Cutting the Cord

by Amanda Bateman

  “When he arrives, how about you follow my lead, eh? I need you alive and kicking for more than one reason. I want Harry and your children to get the justice they deserve but I also want to wipe a few more bits of scum off our streets. I retire at the end of the year and I want to do so with a clear conscience and a sense that I served the law-abiding people of this country well. If that means keeping a murderess alive and well inside a prison and an egotistic lawyer in his place, then so be it. I’ve no qualms about belittling Ivan Harris or seeing you live out your days on your lonesome in a cell. So, what’s it to be?”

  “It seems like I have no choice but to do as you suggest,” Elsie quipped. She’d already decided that she was going to have to put her trust in this man and get what she wanted sorted ASAP if he was due to retire in a few months. So, it may as well begin now.

  BEA

  August 1982

  Bea stole at peek at the kitchen clock. In just under an hour the whole family would be gathered for the traditional Saturday afternoon tea. Usually, the table would be overflowing with home-made cakes and scones. There would be a variety of sandwiches and a big bowl of freshly made trifle, but there hadn’t been of late. Home-made cakes had been replaced with ones purchased from the local bakery. Jelly and ice-cream replaced elaborate fruit trifles. The only things that remained the same was the selection of sandwiches on offer. Bea hadn’t had the energy to do more than what was already asked of her.

  She hadn’t just suddenly started feeling tired; it had been a gradual thing that had started sometime around the beginning of the year. She’d just had her fiftieth birthday and had assumed that she was just entering the menopause. What with the heavy irregular bleeding, sweating, headaches, forgetfulness and just generally feeling out of sorts, they were all classic signs of it. But gradually the symptoms had got worse and she’d had to admit defeat and visit the local doctors’ surgery. A rather grumpy male doctor had confirmed she was probably right and in the throes of menopause and dismissed her. But Bea hadn’t felt reassured by him and so had made an appointment to see a different doctor at the practice.

  Dr William Walsh wasn’t so convinced and decided that both urine and blood samples needed to be taken for several different tests. He’d logged her weight and height and after finding that her temperature was slightly raised, along with her blood pressure, he had them sent with an urgent request. Three days later, Bea had been called back to see him. There were irregular findings in her samples, she was told, and that he’d like to admit her to hospital for a few days for various tests to be done on her. At the time, so much had been going on. Both the girls had been in the midsts of their A level exams. Harry and Charlie had been overseeing the renovations for a new showroom, so they could start selling cars alongside the day-to-day business of MOTs, repairs and selling fuel. Anne and Eric’s first child had been due to be born in a matter of weeks and DCI Wilde had brought Elsie back home from Portugal. There had been way too much going on for her to spring this on them, so instead she’d lied. Bea had told them that she fancied a few days away at the cottage. Time alone to recharge her batteries and they had gone along with it. She’d spent those two dreadful days being poked and prodded by what seemed like half of the hospital staff. There’d been X-rays taken and scans done, along with numerous blood tests and her temperature and blood pressure taken every hour. On her release, she’d felt more exhausted than ever before. Then the surgery had rung to say her results were back, and an appointment had been for her the following day. She’d wanted to ask Harry to come with her then, but he’d been away at Anne’s with Megan and Janie crooning over his new grandson, Frederick Eric Holmes. They’d wanted her to go but she’d fobbed them off with the need to stay behind and look after Charlie. So she’d gone alone to see Dr Walsh. That had been three weeks ago, and she’d kept her dreadful secret to herself but two days ago, for the first time since Arthur had been diagnosed with his brain tumour, Bea had been scared. With an appointment at the hospital cancer unit looming, she’d finally told Harry what had been going on.

  Initially, Harry had been shocked, but it had closely been followed by a dressing-down for not telling him sooner and then he’d held her as though his life depended on it. After that he’d popped over to the garage to say he was taking the day off then had bundled Bea into his car and taken her to her hospital appointment. The consultant had been very honest and had almost immediately told her the prognosis wasn’t looking good. She had cervical cancer. It was aggressive and had already begun spreading to other areas of her body. She needed to start a course of chemotherapy straight away and then they’d give her a hysterectomy. A bed had been booked for her and she was to return the following Monday at 8am sharp to begin her treatment. Bea had left the hospital in a daze. Harry had driven in silence while Bea had just relaxed back into the passenger seat, eyes closed, trying so desperately to get her head around everything that she had been told. Then she’d realised that the car had stopped and Harry had turned off the engine. On opening her eyes, she’d found they weren’t outside the family home but parked overlooking the river.

  “We used to come as kids, remember?” Harry had begun. Bea had smiled at the memory. “Mum would make up a picnic of sandwiches and boiled eggs, with a flask of tea for her and dad and weak squash for us kids. Of course, there was always home-made Victoria sponge cake with oodles of jam in the middle.”

  “Always raspberry jam,” Bea had offered, remembering how the seeds used to stick in her teeth afterwards.

  “We used to skim stones, trying to reach the other side of the embankment. We’d even venture into the river itself if it wasn’t too deep. Mum used to shout and scream at us to get out before we drowned but dad would just wade in and join us,” Harry had recalled.

  “Happy days,” Bea had remarked as she had remembered it all.

  “Very,” Harry had added, before going on to say. “But they didn’t last. Mary turned everyone’s world upside down in a blink of an eye. Gone was our happy little family, torn apart, and for what? To appease Mary’s bruised ego?” Bea had then placed her hand in Harry’s. He had given it a gentle squeeze. Then he’d continued to remind her of past events.

  “Losing Freddy meant I got you back, Bea. You’ve held this battered family together. You’re still trying to hold us all together despite feeling so unwell. How could we have been so blind not to notice? Not to see that it wasn’t just an age thing? It’s like I… we’ve let you down all over again. If only we’d taken more notice, more care maybe we… I could have stopped…” Bea had shifted in her seat and had taken both her brother’s hands in her own.

  “This isn’t your fault or anyone else’s, Harry,” she’d begun. “You heard what the consultant said. It’s an aggressive cancer. It had taken hold long before I even knew. No one is to blame. No one is at fault. I just got unlucky, that’s all. Monday, I’ll start the chemo then they’ll do the operation. They’ll know more then. I know it doesn’t look too good at the moment but we need to stay positive. I NEED YOU to stay positive for me. I NEED YOU to hold my hand and help me through this.”

  “I don’t know if I can…” Harry had mumbled through his tears.

  “YOU HELPED ME through the worst time in my life when everyone else was against me. YOU HELPED ME, all those years ago, to carry on. Just like you helped me beat Mary at skimming stones. You were only little, but you sure had a knack for making those stones skip across the water. You’ve been helping me all my life, Harry; you just didn’t know it, so please, I beg of you, don’t stop now,” she had pleaded with her younger brother.

  “I promise, Bea, I won’t,” he’d sniffled. Bea had let go of his hands and had given him a handkerchief from her bag.

  “You’re a big boy now, Harry,” she’d reminded him. “So, blow your nose and stop those tears. Let’s get through the next few days as a family, eh?” And so they had. As though nothing had happened. But today, once the food had be
en eaten and all the dishes washed, dried and put away, the truth would come out and their entire world would be thrown into turmoil.

  AFTERNOON TEA

  Saturday afternoon tea had started like any other. Janie and Megan were last to be seated as usual, flying in the kitchen door, clad in their Woolworths uniforms and full of their Saturday evenings plans. Once they’d seated themselves at the table, Bea had begun to pour the tea, while Harry had begun to pass round the plates of sandwiches.

  In just over an hour, it was as if the whole affair hadn’t taken place. With the dishes washed and put away, the usual routine meant a scramble for the bathroom to wash and change for the ‘Big Saturday Night’ out, but Harry had ordered them all to go directly into the living room as he and Bea had something to tell them.

  “Can’t it wait?” Charlie had protested. “I’m due to pick Shelly up in an hour and God help me if I’m late. You know what a little cow she can be at times.”

  “You mean ALL THE TIME,” giggled Janie.

  “Just cause she’s a stickler for timekeeping and—”

  “Wearing too much make-up and showing half the town her bust…” interrupted Megan.

  “Oh! and belittling you, Charlie,” added Janie.

  “Just cause she takes pride in her appearance and wants me to do the same, doesn’t mean—”

  “Enough,” bellowed Harry. “I don’t give a flying fig if Shelly is kept waiting or who thinks what of her, so can we all stop jabbering on and get on with the reason why we’re here?” Immediately, Charlie, Janie and Megan fell silent. Harry hardly ever raised his voice to them. The last time they’d heard him shout was when Elsie had been arrested and they’d talked about how hanging was too good for her. Whatever could it be now that had caused this annoyance in him? But then, surprisingly, Harry had sat down in his chair and Bea began to speak.

  “There’s no easy way to say this but I’ve received some bad news, kids.” Charlie opened his mouth to speak but Bea held her hand up to halt him.

  “I’ve been feeling a little under the weather for a while now and eventually I went to see the doctor.” This time it was Janie who went to interrupt but again Bea held her hand up. “Please let me finish; it’s hard enough as it is.” Bea took a deep breath. “On Wednesday, Harry and I went to see a specialist. A cancer specialist to be exact. I’ve got cancer and, as of Monday, I’m going into hospital to start a course of chemotherapy. Once that is over, I’ll be home for a short while then I’ll have to go back in for a hysterectomy.” Bea stopped speaking and the room fell silent.

  “And then what?” asked Megan.

  “We don’t know,” lied Harry.

  “What do you mean you don’t know?” shouted Charlie. “You’re supposed to say, that’s it! IT’S ALL OVER! AUNT BEA IS GOING TO GET BETTER! WE’LL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!” With each sentence, Charlie’s voice grew louder. Bea went and sat by Charlie and placed her arm around his shoulders.

  “I wish I could say that, Charlie, more than anything else in the world, but I can’t.” Bea let the tears flow freely down her face.

  “We‘ll just have to wait and see what the outcome of the chemo and hysterectomy is first. But I’m in good hands. I just need you all to be strong for me. To be positive for me. To look after, each other for me. Can you all promise to do that?” Charlie, Janie and Megan all nodded in agreement as the same silent tears streaked down their faces. Suddenly being late to pick up Shelly didn’t matter anymore. The ‘Big Saturday Night’ out was forgotten. All that mattered was staying in their cosy living room, as a family, coming to terms with what the road ahead had in store for them.

  Janie questioned whether her trip around Europe with Josef in the New Year was wise. Megan wondered if she should defer from starting university for a year. Charlie realised in that short space of time how shallow Shelly was and how deadly keeping secrets could be!

  Harry sat back and watched as his remarkable sister, children and niece accepted things and agreed to keep family life as normal as was physically possible. While Bea answered each question, each query as honestly as she thought was necessary at the time, at the back of her mind she kept asking God, “how much more are you going to put these poor children through?” For surely, in their such short lives, hadn’t they witnessed enough? Then she offered up a silent prayer, for him to show mercy on them all.

  JANIE

  Christmas Eve 1982

  Janie lifted the black eye-mask from her eyes and slowly opened them to adjust to the winter sunlight streaming in through her bedroom window. Mrs Broadhurst, the assistant manageress at Woolworths, had driven her home a little after 10am as the onset of a migraine had started to take hold when she’d been serving on the record counter. Once Janie had assured her that she’d be fine, despite the house being empty, Mrs Broadhurst left to return to the store. Janie had then taken her prescribed migraine tablets, donned her eye-mask to block out any light and had slipped beneath her bed covers and fallen almost immediately into a deep, dreamless sleep. Janie had woken with the remnants of a headache and the familiar horrid, metallic taste in her mouth that the migraine tablets always left behind. With her eyes now adjusted to the light, she cast a glance at her bedside clock: 2:43pm, the digital display flashed at her. She’d slept for around four hours solid. Janie silently and slowly rose from her bed and headed downstairs towards the kitchen to get a glass of milk to erase the nasty metallic taste from her mouth. As she rounded the bottom of the stairs she heard her father’s raised voice coming from behind the closed living room door. Janie edged forwards, careful not to make a sound.

  “You can’t just swan off to the cottage and expect us all to carry on as if nothing’s happening.” He was shouting, but then her Aunt Bea’s voice cut in on her father’s, louder and with a real anger to it.

  “Of course, I can, it’s my life and I’ll bloody well end it the way I choose, not how you and some doctor tells me.”

  “If you don’t want the chemo again, I’ll understand, but you can’t just slope off and die without telling anyone,” Harry was shouting back at her. Janie stood transfixed the other side of the closed living room door, hardly believing what she was hearing coming from the other side.

  “They’re young, Harry.” Bea had lowered her voice with a soft pleading to it. “Don’t you think they’ve been through enough without watching me die?” That was it! Janie could contain herself no longer. With tears clouding her eyes she burst through the living room door. Bea, whose back was to the door, swung round and on seeing Janie standing there with tears streaming down her face, she collapsed into the closest chair and began to sob herself.

  Harry didn’t know who to comfort first but as Janie seemed to be in some sort of shock he quickly made the decision to take her in his arms first but as he crossed the room, arms out stretched to embrace her, suddenly Janie began screaming at Bea like a banshee.

  “YOU LIED TO US. YOU BOTH LIED TO US,” Janie screamed at her aunt and father. “You told us that the chemo and operation had been a success. That the cancer was gone. How could you tell us such a blatant lie? Don’t you think we deserve to know the truth, to make our own minds up?” As Janie ranted away Bea wiped the tears from her eyes, stood up and made towards her niece but Janie backed away.

  “Don’t you come near me,” she screamed at Bea. “YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A LIAR.” Bea saw that the door had slid closed behind Janie so she kept walking towards her. In one quick movement, she was on Janie, clasping her shoulders in a tight grip.

  “I didn’t want you to have to carry my burden, Janie. I wanted you to go off on your travels with Josef as planned, for Megan to return to university after the Christmas holidays and for Charlie to continue to flourish at the garage. I’ve lied to you because I love you all and don’t want you all to have to watch me being eaten up by this cancer. I want you all to remember me as I am. Not some bag of bones being gnawed away at by th
is vile thing inside of me. Can’t you understand that, Janie? I want to die with dignity. I want to die where my Arthur took his last breath. I want to die looking out to sea, knowing that you are all somewhere, unaware of what is happening to me but now you know and it’s breaking my heart.”

  Janie looked deep into the eyes of the woman who had come to their rescue. Who had shielded them all from harm. Had kept them safe and warm while the wolves were at the door trying to get a reaction to all the atrocities her mother had bestowed on them. Who had taken Megan under her wing and had brought her away from the horrors she’d borne at the hands of her father and the guilt she’d carried at the knowledge that her mother had taken both her father’s and her own life to release Megan from the hell she’d been living in. Bea had suffered enough of her own heartache at the hands of her family and the loss of her beloved Arthur, yet she’d returned to face them to help Janie and her family. Now Bea was going to die and the pain in her heart and chest made breathing so hard. Tears were cascading down her face; her nose was running and the snot slipping into her mouth as she gasped to get air into her lungs, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was Bea. Her beautiful Aunt Bea. Janie collapsed into Bea’s arms and they held each until their sobbing subsided and their tears ran dry. Harry looked on, shedding silent tears of his own.

  Eventually Janie pulled away from Bea and wiped her nose with her sleeve.

  “I’m coming with you, Bea. I’m going to the cottage with you. I’m going to be by your side until the very end. I’m going to make you tell me everything there is to know about you. And I’m going to promise that when the time comes I’m going to sit you in your favourite chair looking out to sea. You were there for us, now let me be there for you.”