something she had not done since leaving Pennsylvania. She opened the locket and gazed at the smal miniature of her father and herself. Her elation at thoughts of freedom made her long to have contact with something from her past as encouragement and to give her strength of purpose. The miniature had been done shortly before his death. The two of them had been out shopping for a birthday gift for her mother. They had stopped in at an “artiste atelier” to have it made. It had been a wonderful surprise, but her mother had only worn it for a few weeks before she had been kiled. It had been given to Alisha, along with other smal personal effects. The destruction and fire at the fortress had taken everything but the locket she wore. It was her one and only link to her past. Although she could not guess his one and only link to her past. Although she could not guess his reason, she was glad he had alowed her to keep it. She had not had the heart to look at it until today.
She had been so ful of life and happiness that day and it was evident in her sparkling, merry eyes and dazzling smile. She studied the girl in the locket. How naive and unworldly she had been!
Would she have smiled so brightly and innocently if she had known then what life was truly al about?
She covered her mouth with her hand to suppress a laugh as she noted the expensive clothes and fashionable hairstyle; then looked at how she was dressed now and touched the long braids resting at her breast. Which girl are you, Lese, she pondered. The one in the miniature or the one here now? Two such totaly different girls, lives and fates. Why had the Fates chosen this as her destiny?
It wasn’t fair.
She then looked at the tal, ruggedly handsome man at her side in the locket. Tears came to her eyes, but remained unshed. How young, vital and dashing he had looked that day. She studied the angular jaw which told of a strong character and honesty. She gazed at the sparkling, devil-may-care, steel-blue eyes. His hair was the color of a raven’s feathers and his face goldenbronze from his sporting life. He had been a man to cause the heads of women to turn for a second and third look and to look at her mother in envy. She noted the charisma in his expression. He had possessed a natural charm and polite manner which drew people to him in both private and business circles. She had been so very proud of him. She had treasured the love and closeness they had shared for so many years. Even now, his death was unbearable.
Oh, Papa, her tender heart cried out, why did it have to end this way? Why did things have to change so cruely? I love you and this way? Why did things have to change so cruely? I love you and miss you as much as in the beginning. Wil this terrible emptiness and pain in my heart never heal?
When Gray Eagle finished what he was doing and looked over at her, she was sitting and staring intently at the little locket with tears glimmering in her eyes. He studied her curiously for a short time, confused by her expression and mood. His eyes folowed her line of vision to the gold circle she held in her fingers. It was open. He leaned toward her and stared at the scene inside the locket. It was Lese with a young, handsome, smiling, white man. His eyes instantly riveted back to her dreamy-eyed look.
His thoughts went black with rage and jealousy. He struck out at himself in anger. Fool! She has a white-eyes she loves and longs for. She has lied and deceived me. She has tricked me with her soft words and loving ways. She hopes I wil feel love and pity for her. But she wil know my anger and feel my wrath!
Eyes blazing hot fury, his hand snaked out and snatched the locket from her grip. He roughly yanked the delicate chain around her neck. It broke, leaving a red scratch along her neck. She was startled by the sudden, aggressive brutality of his action, and gasped in shock. She stared wide-eyed with fear at him.
He held the little locket up and scrutinized the man in the miniature with her. She did not realize how hard he was straining to keep his emotions and fury under rigid control. He tightly clutched the locket in his hand, fighting the overwhelming urge to slay her immediately for her deceit. She wil never look upon his face again. She wil regret this trick and beg my forgiveness. He walked to the fire pit and dropped the locket into the flames.
Unaware of his coming intentions, she was too late to stop him. She lunged forward and tried to reach for the locket in the him. She lunged forward and tried to reach for the locket in the swirl of flames. He quickly grabbed her hand back before it touched the fire. He shouted angrily at her, “Hiya!”
He crushed her smal hand in his powerful grip. She struggled to free it and rescue the locket. “No!” she cried in anguish. “Please don’t destroy it, Wanmdi Hota. My father, no, it’s al I have left from him. Please, I beg you, don’t!”
He loosened his iron-like grip on her hand, but stil retained it in his fist. She stared in torment as flames licked at the images; charring, melting and fusing them into one smal multi-colored dot of nothingness. The gold locket turned a glowing red, then, white hot as it melted into the same nothingness. Soon, the only thing left was a very smal, glowing bal. The last reminder and connection to her past life was now but a memory.
The intense agony in her eyes and face knifed at his heart. It was too late to save the locket. He released his grip. She slowly sank to the ground before the pit and stared into the fire which flickered in a bright kaleidoscope of colors. She murmured to herself, detached and in shock, completely unaware of him or her surroundings.
“It belonged to mother. It was a birthday surprise. We gave it to her just before she was kiled. Father was a handsome man, wasn’t he? Mama said he could even make a spinster turn green with envy. They gave it to me after she died. It was the only thing left which truly belonged to me.”
She smiled as she recaled the day she and her father had given it to her mother. “It was such a grand surprise. We kept it a secret. I can stil see her face and hear her words of joy. ‘Now I have my two favorite people closest to my heart al the time.’ I haven’t looked at it since they died. It brought too m
uch pain and haven’t looked at it since they died. It brought too much pain and loneliness.” Tears roled down the pinkened cheeks. “It’s al gone. Nothing left, just like everything at the fortress—burned and destroyed. Al gone… everything and everyone… Why, Wanmdi Hota? How could a little locket with my father’s image harm you? It was mine. You had no right to destroy it. I hate you!” She shot the stinging words at him like a flaming arrow.
Coming to ful consciousness, she turned on him in a sudden fury and pummeled him on his bare chest. She shouted, “I hate you!
I hate you! I hate you! You’re cold-blooded and heartless! You’l stop at nothing to hurt me! You had no reason to do that! It was mine! Mine!”
She lowered her voice to a deadly, icy tone, “I hope you’re captured and kiled on this raid! I hope they torture you and beat you until you’re dead. You should bemade to bleed and suffer for al your evil. I hope you pay dearly for your hatred and cruelty.”
Too late, he realized his grave mistake, but knew it could not be changed or undone. He was alarmed by the ful extent of his feelings and jealousy. He was shocked by the brutal way he had struck out at her, but was more concerned with the reasons behind his actions. He was a man who prided himself in his control over his emotions. But this girl had a way of wreaking havoc in him. She revealed things in him which he did not understand. When he was confronted with situations like this one with her, al his years of training and practice fled and failed him. He had openly vented his anger on her too many times lately. What magic did she possess to bring out such feelings and reactions in him? How did she make him lose al reason and judgment when she was the center of the problem? I do not like the way I strike out at her, he thought, but somehow I cannot seem to stop or control it.
somehow I cannot seem to stop or control it.
He reached out and tenderly gripped her shoulders, saying,
“Hiya, Lese.”
She ignored his order and continued her tirade of hate and hopes for his coming doom. Fearful someone might hear her, he spoke sharply in warning, “Hiya! Iyasni! Ya wokasketipi…”
She was immediately frozen into silence and stilness. Trails of tears were stil wet on her flushed cheeks and the wild despair stil filed her eyes. Between gasps for air, she vowed, “You’l have to kil me first! You’l never take me there alive again. I wil never endure such shame as that again. Never!”
The warning had done its job, so he released his hold onher. She sank to the ground before the fire pit and gazed into it. Staring into the dying flames, she mentaly cursed him, damn him and his threat! I wil not let him have this new power over me. Either I wil escape or I shal kil myself.
Tears filed her emerald eyes and silently roled down her face. The firelight appeared to dance in those large, sad eyes and sparkle on her teardrops. Such a cruel price to pay for broken dreams and shattered ilusions …
She whispered in a tone tinged with anguish, “There is nothing you have ever done to me which has brought me more pain. You could hurt me no less if you drove an arrow into my heart. You and those bloody arrows which bring death and suffering. Would they could be more like Cupid’s instead—arrows to bring love and desire.” She turned on him and accused heatedly, “But you know nothing of love. Al you know is hatred and lust. You wish everyone else to be as unhappy and bitter as you are.”
Emerald eyes met and fused with jet black ones. Softly and tenderly she asked, “Don’t you ever feel longings for love and tenderly she asked, “Don’t you ever feel longings for love and happiness, Wanmdi Hota? Have you never loved or wanted any woman so much it actualy hurt? Does your hatred flame so deep within you that no one wil ever be able to put it out? If I could borrow that mythical bow for only one moment, I pierce your heart with love for me and never release you from my hold. There has been so much anger and hate between us. Wil you never alow it to end? Is there no hope for a lasting truce for us?”
She could have answered her own questions. She lowered her face into her open hands and cried, “Oh, Papa, why? Why did I have to be left alone? I can’t face these fears alone. Why did we come to this godforsaken land? Why am I at the mercy of a man whose hatred and cruelty knows no limits?
“I wish you would kil me and end this torment. Why did you have to spare me and bring me here?” She dropped her head into her hands once more and wept in total despair and hopelessness. He watched and listened as she cried to release the pent-up pain, loneliness and suffering. A desire to comfort and love her flooded him. Hunger to heal the hurt he had caused her surged in his heart. He lifted her into his arms and took her to the mat. She did not resist until he pressed her down to the mats with his body. Guessing his intention, she began to fight him like a cornered wildcat.
“You’l never touch me again, not after al you’ve done to me. If you think you can crush my heart in your hands one minute, then hold me in your arms and make love to me the next, you won’t! I hate you!” she hissed at him.
His superior strength of body and purpose enabled him to easily and quickly pin her beneath him, naked, breathless and fighting. She had never fought him so fiercely before. He was afraid fighting. She had never fought him so fiercely before. He was afraid he would hurt her in their struggle. He knew he must end her resistance quickly. His eyes narrowed to a dangerous glint and his voice lowered to an ominous tone. In slow deliberation, he said,
“Wokasketipi or Wanmdi Hota?”
She was so distressed by the implication of his threat, she did not register the use of the English word “or.” She would never know how much that mistake and oversight would cost both of them. Gray Eagle had instantly realized his slip, but knew her lack of reaction meant she did not catch it.
He spoke once more in a more demanding tone, angered by what almost took place just now. “Hiya ku-wa-Wanmdi Hota, ya wokasketipi! Hiya ya wokasketipi, ku-wa Wanmdi Hota.”
When she did not answer him, but only stared back into his ebony eyes as if hypnotized by them, he gave the choices again. She thought on his words, “no come to him, go to the teepee sa; or no go to the teepee sa, then come to him.” Understanding filed her mind—a choice! He was teling her to choose between him and that brothel! He would certainly carry out his threat. She glared at him as she reasoned the two choices.
“A choice, is it? Go to the teepee sa where any man can take me…” she shuddered to even consider this possibility “… or come to you and let only you take me. But do I dare trust you? With your love for taunts and cruelty, it’s probably just a trick. Even if I chose you, you’d more than likely take me there anyway afterwards. You’ve never offered me a choice before. Why now? You have the power to force me to do anything. Why the choice?”
She hurriedly tried to figure out his motives before he demanded an answer again. He lowered his face to hers and was about to kiss her when she abruptly turned away. He warned, “Hiya about to kiss her when she abruptly turned away. He warned, “Hiya Wanmdi Hota … sha teepee sa.”
He took her two hands and placed them around his neck. Holding them there, he repeated his choices with a tone of impatience. His complete and true meaning hit home. Her eyes widened with comprehension.
“Now I understand. The real choice is between the teepee sa and wiling submission. Oh yes, you could rape me. But that isn’t what you want. You want yielding and groveling. You want me to feel shame and guilt. How cunning and wise you are in some things. Is this your new threat to hold me in line? I act as your harlot or as one for your whole tribe.”
He remained quiescent, alowing her to work out her decision.
“If only you put half this much effort and wisdom in other paths….. What difference could this possibly make? You’ve taken me many times before. To be stripped and raped by others … by Wanhinkpe Ska. … You chose your weapon wel that night, too. To alow my one and only friend to hurt me was cruel even for you. Only you have hurt me more. Why wil you not alow me just one koda? I hope I never recal that night. I have no doubt you forced him to do w
hat he did. Stil, we can never be kodas again . .. if we ever were. You use your position and power like a knife, Wanmdi Hota. You cut deeply and painfuly into the hearts of those you hate or wish to punish.”
She drowned in those pools of black. “Why me, Wanmdi Hota? Why do you make me a special receiver of your hate and revenge? Why did you have to take my one friend and the smal happiness we shared? If only you could feel just a little love in your heart for me. No… I would settle for just a little less hate.”
Kiling her friendship with Wanhinkpe Ska was a mistake, he Kiling her friendship with Wanhinkpe Ska was a mistake, he realized. So was the wokasketipi. She has withdrawn further from me. Whether it be by force and fear, or love and submission, Lese, I wil have you.
The tautness left his body and he relaxed his tense jaw. She met his gaze to discover the icy glare was missing and in its place was a calm, pleasant, almost tender expression. She shifted uneasily beneath its glow. There was a look of smug articipation gleaming in his eyes. Arrogant savage! she fumed. He knew al along I would do anything before I’d let him send me back there.
“Hiya teepee sa …” she answered with firmness. “Sha, ku-wa Wanmdi Hota…”
To her utter confusion, he gave her a broad smile, or perhaps a victorious sneer. It realy did not matter which, the effect was shattering to her resistance and hate. His eyes softened to a dark slate color. The taut lines at his eyes and mouth relaxed into gentle lines. He flashed even, white teeth in an almost breathtaking smile. If possible, he looked even more handsome and desirable. Her heart seemed to skip a beat, flutter wildly, then pound madly. With lips dry and slightly parted, those emerald eyes could not leave his face. He calmly returned her heated, surprised gaze. There was a strange look in his eyes which she could not fathom. Time ceased to exist. She was lost in those black, bottomless depths. The power of his wil drew her deeper and deeper, until there was no hope for survival—or any wil for it. The close contact and heat of his body made her tremble. She inhaled and exhaled in quick, short rasps. His warm breath on her face and the heat from his smoldering eyes set her blood afire. He watched as desire replaced hate and anger in her flushed face. Sensing she had lost the wil to resist him, he released his hold Sensing she had lost the wil to resist him, he released his hold on her hands. He remained propped on his elbows staring down into her face. Her hands remained behind his neck. Al past feelings and events were irrelevant to what was taking place between and within them. There had been a change, for no longer did a slave and warrior lie amidst the buffalo skins; only a man and a woman…
Savage Ecstasy Page 26