Healing the Widower's Heart

by Susan Anne Mason

  “Your son won the egg race.”

  Nathan blinked at Mrs. Appleby, a plump, grandmotherly type, standing beside him.

  “You’d better go congratulate him.”

  He smiled. “Thank you, Mrs. Appleby.”

  But Zach beat him to it, running across the field toward him, a blue ribbon clutched in his hand. With an excited cry, he flung himself into Nathan’s arms. “Look, Dad. I won first place!”

  “Congratulations.” Nathan had mere seconds to relish the wiry arms around his neck before Zach pulled away to admire his prize.

  “She’s a beauty.” Nathan ruffled his son’s hair.

  “I’m going to pin it on the wall beside my bunk when we get back. I’ve never won anything before.” His eyes shone with happiness.

  A rush of emotion surged in Nathan’s chest as he recalled the angry boy he’d brought with him only a few weeks ago. “I’m proud of you, Zach.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” Zach gave him another strangling hug, then scampered down. “Gotta go. See you later.”

  “Be careful.”

  Nathan watched his son race over to the group of kids gathered on the beach and took a minute to collect himself. The fact that Zach had wanted to share his excitement with him touched Nathan deeply.

  “You and Zach seem to be getting along better.”

  Paige’s quiet voice startled him. He hadn’t heard her come up from behind. Struggling to compose his features, he turned. “Seems that way. I hope it lasts.”

  “I’m sure it will.” She held out a paper cup. “I brought you some lemonade.”

  “Thanks.” He took the cup and gulped down a large appreciative mouthful.

  “I have to get some supplies from Dan’s van. Do you want to walk with me so we can talk?”

  “Sure.” He drained his cup and threw it in the trash. “Lead the way.”

  They headed across a field in the direction of the parking lot, walking in silence at first. Nathan stared at the grass as he walked, unsure how to begin.

  “How was your golf game with Dan?”

  He glanced up, grateful for an opening. “It was fun. I think he let me win though.”

  She laughed. “I doubt it. Dan may be sweet, but he has a definite competitive edge.”

  “Well, I enjoyed it.”

  The wind blew a few strands of hair across Paige’s face. “Did you find Dan easy to talk to?”

  If Nathan weren’t so apprehensive, he would’ve laughed at her obvious attempt to learn what had transpired between them. Instead he smothered a smile and nodded. “Dan is very skilled at getting people to open up about themselves.”

  He stopped at a picnic table and motioned for her to sit down.

  She gave him a puzzled look as she took a seat. “What’s the matter, Nathan? You don’t seem yourself today.”

  With a sigh, he sat down beside her, clasping his hands between his knees. “I have a confession to make, and I hope when you hear me out, you’ll forgive me for not telling you sooner.”

  * * *

  The faint flutter of nerves quivered in Paige’s stomach. She couldn’t imagine what Nathan was about to say, but from the look on his face, she didn’t imagine it could be anything good. His dark eyebrows drew together in a frown as he stared out over the rolling greenery.

  “Go ahead,” she said. “I’m listening.”

  He turned to face her, eyes troubled. It surprised her how much she wanted to smooth the hair from his forehead and erase the ridges of worry furrowed there.

  “I know you’ve been wondering what I do for a living,” he said, “and why I haven’t wanted to talk about it.”

  She stiffened on the hard wooden planks. The fact that she already knew filled her with guilt. “Nathan, you don’t have to—”

  “Yes, I do.” Agitation laced his words. “It’s a huge part of what’s been holding me back from healing and from moving on with my life. Unless I can talk about it, I’ll never get past this.”

  On a deep exhale, he pushed off the table and strode over to a nearby tree. The depth of his pain showed in his bowed head and hunched shoulders. Paige watched him with a heavy heart, wishing she could offer him comfort. What had brought about this sudden need to confess?

  At last he turned to face her, his hands clenched into fists at his side. “I used to be a minister.”

  The words hung in the air and she struggled for the appropriate reaction. “Used to be? As in, you’re not anymore?”

  He shook his head, and the misery on his face pinched her heart.

  “I’ve been on an extended leave of absence. I don’t know when, or if, I’ll ever go back.”

  Paige got down from the table and went to stand in front of him. “Now I have a confession to make. I already knew you’re a minister. Zach mentioned it after church last Sunday.”

  Nathan frowned. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  She shrugged. “It wasn’t my place. I figured if you wanted me to know, you’d tell me yourself.”

  He stared at her for a few seconds and Paige forced herself to breathe normally. She hoped he didn’t think she’d used Zach to pry into his business.

  “Why did you have to leave your position?” she finally asked.

  His gaze dropped to the ground, and they started walking again. “After Cynthia left, I felt like a fraud.”

  “How so?” They reached Dan’s minivan and Paige opened the back hatch.

  Nathan lifted a cardboard box of supplies out of the trunk and set it on the ground. “I was so consumed with rage, I couldn’t write my weekly sermons. How could I talk about forgiveness and love when I was filled with bitterness and, at times, even hatred?” He slammed the hatch door closed.

  She leaned back against the van. “Those feelings were only normal after what you’d been through.”

  He threw out his hands, then let them drop. “But I was a man of God. If I couldn’t overcome a personal crisis by relying on my faith, how could I expect anyone else to?” Anguish ravaged his face.

  Paige placed her hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry, Nathan. What a nightmare that must have been.”

  Nathan shook his head, frowning.

  “What is it?” Had she said the wrong thing?

  “I thought you’d be furious with me for keeping this from you. Instead you’re trying to make me feel better.”

  Suddenly self-conscious, she busied herself gathering up the bags of hot dog buns. “Somebody has to. You’re far too hard on yourself.”

  “No, I mean it. You wanted me to be honest with you to help Zach, but I withheld a big piece of the picture.”

  A ridiculous prickle of happiness touched her that he was so worried she’d be upset with him. “I’m not mad, Nathan. I’m just glad you felt you could confide in me.”

  “Thank you for understanding.” The gruffness of his voice resonated inside her.

  “You’re welcome.”

  Nathan picked up the carton, and Paige fell into step beside him as they started back. She thought about the irony of the situation when she’d wondered if he was a churchgoer or not, and couldn’t help chuckling.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “I can’t believe I was trying to get you to go to church and all along you were a minister.”

  Nathan chuckled himself. “That crossed my mind, too.” He sobered. “I should have told you right then, but I just couldn’t do it.”

  “What made you tell me now?”

  He shifted the weight of the box and glanced over at her. “Dan recognized me. He’d heard me speak at a conference a couple of years ago. It was his suggestion that I should tell you, that you would probably understand.”

  “I told you Dan was a good person to talk to. He’s very wise for his age and
a good listener.”

  “They used to say that about me.” Nathan’s smile was tinged with sadness.

  “And they will again. Once you get over this crisis, you’ll be a better resource than ever for your parishioners because you’ve dealt with the same issues.”

  A small cloud of dirt drifted up from the path as they walked. “I still don’t know if I can go back.”

  At last she understood the full extent of his pain, his self-doubt, his loss of confidence. “Be patient with yourself, Nathan. Wounds that deep take time to heal.”

  He shook his head. “My leave is almost up and my superiors need an answer very soon.”

  He stopped walking as they reached the picnic area, seeming reluctant to rejoin the crowd.

  “Would you consider talking to Dan again...professionally?” Paige asked softly.

  The sound of children’s laughter floated over to them as she waited for his reply.

  He set the box down on a nearby bench. “Dan offered to counsel me. I told him I’d think about it.”

  She smiled, knowing in her heart that, given the opportunity, God would speak to Nathan through Dan. “I don’t think it could hurt. Dan’s the least judgmental person I know, and he always seems to say just the right thing to put things in perspective.”

  Nathan nodded. “Good to know.”

  She took a step back and purposely lightened the mood. “Now that we’ve got all that settled, you need to go and have some fun with your son. If not, I’m putting you to work at the barbecue.”

  He grinned and gave a mock salute. “Yes, ma’am.”

  * * *

  Nathan felt a huge weight had lifted from his soul. Once again, Paige had amazed him with her innate compassion. She had a way of making him feel at ease, of feeling that any actions he took were all perfectly natural. Her calm acceptance without censure was a gift.

  After dropping the supplies at the picnic area, Nathan made his way to the ball diamond to find Zach. Perhaps he’d join the game in progress. His heart lightened at the prospect. It had been years since he’d played baseball. Years since he’d done anything simply for fun.

  As Nathan approached the field, he noticed an older couple on the sidelines near the bleachers, cheering on the players. The sight of the woman’s flamboyant blouse, oversize sunglasses and high heels stopped Nathan cold.

  It couldn’t be.

  The woman removed her glasses, and Nathan’s stomach clenched in dread. What were the MacNeals doing here? Whatever reason brought Cynthia’s parents here, it couldn’t be good.

  He squared his shoulders in preparation for battle, fixed a neutral expression on his face and moved forward. “Charlotte. Ted. This is a surprise.” He bent to kiss Charlotte’s cheek and shook Ted’s outstretched hand.

  Ted wore a friendly smile. However, Charlotte’s mouth remained turned down at the corners.

  “We read on the website that today was Family Fun Day for the camp, in association with the church,” she said, “so we decided to come for a visit.”

  A six-hour drive just for a picnic? No, there had to be more to this visit than that. “Does Zach know you’re here?”

  “Oh, yes. He was thrilled to see us. Made sure we’d watch him at bat.”

  Nathan stood with them, his jaw tight, all thoughts of joining the game blown away. He wasn’t sure what his in-laws were up to, but he wouldn’t leave them alone long enough to create any havoc.

  From second base, Zach jumped and waved. “Hi, Dad. Look, I made a hit.”

  “Good job,” he called back.

  Beside him, Charlotte waved madly at his son.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” Nathan said a few minutes later, when the teams switched positions and Zach headed to the outfield with Peter. “You can see for yourself how much better Zach is doing.”

  Charlotte turned her head toward him. “That’s exactly why we’re here. You didn’t think we’d let the whole summer go by without checking on our grandson, did you? Hauling him off to some unruly place in the country.” She sniffed as though the air smelled of manure or some such unpleasantness, then pushed her glasses on top of her head to pierce him with a haughty stare. “Other than playing games in the wilderness, what steps have you taken to ensure Zachary’s emotional well-being?”

  Nathan’s tongue pasted to the roof of his mouth. All the words of calm assurance he wanted to say drifted from his mind. “Well, as a matter of fact, Zach has been talking to a therapist.”

  “A therapist? Up here?” She waved her hand as though Sigmund Freud himself would step out from between the trees.

  Nathan took a deep breath, determined not to let the woman get the best of his temper as she had so often in the past. “That’s right. And I’m happy to tell you that Zach has made a great deal of improvement in the short time he’s been here.”

  “You expect me to take your word for that?”

  Ted stepped forward to place an arm around his wife. “Now, Charlotte, you promised no fighting. We’re here to spend some time with Zach.”

  “And we will. But not before I get some proof of Nathan’s claim.”

  Waves of nausea forced their way up Nathan’s throat. He half expected a lawyer to appear with a court order.

  “I’d be more than happy to verify his statement.” Paige seemed to come out of nowhere.

  Nathan almost sagged with relief. He’d been so intent on the battle of wills, he hadn’t even noticed her arrive.

  Charlotte fisted a hand on her hip. “And who are you, may I ask?”

  “This is Paige McFarlane, the camp director. Paige, this is Charlotte and Ted MacNeal, Zach’s grandparents.”

  Paige smiled widely as she shook each of their hands. “So nice to meet you. I’m sure Zach is excited you’re here.”

  Charlotte frowned, her thin eyebrows cinching. “I don’t understand. You are the camp counselor. Not a therapist. How can you verify anything other than Zach’s ball-playing prowess?”

  Paige’s expression remained pleasant. “I am also acting as a grief therapist for Zach.”

  “What type of qualifications could a camp counselor have?”

  Nathan watched Paige’s shoulders stiffen. “I’m finishing a master’s degree in child psychology. I’ve studied grief therapy as well as childhood mental health issues.”

  Charlotte’s mouth dropped open. “Mental health?”

  “Depression and anger are common components of the grieving process.” Paige’s voice softened. “You yourselves, I’m sure, have experienced this since the loss of your daughter. The only difference is that children aren’t as well equipped to handle such intense emotions. We give them tools to cope with their overwhelming feelings.”

  To Nathan’s surprise, Charlotte seemed at a loss for words.

  “Let me assure you that Zach is making good progress, and I will continue working with him as long as he’s here.” Paige motioned to Nathan. “Nathan has been very supportive through the whole process.”

  Charlotte raised her chin. “Supportive? I highly doubt that. Did he tell you how he all but abandoned his son when he and my daughter separated? That he hasn’t been working for almost a year? And that while under his care, Zach got suspended twice for attacking a classmate? What kind of father is that?”

  Bile rose in the back of Nathan’s throat, making speech impossible. He could not deny any one of his former mother-in-law’s claims.

  Paige took a step closer to Charlotte. “Any man who has undergone the type of trauma that Nathan has endured over the last year is entitled to our compassion and support, not criticism or attempts to undermine his place in his son’s life. He is working hard to get over this tragedy while seeking help for his son. That’s more than a lot of people would do in similar circumstances. I, for one, admire Nathan for taking
the time to process his grief before attempting to move on with his life.”

  Nathan was stunned to see tight lines of anger on Paige’s face. Anger on his behalf. Never had anyone defended him so fiercely.

  Charlotte snapped her mouth shut. A roar from the spectators behind them turned their attention to the game. One of the boys had hit a long ball and was rounding the bases. In the outfield, Zach and Peter chased the ball.

  Paige took a breath and moved back. “I suggest that you put your differences aside for the time being, and for Zach’s sake, enjoy the rest of the day with him.”

  Ted nodded vigorously. “I agree one hundred percent, young lady.”

  Paige’s gaze shifted from Ted back to Charlotte. “If you need a professional report on Zach’s progress, I’d be more than happy to provide one at the end of camp. Just leave me the address and I’ll make sure you get a copy.”

  She looked at Nathan for the first time. He wasn’t sure what emotions he saw swirling in the depths of her eyes. “If you need me for anything, I’ll be helping with the food.”

  “Thank you.” He hoped those two simple words could somehow convey the depth of his gratitude.

  Paige had managed to defuse a potentially volatile situation and get Charlotte to back down. No small feat. For the first time in months, the perceived threat of the MacNeals taking Zach away from him lessened. The tight muscles in his chest relaxed, allowing him to breathe a little easier.

  And Nathan owed it all to Paige.

  Chapter Eleven

  Early Monday morning, Paige awakened to the sound of rain pelting the cabin roof above her. With a groan, she pushed out of bed and grabbed her clipboard to begin planning a day of indoor activities for the kids. The growing intensity of the wind rattled the walls while she worked, and a knot of worry formed in her stomach. This storm seemed worse than any she remembered at Wyndermere. Would these old cabins hold out against Mother Nature’s wrath?

  When her cell phone chirped on her nightstand a few minutes past seven, Paige knew it would be George.