Healing the Widower's Heart

by Susan Anne Mason

Paige was too busy all day to worry about the play. By the time dinner hour rolled around, a mixture of nerves and excitement made it impossible for the kids to eat. Paige tried her best to subdue their nervous energy as well as control her own unusual case of butterflies.

  Finally the time arrived to get into costume. Paige left Sandy in charge of the kids while she went to change. Alone in her dressing area, she bowed her head to pray.

  “Lord, we need Your help tonight. Guide us to give the best performance we can in Your name.” She paused. “And please help me get through this. Protect my heart and keep this strictly professional. Amen.”

  As usual, praying restored her equilibrium, allowing her to remember that God was in charge, and that He’d help her through this challenge. She changed into her costume, pinned up her hair and applied her makeup. Once satisfied, she stepped out from behind the curtain and slammed straight into Nathan.

  She gasped as he reached out to steady her.

  “Sorry. I was coming to tell you to break a leg.”

  “Oh.”

  She took a step back to look at him, and her breath tangled in her lungs. Magnificent was the only word that registered in her brain. In the full captain’s uniform, he cut an incredibly handsome figure.

  She swallowed. “You look wonderful. Sandy did a great job.”

  “That she did.” He frowned. “Are you okay?”

  “Just nervous, I guess.”

  He gave her arm a light squeeze. “Relax. Everything will go smoothly.”

  She nodded and tried to smile. “I hope so. See you onstage.”

  She hurried over to check on the kids, glad he didn’t know that he made her more nervous than the upcoming performance.

  After the first few minutes of the play, Paige settled into the familiarity of her role and allowed herself to relax. Nathan performed his part to perfection. Paige was pleasantly surprised by his transformation into his character and by his rich baritone voice. If she were honest, he made a far better captain than Jerry.

  At the last costume change, Paige hurried backstage to pull on the gauzy dress she would wear during her duet with Nathan. As she brushed out her hair, she concentrated on rehearsing the song in her head, imagining how well their voices would blend, firmly blocking out the image of the kiss at the end of the scene.

  Her traitorous heart, however, pumped out a wild rhythm the moment Nathan joined her onstage. He reached out to take her hands as they began their duet. Just as Paige had imagined, the combination of her soprano and his deep baritone blended in perfect harmony. They stood a whisper apart, hands joined as they sang. Caught up in her character’s emotion, Paige stared into the swirling depths of Nathan’s vivid eyes. Why was it so easy to pretend the emotion shining there was really meant for her? As the song drew to a close, her heart raced, half in dread, half in anticipation. Her eyes fluttered closed, her face tilted upward, until she felt the warmth of his lips on hers.

  Electricity raced through her system as reality and fiction blurred together. Her lips parted and the kiss deepened. She became aware of the hush surrounding them, the scent of his cologne, the smooth fabric of his uniform beneath her palm. Time stilled, until the sound of applause brought reality crashing in on her. On the outskirts of her consciousness, she became aware that the curtain had come down and that she and Nathan stood alone on the darkened stage. Heat flooded her cheeks, and she jerked out of his arms.

  “I—I have to go,” she stammered, walking backward, eyes locked with his.

  Finally turning, she ran from the stage, not daring to look back.

  * * *

  Somehow Paige made it through the rest of the play on autopilot. A standing ovation greeted them at the end of the last scene. Nathan held her hand as they took a bow, and Zach came forward with an armful of red roses for her. Paige kissed Zach on the cheek and curtsied once more before the final curtain fell.

  “Great job, everyone,” she told the kids, who were giving high fives all around. “After you’ve changed, we’ll meet in the cafeteria for cake and punch.”

  Whoops of delight followed as they filed off the stage. In the ensuing silence, she forced herself to turn and face Nathan, who stood waiting behind her.

  “Thank you so much for filling in. You did an amazing job.” She hoped her voice sounded somewhere near normal.

  His eyes were unreadable as he watched her. “And you were wonderful, as always.”

  Did she imagine an extra layer of meaning to his words? She managed a smile. “Thanks. I’d better go change.”

  He snagged her hand before she could get away. “Why bother? You look beautiful in that dress.”

  Her pulse picked up speed despite her best efforts to remain unmoved.

  Before she could answer, Sandy appeared. “Come on, you two. Everyone’s waiting for the stars of the show.”

  “Ready?” Nathan asked, not releasing her hand.

  She nodded, finding it near impossible to pull her gaze from his.

  “Good.”

  She tried to disengage her hand, but he linked his fingers through hers. Panic rose inside her. She sent Sandy a desperate look, silently begging for help, but her friend only grinned.

  Fat lot of help she is.

  Once in the crowded cafeteria, Paige was able to put some distance between herself and Nathan, though she felt his eyes on her the whole time. Her emotions were in turmoil. She longed to escape, to be alone to sort through her feelings and gain some perspective. She couldn’t do that under Nathan’s intense scrutiny.

  Half an hour later, Paige rounded up the kids to say their good-nights and, with Sandy’s help, herded them back to the cabins. A sense of relief invaded her tense muscles when she managed to get away without being cornered by Nathan—a slight reprieve until the morning, when she hoped her world would return to normal.

  It took a concentrated effort to get the children settled into bed. Once calmness reigned again, Paige moved into her area of the cabin and pulled the privacy curtain closed. Though certain she was far too keyed up to sleep, she changed into cotton pajamas.

  Sandy slipped through the curtain a few minutes later. Paige stopped folding her clothes to glance over at her friend, who stood staring with her arms crossed.

  “What’s wrong? Is Jerry okay?” Sandy had gone to check on him once the girls were settled.

  “He’s doing better. He’ll need another day or two to recuperate though. George is staying in the cabin with the boys for now.”

  Unable to bear her sharp gaze, Paige turned back to the rickety dresser and tugged open a drawer. “We’ll just have to work around Jerry’s absence, like we did today.”

  Sandy plopped down on Paige’s bed. “So what’s the deal with you and Nathan Porter?”

  Paige stilled, though her heart ricocheted against her ribcage. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “You don’t?” Disbelief tinged Sandy’s voice.

  Paige closed the drawer with a thunk. “No, I don’t.” Neutral expression in place, she turned to face her friend.

  “Then what was that kiss all about?” Sandy demanded.

  Telltale warmth crept into Paige cheeks. “It was scripted. You know that.” If she denied it long enough, maybe they could both believe it.

  Sandy snorted and crossed her legs on the bed. “Come on, Paige. That was one intense kiss.”

  Paige’s shoulders slumped. She sank to the bed and dropped her head into her hands. “Was it that obvious?”

  “Only to anyone who knows you well.”

  Paige groaned. “Which means half of Wyndermere is talking about it.”

  Sandy put a comforting arm around her shoulders. “Don’t worry about that. I just want to know what’s going on with you.”

  Paige fought back sudden tears that
stung her eyes. “I’m so confused,” she whispered. “I don’t want to be attracted to him.”

  “Oh, honey.” Sandy hugged her close. “Why not?”

  Paige shook her head. “Losing Colin almost killed me. I made a vow I would never let myself be that vulnerable again.”

  “Is it so terrible to be interested in someone?” Sandy asked. “From what I can tell, he feels the same way about you.”

  A tear escaped to slip down Paige’s cheek. “I feel like I’m betraying Colin’s memory, betraying our love.”

  Sandy squeezed her arm. “It’s been four years,” she said gently. “Don’t you think it’s time?”

  Paige swiped at the tears and got up to pace the room on shaky legs. When she didn’t answer the question, Sandy came to stand in front of her. She laid warm hands on Paige’s shoulders.

  “Would Colin want you to spend the rest of your life alone? With no husband, no family?”

  A sigh rasped out. “Probably not.”

  “He’d want you to find someone else...and be happy.”

  Paige shook her head, her heart heavy with an all-consuming sadness. “I don’t think I can do that, Sandy. I’m just not brave enough.”

  * * *

  Nathan stood at the inn’s railing, inhaling the cool evening air, trying to come to grips with the roller coaster of emotions he’d experienced over the course of the night. He indulged himself for a moment, reliving the duet he’d performed with Paige. It had been amazing, the way she’d looked into his eyes as she sang. Something special had passed between them, culminating in that soul-searing kiss. Her sweet response had made him forget all about the audience, as though they were the sole inhabitants of the universe. Sensations unlike anything he’d ever experienced before had raced through his body.

  Nathan could no longer deny the truth. Without intending to, he’d come to develop strong feelings for Paige. Feelings that were becoming harder and harder to ignore.

  Footsteps rang out on the stone terrace, jarring him out of his thoughts. George moved up beside him to stare out over the dark water.

  “Great job tonight, Nate. Didn’t know you were so talented.”

  Nathan chuckled. “Thanks. It was fun to sing again.” It had been enjoyable. The first time in more than a year that he’d done something for pure pleasure. Seeing the kids, Zach especially, so proud of themselves, basking in their parents’ applause, made everything worthwhile.

  George cleared his throat. “You and Paige seemed pretty...chummy up there. Anything I should know?”

  Nathan shifted his weight. “Are you asking as her employer or as my friend?”

  The weight of George’s stare forced Nathan to look at him. “Does it matter?”

  “It might.”

  “As your friend then. Keeping in mind that I’m Paige’s friend, too.”

  Nathan didn’t miss the hint of steel in George’s tone. He released a quiet sigh. “It’s complicated, George. I can’t deny I have feelings for her. What that means, I don’t know.”

  “What does Paige feel?”

  Nathan expelled a long breath. “I have no idea.” She’d responded to his kiss, no doubt about that. But did that mean she cared for him?

  George shot him a dubious glance. “Just a word of caution. Be careful with her. Paige is a lot more fragile than she looks.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  George’s pager buzzed and he snatched it up. “Sorry. I’m needed.” He shot Nathan a serious look. “I meant what I said, Nate. I won’t stand by and see Paige hurt.”

  After George left, Nathan lowered himself to sit on the stone wall. Part of him bristled at the implied warning George had given him, part of him completely understood the protective instincts Paige brought out in George—because he felt them, too.

  No matter which way Nathan looked at it, tonight had changed the dynamics of his relationship with Paige. Feelings had been awakened that could no longer be repressed. But was he ready to explore them, to see where they might lead? He just wasn’t sure. And what about Paige? What did she want?

  Tomorrow, he promised himself. Tomorrow he would talk to her and get the answers he needed.

  For tonight, he would be content with the memory of his lips on hers.

  * * *

  The next afternoon, Paige closed the door to her office with a sigh and flipped on the light. It was her first chance all day to just breathe. The weather had turned wet after lunch, so she left Sandy to supervise the kids in the auditorium, while Paige finished her paperwork. She’d been putting off applying for more financial aid, but time was quickly running out.

  She crossed to the credenza and plugged in her kettle. When the door opened behind her, she frowned, frustration humming through her veins. “I’m not in the mood, Sandy.”

  Every chance she got, Sandy had been pleading the cause of true love, trying to convince Paige of something she knew could never be.

  “Not in the mood for what?”

  Her hand froze at the sound of Nathan’s voice. She lowered her cup to the desktop and then, steeling herself, she turned to face him.

  “Hello, Nathan.”

  He loomed larger than life in the doorway for a moment, before closing the door with a sharp click. Paige started, feeling like a mouse caught in a trap.

  “I’d like a word with you, if you don’t mind.”

  She tried to swallow but found her mouth too dry. “Actually, I’m pretty busy—”

  “This won’t take long.”

  The tone of his voice broached no argument. That, along with the intensity in his eyes, made nerves skitter down her spine. “Fine.”

  He stepped toward her. “I wanted to talk to you about the play yesterday.”

  “Oh?” Hiding behind the silky shield of her hair, she jumped when Nathan tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at him.

  “I want an honest answer to my question.”

  She could only stare, her heart thrumming against her ribs at his nearness.

  “Did you feel something incredible when we kissed last night?”

  Her pulse raced so fast the room spun around her. She couldn’t let him guess how that kiss had affected her. Instead, she pulled every scrap of pride around her like a protective suit of armor. “It was a stage kiss, Nathan.”

  “Really? That’s all?”

  “Yes.” She tried to shift past him, but he took a step to the side and blocked her path.

  “That’s funny,” he said, “because I’ve never experienced a kiss like that—onstage or otherwise.”

  She took a step back for sheer self-preservation. He only closed the gap. The proverbial mousetrap clamped shut.

  She lifted her chin. “You imagined it.”

  “I don’t think so.” He moved closer still, so close that she could feel the warmth of his breath when he asked, “Why are you fighting your feelings?”

  She sank against the wall, knees shaking. “Because I can’t betray Colin’s memory like this.”

  He jerked as if she’d slapped him.

  “I’m sorry, Nathan,” she whispered. “I can’t do this.”

  Raw pain shone in his eyes as he stared, unmoving. Seconds ticked by until he finally took a deliberate step away from her. “If that’s your decision, then I’ll respect your wishes. I won’t mention it again.”

  When the door clicked shut behind him with a foreboding sense of finality, Paige closed her eyes and bit back a sob.

  She’d broken every rule in the book by getting emotionally involved with the parent of a patient. How could she have let this happen?

  She sagged against her desk, disgust twisting her insides into knots. The fact that she’d secretly wanted Nathan to kiss her again had paralyzed her with fear, proving she’d been rig
ht to reject him.

  With no guarantee that she would ever be able to open her heart to love again, giving Nathan false hope would be the cruelest thing she could do. Better to push him away now—before she hurt him even worse in the future.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Three days later, Paige sat on the end of the dock, her bare toes skimming the surface of the water. Despite the beauty of the sun glistening on the blue-glass lake, she couldn’t shake the depression that had plagued her ever since her encounter with Nathan. Though her head knew she’d done the right thing, her heart refused to concede the wisdom of her actions.

  Nathan had avoided her ever since. She missed his comforting presence, his smile and the way her pulse kicked up a notch when he came in the room. It scared her how much she’d come to crave his company in such a short amount of time—how easily he’d wormed his way past her defenses.

  Today she’d decided to quit wallowing in her misery and get on with things. Since Nathan hadn’t rescinded her services, she still owed it to Zach to finish his sessions. A true professional would put all personal feelings aside and concentrate on the patient. She reminded herself of this as she waited for Zach to arrive. The sound of the boy’s laughter broke through her thoughts. She straightened and attempted to push back the melancholy before he joined her. The wooden boards soon vibrated with the pounding of Zach and Goliath racing up the dock.

  “Hi, Paige.” The boy plunked down beside her and pulled the dog along with him, looping his arm around the beast’s neck.

  “Hi, Zach. Are you finished walking Goliath?”

  “Yeah. I’ll take him home after we’re done.”

  “Sounds good.” She rubbed the dog’s big head, and allowed herself the comfort of Goliath’s shaggy presence, while mentally switching into therapy mode.

  She took two sodas from the small cooler beside her and handed one to Zach. “So how are things between you and your dad lately?”

  He popped the tab and took a sip. “Okay. I think he likes me better now.”

  Paige let the comment slide and waited for more.

  “He’s not so mad, and he doesn’t yell as much.” Zach paused. “Except after the play, he got real grumpy again.”