Her Fear

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Recognizing the voice, Stephen turned. “Daisy?”

  “May I help you?” Sheriff Brewer asked politely.

  Daisy’s eyes widened. Then, clutching her handbag firmly, like she was worried that he might reach out and snatch it, she said, “I’m sorry for interrupting, but it is very important that I speak to Stephen. Right now.”

  “Ma’am—”

  “What are you doing here?” Stephen blurted on the sheriff’s heels.

  “After I dropped off Sadie at the hospital, I decided to wait here for you,” she explained, her voice sounding brittle and strained.

  Though it was obvious that Daisy was upset, Stephen found himself focusing on the fact that she had left Sadie there.

  “You left her in a waiting room all alone?” he asked, feeling even worse about the whole situation. That poor girl.

  Daisy looked puzzled. “Well, jah. I figured someone else could take her home after she was done visiting Esther. What is the problem?”

  “She was admitted to the hospital,” Sheriff Brewer said.

  She covered her mouth with a hand. “Oh, my word. What happened to her?”

  “She collapsed in the hallway,” Sheriff Brewer said.

  “There might be a problem with the baby,” Stephen added.

  Daisy looked stricken. “I’m sorry, Stephen. She said she had experienced some cramps. I had no idea. I guess she was afraid to tell me that she needed help.”

  There were so many regrets and questions floating through his head, Stephen hardly knew where to start.

  “No need for apologies, Daisy. I think it’s more than obvious that all of us are experiencing a lot of things that we didn’t expect.”

  “You ready?” Brewer asked.

  “I’m heading to the hospital,” he said to Daisy. “I’m afraid we’ll have to talk about everything later.”

  “All right. I’ll talk to you when you bring her back to my house.”

  Though he was anxious to get to the hospital, he knew he couldn’t simply leave Daisy like this. “I need a minute,” he said to the sheriff.

  Taking her hand, he walked her a few feet away. “Danke for taking her to the hospital. Thank you for caring, too.”

  Daisy, always so forthright, looked hesitant. “Stephen, I don’t understand what is going on with you, but I’m trusting that you’ll help me understand when the time is right.”

  Reaching for her other hand, Stephen felt so much relief and gratitude in his heart, he could barely catch his breath. “You don’t know how much your words mean to me. I promise, I will explain everything as best I can. Don’t give up on us.”

  “I don’t want to. I want to believe that what we have is real.”

  “It is. One day you’ll never have any doubts.”

  When her eyes softened and her hands gripped his tightly, Stephen knew the Lord had indeed heard his prayers. He’d given Stephen Daisy to help him shoulder his burdens.

  After gazing into her face for a long moment, he released her hands and walked back to the sheriff’s side.

  Minutes later, as Sheriff Brewer was driving them down the highway, he looked over at Stephen. “Is she your girlfriend?”

  “I don’t know. I hope one day she might be.”

  “Ah.”

  He was very glad that Sheriff Brewer had learned when to speak and when to keep quiet. Stephen didn’t think he could handle another conversation. He simply had no more words.

  Chapter 29

  August 4

  The first thing Sadie noticed after she woke up was that she wasn’t in the Intensive Care Unit. Instead, she was lying in a comfortable bed, her sheets were a comforting pale pink and felt crisp and cool. A matching pink blanket was neatly folded at her feet. There were also not one but two pillows behind her head.

  Sadie didn’t know if she’d ever enjoyed so much space, care, or luxury.

  “Ah, there you are,” a bright, cheery voice said. “I was beginning to wonder when you were going to join us again.”

  Warily, Sadie turned her head and came face to face with a rosy-cheeked nurse. “I just woke up. Was I asleep very long?”

  The nurse, whose nameplate said Karen, stepped forward and picked up her wrist. Pressing two fingers on Sadie’s wrist, she checked her pulse. After she wrote something down on a chart, she glanced at the clock. “Several hours. Since it seemed like you were exhausted, we decided to let you rest instead of waking you up every thirty minutes.”

  “I’m not sure what happened.”

  “You collapsed outside your cousin’s window in the Intensive Care Unit. Do you remember that, honey?”

  “Oh! Yes! Esther. How is she?”

  “I’m afraid I can’t give you too many details, but I can share that she’s going to survive.”

  Esther was going to survive. That was both the best news and something far from it, too. Survival was good, but she knew that there was a long way between survival and being all right.

  When she felt the muscles in her belly pull, she rested her palm on it . . . and remembered once again how afraid she’d been. “My baby?” she asked hesitantly, not able to even go so far as to utter her worst fear aloud.

  The nurse’s smile widened. “Now, that, I can tell you about. Your baby is going to be just fine. Look at that heartbeat.”

  Sadie realized then that a cord was attached to her stomach and her baby had its own monitor.

  Its very own monitor.

  Just like it was its own unique person. “It’s okay?” she murmured, watching a line blip across the screen. “That’s its heartbeat?”

  “It is. It looks good, don’t you think?”

  “Jah. It sounds gut, too.” She was fairly certain that she could sit and watch the monitor for hours.

  The door swung open. “Are you teasing the patients again, Karen?” a gray-haired doctor with kind-looking eyes behind metal wire rims murmured.

  Karen winked at Sadie. “Only the ones I like.”

  He grinned. “Sounds like you’ve been in good hands, Miss Detweiler. How are you feeling? Any cramps?”

  Sadie took a minute to take stock of her symptoms. “Nee. I think I’m only a little sore. Right now I feel all right.”

  “You had some bleeding, but it seems to have stopped.” He looked at both the chart that Karen handed him and the computer screen. “I’d like to keep you here for another couple of hours, just to make sure you are rested and feeling better.”

  “All right. Danke.”

  “You’re welcome. Now, are you up for a visitor? There are quite a few outside waiting to see you.”

  “For me? Um, yes, of course.”

  “I’ll go get your guy,” Karen said with a smile as she walked out behind the doctor.

  Sadie barely had a moment to wonder who was there when Noah walked in. She felt herself turn three shades of red as he stood at the side of her bed and examined her closely.

  “Hiya,” he said at last.

  “Hi.”

  Reaching out, he tenderly brushed a lock of hair from her brow. “I heard you’ve been giving everyone a scare.”

  “I scared myself some, too.”

  “Are you feeling better?”

  “I think so. The baby seems to be all right, so that is good.”

  His gaze warmed. “I think so, too.”

  She opened her mouth, thinking that she should say something, anything, but her mind had gone blank.

  He sat down on the chair where the nurse had been sitting. “I checked on Esther before I came here. Your cousin Monroe is holding vigil outside her room.”

  “The nurse told me that she had survived.”

  His brows pulled together. “More than that, Sadie. The doctors seem to think she will be right as rain soon.”

  “That’s wonderful.” She smiled wanly. “I don’t know what happened to her, or even what is going on with my family. Did you hear that the sheriff took them in for questioning?”

  “I did. But it must not be too ba
d if Monroe is already back.”

  “That’s true.”

  “Sadie, one of the reasons I stopped by was to see if you were comfortable at Daisy’s. Do you think you’ll be all right there? Has she been nice to you?”

  “To be honest, we haven’t had much occasion to talk. I went to sleep almost the minute I got to her house. Then she woke me up early this morning to see Esther.”

  “Do you think you’ll be happy living with her there?”

  “I don’t know.” She hesitated, not wanting to divulge too much information, then realized that probably nothing in her life was a secret anymore. “Noah, to be honest, I’m not sure that she’ll still want me to be staying there with her.”

  “Why?”

  “I think she might be afraid of what trouble my relatives might be in. She liked my uncle Stephen, you see.”

  He stared at her quietly, then said, “I have another idea for you. How about you move in with my parents?”

  “I couldn’t do that.” The last thing she wanted to do was be yet another family’s unwanted, unexpected guest.

  “Of course you could. They have a big house. My mother would enjoy your company, too. My little sister, Melody, would, too. And you would love her.”

  “I’m sure I would. But, Noah, I think you are forgetting something.”

  “What is that?”

  “Whoever takes me in will be taking in another person, too.” She pointed to the monitor. “That’s my baby’s monitor. I’m a package deal, you see.”

  Instead of being taken aback by her honesty, he laughed. “I know that. And my parents know that, too.”

  “Your mother won’t mind that I’m not married?”

  He grinned, just like she’d said the most entertaining joke. “Not at all.”

  “I’ve been getting tired. The doctor says I can’t do a whole lot right now,” she warned. “Your mother might not like that.”

  “My mamm had five kinner. I think she’s familiar with pregnant women, Sadie. She won’t mind looking after you.” Reaching for one of her hands, he continued. “I also live right next to my parents. So even though you’ll be living with them, I’ll only be a few steps away.”

  But that wasn’t the point, was it? It wasn’t that she feared his mother not being able to handle her, it was that she would want to be around her at all.

  It was hard to wrap her mind around the fact that one family could be so accepting of her while her own never wanted to see her again.

  Then she realized that she was going to be released in an hour or two and she had nowhere to go—no place where she was sure she was going to be welcomed. “Would it be all right if I spend the night at your parents’ house tonight?”

  “Of course. I’m going to let my parents know and then come back to get you. I promise I’ll be back within two hours. Don’t leave without me.”

  “I won’t.” She smiled slightly. “Don’t forget, Noah, I don’t have anywhere else to go. At least not for tonight, anyway.”

  “You aren’t going to have to worry about that tomorrow, either.”

  She didn’t want to depend on that. Not on anyone, not anymore. “How about we talk about that tomorrow?”

  Getting to his feet, he said, “Look at me. I’m not going to abandon you today. I’m not going to cast you off tomorrow or even the next day. You now have someone you can depend on.”

  She wished she could believe that. But even though his words sounded too good to be true, she pretended she believed him. “All right. Danke.”

  “You don’t have to thank me. See you soon.” Shaking a finger at her, he teased, “Now, don’t you leave without me.”

  She giggled. “I won’t.”

  He flew out the door, obviously on a mission. Alone again, she turned her face to the monitor and took comfort in the lines that jumped at reassuring points, telling her that her baby’s heart was strong and healthy.

  Just as she was closing her eyes, the door opened again.

  It was Karen, and she was smiling brightly. “You popular girl, you have another visitor.”

  “Another? Already?”

  “Yep, and he’s been real anxious to see you, too. May I let him in?”

  Thinking that it was Monroe, she nodded and pushed the button on the bed to get into a sitting position.

  “Sadie,” her father said with a frown. “It looks like I came here just in time.”

  Chapter 30

  August 4, early afternoon

  Instead of going right to Esther’s room or checking on Sadie, Stephen found himself wandering around the parking lot in front of the hospital. He felt like his head was about to explode. And it was no wonder. Sheriff Brewer had asked him a lot of questions that he hadn’t had the answers to.

  And that, in itself, had created a sense of foreboding deep inside. Why hadn’t he asked more questions about the moonshine? Why had he never questioned his father’s motivation?

  More importantly, why hadn’t he ever asked himself those questions?

  He’d told the sheriff that he’d first been too distraught about Jean’s death to do more than attempt to get through each day.

  And that had been true. He was stunned by his wife’s sudden death—and had felt helpless for quite some time. Nothing, not even his two precious children, had seemed to matter.

  But that hadn’t been the extent of his feelings.

  He’d also been worried about his future and was disappointed in himself. He’d just turned forty and felt like a failure. He’d always thought he would be more successful than his father, that he’d make more money, that he’d be better.

  But he wasn’t. He’d taken a good look at himself and felt as if he hadn’t done anything of worth besides marry Jean and have two children. With her gone, he felt the need to prove himself in some way.

  Over that next year, he’d floundered—and wished and prayed for a way out of poverty. An easy way out. But of course, there was no road to success that didn’t involve hard work and dedication.

  When Stephen discovered his father had built himself a still in the root cellar and was making moonshine, he decided to capitalize on Willis’s weakness for alcohol.

  And other men’s and women’s weaknesses, too.

  Practically overnight, other men heard about Willis’s product. When they started offering a good amount if Stephen would be willing to deliver it on the sly, he didn’t even consider refusing. Money was money.

  Next thing they knew, money was coming in and he could afford to pay off Jean’s bills. Then they bought an oven that actually worked well. His goals of being able to pay for his family’s needs soon shifted. Now, instead of only focusing on what he needed, he began to think of items that he desired.

  He’d started putting cash both in the bank and in hiding places around the house. Then, when business boomed even more, he did the unthinkable and got Monroe involved.

  Even when he knew that Monroe did not want to have anything to do with it.

  The only thing Stephen did right was keep everything from the women, but in the end, that was wrong, too.

  As it turned out, their business became a dirty secret for the women as well. It also became something dangerous.

  Both his mother and Esther had taken sips of the deadly brew.

  His mother had died. His daughter almost had. And his son was taken in along with him for questioning.

  Had he put his family’s lives on the line for his own financial security? He’d like to believe he hadn’t.

  Whatever had happened with the moonshine was a mistake—a tainted batch. One tainted batch in a line of dozens of batches that were fine.

  He hadn’t done anything wrong on purpose . . .

  Had he?

  Surely, the Lord wouldn’t blame him for brewing it. He’d brewed and sold alcohol to adult men, not sold it to children or ever coerced anyone to take something they didn’t want.

  Sure, it was against the Amish way of life; it wasn’t anything to be proud
of. And it was a crime. But creating poison? That . . . well, that was the terrible thing indeed.

  No, it was murder.

  But wasn’t it an accident? Had they used some tainted products or mistakenly allowed wood shavings from treated lumber to fly into the still? He knew that it didn’t take much to ruin a batch.

  Then a darker idea took hold.

  Had his father created a deadly potion on purpose? Had he only pretended to sample the liquor?

  For what purpose that could be, Stephen couldn’t begin to guess. But maybe his father didn’t need a reason. He’d been acting so cantankerous and unstable of late. Maybe he was losing his mind.

  Either way, he needed to be stopped. Perhaps it was for the best that Sheriff Brewer was keeping him close. No doubt Daed was so angry and upset, he was willing to take it out on almost anything.

  Exhaling, Stephen closed his eyes and prayed for both peace and forgiveness. Peace for his future, and forgiveness for what he was about to do.

  Accusing his father of murder was a terrible thing. But he was certain now that he could no longer stand aside and hope everything would continue as always. That was no way to live at all.

  But would his father ever forgive him? Would Monroe or Esther? And what about his conscience? More doubts set in.

  Did any of that even matter if doing nothing would only hurt more people and cause more pain?

  He knew the answer, of course. Nothing mattered beyond saving lives. He was going to have to share every truth and every suspicion with the sheriff.

  “Excuse me, sir,” a uniformed security guard said as he approached. “Are you lost?”

  “Hmm?”

  “You’ve been walking around the parking lot for half an hour.” The young man seemed, now that he was standing in front of Stephen, really young, and he eyed him closely. “A lady called security. She was worried about you.”

  Stephen pushed the brim of his straw hat farther back on his head so he could see the man’s eyes. “Well, there was no reason for that. I was only getting some fresh air.”

  Suspicion entered his expression. “Yeah, I can see why you’d be wanting to enjoy the fresh air, given that it’s almost a hundred degrees out here.”

  “It didn’t seem that hot to me.” It hadn’t, but the young man did have a point. His excuse did seem rather foolish at best.