by Robin Gianna
Was she becoming the kind of woman who got all needy and clingy? Wanting constant reassurance that things were still good between them?
No. Absolutely not. She might have a serious crush on the man, and have a hard time not thinking about him whenever she had a spare minute. But that was it. She’d gone into this knowing exactly what they could, and couldn’t, have together. “You have a lot to do still, before your grant application is ready to go?”
“Yeah. Too much. Mostly the last of the lab work, then compiling the data. I got behind. But I’ll get it done.”
His chest lifted in a deep sigh, and she rested her palm on his warm sternum, gently stroking his chest, hoping to ease the anxiety he was clearly feeling, and that she was suddenly feeling now, too. “If...spending time with me is why you’re behind and feeling stressed about it, I’m sorry. And I’ll stay out of the way until you’re finished.”
“Not why I’m behind. Or, at least, not the only reason. I admit that I would have gotten more work done if I hadn’t had beautiful you as a distraction.” He grasped her hand and held it to his chest, and she felt relieved that his lips had curved into a small smile. “But being with you is also a stress reliever. I’ll be okay.”
“About today, though. If you’re going diving just for me, we don’t have to. I’d rather you get your work done.” Not going to the dive site would be disappointing, since she had the whole day off. But his not feeling stressed about finishing the research? A whole lot more important than her figuring out what to do with herself.
“I think it’ll be okay.” He dropped a kiss to her forehead, slid his warm lips to her temple. “Besides, we haven’t been able to go diving together since that first time. We’re way overdue. I want to share that underwater world with you again.”
“Okay. But only if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
As if to prove that, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. Probably he’d intended it to be a short and sweet touch of their lips before they got up to get on with the day. For him to get to the aquarium as soon as possible. But as always seemed to happen between them, the kiss turned hotter, deeper. He rolled her onto his chest, his fingers tunneling in her hair, then moving to curl around her nape as he held her mouth against his. They both gasped, the kiss becoming frenzied, and she opened her eyes to see his lids lifting, too. His eyes nearly black, they shone with a desire that reflected exactly how she felt.
God, she wanted to somehow be even closer, and after helping him put on a condom she rose to straddle him. To take him in. They moved together, and the pleasure was nearly unbearable, and she wanted to feel all of him, his soft skin and hard muscle and rough hair, against her. Her hair spilled across his chest as she leaned forward, breast to chest, a deep groan exploding from his chest as he grasped her hips.
“Jordan. You’re killing me here.”
“Not ready for you to go. Not yet.”
A rough laugh left his lips and she chuckled softly at the joke, too, before their mouths joined again. Except this kiss seemed to make her heart squeeze hard in her chest, and when they both climaxed, the truth struck her like a blow.
Not yet? Not ready for him to go?
The truth was, maybe she never would be. And that felt scary as hell.
CHAPTER TWELVE
ZEKE STOOD AT the lab tables set up next to the aquarium and worked on measuring and tagging the crabs he’d collected during his last dive, ticked at himself all over again.
Lying next to Jordan’s delicious body, he hadn’t wanted to move from that bed, even as he’d been thinking about how behind he was, and how he’d have to double his efforts to get the last of the research done and the data recorded and the paper finished on time. He’d told her he’d go on the dive with her, even though he damn well just didn’t have time today.
Then he’d kissed her. Had meant for it to be a goodbye-for-now kiss, so he could get up and tackle the work he had to catch up on. But what happened? The second his mouth met hers, he was a goner. All worries from just a moment earlier vanished from his brain, and the only thing that seemed to matter was her. How good it felt to kiss her and touch her, and how he wanted more of all that. And when she rose above him, her eyes shining as she looked down, her soft hair skimming across his skin as she bent forward to kiss him again, his heart seemed to stutter, then nearly stop.
Somehow, in the span of just a few weeks, Jordan had taken possession of his heart and soul in a way he’d never experienced before. And for several reasons, he knew this was serious cause for concern.
He put the crab into the aquarium box he’d be taking back to the water and snapped off his gloves. He ran his hands down his face and drew a deep breath before picking up a pencil to make some research notes, and for the first time in his life, his attention was only half on his work.
Having to face that he’d fallen hard for Jordan wasn’t really the problem. The loss of his grandparents had taught him he could live through the most difficult times life could throw at him. When he and Jordan parted ways, he knew it would hurt like hell, something new for him when it came to the end of an ice affair. But he could handle it.
The problem was her, and any future sadness that would be his fault. The closeness they shared was real and intense, and he knew she felt that intangible connection every bit as acutely as he did. No matter how much she claimed to understand his limitations, and that what the two of them were experiencing now didn’t fit into her future plans, he had a bad feeling it might hurt her, anyway.
He reached into the aquarium for another crab, his mind still only half on what he was doing, the other half on Jordan. He knew if he told her he felt worried about her being hurt, she’d tell him he was being an egotistical idiot and that she’d be fine. Maybe she would be. But how could he be sure?
He couldn’t. And maybe that was just life. A part of life he had to accept. She wasn’t trusting him to be there for her in a way he couldn’t be, and he’d never put her in a position where he’d fail her that way.
The thought lifted his spirits a little, even as he shook his head at himself. Bottom line was, he didn’t want their relationship to end until the expedition was over. Wanted to be with her as much as possible until then, and he was doing a damn good job convincing himself it would all be okay.
“How’s it going in here?”
He turned at the sound of Jordan’s upbeat voice, and just seeing her made him smile, despite all his confusion of just a moment ago.
“Making progress, but still way behind.”
She came to stand next to him, peering into the aquarium. “This is so cool. Sometime, will you tell me more about the research you’re doing? I’d love to know more about it.”
“As soon as I have this grant-application monkey off my back, I’d be happy to.”
“Thanks. So. Here’s the plan for today.” She planted her hands on his shoulders, surprising him with a steely look of determination. “I’ve been thinking. There’s no reason for you to dive with me today, when you have all this work to do here. I’ll just go with the other divers, so I can be there when they test the earbuds. Now that I’ve been under the water once, I have a better idea what it’s like. You and I will dive another time. We’ve got months left here together, right?”
He looked into the serious deep blue of her eyes, struggling with what to do. He wanted to go with her. Wanted to spend time with her beneath the ice again. Also wanted make sure she was safe, even though that was probably absurd. She knew how to dive, and would be with other experienced divers. There wasn’t anything he could do for her that they couldn’t do, too, if something went wrong.
And he did have a hell of a lot of work left, and only a few days to finish it. He might have had trouble making it his number one priority with Jordan around, but the truth was, he had to make that happen for the rest of this week to make sure he g
ot the application in on time.
“I really want to go.” He put his hands on her hips and tugged her close. “But you’re right. I should stay here and finish. After it’s done, we’ll dive. And do other things.”
“Other things?” Her hands slid up around his neck and her face relaxed into the confident, amused, adorable Jordan he’d fallen for that very first night in her cabin.
“Things like finding sea butterflies and jellyfish. Things like finding the penguin rookeries. And...things.”
A soft laugh left her lips before they touched his, warm and soft and sweet, and he was grateful she was the first to pull away because he wouldn’t have been able to. Instead, he had a feeling he might have danced them over to the photography dark room, stripped them both naked and made love with her again, making her miss her dive and him late with his work, for certain.
“I look forward to all of those...things, Dr. Edwards.” One more kiss, then she stepped back, the twinkle fading from her eyes. “Tonight, I think I’ll hang out with a few of the people I’ve met the past couple weeks, then go to my own cabin. So you can get your work done.”
He opened his mouth to protest, then closed it, glad one of them was thinking clearly. And maybe that meant he’d been wrong to be worried about her getting hurt and missing him when it was over.
Maybe the truth was, when that time came, he’d be the only one dealing with a seriously bruised heart.
* * *
As they drove along the marked road, Jordan talked with Bob and the two scientists who would be diving that day. Ronald Reardon and Maggie Schindler, both marine biologists, enjoyed talking about their work and their trips to Antarctica, and Jordan enjoyed listening, even as she wished Zeke was there to share some of his stories, too.
The van finally arrived at the dive site, and the sunlight on the ice and snow was nearly blinding. Jordan couldn’t wait to get into the water to see how much the light would be filtering through. When she’d dived with Zeke that first time, it had been a fairly gray day, and still, the surprising brightness of the water, illuminating the seafloor and all its inhabitants, had amazed her.
As she pulled her gear from the van, she realized she’d been thinking of him that entire day. That it felt weirdly wrong to be here without him, as though, somehow, he and she and diving in that frigid ocean were unforgettably intertwined. But he needed to get his work done. When he did, the stress she’d noticed on his face this week would hopefully be gone, and they’d be able to enjoy more special times again that she knew she’d carry with her forever.
Her heart pinched, and the deep, cold breath she drew into her lungs made her chest hurt. Saying goodbye to him when the time came was not going to be easy.
Maybe he won’t want to say goodbye.
The thought came without permission, and she fiercely battled it back. She’d gone into this thing with him knowing he never wanted any kind of committed relationship, and she wanted a completely different kind of life than the kind a traveling scientist could offer her. Stupid thoughts of a future were just that: stupid. And she wasn’t stupid.
Determined to put those thoughts away for good, she hauled all her dive gear from the van and lugged them to the dive hole. It wasn’t the same one she’d gone through with Zeke. This one was bigger, and didn’t have a tent over it since the weather was getting warmer and the winds were generally calmer, though Zeke had told her that could change in an instant down here.
The four of them stood at the edge of the hole and finished getting ready. “Let me tie the rope onto your belt, Jordan,” Bob said.
“Thanks. It feels so different to be out here in the open, instead of inside that little tent, like before. And this hole is huge! I thought Zeke said they’d cut the two the same size.”
“He brought the crew out here with the chain saws to make it bigger a few days ago. Said it gets too crowded when more people are diving at the same time, and it’s easy to make it big when you don’t need a tent.”
“That makes sense.” She wriggled into the dry suit, and she couldn’t seem to help that the memories came again. She and Zeke alone in the dive tent. Zeke helping her tug the suit up her body...
“Jordan, can you hand me my goggles? Sorry, but I dropped them on top of yours,” Maggie said.
“Uh, sure.” If she couldn’t keep her mind on what needed to happen to get ready, she shouldn’t even have come. “Here are the earplugs, too. And yours, Ronald. I really appreciate you both trying them.”
“Interesting concept I’m happy to try,” he said. He tucked them into his ears before pulling everything else over his head, then sat at the edge of the hole. “Here I go. Last one in is a rotten egg.”
Maggie laughed and shook her head. “You always—aahh!”
Her shriek came just seconds before Ronald, Jordan and Bob screamed, too, as a leopard seal nearly as long as the van surged out of the water, rested its wide chest on the ice shelf and clamped its teeth on Ronald’s leg, violently shaking him like a rag doll. The momentum sent Ronald’s shoulders swinging into Jordan’s legs and she fell with a crash onto the ice, knocking the wind from her lungs. With her heart pounding like a jackhammer in her throat, she tried to scramble backward like a crab, away from the monster, not getting enough traction on the slippery ice as terror gripped her. Staring into the creature’s slit-like yellow eyes and sharklike teeth, she thought she might be looking at some giant prehistoric lizard come back to life in the Antarctic.
Bob acted first, grabbing one of the scuba tanks and slamming it onto the seal’s back. Her breath coming in ragged gasps, Jordan took his lead and grabbed one, too, swinging it at the terrifying mouth that had such a grip on Ronald. The blow turned out to be little more than a glancing one, but combined with Bob’s efforts, the seal let go, sliding halfway down into the water, its head still staring at them with what for all the world looked like a leering smile.
“My God.” Bob stepped over Jordan as she rolled to her knees, and adrenaline poured through her veins as the three of them grabbed Ronald by the armpits and pulled the groaning man out of the water. No way were they safe with that creature so close and they kept going, dragging the poor man away to put some distance between them and the leopard seal still glaring at them, leaving a bloody trail across the ice.
“Leopard seals...” Maggie said, her voice a gasp. “They usually won’t follow us this far out of the water. But to be safe we need to get to the van.”
“And we need to hurry,” Jordan managed to say, grimly noting the wide swath of red spreading on the snow. “He’s bleeding badly. I need to get a tourniquet on the wounds, then get him back to the hospital as fast as possible so I can evaluate what has to happen.”
She studied Ronald’s face as the three of them awkwardly lifted him to carry him to the van, trying to determine if he was going into shock, expecting that he was. “Let’s make room to lay him in the back, and elevate his feet. We’ll worry about getting the equipment later.”
“Agreed,” Maggie said.
“I’ll drive,” Bob said as they got Ronald settled into the cargo space of the van as carefully as they could, with Jordan climbing in after him to work on his leg. “Maggie, you’re in the backseat to help Jordan with whatever she needs.”
“Hang in there, Ronald. You’re going to be okay.” Jordan said it with a confidence she didn’t entirely feel. The gaping tears in his flesh weren’t like anything she’d had to deal with before, but she called on all her surgical training to take care of him the best she could.
As though they’d done this before, the three of them worked in a strangely choreographed way, with Maggie helping to pull bandages and other supplies from the medical case in the van and Bob driving far faster than Jordan would have ever expected he’d be comfortable with on the icy road.
* * *
Jordan got a tourniquet on Ronald’s thigh to slow the bleeding
, and got to work applying pressure to the multiple gashes and wounds, with Maggie assisting. God, if only Zeke was there with her. Yes, she was a well-trained surgeon and doctor and knew her stuff, when it came to hospital medicine.
Saving someone from bleeding out, far from a medical facility? That was where Zeke was the expert.
She swallowed hard, and intently focused on trying to get the bleeding stopped. Zeke wasn’t here, and it was up to her to save Ronald’s life.
* * *
Elbow-deep in the aquarium as he worked to gather the samples he still needed for the database that would motivate those offering the grants for addition work, Zeke decided not to answer the in-station phone jangling on the lab desk ten feet away.
He barely glanced at it before turning back to his task. Probably an unimportant call to the aquarium lab or one of the scientists working there, and if it was more than that, they’d leave a message. Or come to the lab themselves to find whoever it was they were calling.
It wouldn’t be Jordan, because she’d decided to spend time with new friends to give him work space, and he appreciated that she understood how important it was to get this done. If she needed him for something right away, she’d come to the lab herself, wouldn’t she?
The phone rang again, and something about its insistence had him heaving a sigh and stripping off one of his gloves to pick it up.
“Ezekiel Edwards.”
“Zeke. It’s Maggie. We have an emergency.”
“What emergency?” He straightened, alarm skittering through his veins. Maggie had gone on the dive this afternoon. The dive with Jordan.
“Ronald’s been hurt. We’ve just now gotten back to Fletcher. Jordan and Bob are rushing him to the hospital, and I thought you might be able to help.”
“What?” For a split second, he felt frozen in place as her words penetrated his brain. One second later, he’d yanked his other glove from his hand and was heading toward the hospital in a near run. “What happened?”