It hit me then. Nolan wasn't just telling me to be careful for me, but to be careful with the guys. He, along with both Trevor and Sean, probably even Chase, all had feelings for me. Just like I had feelings for them. What was I thinking getting involved with any of them, much less two out of four of them? It was wrong, and I realized the damage I could be doing.
I pulled away from his embrace, though it took a hell of a lot more willpower than I thought I had.
“I'm sorry, Nolan,” I said.
“Sorry for what?”
“For – for not realizing – ”
I didn't know if I should say the words out loud. I couldn't figure out how to string the words together, so I continued stammering like a fool instead.
“I mean, I see the way you look at me now,” I tried to continue. “And I'd just – well, you know what I did – ”
“Shh,” he said, pulling me to him, and stroking my hair. There was a flash of pain in his eyes, but it passed quickly. “I just want you to be happy, Elise. If Trevor or Sean make you happy, then so be it. Just be careful, they both care about you. As do I. And all any of us want is for you to be happy.”
“I care about you too,” I said, my voice coming out a bit thick and choked. “I care about all of you a lot, in ways I probably shouldn't.”
Nolan cocked his head to the side and stared at me like I was some complex math equation he was trying to figure out, a problem he didn't have the answer to, which was rare for someone with his intellect.
“Care about us how?” he asked.
“I love you,” I said, my voice barely more than a whisper. “I love all of you, and not in a platonic way or a brotherly way, I –”
Before I could finish my thought, Nolan swept me into his arms and pressed his lips to mine. His kiss was softer and sweeter than the other two guys, and his lean, muscular body pressed me up against the wall, though he did so with a tenderness I found endearing. His hands found mine, lifting them up and over my head and held them down. The weight of his body pressed into me.
“I love you too,” he said softly against my lips.
His body stiffened, and he stopped moving. We'd both heard a sound. Someone else was moving about. Nolan pulled back from me and I almost crumpled to the floor, my heart racing, the adrenaline flowing, and my knees weak from the intense moment we'd shared. He grabbed hold of me, held me steady and kept me from falling, but refused to meet my gaze.
“I'm sorry,” he said.
“No, I'm sorry,” I said.
“Maybe I should be the one apologizing,” Chase said, the sudden sound of his voice causing us both to jump out of our skins.
Nolan let go of me, and thankfully, I was steady on my feet again. Chase was standing not too far away, hidden mostly in the darkness. I couldn't see the look on his face, so I couldn't tell if he was hurt or if he'd seen what had just happened. God, did he think I was just making my way through them all? Sleeping around like a whore, like Brad had insinuated? My heart sunk deep into my stomach and I felt sick.
“Chase, I –” I couldn't find the words.
“It's okay,” he said, walking deeper into the room. The moonlight illuminated his handsome, chiseled features. He was frowning, a look I'd rarely seen on his face before, but he didn't look at me unkindly. He simply stepped over to the window and stared outside, not looking at Nolan or myself.
“It's not what it looks like,” I said softly.
“It's none of my business,” Chase said.
Nolan spoke up. “I was the one responsible,” he admitted.
Chase shrugged, still not looking at us. “Like I said, it's none of my business.”
“Then what is it?” I asked.
“I'm worried about you, Elise,” Chase said.
“I'm a big girl, Chase.”
“I know, and that's why I didn't stop you from sleeping with Sean or Trevor,” he said. “But I can't help worrying about you given all you've gone through.”
I walked over to him and put a hand on his arm. He looked down at me, a softness in his face I hadn't seen before. He was a gentle giant – tall and large, but with the sweetest face on a man that I'd ever laid eyes on. God, why did things have to be so difficult? Why did I have to fall for all of them?
“Chase, you know, I lo –”
He pressed his fingers to my lips, silencing me. It hurt to be silenced when I was about to confess my love to him, but I understood why. I'd just slept with his two friends and made out with another. Chase was a sensitive, kind soul. If he felt the same way about me, my actions probably hurt him. Telling him my feelings wouldn't help, it would likely only make it worse. After he'd confided in me, offered to be there for my baby – if there actually was baby – I'd gone and screwed two of his best friends.
“I'm going back to bed,” Nolan said softly, his footsteps echoing off the wood floor.
That left Chase and I alone. I considered going back to bed myself, but it suddenly didn't feel right. Not with Chase standing down there in the darkness, thinking God knew what about it.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” I asked him.
“What's there to talk about?”
“Well, for one, you told me you'd be happy to step up and be a father to my child, and I told Brad anyway,” I said. “I figured that might have upset you a bit.”
Chase shrugged again and let out a long sigh. “Sure, it did. But like you said, you're a big girl. You need to figure out what's best for you, and if I'm not it –”
“Who said you weren't, Chase?” I asked. “I just thought Brad should know. It didn't feel right to lie. It doesn't mean I want to be back with him, or that I don't want to be with you.”
Chase shook his head, rolling his eyes as he scoffed.
“What?”
“You want to be with me?”
“Yes,” I said, and it was the truth. “But you slept with Trevor and Sean,” he said.
“Yes, but it wasn't like that –”
Chase held his hands up to stop me from speaking. “That wasn't a question, Elise. Believe me, Nolan and I knew what you guys were up to pretty quick, so I'm not sure what other way it could be,” he said. “It doesn't matter to me who you sleep with, but let's face it, that's a pretty big sign that you don't want to be with me, so don't lie to me and tell you do.”
His words cut through me like a knife. Being stabbed by him would have hurt less than that statement, and yet, I couldn't deny that he was right. I'd made a mistake. I'd hurt him, and possibly Nolan too – though he didn't show it the same way. Then in the morning, I'd have to deal with Trevor and Sean, and the inevitable awkwardness that was going to come with having slept with the two of them to begin with. This entire situation was a mess, and all because of me.
This was all my doing.
I'd hurt the men I loved.
8
Nolan
I stared up at the ceiling, still unable to sleep, when Chase came back into the living room. He plopped down on the chair nearby, not joining me in the fold out bed. He sat there for an eternity, in silence, and I thought maybe he'd fallen asleep. I looked over at him and found him sitting there just staring off into the distance, obviously deep in thought.
“Chase, I'm sorry I let my guard down with her,” I said.
He didn't say anything.
I continued, turning over to see him clearly, to gauge what kind of mood he was in. He wasn't even looking at me.
“I shouldn't have kissed her,” I added. “I know it's wrong, we're not supposed to –”
“You kissed her?” Chase said, a low, deep laugh coming from him. “Christ, Nolan. First Trevor and Sean, and now you too?”
“I'm sorry,” I said. “But I care about her. We all do.”
“Yeah, but that doesn't mean we all have to fuck her,” Chase said. “What would Aaron think right now, huh?”
“I think he'd be grateful we've helped his sister,” I said after a moment's thought. “And that he just wants
her to be happy, whatever that looks like.”
Chase didn't say another word. He sat there, mopey, brooding, and silent. I knew he had feelings for Elise too. Hell, we all did. He'd just managed to keep himself under control better than the rest of us. I rolled over onto my back and closed my eyes. The sound of a door slamming caused them to pop back open again though. Chase was already up and out of his chair, and I was right on his heels.
From the window, we could see Elise standing outside on the porch, hugging herself close for warmth. She was staring at the moon, shivering from the cold. Chase reached for the door knob, but I stopped him.
“Do you really think you should be the one to talk to her right now?”
I wasn't sure what had happened between the two of them once I’d left, but to judge by the way he was acting, and the way she was standing outside, it obviously hadn't gone well. Chase nodded and stepped back.
“Talk to her, Nolan,” he said. “But, please, don't fuck her.”
I rolled my eyes, cursing him under his breath. “I'm not like that, Chase.”
He scoffed but padded off into the living room once more. More pouting and more brooding. As much as I'd like to comfort my best friend, I knew in that moment there was nothing I could say or do to make it better. Instead, I had to focus on Elise, who was currently standing outside in the middle of the snowstorm, freezing her ass off.
When I opened the front door, she turned toward me, and I could make out the tears glistening on her cheeks already. She was shaking, and as soon as she saw me, she rushed toward me. Wrapping my arms around her, I inhaled her scent and kissed the top of her head. Her arms were bare and freezing.
“Let's get back inside,” I whispered to her. “It's too cold out here.”
“No, I can't go back in there,” she said.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because I fucked up, that's why,” she said, her voice cracking as she began to sob.
Hearing her crying tore me up, and I couldn't bear it. “No, you didn't fuck anything up Elise.”
“I did,” she said, staring up at me. “I let my feelings get in the way, I acted selfishly, and now I've hurt the people I love most in the world.”
“I don't think Trevor and Sean are too upset with you,” I said. It was meant to lighten the mood, but the scowl Elise gave me said that it was unappreciated. “Sorry.”
“What happens when they wake up and remember what happened?” she asked. “And Chase – let's not even talk about what he's feeling.”
“Chase is just sensitive sometimes,” I said. “He'll get over it.”
“I don't want him to get over it, Nolan. I don't want him hurt at all.”
“Sometimes you can't go through life without hurting people. It happens Elise,” I said, rubbing her arms to try and generate some warmth.
“Do you think Aaron would be upset at me?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
That was a tough question to answer. No one really knew what Aaron would have wanted for his sister, and in my opinion, it didn't really matter. This was Elise's life to live, and she was being open and honest with everyone about everything.
I said the only thing I could think of in that moment. “I believe Aaron cared more about your happiness than your actions, Elise. He knew you were a good person, and he'd trust you to do the right thing for you, no matter what it was.”
She shivered in my arms, and I so badly wanted to take her back inside where it was warm, but she refused to budge. Sometimes, she was just as stubborn as Aaron. “Before Chase stopped us, I –” she stopped before she finished the sentence.
“You, what?” I asked her, tipping her chin upward to look at me.
“I – well, I wanted to be with you, Nolan. I wanted to have sex with you, but I knew that would have been wrong. Three different men in one night? Maybe Brad was right, maybe –”
I stopped her with a kiss. Chase's words came back to me and echoed through my mind. The sound of his voice haunted me. I couldn't let things get out of control. No matter what I did, I couldn't take advantage of her. Sure, I had feelings for her – intense feelings – but I couldn't let that cloud my judgement. Elise kissed me back, but she was hesitant.
She stopped, and whispered, “I'm sorry. I just can't stop thinking that.”
“You're not a whore,” I finished for her. “Brad's just a prick. He wanted to hurt you, that's all.”
“But sleeping with multiple men in one night, wouldn't that make me a whore?” she asked.
I shrugged. “What does it matter? You love us all, right?”
She nodded. “I do. More than I should.”
“We love you too, Elise. What's so wrong with loving multiple people?”
She smiled at me, and for a moment, we forgot how cold it was standing out there in the middle of a blizzard. My arms were still wrapped tightly around her, but she managed to stand up on her tiptoes and kiss me. Her lips were warm and wet, so soft against mine. God, it was an inappropriate, and very ill-timed thought, but I wanted her.
I wanted her so damn bad, it hurt – and from the way she kissed me, I could tell that she wanted me too.
Sorry Chase, I thought to myself. She's a big girl, knows what she wants.
My tongue explored her mouth, while her hands moved over my body, exploring me. She was no longer shivering from the cold, I noticed. Neither was I. All I felt was her hands moving lower and lower on me until she had her fingers down the waistband of my pants. Her soft, smooth hands cupped my member, squeezing it as the blood continued to flow southward.
I stepped back, and she followed me, until I was seated on a bench. She straddled me, her legs on either side of me, as we continued to kiss. I never wanted this to end. The fabric of her yoga pants rubbed up against me, but I needed her to be closer still. She was the one who pulled the pants down, however. Just enough for our skin to be together, for her wetness and warmth to rub against me, to drive me to the brink of sanity. Grabbing her hips, I pulled her down against me, and slipped inside of her with ease. I groaned as her body trembled around me. She gasped as I filled her up, my cock sheathed inside of her completely in one swift motion.
Slowly, she rocked back and forth on top of me, as my mouth explored her neck. I held her close, making sure to keep her warm as she rode me. As the snow softly fell around us though, it wasn't long before we were generating our own body heat. The cold around us didn't even seem to matter anymore in that moment. All that mattered was the feeling of my cock inside of her and making her feel good. Thrusting upward, I drove my cock as deep as I could go, my erection throbbing inside of her. Elise's tight, wet pussy clenched even tighter around me as she cried out. I kissed her lips, silencing her as best I could with my mouth, as we rode out the pleasure together.
“Nolan,” she groaned. “I'm going to come.”
“Come for me, baby,” I groaned, my teeth clenching tightly, biting down on her lip.
Her entire body tensed up above me, her head fell down to my shoulder. She dug her nails into my shoulders as she rode me harder and faster, her movements more desperate than before. The feeling of her tightness squeezing me, of her pulsing pussy gripping me tightly, sent me over the edge. I cried out and came quicker than I ever had before, grabbing onto her hips and holding her down against me, filling her with my seed as her thighs shook wildly.
We came together, and it wasn't until we'd both rode out the intense wave of our orgasms that I realized what we'd done. There wasn't a single ounce of regret though, not from either of us. Elise lifted her head after a few moments, a lazy grin stretched from ear-to-ear.
“That was amazing,” she said.
She was still shaking, and I wasn't sure if it was from the sex or the cold. Maybe both. I knew one thing, however, I needed to get her inside before she froze to death.
“You're amazing,” I said.
I lifted her up easily, until she was in my arms. She didn't protest as I carried her inside, her body resting gen
tly, as I cradled her.
As we stepped inside, the warmth of the cabin hit me like a shock wave. My pants were pulled down, and I prayed that Chase wouldn't catch us. I put her back down to the ground and closed the door behind us, shutting out the cold. She smiled brightly, her eyes only partially open.
“I think I'm ready to go to sleep now,” she said.
“Good,” I said.
I kissed her one more time, and watched as she walked up the stairs, to lay in bed with two of my best friends. The whole scenario was weird, to say the least, but what was even stranger was that I didn't feel weird about it. It didn't matter to me if she loved Trevor and Sean as well, because I knew she loved me too. I couldn't explain it at the time, but all that mattered was her happiness.
Chase didn't say much to me that morning. He'd at least pretended to be asleep when I got back inside, and I collapsed on the fold out sofa, exhausted and ready to sleep at last. My mind had drifted off to Elise, and I dreamt of us – of all of us – happily together, raising the child inside of her. What woke me up wasn't Chase, or even Trevor or Sean. It was Elise.
She crawled into bed with me, curling up around me. When I opened my eyes, she smiled.
“Good morning, sunshine,” she said.
“Good morning,” I mumbled, still half asleep. “What time is it?”
“Time to get up,” she said.
Her smile wavered a bit, and that's when I realized it was mostly for show. Something was bothering her, and it very nearly stopped my heart cold.
I sat up and noticed Chase was snoring away in the chair, and there was no sign of Trevor or Sean. It was just Elise and me. I feared she was regretting what had happened the night before, so I got right down to it.
“Everything okay?”
She shrugged. “I took the pregnancy test,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.
“And?” I asked.
“It said I'm not pregnant,” she said. “And I started spotting a bit today, so it's probably not a false negative.”
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