“It’s real quiet up there without her,” he told me as we both leaned up against the bar, drinks in hand. “I swear to God, that kid can talk. If she’s awake, she’s talking my ear off. I thought it’d be nice to get some peace and quiet, but I actually miss all her chatter.”
“You’re crazy about her,” I said.
“Yeah, pretty much. Always have been, ever since she was a baby.”
The thought of John and a baby was far too appealing—and getting all gooey over a guy with an infant was so unlike me—so I quickly changed the subject. “How’s the house hunt going?”
“Okay,” he said. “It’s hard when you don’t know the area, you know? The agent keeps showing me houses that are perfectly nice, but I don’t know if the neighborhood is good. Are there kids for Lainey to play with? Is it close to school? It’s a huge guessing game.”
Don’t do it, Brooke, I ordered myself. Don’t you dare offer to go with him.
“If it would help, I could go with you tomorrow, if you wanted,” I heard myself say. Damn it. So much for listening to my own instructions.
“Really?” John asked, his face brightening. “God, Brooke, that would be awesome. I would feel so much better if I had a local’s perspective.” I cursed my lack of will power. Why did I lose control of myself when he was around?
“Of course,” I said, forcing a smile. “I would be happy to come along.”
The next morning I dressed in faded jeans and a sweatshirt and pulled my hair up, intentionally doing my best not to look cute. I was hoping that by dressing down I could limit my expectations of the outing. This is not a date, I told myself sternly as I filled my thermos with coffee and set off for the lobby, where I was to meet John. This is just a friend helping another friend. No biggie.
John was waiting for me on one of the couches, idly flicking through the morning paper. Apparently, he was going for the casual look in the clothes department as well. Unfortunately, John looked ridiculously attractive in a pair of worn, faded jeans and a black Northface fleece. As my heart started its familiar John-is-in-the-vicinity dance, I wondered bleakly if he would ever look less than perfect to me.
“Good morning,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound as nervous as I felt. John looked up at me and smiled, and I felt my stomach clench. Get a hold of yourself, Brooke. “How did you sleep?”
“Good,” John said, standing up. I noticed his eyes flicked down over my outfit. “You look great, Brooke.”
Color immediately rushed to my cheeks. I was sure he was just being polite, but he sounded so sincere when he complimented me. I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. “Thanks,” I muttered. “So, you ready to get going?”
“Yeah,” John said, grabbing his keys from the end table. “The agent was gonna meet us at a house on Elm.”
“Elm is right in town.” We walked out onto the front porch. I was surprised to see John’s sleek Lexus replaced with a Ford SUV. “New car?”
“Yeah,” John said, opening my door. “I figured I should have something a little bigger, for Lainey.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “You think a nine-year-old girl takes up that much more room?”
John laughed. “I may have gotten a little carried away,” he said, jumping into the driver side. “But this seemed like more of a dad’s car.”
“It will definitely be better for driving up here in the winter,” I agreed. “Your Lexus would have been slipping and sliding on these roads.”
I gave John directions to Elm Street. The first house was a smaller ranch, framed by pine trees and set back from the road. “Hmm,” John said, as we got out of the car. “This looks a little shabby.”
“Yeah,” I said, looking up and down the street. “I think you’re gonna find that in a lot of rentals, unfortunately. If I recall correctly, one of Paul’s friends used to rent this place. I’m pretty sure they were selling weed in the basement at the time.”
John laughed. “Oh, excellent. Just the kind of place you want to raise a child.”
The real estate agent was waiting for us on the porch. “Hey, Meredith,” I called out as we walked up the front walk. “How’s it going?”
“Brooke, hi!” she called out. “How’s your dad doing?”
“You know each other?” John asked quietly.
I laughed. “John, it’s a small town and I’ve lived in it my whole life. There are few people here that I don’t know.”
John shook Meredith’s hand before she turned to me. “I didn’t know I’d be seeing you today, sweetie,” she said, hugging me.
“John’s a guest at the inn,” I told her. “We got to be friends the last time he was in town, so I thought I’d help out with his house hunt.”
“That’s nice, dear,” she said, giving me a look that was far too knowing for my liking. I wondered if she had heard gossip about us already. I was certain that everyone at the inn would know what I was up to today by the time we got back.
Meredith unlocked the front door and we filed into the foyer. The smell of cigarette smoke hit me the second I stepped foot inside. “Oh, dear,” Meredith said, looking at John. “That’s not good, is it?”
“No,” John replied, covering his nose. “It’s not.”
“I don’t know how you’d ever get that smell out,” I said. My eyes were starting to water. “It’s really bad.”
John didn’t even want to see the rest of the house—not that I blamed him. Meredith gave us the address of the next place and we set off, the fresh air outside a welcome relief even after only a minute or two inside.
“I wonder how much you would have to smoke to make something smell like that,” John said, putting his car into gear.
“Yeah, it was pretty damn strong,” I agreed. “It actually made it hard to get a sense of the cat pee undertones.”
John laughed. “God, Brooke. What am I going to do if they’re all that bad?”
“They won’t be,” I assured him. “You’ll find something.”
The next two houses were an improvement. We saw a colonial and another ranch, both of them in fairly good condition, but both situated a bit of a drive from town. “I know it might not be as close to town and her school as you want, but this is a pretty good area,” I told John. “It’s popular with families, so Lainey should be able to meet some kids.”
It wasn’t until the fourth house that John was satisfied. “This is it,” he said, as soon as we parked in front of the rambling, two-story farmhouse. The house, located right downtown and only steps from the bay, was painted a very light shade of green, with darker green trim. There was a large, wrap-around porch, huge bay windows, and several ancient oak trees scattered across the lawn. “This is perfect.”
“Oh, I’ve always loved this house,” I murmured as we stepped out of the car. “I didn’t know it had gone up for rent.”
“What do you think?” Meredith asked as we met her on the front walk. “Pretty nice, huh?”
“Let’s just hope the inside is as great as the outside,” John said.
It was. Inside we found beautiful hardwood floors, original woodwork, crown molding, and a completely renovated kitchen. “It has three bedrooms and two and a half baths,” Meredith read from a fact sheet. “The fireplace is original to the property, and the roof was done just two years ago.”
“This is great,” John said, peering into a hall closet. He turned to me and smiled. “What do you think?”
“I really can’t imagine a better house,” I told him honestly. “Is it too big for just the two of you?”
John grinned. “It might be. But I like it.” He gave me a wink. “Maybe I’ll get Lainey a dog.”
As John went to talk numbers with Meredith, I sank into the cushioned window seat overlooking the front yard. It was just my luck that John would end up in this house. When Emily and I were teenagers, we used to walk through this neighborhood, which was quite a bit fancier than our own, and pick out which house we would want to live in in the unlikely event that we
ended up staying in Alpena as adults. Emily would change her mind each time, sometimes going for the modern, glass-fronted ranch on the bay, other times choosing one of the large brick colonials that dotted the area. I was more consistent: without fail, I always chose this house. The architecture was exactly what I preferred; old and charming with a touch of updated modernity.
Thinking about John living here, in the dream house of my adolescence, made me feel a sad little ache in my chest, though I wasn’t quite sure why. Maybe I was just jealous, though I didn’t think that was it. Perhaps it was the fact that this house was a perfect example of something I dreamed of, but would never have. Just like John.
* * *
John and I ended up eating dinner at the local brewpub. Over burgers and beer, I could feel the remnants of our spark kicking into gear again. The restaurant was crowded and noisy, and we both had to lean over the table in order to hear each other. The proximity, combined with the effects of the beer, soon had me feeling warm and relaxed. I know I had a constant grin on my face as John and I talked, and I couldn’t help but notice he too was smiling throughout the meal.
Brazened by the alcohol, I looked into his eyes and said, “I thought about you a lot while you were gone.”
John’s expression seemed to intensify. “Brooke, I thought about you every single day.”
It didn’t take a whole lot more than that to have me leaning over the table to kiss him. As my lips met his, still so familiar, I realized that I didn’t care about the shock of his news, or the things he had kept from me. In that moment, I felt like I could forgive just about anything if it meant I got to keep kissing him.
An hour later, back in John’s bed, I snuggled into his chest. “I see what you mean about slumming it on the second floor,” he murmured. “There’s an abundance of plaid in this room.”
I laughed. “No suite for you this time?” After John had checked in I had, of course, looked up the booking to see what room he had chosen. I was relieved to find he had taken two connecting rooms for Lainey and himself. For some reason, I didn’t like the idea of him back in the suite, the site of so many memories of our short time together.
“Naw,” John said, kissing my head. “I wanted Lainey to have her own room. Besides, it didn’t seem right, to be up there. Not without you.”
His words sent a happy little thrill through me, and I cuddled closer. “So,” I said after a moment. “What does this mean? And let me just tell you, I don’t think I’ve ever uttered those words to a man before in my life.”
John chuckled. “You don’t really strike me as the kind of girl who follows up sex with a talk about what it all means.”
“I’m not. But after everything that happened before…”
“I know,” John said, kissing the top of my head. “I want to keep seeing you, Brooke. I hope that’s what you want, too.”
“I do,” I said, feeling a sense of deep relief settle over me. It didn’t last long.
“But I’m not sure I’m really ready to bring a woman into Lainey’s life. Everything is in so much upheaval for her right now as it is.”
“I understand,” I said, feeling my stomach drop. So he was just going to ditch me, all over again.
“Maybe we could keep things just between us for now. Would that be okay with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean we could spend time together. Like this,” he kissed my head again.
“So you just want me around for sex?” I could feel my heart rate start to increase as anger rushed through me.
“No!” John said quickly, pulling me up to look at him. “God, no. I mean, the sex is pretty fantastic,” he gave me a wink that didn’t quite help to melt the anger I was feeling. “But I want more than that. I just don’t want to bring it into Lainey’s life yet.”
“So we can only see each other when she isn’t around?” I asked. That didn’t sound too promising. I mean, how much time could a kid spend at her grandparents’ house?
“Couldn’t we just, I don’t know, figure it out as we go along? See each other when we can and find out what we’re comfortable with?”
“I guess that sounds okay,” I said, not entirely appeased. But then John was kissing me again and I realized that it didn’t matter. I would take as much from him as he was willing to give me.
The knowledge of that decision, the realization that I had turned into one of those girls, worried me more than I wanted to admit to myself. It had been years since I had allowed a guy’s needs to come before my own, ages since I had ever given up any kind of control in a relationship. It just wasn’t how I operated, not anymore.
Stop it, I commanded. This is the perfect situation for you. This way you can have John and your independence, too. Thinking about it this way made me feel better. I had told Emily I was done with one-night stands. At the same time, there was no way I was ready to go and play house with some guy and his kid. Wouldn’t this be the best of both worlds? I would have John when I could get him and yet not be encumbered by all those commitment things that had always scared me so much. I really couldn’t ask for a better arrangement.
There was a quiet little voice in the back of my head telling me I was fooling myself, but I chose to ignore it. John was here with me, I had made my choice, and I was determined to be happy with it.
Chapter Seventeen
Soon John and I settled into a predictable routine. He had enrolled Lainey in the local elementary school and had found a good babysitter for her for those in-between hours before he got home from work. Most days of the week, we met up for lunch, either at the inn or at a restaurant in town. Whenever we could grab an extra hour or two, we would meet for a drink or some privacy in an empty room at the inn. Occasionally, the sitter would stay late, giving me some extra time with John. I lived for those hours.
“It’s crazy to me that I’m leaving every day at five,” he told me a few days before Christmas. We had ordered sandwiches from the dining room and were shut up in my office for privacy. “Back in Chicago, I would never have left work before seven.”
“We move at a slower pace up here,” I told him. “How’s Lainey settling in?”
“Pretty good. She says she likes her teacher. I don’t know if she’s made many friends yet, though.”
“It’s tough, with Christmas so soon. All the kids are probably ready for a break. I bet she’ll have more luck after the holidays, when everyone’s settled down again.”
“Good point,” John said, taking a French fry from my plate.
“Did you take care of her Christmas presents yet?”
“Yeah,” he said, giving me a self-deprecating smile. “I think I went a little overboard.”
I laughed. “You’re really getting into this fatherhood thing, aren’t you?”
His face turned serious. “I’m making up for lost time. I can’t help but think maybe her mom wouldn’t have left if she could have counted on me a little bit more. If I would have given her more of a break once in a while.”
“Were you very involved in Lainey’s life?” I asked, trying to be careful with my words. I didn’t want to overstep my bounds.
“I had her one day every other weekend,” he said, shaking his head. “She never even spent the night. I just got to be the fun guy who showed up to take her out to the museum or the movies. God, what a jerk I was. I thought my career was an excuse to be busy all the time. And I convinced myself it was the way her mother wanted things.”
“You’re doing your best now,” I said, patting his hand. “Anyone can see that. And that’s all that matters.”
He smiled at me weakly. “Thanks.”
“So, are you having Christmas at your new place?” John and Lainey had moved in within days after finding it. I was sad to not have him at the inn, but relieved to not have to deal with so much talk from the staff. However, if we kept meeting up in my office like this, the gossip was sure to stick around even in his absence.
“We’re actually he
ading to my parents for a few weeks,” he said. “Lainey will be out of school, and I don’t really want to have her with the sitter all day while I’m at work. This way she can hang out with her grandparents and I can commute back and forth.”
“They must love this, having her around.”
John smiled. “They are overjoyed. My sister has kids, but they live in California. They were always so disappointed that I didn’t make Lainey more a part of our lives.”
John took another fry from my plate and I slapped his hand. “Watch it, mister.”
He grabbed my hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing my palm and sending those familiar shivers shooting through me.
“You know,” he said, his lips making their way up to my wrist. “With her over at the lake, I’ll probably have a lot more time coming up, what with me still working in town.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Think you might be able to squeeze me into your schedule?”
I was having trouble concentrating, with his lips feathering kisses across my skin. “That depends,” I said, trying to keep my head.
“On?” he asked, pushing the sleeve of my sweater up slightly so he could kiss the crook of my elbow.
“On what you had in mind.”
John looked up at me, his lips barely a centimeter from the skin of my arm as he smiled. “What do you say we have a preview?”
“I’m at work,” I said, knowing it was futile to resist.
John stood up and went to the door, locking it and pulling his sweater over his head as he walked back to me. “Then by all means,” he said, leaning over me in my chair, his lips hovering an inch above mine. “Let’s get going before we run out of time.”
* * *
I couldn’t shake a sense of disappointment as Christmas finally arrived. John, of course, was spending the holiday with Lainey. I couldn’t blame him for that, but I did wish I could spend at least part of the holiday with him. To make matters worse, Emily wasn’t coming home for the first time ever.
“I feel way too grown up,” she said over the phone on Christmas morning. “I’m spending the biggest holiday of the year with my father and my boyfriend’s family. Doesn’t that seem too grown up?”
An Unexpected Love Story (Love Story Book Two) Page 11