by Lesley Crewe
She laughed at him. “Okay. Have you got about ten million dollars so I can get out of it?”
“Good lord.”
“It’s a weird business.”
He reached for her hand and rubbed his thumb against her palm. “I don’t want to talk about it, anyway.”
“Neither do I.”
“What does this remind you of?”
“Right now?”
“Mmm.”
“The time we came here with a bunch of friends and you ended up locking everyone out of the car so you could neck with me.”
They laughed.
“I know. It was great. Don’t think the others were too happy about it though.”
“Gee, Seamus, I wonder why. They had to sit in other people’s cars and I’m sure the couples in those cars were happy to see them.”
“I know. It was rotten. Fun, though.”
“Do you remember what you said to me that night?”
“Did I talk?”
“Moaned mostly, but when you did come up for air you told me that you wished we could run away together. Just take the car and drive.”
He bowed his head and kept rubbing her hand. “Why don’t we?” “What?”
“Take the kids and get the hell out of here, away from prying, judgmental relatives and nosy friends and neighbours. Just you, me and the kids.”
“You couldn’t take them away from Sally’s parents, or your sister, for that matter.”
Seamus stopped holding her hand and grabbed the steering wheelwith both of his. He laid his forehead against them. “I know, I know. But my whole life I’ve done what was best for other people. When am I going to be happy?”
“You were happy with Sally, weren’t you?”
He kept his head down but he turned his face to her and whispered, “I loved Sally. I always will. But I’m in love with you and that will never change for as long as I’m alive.”
“Oh, Seamus.”
“Don’t talk, Libby. I don’t want to talk.”
She slid over beside him and she let him kiss her for a long time. He kissed her throat and ears and the spot on her neck he was dying to taste, before he got up the courage to put his hand under her sweater and hold her waist. He touched her ribs. She didn’t pull away when his hand traveled upward and cupped her breast. She kept kissing him so he reached under her bra and held her breast against the palm of his hand. A shiver went through his body.
She whispered against his lips, “The children.”
He took his hand away and the lovely sensation of her warm skin was lost. She went back to sit closer to the car window. The car was fogged up.
“We’re like two teenagers again,” she smiled.
He didn’t answer her.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know how much more I can take.”
Now it was her turn not to say anything.
He got up the courage to look at her. “I ache for you. My whole body aches for you. You can’t let me kiss you and then pull away.”
She sounded annoyed with him. “You want to make love to me in front of your babies?”
“Of course not. Stay with me tonight.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Seamus, don’t ruin this. Please. I couldn’t stand it if you were mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you. I’m…”
“…mad at me.”
That made him laugh. “Okay. I’m mad at you.”
“Well, stop acting like a horny teenager. Don’t ruin our time together. We have so little of it left.”
They drove back to his place, where she gave him a quick kiss and then got in her car and went home. He knew she hadn’t told her family she’d been with him, said there was no point in upsetting people if she didn’t have to.
He decided she was right. He wasn’t going to waste their last week together acting like a spoiled brat. He’d take her lead and enjoy her company. It was that or drive himself crazy, and he’d been crazy for much too long to want it to continue. Naturally people noticed the difference in him. His sister especially. He dropped in to give her back a jacket Courtney left at his house.
“I wondered where that went.”
“I found it under the bed.”
“But when was she over there?”
“The day Dave told me to stop being a creep.”
“Ahh. Trust her father not to remember she had a jacket on when she left the house.”
“You know us fathers,” he smiled and took a cookie from a baking rack on the kitchen counter.
“Leave those for the kids.”
“I’m a kid. I’m your kid brother.”
“Woe is me.”
He snuck up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. He pressed his cheek against hers. “You love me though.”
“Fool that I am.”
He let her go and sat at the kitchen table to finish his cookie. She looked at him.
“You’re happy these days.”
“Just a bit.”
“No need to ask why.”
“Is that a dig or an observation?”
Colleen put the dirty cookie sheet in the sink. “I don’t want to get into trouble again so I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
“Oh Coll, don’t be like that. I thought that nonsense was over. You told Libby to have fun when you met her at the Tasty Treat.”
“She told you that?”
“Yes. Why? Didn’t you?”
“Yeah. I’m not taking a jab at you. It’s a topic we’re too sensitive about, so let’s pretend it doesn’t exist.”
“Fine by me.”
“Can I ask one thing?”
“What?”
“What’s going to happen when she leaves?”
“Maybe she’ll stay.”
She turned around and wiped her counter top with a dishtowel. “Maybe she will.”
But his good mood soured when he met Jennifer a few days later coming out of the drugstore. He gave her a friendly wave and she kept right on going. Confused, he ran after her in the parking lot. “Jennifer.”
She turned around. “What do you want, Seamus?”
“I thought I’d say hello. Isn’t that what friends do?”
“We’re friends, are we?”
“Aren’t we?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
“I thought you said you understood.”
Jennifer shifted her parcel to her opposite hip. “I did understand, when I thought I was up against the memory of your dead wife. What you conveniently forgot to mention was that you had Ava Harris in the wings as well.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“No? My brother saw the two of you picking up a pizza, looking extremely lovey dovey, I might add. I thought you were still in mourning for Sally. I didn’t realize I was competing with a film star. I didn’t have much chance, did I?”
“Jennifer…”
She fumbled in her purse for the keys to her car. “What I can’t understand is why she hasn’t helped you over your big hurdle of being with other women. I’m sure she’s much better at it than me. I hear she’s had a lot of practice.”
“Please.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “You fed me so much crap that night. How you weren’t sure and you didn’t know if you could be with someone else. And stupid me fell for it. How you must have laughed when I did my little strip tease. What an easy mark I was. You made me feel like a fool. You can’t use people like that. Don’t ever come near me again.”
She turned on her heel, walked to her car and left him standing there. She drove off in a hurry.
He felt terrible. He sought out Roger after work but Roger wasn’t his usual accommodating self. He seemed annoyed at him too.
“Great. Jennifer must have said her spiel to Julie, who then told you and now you’re going to punish me too.”
Roger put his stuff in his work locker. “Hey man, I’d like to stay out of this if I can
.”
“Shit. Why didn’t you tell me she was upset?”
“Hell, I didn’t know myself until a couple of days ago. I guess her brother told her something about you and Libby and she calls Julie and cries into the phone for three hours and then I get it in the neck for being your friend, and how could I have been so mean as to set you up. Then I had to remind Julie that she asked me to, but she seems to have forgotten that part of the conversation, so now I’m a shit. No, I’ve had enough grief, thank you very much.”
“Well, this sucks.”
“You’re darn right it does. Jennifer’s a nice girl. I don’t think she deserved that kind of treatment.”
Seamus slammed his own locker door. “What are you talking about? Weren’t you the one who said to have ‘forget about her’ sex?”
“Yeah. But you conveniently forgot to tell me you’re going out with Libby. I thought you were boohooing into your pillow alone every night. I didn’t know you had someone with you.”
Seamus was about to scream that he was alone every night, but he stopped himself. Roger wouldn’t believe him anyway. Seamus couldn’t believe it himself.
Roger closed his locker. “I’ll see ya tomorrow.”
Roger started to walk away but Seamus held him back when he grabbed his arm. “I’m sorry because I liked Jennifer. She’s a lovely woman. None of this has anything to do with her.”
“I’m not the one you should be telling that to.” He shook off Seamus’s grip and walked out of the locker room.
So Seamus wasn’t in a real good mood for the rest of the week. It didn’t help that Ava called to say she had to take her Aunt Vi to a concert at the Savoy Theatre because Uncle Angus refused to go with her and her sisters weren’t available.
“We don’t have much time left.” He knew he sounded like he was whining. He heard her sigh.
“It’s not easy for me either, you know. I’d like to be with you tonight too, but what’s my excuse going to be? I’ve already told them enough lies to sink a ship. She never asks me for anything. I can’t very well disappoint her.”
“Can you see me tomorrow night?”
“I’ll try.”
That’s as good as he could get out of her. He made plans in the back of his mind to make up some excuse for Colleen to take the kids. He didn’t want them in the house for these last few nights. He’d also have to take two sick days, something he’d normally never do, but he was desperate. He hoped to be able to convince Libby to stay in Cape Breton. He knew in his heart it might be his last chance.
But before he did that, he had to speak to Sally. He took her roses and got down on his knees in the grass. “Please don’t hate me, Sally. I don’t want to disappoint you but I need her. If you were here with me it would be different, but you’re not and I think that’s just beginning to sink in.”
He tried to explain it. “When I saw her hold Sarah one day at the beach, I realized how much the kids need a mother. Especially Sarah. She’s in danger of becoming a tomboy and I’d like her to have someone she can look up to. And Libby would make a great mother, Sally. I know she would. She’s loving and kind and patient. I know you’d like her. I think you would’ve been great friends, in some other lifetime.” He looked up at the sky. “Please give me your blessing. Please tell me its okay.”
He closed his eyes so he could hear her voice. There was nothing but the wind. He bowed his head. When he opened his eyes, there was a butterfly on her marker. It stayed there and dried its wings in the sun. It was just a butterfly that happened by, but he wanted it to be a sign so badly that he took it as such.
“Thank you Sally. I love you. I won’t forget you. I’ll tell Jack and Sarah about their beautiful mom for the rest of their lives. You don’t ever have to worry about that.” He got up off his knees, blew her a kiss and walked away. He didn’t see the butterfly fly up in the air and disappear into the sun.
He phoned Colleen. “I have to work back shift tonight. Would you be able to take the kids?”
“Don’t I always?”
“Did anyone ever tell you you’re the best sis a guy ever had?”
“You better believe it.”
Seamus spent the day cleaning his house. He put fresh sheets on the bed, just in case. He went into town and bought steak, champagne, candles, and a huge bouquet of flowers, and just before he went home he had a brilliant idea. He couldn’t believe he didn’t think of it before. He turned around and made one more stop.
When her car pulled up into the driveway, everything was ready. There was even soft music playing in the background. He was fresh from the shower and probably had too much aftershave on, but there was nothing he could do about it now. He wore new jeans and a new shirt that he realized too late should’ve been ironed.
When Libby walked in, he blinked a few times. He wanted to breathe her in. She had on a simple wrap-around dress that was a buttercup yellow and perfect against her sun-kissed skin. She’d put her hair up. She had delicate high heels on, and since he’d only seen her that summer in bare feet or flip flops, they were the biggest surprise of all. They made her taller. She came up to his nose instead of his chin. And then he smelled her perfume. Surely she wouldn’t go to all this trouble if she wasn’t ready to give him a chance, he thought.
“Hi Seamus. You look very nice.”
He looked down at himself. “I’m an idiot. I should’ve ironed my shirt.”
“Yes. That would’ve been a good idea.” She laughed then and so did he.
Suddenly he was as nervous as a schoolboy. What should he do? “Ah, would you like a glass of wine?”
“A small glass would be lovely.”
“Sit down. I’ll get it.”
He zoomed into the kitchen and took the bottle of champagne out of the fridge. Eager to get back to her, he poured it into the wineglasses too quickly, which caused an avalanche of bubbles to overflow and pool on the kitchen counter. He quickly wiped off the glasses and hurried out to the living room. He passed her a glass.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He stood there.
“Aren’t you going to sit down?”
“I think I’m forgetting something. There was something I had to do.”
“Well, never mind. You’ll think of it.”
“You’re right.” He sat down and sprang back up again. “Now I remember.” Putting his glass on the floor, he hurried away and re-emerged with a bouquet of roses. “I hope you like them.”
“Seamus, they’re lovely.” She reached for them and gave them a sniff. “Thank you. Should we put them in water?”
“The girl said that’s what those things are for on the bottom of each stem, to hold water. So they should be okay.”
“You’re right. Do you mind if I put them here?” She pointed to the side table.
“No, go ahead.”
She put them down and turned back to him, taking a sip of her champagne. “It’s very good.”
“Is it? I don’t know much about champagne.” He put it to his lips and drained the whole thing.
“Feel better now?” she asked him.
“Yes. I’m fine.”
She reached out and touched his knee. “You’re wound up tighter then a drum. Relax. It’s only me.”
“I am relaxed.” He pulled his collar away from his neck. “This is a little itchy though.”
She laughed at him. “You silly man, why don’t you put on another shirt? You look like you’ve been dissected in six places with those creases.”
“I’ll be one minute.” He tore into his bedroom and grabbed his old white jean shirt. When he came back in, he found her with her shoes kicked off and her hair down. “The bobby pins were killing me.”
“We’re a fine pair. You can dress us up but you can’t take us anywhere because we look like fugitives in a matter of minutes.”
They laughed and suddenly the mood was a lot more relaxed. This he could handle. He told her he had rib steaks to barbeque and she asked if sh
e could make a salad to go with it, so they ended up in the kitchen. She put a dish towel around her waist and rummaged through the fridge for some veggies.
“You don’t have a whole lot here.”
“I know. Jack hates vegetables, remember? I don’t like to see them rot in the fridge week after week.”
“Well, you and Sarah can eat them surely.”
“I have a hard enough time making one meal at night. I don’t need to be preparing two.”
“Well, I’m afraid it’s celery and carrot sticks with our steaks.”
“I have onions.”
“I’ll fry some up then. You don’t have any mushrooms by chance?”
“There might be some in a bag in the crisper.”
She found it and took a peek, then showed to him. Petrified bits of what were once mushrooms stuck to the bottom of the bag.
“Onions will be fine.”
They had a nice meal in spite of the lack of side dishes. He’d forgotten to get potatoes and offered her SuperFries instead, which she declined. Then he realized he hadn’t thought about anything for dessert, so he rummaged in the cupboards and came up with a box of Arrowroots.
Finally they cleared up and washed the dishes and sat back down on the couch. He put his arm over her shoulders. The moon was rising over the water.
“You have such a beautiful view.”
“I chose this spot before I knew Sally. I built it myself.”
She leaned her head on the back of his arm. “Is there anything you can’t do?”
“Have you.”
He felt her stiffen in his arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be glib.”
“That’s okay.”
But he felt a slight change in the air and he didn’t want the mellow mood to go away. “I have a big mouth.”
She met him halfway. He guessed she didn’t want to ruin the evening either. “You have a perfect mouth.” She looked at his and waited for him to lean down and kiss hers and when he did, it was heaven. They parted and she looked back at the shimmering water while she snuggled against him. “I could sit like this forever.”
“Me too.”
“I wish I didn’t have to go.”
“Then stay. Stay with me.”
“It’s not that simple. I have a life. You have a life. We pretend it would be easy, but it might be harder than you think.”