I'd expected her to be happy, to be overjoyed at the news that she wasn't expecting her ex's baby after all, but there were tears shimmering in her eyes, and a sadness to her that I couldn't explain.
“Want to talk about it?” I asked.
“Not much to talk about. I thought I was pregnant, but I'm not,” she said. “It happens, I guess.”
Her blue eyes looked so pitiful and sad, and I knew there was more to the story that she wasn't telling me. I reached out for her, and she came to me easily, resting in my arms even though her body was tense, and she sniffled quietly. I knew that sometimes it was better to let others talk at their own pace, to not push them. She'd talk to me when she was ready. This wasn't my story to tell, or to force out of her.
It only took her a second to start opening up, however.
“It's, just for a moment, I was actually excited,” she said, crying softly against my shirt. “I'd always wanted to be a mom, and I thought this was my chance. You know?”
“You've got plenty of time left for kids, Elise,” I said.
“I know, but what if I don't meet anyone worth having kids with, Nolan? And by that, I mean any one person,” she said. “I'm so caught up in the four of you, and that's no way to live life, is it? Not to have a family like that? It's not possible. Who was I kidding?”
“Shhh,” I said, holding her close, stroking her velvety soft hair against her head. I had no answers for her. “Only you can decide what you want out of life, Elise. I don't have the answers.”
“You always have the answers, Nolan,” she said, her attempt at a half-hearted joke I'm sure.
She was right though. I always had the answers. I was the one who always knew what to do, where to go, and I had a plan. This time, however, I had none. I had nothing, because there was no handbook outlining how this was all supposed to happen. There was nothing I could say or do to help her. She had to decide for herself what she wanted.
“For some questions, there are no easy answers,” I said. “You have to decide what's right for you. Do you want to be with more than one of us at a time?”
She pulled back, staring at me like I'd suggested something dirty.
“I can't, can I?”
“Maybe? Why not?” I said. “I can't speak for the others, but –”
“No, that's no way to live,” she said, biting her lip. “It's not fair to any of you. And God, Aaron would be so upset at me for even thinking about it. You're his best friends, like brothers to him. This is not the way to treat people you care about.”
“You've done nothing wrong, Elise,” I said.
I wanted her to believe me, and I didn't think she'd done anything wrong, but I wasn't sure how the other guys would feel about it. Chase stirred on the chair beside us, causing Elise to sit up suddenly like we were teenagers getting caught doing something we shouldn't have been doing. She wiped at her eyes and climbed out of bed.
“I better go,” she said.”
“Where to?”
“Just to clear my head, that's all,” she said.
She walked back upstairs, and I rolled over in on the lumpy mattress of the pull out. My eyes were still heavy with sleep, but there was so much on my mind now, which was probably nothing compared to what was on hear mind and heart.
I could only imagine what Elise was dealing with. So many choices to make, and I'd managed to overcomplicate things by sleeping with her. Fuck me, Chase was right. I shouldn't have done that.
“Morning,” Chase said.
I didn't answer him. I stayed facing away from him, pretending to sleep. I wasn't sure if he'd heard us on the porch or not. Not that it mattered. I knew what I'd done, I saw the effects it had on Elise, and I felt terrible.
I closed my eyes and eventually felt myself fall into a restless slumber.
9
Elise
I snuck out of the cabin quietly this time, not wanting to be disturbed. As much as I'd appreciated Nolan's company the night before, this time, I really needed to be alone. I grabbed my coat this time, but even still, it was freezing. Nolan had a point. My big brother wanted me to be happy, he didn't care about who I was involved with, as long as I was being treated right.
How did I not see it until now? How could I have not known that my own brother would have wanted me to put my happiness above all else?
I felt foolish. More than foolish. Most of all though, I felt regret. A deep, yearning, sense of regret. I'd wasted so much time – more specifically, Trevor and I had wasted so much time avoiding each other, when we could have been together, building something. Building our happiness together.
I replayed the conversation with Aaron in my head over and over, my heart lifting more with each recollection of the memory, and my clearer understanding of what Aaron wanted for me.
“How could I have been so stupid to not see it before?” I wondered aloud.
A gust of frigid wind sent a chill through me, making me hug myself even tighter. Standing out there in sub-zero weather was completely stupid. I was going to catch pneumonia or get frostbite or something. But, the cold air was helping to clear my head, and helping me to think a little more clearly. I knew I needed to talk to Trevor about it all. I was only just beginning to understand the hurt, and the burden he'd been carrying on his shoulders for so long now. I didn't understand it before, but I got it. Finally, I got it, and I wanted to talk to him, to helpfully start helping him lay that burden down. It wasn't his to carry to begin with.
“Elise.”
I turned, surprised to hear somebody else's voice out in that miserable weather. My heart sank though, when I saw Brad emerging from the wall of snow like some evil, avenging spirit. Snowflakes clung to him, and his skin was bright red. He looked like he'd been out in the freezing cold for a long while already. His eyes were narrowed, and the expression on his face was dark. Grim. To be honest, it scared me a little bit. Half covered in snow like he was, he looked a little deranged, like a man coming completely undone.
“What do you want, Brad?”
“You,” he said. “We belong together.”
“We don't,” I said. “And what we had is done. Over. You need to get that through your head and move on.”
“I can't move on, Elise,” he said. “You're mine and I'm yours. That's how it's supposed to be.”
I turned to walk back into the cabin, when I felt his hand fall on my shoulder. He spun me around so that I was looking him square in the face, and gasped. My heart thundered in my chest so hard I was afraid it might explode.
“Brad let go of me,” I said.
“I can't do that,” he replied. “I won't do that.”
I opened my mouth to scream, but he clamped his hand down over it, silencing me. I screamed anyway, hoping that, at the very least, my somebody would hear my muffled cries. But, between his hand, the gusting wind, and the roar of the storm, I knew that nobody was going to be able to hear me. I struggled and fought, trying to get at him with my fists or my feet, hoping that if I was able to land a punch or a kick, I'd jar his hold on me loose.
But, he held me tight, and I could barely move. I was a tough girl, and I took no shit from anybody. I'd been in more fights than I should probably admit to. There was only so much I could do. He was a lot bigger, and a lot stronger than me physically. He dragged me backward, off the porch, and headed back down into the teeth of the storm. I fought him every step of the way, but it wasn't enough. He dragged me back, and back, and back, until he had me at his car. Brad spun me around again, and pushed me against the car, holding me in place, as he opened up the door.
It was awkward and difficult, but Brad got in, and managed to drag me in behind him, despite the fact that I was struggling so hard. When he had me in the seat, he leaned over me, and pulled the door shut, quickly locking them, and using the secure lock feature to keep me from opening it back up.
Without even looking at me, he fired up the engine, and then looked through the windshield, a strange expression crossing h
is face. It was like he was only just realizing how crazy it was to drive in those kinds of conditions.
“This is crazy, Brad,” I said, panic filling my body, and coloring my words. “You're going to kill us out on those roads.”
“It'll be fine,” he grumbled. “I have chains on the tires.”
As if my voice had galvanized him into action, he threw his BMW in reverse, and tried to find the road out. I tried the door handle, rattling it, but it held fast. With the safety feature on the locks, I couldn't get it to unlock or open. “Let me out of here, Brad.”
He rounded on me, absolute fury in his eyes. “Shut the fuck up!” he roared.
In such an enclosed space, his voice was impossibly loud, and made me cringe, then shrink back in my seat a little. He jammed on the accelerator and the tires spun for just a second, before they caught, and shot us forward. The car lurched forward, and as the cabin dwindled behind us, the blanket of snow coming down and blocking it from view, my panic started to set in even deeper.
“Brad, please –”
“I said shut up,” he replied, though with less heat and force than before.
I shrank back against the passenger door, racking my brain, trying to figure a way out of this. Brad stared straight ahead, concentrating on the road before us, or at least, what he could see of it. Because the canopy of the forest sat high over this little road, the massive drifts of snow weren't nearly as bad as they were back at the cabin, though, it wasn't easy going, either. One wrong move, and we'd end up in a ditch.
“It didn't have to be like this,” Brad said.
“I don't know what you –”
“If you would have just sent those four away, we could have talked it out, Elise,” he said, his voice tight with barely controlled anger. “We could have worked it out together, you and me. It didn't have to be like this.”
“Be like what, Brad?” I asked, the fear ratcheting up in me. “What are you planning?”
He shook his head. “I – I dunno,” he said. “I don't fucking know yet. Just shut up. Let me think.”
“Brad –”
“I told you to shut up, Elise,” he said, his voice firm and strong.
I lapsed into silence and looked out at the road beyond the windshield, trying to figure out how to get through to him, to stop him from doing whatever it was he was thinking about doing. Eventually, we found our way to the main highway, and it looked like the snowplows had been through recently. There were drifts of snow piled high on either side of the road, and although the road itself was still covered in a thick layer of powder, it wasn't as thick as it could have been.
Which meant, with the chains on his tires, Brad would be able to navigate the road. If he could navigate the road, he could put a lot of distance between us, and the guys – and if we got too far away from the them, and they weren't able to find me, I was absolutely screwed.
Shit. Shit, shit, shit.
“Brad, please –”
“I loved you, you know,” he said.
He looked over at me, and his eyes shimmered with tears. They rolled down his face, and his body shook with his sobs. I couldn't believe he was actually crying. Brad never cried. He wore his stoicism like armor, so to see him actually weeping was as disconcerting as it was shocking.
“I know you did, Brad,” I said, trying to strike a conciliatory tone I thought would appease him. “Sometimes though, things just don't work out.”
“But why?” he wailed. “We were perfect together, Elise.”
I shook my head “We weren't, Brad,” I said. “I pretended we were. Pretended I was happy. Maybe even believed I was for a while. But, deep down, I knew we ultimately weren't compatible. I knew this wouldn't last. I just –”
“You bitch,” he sneered. “You led me on. Used me for my money. You just kept stringing me along”
“You forget that my family has plenty of our own money, Brad. Why in the hell would I use you for your money?”
“Because you're one of those bitches who can never have enough,” he spat. “Always wanting more, more, more.”
“You're not making sense.”
He made a strangled sound in his throat and tried to calm himself down.
“I'm sorry, Elise,” he said, his voice changing to a softer tone. “I want this to work. Just tell me what I need to do. Please, baby. We can get past this.”
The tension inside the car was ramping up. I could feel it. Brad's mood was fluctuating wildly, and it was starting to really scare me. I had no idea what he was going to do. He was completely unpredictable to me at that point. A wild card. A complete wild card – and a dangerous one at that. I needed to get him to pull over. I needed him to give me a chance to escape.
“Brad, why don't you stop the car, and let's talk about this?” I asked.
“Why would I do that?” he asked in return. “We can talk just fine while I'm driving.”
“Given the conditions, it makes me nervous when your attention is divided,” I said. “You know that.”
He appeared to think about it for a minute, and then a darkness passed through his face that chilled me more than the snowfall outside ever could have. He started to beat on the dashboard, then the steering wheel, then everything else around him. He threw punch after punch, and at some point during his fight with his car, I heard the locks on the door next to me disengage. He must have accidentally hit the button that released the safety locks.
“I'm not that fucking stupid, Elise,” he roared. “I'm not as fucking stupid as you apparently think I am.”
“I don't think you're stupid, Brad,” I said, trying desperately to keep my voice even. “Quite the contrary. I know how smart you are.”
“Stop patronizing me, Elise,” he said, his voice suddenly low and menacing.
“I'm not –”
“Yes, you are. And I don't like it,” he sneered. “I don't like it at all.”
“Okay, I'm sorry,” I replied smoothly. “I didn't realize I was doing it.”
At that point, I was willing to admit to, and apologize for, anything, just to get him to stop the car. The fear in me only ratcheted up though, when he started to pick up speed. The roads were still covered with fresh powder, and I knew hard ice probably lurked below those fluffy white drifts, which set my heart racing. I felt the beads of nervous sweat rolling down my back, and my breath start to grow ragged with fear.
“Please, slow down, Brad,” I said, cringing at the nervous tremor in my voice.
“Oh, am I scaring you?”
“Brad, please.”
The engine revved as he jammed the accelerator again, and I felt the rear end of the car, despite the chains, start to swerve. It was a weightless feeling – and entirely helpless – to feel the rear end of the car sliding from side to side. Brad fought the steering wheel, a manic look etched upon his face.
Faster and faster we kept going, and I knew if we kept up that pace, sooner or later, something bad was going to happen. My heart was in my throat, and I was on the verge of a panic attack, knowing I needed to something. But what? What could I do?
And then it hit me. It was reckless as hell, but what choice did I have?
Reaching over suddenly, I grabbed hold of the wheel, and jerked it to the right.
“What the hell?” Brad shouted.
It was enough to send the car sliding. The back end came around the front, as we started to spin wildly. I grabbed hold of my seatbelt and closed my eyes tight, waiting for whatever was about to happen. Brad fought the wheel, which was the stupidest thing he could have done, and our slide-spin started to get out of control.
I heard him scream, and for a moment, I felt totally weightless – and then the entire world seemed to come crashing down around me. It sounded like a bomb went off, and we were rolling, the squeal and crunching of metal and glass filling my ears. I was thrown around, my body tossed this way and that, being jerked and pulled, but the seatbelt kept me strapped in.
There was a sudden, fin
al crunching noise, and I was thrown hard against my seatbelt. Then everything stopped. The only sound was the carcass of the car settling into where ever we'd landed, and small bits of debris we'd picked up as we rolled.
Other than that, the world around me was completely still, and completely silent. My entire body felt like an exposed nerve ending, and pain radiated from every single inch of my flesh.
But, I was alive. Thank God, I was still alive.
10
Trevor
I stood at the window overlooking the rear of the property. The snow drifts were piled high, and the howling gusts of wind were only piling them higher. There was no telling how long the storm was going to rage, which meant, we had zero clue how long we were going to be stuck up there in that cabin, with Elle's drunk, abusive, pissed off ex-boyfriend just a couple of doors down. It would have been so much easier if they'd just let me beat the shit out of him. It would've put him in his place and kept him from fucking with us. If he knew what was waiting for him, I guarantee he would have stayed in his cabin, and not bothered us again.
But, the cooler heads prevailed and had their way. Which was fine, I guess. As long as he kept his ass away from me, and he didn't so much as look at Elle, and I'd be fine.
There was a strong gust of wind outside that howled beneath the eaves and sent flurries of snow flying everywhere. The windows in the cabin were thick, which shut out most of the sound, but the gusts of wind were so powerful, you could still hear it rattling around outside.
It was a wall of white out there and looked like the end of the fuckin' world. For the first time, I was actually starting to get a little concerned that we wouldn't be getting out of there anytime soon. I could have sworn I saw movement somewhere behind that thick white veil. I thought I saw two figures, and then a flash of red like brake lights.
I was obviously seeing things, since nobody was coming or going anytime soon. I scrubbed at my face, and rubbed my eyes, and when I looked again, I saw nothing. Just like I thought – my eyes were playing tricks on me.
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