Always Daddy

by Karen Rose Smith

  “Jon thinks I’m using your accident to postpone going to L.A.”

  “Are you?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Sure, I’m going to have to make major decisions, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that, but I care about you.”

  “I know that,” Ria said softly. “What are you afraid of most?”

  “Of caring for Jon a lot more than he cares for me. I’m not sure what exactly he wants. I’m afraid if he feels anything for me, it’s tied up with what he feels for Emily.”

  “You both need some time.”

  Alicia spun away from the picture window to face her twin. “I guess that’s part of the problem. I don’t feel like I have it. When I go to California, I’ll be in his world. I don’t know if I’m ready to live in it permanently. Lord, I’d miss you.”

  “There are airplanes.”

  Alicia shook her head. “Our phone bills would be astronomical.”

  Ria stood and went to Alicia. “You’re jumping the gun. You’re just going for a visit. Or are you afraid Jon will steamroll over what you want?”

  The answer came immediately. “Yes.”

  “You’re stronger than that.”

  “Not where Emily is concerned. I have to do what’s best for her.”

  “You’ll figure it out.”

  Jon was wary as he stepped up to Alicia’s front door. She hadn’t called him; Ria had. She’d said she wanted to talk to him. Giving Alicia and himself time had been damn hard. Not seeing Emily had been just as hard. He wasn’t being stubborn. He’d just hoped Alicia would call him, say the trip was still on…

  When he rang the bell, he didn’t know what to expect.

  Alicia answered the door and couldn’t have looked more shocked. Her blue eyes widened and her cheeks grew rosy.

  “You didn’t know I was coming, did you?” he asked.

  “Come on in, Jon,” Ria called from inside.

  Alicia gave her sister a sharp look and backed up so he could step in. “What’s going on, Ria?”

  Ria looked a hundred percent better than the last time he’d seen her. Color was back in her face, her hair fell straight and soft along her cheeks. Dressed in hot pink shorts and T-shirt, she looked healthy except for the cast on her arm.

  Ria motioned Jon toward the sofa. “Sit down. Both of you. I have something to say.”

  “Uh-oh,” Alicia mumbled.

  If the situation wasn’t so awkward, Jon might have smiled. He sat at one end of the sofa; Alicia sat at the other.

  Ria looked from one to the other and shook her head. “All right. This is what I’ve decided. I do not need a private duty nurse, though, Jon, I do appreciate your generous offer. It was generous, wasn’t it, Alicia?”

  “I suppose,” her sister admitted grudgingly.

  “It would be a waste of your money and I can’t stand baby-sitters. Which brings me to my next point. Alicia is pampering me to death and it better stop or I’ll get used to it and need a maid and butler. We all know I can’t afford that. So I’m going home tonight. One or both of you can have the pleasure of chauffeuring me since I can’t drive until I see the doctor on Friday.”

  “You can’t be alone,” Alicia protested. “What about the headaches?”

  “The headaches are infrequent now. There’s no reason I can’t be alone.” Before Alicia could interrupt, she went on. “But since I know you’ll worry, and since you’ll be leaving for L.A. on Thursday, I’ve asked Gertie if she’ll come in during the day while you’re gone. Will that satisfy you?”

  “I don’t know if I’m going to L.A.” Alicia stubbornly kept her gaze away from Jon’s.

  “Yes, and that’s point number three. I’m going out on the patio to have a tea party with Emily. She’s all set up and waiting for me. You two may join us if and when you straighten out your differences. Got it?”

  Jon wasn’t any happier with Ria’s maneuvering than Alicia. “And you think this manipulation is going to work?”

  Ria stood and walked to the archway of the kitchen. “I don’t know. I hope so. Because if you’re in the same shape as my sister, I don’t see how you’re getting anything done, either.” She took a few steps and called back, “Emily and I will be waiting.”

  Jon turned toward Alicia. She looked at him for a moment, then looked down into her lap. “I didn’t know what she’d planned. If I had…”

  “You would have warned me.”

  “Something like that,” she murmured.

  “I was hoping you’d call.”

  “I was hoping you’d call.” She shot back the words.

  “And apologize for being high-handed?” he asked, deciding the first step wasn’t so hard to take.

  “No, so I could tell you that some of what you said was true,” she answered with a soft sigh. “Most of what you said was true.”

  He moved closer to her. “I had no right to judge your marriage.”

  She gazed into his eyes then, and he had to catch his breath because she appeared totally vulnerable and open to him. “My father controlled our household. He wielded all the power. I didn’t think I’d ever marry. I had no desire to be under someone’s foot all my life. But then I met Patrick. He was everything my father wasn’t—kind, gentle, understanding. He didn’t demand anything. He just gave. And I gave back whatever I could. I loved keeping our house looking nice, I loved cooking for him, and after we adopted Emily, I loved caring for her. We were friends, Jon. And I’ll never be sorry I married him.”

  Jon couldn’t help the jealousy that twisted his gut, but he said, “I’m sorry I said what I did.”

  Alicia shook her head. “I’m not. Because in a way, you were right. Patrick was the perfect father figure. And I guess I loved him because of it. He never once made me feel inferior, or unimportant. He made me feel proud to be who I was. But there wasn’t much passion. When he kissed me, I never felt what I feel with you.”

  Jon put his arm along the back of the sofa, not quite touching her. “I’m a take-charge kind of person, Alicia. I’m that way in business, and I guess I can’t become someone else in my personal life. Women I’ve known in the past never complained, but then, maybe I was never involved with them the way I’m involved with you. And Emily.”

  “Not even Cecile?”

  Could she be jealous, too? He smiled. “When I think about it now, I can’t imagine being married to Cecile. She was stiff and brittle—compared to you. The idea of her being Emily’s mother…” He shook his head. “I can’t picture it.”

  A small smile played on Alicia’s lips. “You know if you had called to see Emily, I wouldn’t have kept you from her. I never will. She missed you. She asked me about you every day.”

  “It’s only been three days. I thought we both could use some time to think. You know, if you come to L.A., it’s only a visit. You don’t have to make any decisions until you’re ready.”

  Her expression was skeptical. “You don’t think you’re going to push just a little?”

  He moved his hand to her shoulder and played with the tips of her hair. “Maybe a little.” Sliding his hand under her hair, he caressed her nape. “You said Emily missed me. What about you?”

  She reached up and stroked the hair that fell across his brow. “I missed you, too.”

  It was what he’d been waiting to hear, all he needed to hear. Except for getting Alicia to accept his invitation to California. “Will you fly to L.A. with me on Thursday?”

  “I certainly can’t disappoint Ria after she’s made all these arrangements, can I?”

  He tweaked her nose. “She is a rare bird.”

  “She’s special.”

  He leaned toward her and nudged Alicia’s face toward his. “So are you.” Sliding his tongue along her bottom lip, he laved it until she separated her lips. When she did, he didn’t enter, but nibbled gently.

  Her arms went around his neck.

  Scooping her onto his lap, he teased her with his mouth, until finally her tongue touched his upper lip. A
licia was setting herself free, little by little, touch by touch, stroke by stroke. What would she be like when she trusted herself and she trusted him enough to respond without thinking, without holding back? Just a taste of her made him aroused enough that he hurt. Would she let him make love to her in California? On a deserted beach? In his home? In his bed?

  He wanted to discover everything she had to give, everything she was. Giving her the passion she deserved ranked right up there with making his home hers and Emily’s, too. Would she live with him? Or would she insist on a separate residence? Unless…

  They could get married. They could give Emily the home she needed.

  He kissed Alicia with a vehemence he’d never remembered experiencing. Her whimper increased his hunger, heated his blood, aroused him until he knew she could feel him under her. Her hands delved into his hair. Her tongue chased his, tempted, teased. She was all woman—hot, and soft, and responsive in his arms. Kissing wasn’t enough. It was only the beginning.

  He crushed her to him, hoping he wasn’t scaring her, part of him not caring. Her moan didn’t sound like fear. When he tore his lips from hers to kiss her neck, her low, murmured, “Jon” sounded more like a plea. Her yellow cotton top wasn’t much of a barrier, yet was too much. Closing his hand over her breast, he sighed with the sheer pleasure of touching her intimately. She arched beneath him, rubbing against him, creating a need so strong he was afraid he’d explode.

  Lifting the edge of her top, he found the warm skin of her midriff. She couldn’t have been any silkier, any more alluring, any more a dream he’d had over and over since they’d met. Desire throbbed as an aching yearning almost to the point of pain.

  Alicia lost all her hesitancy, all her doubts, all her wondering about whether loving Jon could turn out to be a mistake for her…and Emily. Jon excited her, aroused her, lifted her out of her ordinary life making each moment they spent together extraordinary. He was strong, and compassionate, and understanding, and she loved him so.

  As he touched her breast, light shattered into thousands of shards, piercing her, tingling in so many places she couldn’t decide what she wanted him to touch first. This was passion. This was need. This was making love.

  Suddenly Jon took his hand away. He nuzzled her shoulder with his chin and said hoarsely, “We’ve got to stop. Ria and Emily are right outside.”

  She should feel embarrassed, getting carried away like this, forgetting where she was. But she didn’t feel embarrassed, she felt incomplete, unsatisfied. As she lay against Jon’s chest, counting the beats of his heart, the question she’d been shoving aside burst clear.

  She’d been making love. But did Jon love her? Did he think of her as more than Emily’s mother? Did he feel more than desire? And what would happen after her visit to California?

  Chapter Nine

  The house overlooking the beach suited Jon perfectly. It was one floor, sprawling, with lots of windows facing the ocean. It was one of those dream houses that everyone who loved the shore imagined owning. Alicia couldn’t believe she’d be spending two weeks here.

  Jon pulled his BMW into the garage. One of his employees had delivered it to the airport. That in itself had given Alicia an idea of the service he was used to. Their worlds were so different.

  A white luxury sedan sat in the driveway, and passing it made Alicia nervous because she suspected who owned it.

  Jon confirmed her guess when he opened her car door. “Mom’s here. When I called her last night, she said she couldn’t wait to meet you and she’d bring in a light supper so we didn’t have to worry about cooking.”

  “She didn’t have to go to all that trouble.”

  He smiled and shrugged. “That’s Mom.”

  Emily had fallen asleep in the car on the way to Jon’s house from the airport. Alicia opened the back door, kissed her daughter’s forehead and smoothed her hand over Emily’s brow. “We’re here, honey.”

  “At Daddy’s?”

  Every time Emily used the new title, Alicia smiled. “Yes, ma’am. And there’s somebody Daddy wants you to meet.”

  Jon reached in and lifted Emily into his arms, nodding to the trunk. “I’ll get the luggage later.”

  The garage led into a breezeway, which led into the kitchen. Granite counters topped by pale gray cabinets gave the room a soothing air. Jon strode through it and Alicia only caught a quick look. The dining room was a melody of glass—a glass table, a glass hutch that took up one wall, a glass-and-chrome modern, multilayered chandelier. It wasn’t a room for a child.

  The large picture window in the living room provided a magnificent view of the ocean. Gray-blue waves rushed and splashed into crests of white foam. The wide expanse of shoreline seemed part of the living room. The sea green leather couch and chairs were an echo of the tranquillity the rest of the house projected.

  A petite woman in designer jeans and yellow silk blouse sat on the sofa with a kind smile on her face. Her hair was as dark as Jon’s though streaked with gray, softly curled and professionally coiffed around her face.

  She stood as Jon approached her with Emily in his arms. Her gaze met Alicia’s for a moment, then she made the little girl her focus. “Hello, there, Emily.”

  Emily pushed her finger into her mouth and kept her head on Jon’s shoulder.

  Jon patted Emily’s back. “Honey, this is your grandmother.”

  “I already have one.”

  Alicia could feel Mrs. Wescott’s disappointment. Going to her daughter, Alicia held out her arms and took her from Jon. “Now you have two. This is your dad’s mommy.” She set Emily on the floor.

  Mrs. Wescott sent Alicia a grateful smile and crouched down in front of her granddaughter. “Would you like a snack or would you like to see your playroom?”

  Emily’s face broke into a grin. “The playroom.”

  Jon’s mother held out her hand to the little girl. “C’mon. It’s right over here.” She pointed to a room down the hall.

  Emily looked to her mother. Alicia nodded. “Go ahead. I’ll get us a snack.”

  Mrs. Wescott said, “There are carrot and celery sticks in the refrigerator. And I bought some oatmeal cookies.” Guiding Emily into the playroom, she said to her, “Your dad told me you like lollipops. Which flavor’s your favorite?”

  As their voices faded into the hall, Jon said, “Mom’s not ignoring you, you know.”

  “I know. She wants to get to know her granddaughter. There’s no etiquette book for this situation.” But Alicia wondered what judgment Marilyn Wescott had made about her at first sight. It was amazing how much she wanted the woman to like her. She shouldn’t care, but she did.

  Jon put his arm around her shoulders. He gave her a kiss made erotic by quick exploring strokes of his tongue. It knocked everything else out of her head until he broke away. “Unfortunately this isn’t the time or the place. Let’s get those carrot sticks.”

  A short time later, Emily came running into the kitchen dragging a teddy bear, almost as large as she was, by his ear. “Look what Grandma gave me!”

  “I see. He’s an armful.”

  “And I have paints, and crayons and games. You gotta see.”

  Mrs. Wescott had followed her granddaughter more sedately. “I’ll have you know that roomful was Jon’s idea. I wouldn’t have bought quite as much.”

  Alicia shook her head at him, but he just shrugged.

  He said to Emily, “Grab some carrot sticks, kiddo, and you and I can go walk on the beach.”

  Alicia knew what he was doing. He wanted Emily to feel at home, he wanted her to feel she belonged. He also wanted Alicia to get to know his mother. Part of her was glad; the other part was apprehensive.

  After he and Emily left, she turned to Marilyn. “Thank you for the supper in the refrigerator,” she said. “And the groceries. You really didn’t have to do that.”

  “I wanted to.” Marilyn looked uncomfortable for a moment, then said, “Alicia, I hope you’ll let me spend time with Emily whil
e you’re here. I’ve wanted a grandchild for so long.”

  Alicia smiled at the older woman and said sincerely, “Of course you can spend time with her. I’m not sure exactly what Jon has planned, but we can’t be on the go the whole time.”

  Marilyn beamed. “He said you’re staying two weeks.”

  “That’s all I can be away right now.” Alicia took two glasses from the cupboard. “Would you like a glass of soda or juice, Mrs. Wescott?”

  “Please call me Marilyn. And, no, I don’t need anything right now. Why don’t we go sit down. In Jon’s not-too-subtle way he’s trying to let us get acquainted.”

  They went into the living room and settled on the sofa. Alicia glanced around the room again, trying to get used to her surroundings.

  “Not the furnishings I’d choose for a house with children,” Marilyn commented. “Maybe Jon will make some changes.”

  If she didn’t move to California, Jon would probably want Emily in the summers. How could Alicia stand being away from her daughter that long? How could she stand being that far from Jon?

  Marilyn tilted her head and studied Alicia with the same intensity Jon sometimes used. “Jon called me with the results of the paternity test.”

  “He was sure he was Emily’s father before the results came through. And when I stopped fighting the idea, so was I. She has his eyes, his cheekbones.”

  Marilyn added, “His smile.”

  Alicia nodded. “I’m still not sure what’s going to happen. In a sense, Jon’s holding all the cards. If I don’t move out here, I’d have to be separated from Emily. And if we do move out here…”

  “Everything you know and love is in Pennsylvania.”

  “You understand?”

  “Certainly. Jon tells me you have a twin sister you’re close to.”

  Alicia curled one leg under her, appreciating the smooth buttery leather against her calf. “I’m not sure close is the right word. We almost know what the other is thinking.”

  “I don’t envy you your decision. But I do want to tell you that if you move here, I’ll do everything I can to make the transition easier for you. I’m sure Jon will, too.”