Ava Comes Home

by Lesley Crewe

  “What happened?”

  “You fainted, that’s all. You just fainted.”

  “Where am I?”

  “Never mind that, honey,” Aunt Vi said. “We’re taking you home.”

  She looked and saw her sisters and then all kinds of people in a doorway. She was in a white place. She was in a bathroom. “What’s happening?”

  Rose bent over and grabbed her hand. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, Libby. We’re at Ma’s wake and you got a little emotional and fainted, that’s all. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

  “Oh, that’s good. We’re at Ma’s wake? She must have died then.” She saw everyone look at each other. “I can get up.”

  Rose pushed her back down. “No, honey, you need to rest.”

  “But Ma—”

  “Ma will understand. Johnnie, lift her up. Gently now.”

  Her brother came into the bathroom and smiled at her before he lifted her off the floor as if she were a rag doll.

  “It’s okay, child. I’ve got ya.”

  Ava rested her head on her big brother’s shoulder. She felt safe and warm and sort of dreamy. Maybe this was a dream. She’d have to tell Lola when she woke up. She saw people all around and yet when they walked by, the people stepped back, as if they were frightened of her. Oh well, it didn’t matter. Johnnie would take care of her.

  Lola wrapped a sweater around her and they went down the steps. People lined the stairs. This must be a premiere, but she couldn’t remember what movie it was. She wondered if she should wave.

  Ava was bundled into the car. Lauchie drove and Johnnie kept her on his lap. He patted her and told her to hush. The car stopped and he carried her out and into the house. She heard the voices of her sisters and Lola. They were coming up the stairs behind them. So strange that everyone needed to go upstairs at the same time.

  Johnnie laid her on the bed.

  “We’ll take it from here,” Rose said.

  “Thank you Johnnie. You’re so nice to me.”

  ”That’s okay, baby.” He turned from the room.

  Then all these women fussed over her, got her into pajamas and wiped her face and made her drink tea laced with something. Then they wanted her to take a bite of toast, but she had no appetite. Finally they let her lie down and Rose sat by her side and stroked her hair.

  “Sing me that song, Rosie. You know the one.”

  “‘You Are My Sunshine’?”

  “Yes. That’s it.”

  Rose was still singing when she fell asleep.

  Seamus couldn’t get Colleen to tell him what had happened.

  “Well, something must have happened. Look at you. You’re a mess.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” she sobbed. “Just leave it.”

  “One of her brothers didn’t say anything to you, I hope, because I’ll wring their necks if they did.”

  “No. No. It wasn’t like that.”

  “This is ridiculous. I have a right to know.”

  She turned on him. “You left me there. You ran out and I had to stand there with everyone looking at me. It was hard, okay?”

  He felt terrible. Her face was flushed and tear-streaked and she looked miserable.

  “I’m sorry. I never thought of that. You should’ve come with me.”

  “You never gave me the chance, did you?” She turned away from him and leaned her head on the side door window. “I want to go home.”

  “I’m sorry, Colleen. I never should’ve asked you to go. I knew how you felt. It wasn’t fair.”

  “Nothing about this damn situation is fair. I never want to discuss it again. You do what you want. Talk to her, date her; fuck her for all I care. I don’t give a shit. I never want to hear her name mentioned again. Have you got that?”

  He was speechless. His sister didn’t swear often. She was terribly upset and it was his fault. He wanted it to end.

  The next day at work he had coffee with Roger. He poured them two mugs and put them on the table in the lunch room. Roger reached for his. “Thanks.”

  Seamus pulled open a couple of creamers and poured them in. Then he stirred his coffee with a Bic pen.

  “I hear it was pretty bad at the wake last night.”

  “Someone told you I ran out of there, did they? Goddamn it. Don’t people have anything better to talk about?”

  “No, I mean about Libby.”

  Seamus was about to take a sip of his coffee, but he put it down. “What do you mean?”

  “Apparently she had some sort of breakdown. Her brother had to carry her out of the funeral home.”

  “What?”

  “I’m surprised Colleen didn’t tell you. She was in the bathroom with her when it happened.”

  Seamus froze.

  Roger looked at him. “Are you okay?”

  He didn’t answer.

  “Hey, I hope I’m not speaking out of turn. The only reason I know is because Julie was standing in line at the time. I heard about it briefly on the radio this morning too, about Libby being helped out of the building.”

  Seamus stood. “Call me off sick.” He turned around to leave.

  “Hey, hey buddy! Look, I feel bad. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “You didn’t. Someone else did,” he said over his shoulder.

  Seamus got in the patrol car and drove straight out to Colleen’s. He saw her anxious face in the kitchen window when she looked out and saw it was him. She was standing with her back to the cupboards when he burst through the door and threw his keys on the table.

  “When were you going to tell me?”

  “What do you mean?”

  He slammed his fist on the kitchen table. She jumped.

  “You know damn well what I mean. What did you say to her in that bathroom?”

  “Nothing.”

  He slammed his fist again. “That’s bullshit! Give me some credit. She was fine when she went in that bathroom and a mess when she was carried out. Don’t you dare lie to me and tell me nothing happened.”

  “I told her to leave you alone,” Colleen yelled.

  “And?”

  “And that…and that…”

  “Tell me the truth, Colleen, or I swear to God, I’ll never speak to you again.”

  She had a hard time getting the words out. “I told her that what she did to you was unforgivable, partying with boys that summer you were gone.”

  “There’s something else. I know it.”

  Colleen slapped her hand on the counter. “I told her what those two women said outside, about her being with the drama teacher. I said it showed what kind of a woman she really was.”

  “And what did she say when you made that sweeping judgment of her character?”

  Colleen suddenly deflated. “She said he attacked her, that he was always after her. That he never left her alone.”

  “He assaulted her?”

  Colleen continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “I swear, that was all I said and the minute she told me that, she sort of fell into the wall and I tried to help her, but she screamed at me not to touch her and then her friend came in and called me a stupid bitch and told me to get out. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It’s like she fell apart. It was scary. I was afraid.” She covered her face with her hands. “I’m sorry. I should never have spoken to her.”

  “You’ve got that right.”

  She looked up at him accusingly. “You wanted me to go. You put me in a terrible position.”

  “That’s right, Colleen. It’s my fault. It’s her fault. It’s everyone’s fault but yours. She drove you to it, because she’s such a nasty piece of work. You accused her of something that two strangers happened to mention and used it as a weapon against her, even though you had no proof. Did you ever think it might be a painful memory? No. Because you automatically assumed she was a slag and sleeping with not only every boy in town but all the teachers too.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He couldn’t contain his anger. He turned around and
punched the wall.

  “Seamus, don’t!”

  He looked back at her, hardly able to see her for his rage. “You know everything, don’t you, Colleen? You and this fucking town know everything.” He jabbed his finger in her face. “She didn’t even sleep with me. Me! The boy who loved her more than life itself. The boy she loved more than anyone. And you and these sanctimonious busybodies all delight in malicious gossip that no one can prove. You make me sick. You all make me sick.”

  He spun around and grabbed his keys. He heard her shout, “Don’t go, Seamus. Don’t go. I’m sorry. I never should have…”

  He didn’t hear anything else, just ran to the car and slammed the door behind him. He revved the engine and pulled out of the dirt driveway, causing gravel to fly everywhere. He had to see her. He had to see her right this minute. It didn’t matter what he’d say. She needed to be in his arms because she was alone and needed protecting. Nothing else mattered. He wanted her. Seamus had wanted her his whole life.

  He pulled into the MacKinnon yard, got out and walked up to the door. He knocked on it louder than he should have. It was Rose who walked toward him and opened the screen door.

  “Rose, I need to see her.”

  Rose came towards him, so he had to back up.

  “I’d like to speak to you for a moment, outside.”

  He had no choice but to do as she said. She got right in his face and she wasn’t smiling.

  “If you or your sister or any of your family ever come near that girl again, your life won’t be worth living. Do I make myself clear?”

  “What Colleen did was unforgivable. She just told me what happened. I’m as upset as you are.”

  Rose folded her arms across her chest. “Oh, I don’t think so. I think there are a whole lot of people who are more upset than you are. And I’m glad you know what happened in that bathroom, because we sure don’t. You know why?”

  “Why?”

  She pointed her finger at him. “Because we haven’t been able to get any sense out of her since it happened. She’s in bed now, practically unconscious since yesterday. The doctor says it’s nervous exhaustion, that she may be in bed for a while.” Rose poked him in the shoulder. “If anything happens to her, I’ll never forgive you. I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life.”

  “Rose, I love her. I’ve always loved her. I’d never hurt her in a million years. You know that.”

  “I don’t know anything, anymore. All I know is that your family has had a vendetta against her since she left. Yes, she went away and you were hurt. It was upsetting, but it wasn’t a crime. It’s not something she should be punished for forever, is it?”

  “Of course not.”

  “You moved on. I assume you loved Sally, you married her and gave her children. We felt awful when she died, but you can’t come here and ask Libby to replace her and feel that you’re entitled to do so.”

  That was the one thing she said that hit him right between the eyes. He looked at the ground and his heart turned cold. “You’re right, Rose. You’re absolutely right.”

  When she didn’t say anything, he looked back up at her. “Please forgive me. Please forgive Colleen. As hard as it is to believe, she was trying to protect me. She’s not a mean person.”

  Rose nodded. “We know that.”

  “Please tell Libby I only wish her the best. But if you feel it’s better to say nothing, then that’s fine. I promise you. I won’t bother you or your family again.”

  “Thank you, Seamus. I appreciate that. As you can imagine, we’re all a bit raw at the moment, what with Ma and everything.”

  “I know. I know what that feels like, and it’s not good. Goodbye, Rose.”

  “Goodbye.”

  He walked down the steps and out of the yard, though his heart stayed in the small upstairs bedroom, with her where she lay.

  Afterwards, they told her she slept for three days. Ava didn’t believe it. But when she tried to get out of bed, she had so little energy, she knew it must be true. She didn’t remember what had happened, just took it on faith that she was at her mother’s wake, was suddenly overcome and fainted. It’s not like that was unheard of. Lola told her everyone handles grief differently and it was too overwhelming.

  “So what you’re saying is, I’m not nuts,” she laughed.

  Lola laughed too. “Well, I never said that. You’ve always been nuts. Let’s just say, you’re not a raving lunatic.”

  “Oh good. I’m reassured.”

  “Listen, babe,” Lola said, “while everyone else is out of the room, I want to get your opinion on something.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’ve given this a lot of thought, so it’s not a harebrained idea.”

  “Are you going to tell me?”

  Lola took a deep breath. “I don’t think you should go back to California yet.”

  “You don’t?”

  “I shudder at the thought of you roaming around that big empty minimalist box you call home. And then I worry about the social life you’ll be dragged into by your so-called friends. I don’t think you’re up to it. I know Aunt Vi and Uncle Angus don’t need us anymore now that they’re feeling better. Your siblings can certainly handle their creature comforts. And obviously with your dear mother being laid to rest, our mission of mercy is over. I think it’s more a case of us needing them.”

  Ava was about to say something, but Lola cut her off. “I’ve already discussed this with them and all of them, every last one of them, want us to stay here until you go to New York. Just spend the summer doing nothing but swim and lie on the beach. Doesn’t that sound heavenly?”

  “But I can’t drag you…”

  Lola hit her hands on her thighs. “Will you shut up about you dragging me and making me stay in some backwater! I have no bloody life other than you. I’m Gayle and you’re Oprah.”

  “But what will Trent and Camilla say?”

  “I’m going to tell them that you’re ill. You’ve been through a lot and you need rest. I don’t think you’ll get it in Malibu. As much as Trent would say he’d leave you alone, he wouldn’t. And Camilla would pop in for a quick cup of coffee but bring her briefcase with her. You’re safest here.” Lola grabbed her hand. “My one concern is with you-know-who. Perhaps you’d like to get away from all that.”

  “I carry him wherever I go. It really doesn’t matter.”

  “Well, if that’s the case, will you take my advice and give yourself a true vacation? A few months in the sun with your brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews? I think you’ve earned it, babe.”

  “I think you’re right.”

  Lola grabbed her chest. “I can’t believe it. It’s a breakthrough! Ava actually said yes to one of my ideas. Hurray!”

  “Keep it up and I’ll hit you with my orange.”

  Lola jumped up. “I’m outta here.” She ran down the stairs, yelling, “Aunt Vi, guess what?”

  Ava lay back into her pillows. A whole summer with nothing to do but sit and watch the waves roll in. It was her idea of heaven. She didn’t even think of Seamus. She had no energy to think about him any more. It was as if something had changed in that bathroom. She knew Colleen was with her, but she couldn’t remember their conversation. Yet, it didn’t seem to matter. She wasn’t afraid of them any more.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  It was the best summer of her life. It took a while to get started, since she didn’t have the energy to do much for a couple of weeks. She was either in bed or, now that Aunt Vi and Uncle Angus were back upstairs, on the sofa in the living room or on the front veranda sitting on the porch swing her uncle insisted on buying. For once, she was in no hurry to go anywhere. She let everyone come to her. And they did, in droves. The colour began to return to her cheeks.

  Vicky, Samantha, and Emily often came over with their latest Seventeen magazines and went through the questionnaires to find out if they were sexy, organized, had fashion sense or the right haircut. Bathing suits to fit all body
types were discussed ad nauseum. They asked her what she thought.

  “I like one-piece suits, but of course I’m a firm believer in imagination. I like to leave a little.”

  They’d nod and take it all in. Then they’d kiss her goodbye and walk away in their low rise jeans with their belly buttons showing. She’d laugh to herself.

  One morning, because Hayden was supposed to be the guest, she and Lola watched the Regis and Kelly Show. They sat in their nightgowns with their feet on the coffee table. They had on thick pit socks and both had terrible bedhead. They drank their tea and feasted on two huge bowls of homemade porridge with brown sugar and cream, all the while making rude comments about everything and everyone.

  The credits came up. “Aunt Vi. It’s on!”

  Vi limped in from the kitchen on her cane. “Look at the pair of ya. Ya look like bums.”

  Lola grinned. “I know, isn’t it great?”

  “If you say so.” Aunt Vi hobbled over to the armchair and dropped into it. “How on earth can you two eat hot oatmeal in the middle of the summer?”

  “I love your oatmeal.” Ava licked her lips. “It’s making me fat. Isn’t that what you want?”

  “True.”

  Lola pointed at Ava with a spoon. “You’re going to be so fired when you show up on that movie set in New York. They’re gonna kick your big fat ugly butt outta Manhattan.”

  “Like I care.”

  Aunt Vi spoke up. “Would you two mind if I had Club here tomorrow night?”

  “Of course not, silly,” Ava said. “It’s your house. Why are you asking us?”

  “Because you’ve been planted down here for the last week, looking like somethin’ the cat dragged in. I want to make sure you at least put on a brassiere when the ladies get here.”

  Lola scraped her bowl with her spoon. “What’s Club?”

  Ava wiped her mouth on her sleeve before she answered. “It’s this thing where all these old ladies show up in one old lady’s house, and they pretend they’re doing stuff, like making plans to bake cupcakes for the church bazaar and knitting mittens and things, but what they really do is sit around and talk about the one member who didn’t show up, and then stuff their faces with tiny sandwiches and squares that they wash down with gallons of strong tea. Have I got that right, Aunt Vi?”