Chapter Thirty-Nine
Fanny
“You’re prettier than I imagined,” the blonde nymph decided after circling me in the penthouse entryway.
I wasn’t quite sure why Renee was here. I just wanted to get rid of her. I had more pressing concerns. I glanced over her head to where Hollie sat by Diesel. She was using his phone to contact her agent. This thing wasn’t going away. We had to try to get out in front of the story so we could steer public perception. Samuel employed his own brilliant public relations team. But Hollie had one of the best agents in the business, Olivia Avalon. In her mid-sixties, she was a seasoned, tireless workaholic and represented only one other client. Shaina Bentley. America’s candy-coated sweetheart turned mega star who was in a relationship with the abrasive lead singer of the rock band Tempest. If anyone could trump Samuel’s handlers, Olivia could.
“You’re shorter.” I threw back at Renee while doing a quick assessment of my own that didn’t help the acid in my stomach to burn any less. The platinum blonde was prettier than I’d imagined, also. Small but she had tons of curves and confidence to match. Her green gaze blazed bright with it. Confidence that came from having Ash a whole heck of a lot longer than I’d had him. Not had him, I reminded myself and sighed.
“He told you about me.” She smirked. “I can see it in those pretty grey eyes of yours.”
I didn’t answer. He hadn’t told me of course. And I soon discovered that he hadn’t told me a lot of things.
“You’re certainly not his usual type.”
“I’ve heard that before.” Now my head tilted to an inquiring angle. “But what makes you say it?”
“You’re a lot younger for one thing,” she answered after scanning me head to toe from the three-quarter sleeve hoodie that covered a Namaste tee down to the yoga pants all the way to my purple Chloés. She came closer, reached out and touched me without warning. I gasped as she stroked a familiar hand across my breasts. “Innocent.” She flashed a conspiratorial smile. “You ever been with a girl before?”
“No.” I knew she was trying to shake me up. I wasn’t that innocent. I remembered the groupie who had chased
Ash at the Oscars, remembered what she’d offered him. I remembered everything from that night.
“Too bad. He likes a lot of variety. One of his favorite set ups lately is me with another girl. But if that kind of thing’s not for you…he’s probably not planning on keeping you very long. Certainly not as long as he’s been with me. Years and years.”
Everyone knows you like to watch.
My legs went unsteady. What we had done and hadn’t done. Him sitting on the bed watching me with heated eyes. Even now remembering the look on his face made me feel hot, achy and needy.
“You’re blushing.” I was, but not for the reason she thought.
“He’s doing scenes with you of course. He’s very good at them. He brought a guy in to fuck you?”
“No.” I shook my head, my stomach twisting. I wouldn’t want that. I didn’t want anyone but him. But did he feel the same? I suddenly felt inadequate. Woefully out of my league. Stupidly naive.
“Then he’s not doing much at all with you. Probably hasn’t even penetrated you. Exhibited you. Arranged you for someone else to pleasure you while he watched.”
Dazed, I shook my head. My fingers curled into fists. My eyes burned. She made sex seem devoid of emotion. Like being with Ash was some kind of performance. Their arrangement didn’t seem at all like anything we had experienced. We might not have been together in the sense that I wanted us to be, but neither were we actors playing parts in some dispassionate play.
“It’s not like that with us at all.” I lifted my chin, no longer feeling like I wanted to sink into the floor. “We do things together. We talk. We laugh. Tease each other. Surf together. Hang out with his friends.”
She blinked and the malevolent gleam in her eyes was no longer as bright. “What friends?”
“Karen. Simone,” I began but she interrupted.
“The guys in the band?” She jerked her head to the side. Diesel was standing now, his hands in his pockets, but he looked uneasy. Yeah, this wasn’t a cool conversation. Not one I wanted to have with Renee for sure. And certainly not with an audience present.
“Yes. Of course all the Dogs.”
“And his cousin? Linc?”
I nodded. Not understanding why she was making that distinction.
“So you know. So it’s ok with you. That Ash is in love with him. That he always will be. That whatever sweet little innocent nothings you give him you’ll never ever be able to give him that.”
It suddenly all made sense. I love you both, he had said. It hadn’t been Simone he had been staring at that day on the beach with all of that longing in his eyes. Not Simone that he could never have. It was Linc. Everything everybody had said to me, including Linc himself started to make sense. Ash was in love present tense with his cousin. Everybody knew. Even Renee. Everybody except me.
The penthouse door suddenly flew open, trembling on its hinges. Ash stormed inside. He looked…he looked incredible like he always did. Hair windblown but tied back with a black silk ribbon. Navy blazer, definitely custom by the way it fit his wide shoulders. A light blue shirt that accentuated his eyes, like the Pacific roiling during a storm at the moment. Charcoal pants molded to his hips and long legs. He’d been in LA with the lawyer. I’d forgotten all that. He had a way of eclipsing my thoughts, along with everything else in my life.
Unfortunately I didn’t seem to have the same power over him.
~ ~ ~
Ashland
“Get out!” I barked furiously at Renee. She had no business being here with Fanny inside my place. I had clearly explained that we were over.
“But honey,” she purred, padding across the floor to me, her expression knowing and calculating. Fanny looked…well like the walls of the penthouse were crashing down on her, though she stood straight and beautiful despite her obvious distress. Everything I wanted she represented, but she knew what I was made of now it seemed. One glance and I knew or could at least guess all Renee might have told her. Too late for me too eek out those details slowly. Maybe too late for the two of us.
“She’s only a child.” Renee reached for me. I snagged her wrist before she could make contact. She frowned. “Why would you throw us away for her?” Renee’s words didn’t merit acknowledgment. She sure as hell wasn’t winning any points coming here and pulling this shit. My eyes weren’t even on her. They were on Fanny. My gypsy rose, her gaze filled with watery grey emotion. My fault that she looked so utterly betrayed. I deserved every bit of the pain seeing her like this brought me.
“She is exceptional. Extraordinary. Incomparable. She’s Fanny. And she might not be for me anymore after whatever it is you’ve told her about me. But not because I don’t want her. She is everything I want. Everything I need. Her life is in turmoil. You had to know that coming through that circus downstairs. And still you felt the need to come up here and add to her troubles?” My gaze went hard. “I never knew you.”
“You never even tried to know me,” she hissed.
“You’re right. Maybe because I knew all along that the little I had of you was more than I wanted.”
She flinched. I released her wrist. She got the message. Finally. We were done. Finished. If there had truly been anything between us it was beyond redemption because of her actions. She slunk past me, her heels clattering on the hardwood floors.
“Fanny.” I moved toward her. My hands outstretched. “It’s gonna to be ok.”
“No.” Wide eyed she backed away from me. More pain sliced through me.
“Ok. Maybe not with us.” My voice was gruff.
“What us, Ash?” She croaked, her voice ragged. “What were you doing with me? What were we doing?” Her hands fluttered as she glanced around the apartment looking at it as if searching for specters of the memories we had created. Were memories all she would leave me? �
�It doesn’t matter,” she said firmly. Her sharp words sheared the wings of hope from my heart.
“Samuel. Hollie. Press conference,” she mumbled, cutting her gaze to her sister as if I weren’t even there anymore. She seemed to be formulating some kind of list.
I’d had enough. I needed her in my arms. I was going to force the issue. She thought better with me close. Well, so the hell did I. “Samuel Lesowski is going down, or he will be, once you authorize Andrew Hart to represent you and Hollie.”
“What?” She froze. I intercepted her, taking advantage of her surprise to get my hands on her arms. Gently, but firmly I drew her close. “Andrew Hart,” she breathed. I could hear her sister telling someone named Olivia that she would call her back.
“Yes. I’ve had him on retainer since you told me what was going on with your stepfather.” I stroked her arms with my thumbs wishing I could stroke her skin but settling. I had her now. In my arms.
“Hart is convinced that your stepfather didn’t have anything to do with your mother’s death. But what he does have on him is a lot of statements, sworn affidavits about how he used his position to coerce women to have sex with him in exchange for roles in his movies.”
“Oh my!” Hollie exclaimed.
“One of them was underage like your sister, Fanny.”
“I knew. I mean, I suspected, sure. But I never expected anyone would be willing to stand up to him.” She shook her head in disbelief.
“They’re not only willing, they already have. I imagine there might be more in the coming days.”
“That’s what Olivia told me.” Hollie’s eyes were bright. “She wants me to make a statement. She thinks if I go public with what Samuel did to me more women might come forward.”
“She’s probably right.” I nodded to Hollie then refocused on Fanny. She was looking down at my hands on her arms. “Hart says he’s going to bury Samuel.” She lifted her gaze. Seeing the daze and confusion in her eyes clearing, I pressed on quickly. “You know Hart’s reputation. Everyone does. He doesn’t take on a case if he can’t win it.”
“Yes, I know,” she whispered and twisted in my grasp, frowning. “Let go of me, Ash.”
“I can’t.”
“Ash.” Hollie stepped closer.
The door to the penthouse burst open and slammed into the wall. I released Fanny. “Get behind me, both of you!” I threw my arms to the sides protectively in front of her and her sister. Not knowing what to expect, I turned to see Linc and Simone with Ramon and Karen right behind them.
“What’s going on?” Linc asked. “It’s a madhouse down there. But no one is getting up into this penthouse that’s not on your list though, I can tell you that. It is that serious. The extra security you asked for is here in force. Cash has taken charge. If you can believe it, he made all of us show him our ID’s. Plus, your mom’s gotten involved. Even though she’s supposed to be taking a medical leave, she made a quiet call and now SDPD is handling things outside the building.” He strode closer, his gaze sweeping the room. His brows rose. “Seems like things are serious in here, too. What’d we miss?”
“Renee was here. I updated everyone about what Hart turned up. And Fanny asked me to let her go,” I summarized.
“Well, hell no on that last one. You’re not going to do it.” His gaze slid away from me. I shifted to see Fanny had moved to stand by Hollie. They were holding on to each other. I felt a twinge of déjà vu remembering the first night I had brought them up to the apartment and had watched them holding hands in their sleep. “Ash tells me you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him. It would be crazy to let you go. But I guess he hasn’t told you yet.”
Fanny shook her head.
“I think she already knows,” Karen said.
Fanny shook her head harder.
“Anyone can see how good you are for him. I’m sure it’s just as clear to you what you mean to him, Fanny. You’re the one for him.”
“He never even had Karen or me up to the apartment until you came along,” Ramon said. “He’s repressed. He’s an isolationist and a control freak when it comes to letting people close, but you’ve changed that.”
“He can’t take his eyes off of you. He couldn’t even before he knew who you were. You’re all he sees,” Simone said softly.
“And that kiss, Fanny,” Hollie reminded me. “You told me about it, but I’ve seen the pictures now on the internet. He was on his knee in front of you.”
“But Linc,” Fanny whispered. Her eyes finally returned to me, her body shifting in my direction.
“Not anymore, little rose. Not since you. It took me a little while to see it. But I think the process of falling out of love with him started the first time I met you.”
“I don’t understand. How can you say that?”
“I can say a lot of things. I want to. But as much as I love my friends, and love that they’re all here and supportive, and as much as I agree with everything they said about me and you, the rest I want to share is private, and it’s only for you.” I cast my eyes to Linc quickly then back to her. “My cousin told me I had to be willing to try to find a special person to share my life with if I wanted something like he has with Simone. He told me that the day I chased you down the embankment and almost caught you. He said I had to be willing to let that someone in when they came along. That someone is you. And I’ve been trying, Fanny. I’ve been letting you in. Sharing with you. Making you a part of my life. Things I never even imagined doing with anyone else.”
My eyes burned as I stared at her. “I’ve done those first two with you, at least. I was working on the last part of his advice last night, but I botched it badly.”
“What was the last part?” she asked, her expression soft. Her grey eyes shining with brilliance I hoped was the same intense emotion that was ripping through me.
“That I had to be willing to get on with my life in order to truly experience it. I’m willing to do that. With you. For you, my gypsy rose. If you’ll come with me to the roof, I can tell you everything you want and need to know.”
Chapter Forty
Fanny
“Would you rather sit or stand?” Ash asked me, looking uncertain. I couldn’t remember him ever looking at a loss. It rocked me.
“I’d like to whisk us both back to the beach and that kiss.” Everything had seemed so solid then. At least to me. Probably not to him considering all that he hadn’t revealed.
“I’d like that, too.” Sadness flickered in his eyes clouding the blue. “What if we stand over by the half wall closer to the ocean?”
“Sure.”
“Good.” He reached for my hand. I didn’t pull away this time. I slid my fingers into the gaps between his. He shifted to angle his body toward me, lifted our joined hands and brushed his lips across my knuckles. “A perfect fit,” he said, and my heart fluttered as he lifted his head and stared deeply into my eyes. “I knew you were right the moment I first looked at you.”
He didn’t wait for me to respond. He tucked our hands to the center of his chest, which coincidently brought the side of my body in direct alignment with his. “Knew it with even more certainty when I held you. Every moment, every conversation, every facet of your personality has confirmed my initial impression.” He cast his gaze to the ocean giving me his profile. The breeze lifted the strands of hair that had escaped the tie holding the rest back.
“Ash,” I breathed. “Please. You’re making me cry.” I used my free hand to swipe the wetness from my cheeks.
“Sorry, little one.” He dipped his gaze to me. I tried to give him a smile. It trembled like the waves did when they lifted to high as if to touch the clouds before gravity brought them crashing back to their rightful place. “Sorry for the mess I made of things after that kiss. I told you out on the pier that I was clueless about you and me, and it was the fucking truth.” He turned his gaze back out to the water, and I pressed closer to him. It was all I could do. The rest was up to him.
�
��But knowing who you were, I also knew who I wasn’t. I lived a hedonistic life all those years on the road. I Ioved Linc. He loved Simone. He spiraled without her and instead of yanking him out of the abyss I dove right into it with him. Drugs were a part of it. But so was a lot of experimentation. Guys. Girls. Threesomes. I don’t know all that Renee told you, but I have tried almost everything hoping to fill the void. None of it worked. When I met you I had finally come to that realization. All part of the crossroads I mentioned to you.”
“Not good timing to meet me.”
“No.” He turned his head. His gaze was turbulent. “Because even without all the stuff I had to work through at the time including my diagnosis, I knew I was overreaching by desiring someone so perfect.”
“I have my faults, Ash. I’m impulsive. Flighty. Emotional. I think you’ve seen all those things while I’ve been here. I’m far from perfect.”
“Ok, you’re very grounded, at the least. Name one impetuous, highly risky thing you’ve done besides running away that night with your sister?”
My mind went blank.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “I thought so. I bet the most rebellious thing you ever did was follow bands like ours. So yeah in comparison to me you’re perfect.” His gaze went back to the ocean. “I wish I could give you that in return.” His eyes narrowed. “Wish I could go back to the start.” His tone matched his introspective profile. “Be the man I was before the band left OB that first time. But the past can’t be undone. I am a sum of my parts and a product of my past. You know all the truth of it now. That kiss was the only untainted part of me I had left to give you.”
“What about me being the only woman you’ve ever been affectionate with?”
He stilled, turned his head toward me, a light flickering to brighten the dark in his eyes.
“Has Renee ever gone surfing with you?”
“No.”
“So that’s mine, too. Has any woman ever been with and your friends at a dinner party up here on your roof? In your studio? Sung a duet with you? You ever let anyone stay in your bedroom overnight in your bed? You ever carried a woman when she was weak? Tease her when she was sad?”
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