Her Silent Knight: A Christmas Regency Romance (Belles of Christmas: Frost Fair Book 1)

by Ashtyn Newbold

  She had imagined many times what it might be like to kiss him—how sweet and romantic it would be—but in reality, his kiss both frightened and disgusted her.

  He took a step forward and stroked her hair, tracing his fingers down the side of her face. “Think of all you will miss if you refuse to marry me.”

  A shiver of revulsion stiffened her muscles, and all she could think was how she wished Edmund were here to help her. It was clear to her now that Noah had been the one toying with her all this time. Edmund had warned her, but she had been too stubborn to listen. Too prideful and blind.

  “Let me go.” She glared up at Noah. “You will never have my money. And you will never have me.” In one swift motion, she jerked her arm away from him, running back toward the house. Her lungs burned from the cold air, and the moment she was safely inside, tears carved a path of warmth down her cheeks. She drew a shaking breath, wiping her lips with her sleeve to rid them of the taste of Noah’s kiss. Where was Edmund? She had to apologize for her lack of trust in him. He had been right about everything. She hadn’t even thanked him for his gift the night before.

  Her gaze darted to the staircase, but he was gone.

  Edmund had never understood a woman so clearly until today. When Selina had rushed away to her room after seeing Miss Perry kiss him, he had been surprised by her actions. He had been certain jealousy would never bring him to do such a thing.

  But here he was behind the doors of the library, where he had marched off to hide the moment he saw Selina kiss Skinner. Seeing their passionate embrace from the window had shattered a glass inside him, and the shards had cut deep.

  His chest rose and fell with quickened breath, a deep ache spreading through his chest. As much as he had hoped that she no longer cared for Skinner, he was wrong. No matter what Edmund did, he would always be second in Selina’s affections. He had been sure she felt something for him, but he could have imagined it all. After seeing her in Skinner’s arms, and hearing her accusations toward himself today, he felt very close to giving up.

  There was no way he could prove that he wasn’t seeking her money, but he had thought he had gained enough of her trust that she would believe him to be innocent. And if Edmund had stopped Selina from going outside to meet Skinner—or if he had accompanied her—then Skinner would have burned the will that very day.

  Edmund had suspected Selina meant to break off her engagement with Skinner, but their conversation had obviously not ended in such a way.

  His jaw tightened as he fought against the image of Selina in Skinner’s arms. He scuffed his boot across the floor, crossing his arms over his chest. If she would be so careless as to kiss the man outside of her house, then he could not stop her from marrying him. A sharp pain dug into his heart, and he pushed it away. He had given her too much credit. She was too naive to be helped.

  He could still tell her the truth. Even if she would not believe him when he did. Then the decision would be hers, and Edmund could stay out of it. Though, even if she chose not to marry Skinner, it did not mean she would marry Edmund. He was a friend to her, nothing more, and it was his own fault his heart had become so invested.

  “Edmund?”

  His arms stiffened at the sound of Selina’s muffled voice. She seemed to be walking the hallway in search of him. Before he could move, the library doors opened, and Selina’s round eyes shot up to his. The moment he saw her face, his defenses rose, and he crossed his arms tighter.

  “Edmund,” she breathed as if relieved to see him. “What are you doing in here?”

  His visceral, defensive reaction had thrown walls up around his heart in a matter of mere minutes. They constricted his lungs, making it difficult to breathe.

  “Have you been in here for long?” she asked when he didn’t answer. She stared up at him nervously, clearly hoping he hadn’t witnessed what had just occurred outside.

  He kept his arms crossed, watching the ground as he spoke. “Do not concern yourself with me.”

  “You have concerned yourself with me many times.” Her voice shook. “I meant to thank you for the gift. It—it was the best thing anyone has ever given me.”

  “You seemed to enjoy Skinner’s offering even more just now.” Edmund immediately regretted the force of his voice.

  Selina’s eyes widened before her brow furrowed into a scowl. “Do you think I encouraged him to kiss me?” Her voice rose in defense. “That kiss was . . . it was completely unbidden.”

  Edmund returned his gaze to the floor. A man would not need encouragement to kiss Selina. His frustration rose. “I expect it is not the first time he has kissed you, and it may not even be the last. You may do as you wish with him if you cannot trust me enough to believe my warnings concerning him.” She had accused Edmund of seeking her fortune, but had she even considered Skinner to be doing the same? She was so blind. “He has only courted you all this time for your fortune. He does not love you, and he never has. I discovered this shortly after coming into town, and he threatened to burn my grandmother’s will if I told you a word of it. That is why I have done all I could to keep you from him while still keeping his secret and yours. Perhaps now you will believe me.”

  Selina pressed a hand to her chest. “Your grandmother’s will?”

  “Yes.” Edmund swallowed. “But since you still obviously intend to marry him, it seems the will is safe.” Without looking at her face, he lowered his head, walking past her. “Good day,” he said as he opened the door and disappeared into the hallway.

  Frustration coursed through him as he took two steps away, then stopped. Had there been tears in her eyes? He hadn’t looked closely enough. Regret seeped through the walls around his heart, and he nearly walked back into the library. Had he been the one to cause her to cry?

  He glanced back once before forcing himself to walk forward. He had done all he could. Perhaps it was best that his hope be gone forever.

  As he strode toward the banister, he stopped when he noticed Skinner still outside the window, but much closer now. Edmund didn’t have time to move out of sight. Skinner’s eyes fell on Edmund through the glass. A flash of anger passed over his face, followed by realization.

  He kicked at the snow, sending a cloud of it into the air before storming in the opposite direction.

  Edmund watched him go, his brow furrowing. If Skinner still had Selina, then why was he so upset?

  “I told him I would not marry him.” Selina’s firm voice came from behind Edmund.

  He turned to face her, heart pounding. A mixture of relief and dread flooded his chest. “When?”

  “Just before he tried to convince me otherwise by kissing me without my consent.” Her eyes flashed. “You did not let me explain.” Without another word, she turned on her heel, marching toward the staircase as she always did.

  Shame burned on his skin. He had reacted poorly, to be sure. He had reacted like a child. He groaned, turning back toward the window. His mind raced. Skinner had just seen Edmund through the window . . . after Selina had broken their engagement. Who else would Skinner blame?

  Dread sank further into his stomach. Skinner would be taking his revenge as soon as he returned to his office.

  Edmund threw a glance up the stairs. Selina must have already reached the top, likely tucked away in her room. His heart ached, and he wanted to mend their misunderstandings, but for now, he had to save what was most pressing. He couldn’t let Skinner betray Selina’s heart and his grandmother’s wishes all in one day.

  With a deep breath, he pulled open the door and strode out into the snow.

  Chapter 17

  Despite her fifteen thousand pounds, Selina felt very much without good fortune as New Year’s Day came and went. Edmund had disappeared for most of the previous afternoon and had seemed to be avoiding her ever since. The friendship they had built seemed to have vanished, replaced with fleeting glances that always ended in either Selina or Edmund looking away. She couldn’t help but wonder if Edmund had confronted No
ah the day before and if that had been why he had been gone for so long. She had been worried all evening that they had dueled or done something far more drastic than the situation demanded. Was Edmund’s inheritance safe? She had been meaning to ask him, but she was afraid to hear the answer. By the way he avoided her, she could only guess that he held her responsible for whatever had happened.

  She had known she would feel free after turning Noah away, but without Edmund as her friend, she didn’t even care. If Edmund’s sole purpose in spending time with her had been to drive her away from Noah, then he had accomplished his purpose. And now he was clearly through with her.

  Each time Selina passed Edmund, his brow was furrowed into a distinct scowl, leading her to believe he was just as troubled and confused as she was. Mama had questioned him more than once on his serious state, but he had failed to give a plausible answer. Selina had thought she had been hiding her distress well until Mama found her in the drawing room the next afternoon.

  Selina sat by the window, watching as yet another snowstorm swirled from the sky. Alone as she was, she had allowed a few tears to slip from her eyes, wiping at them with the heel of her hand.

  Mama came through the doors without warning, and Selina didn’t turn her face toward the window quickly enough.

  “Selina! You must tell me what the matter is.” Mama marched into the room. “I was fully expecting an engagement to occur between you and Sir Edmund and now the two of you will hardly spare a glance toward one another.” Mama let out a flustered breath. “And you are crying alone by the window. That always means there is something quite distressing on your mind. What did you do to dissuade Sir Edmund’s affections?”

  Selina swallowed, shaking her head. “I doubt I ever had his affections.” She wiped at another stray tear. “And if I did have them, they are gone forever. I have made several mistakes, and I have not trusted him as I ought to have. At the moment, we do not understand one another.”

  Mama was silent for a long moment, her blue eyes narrowing as she studied Selina’s face. “Well, you must speak with him until you do understand. Surely a conversation could sort through it all.”

  “He does not wish to see me.” Selina let out a long breath. “He does not care for me anymore. I have ruined his life by being so naive and stubborn.” She sniffed. “It does not seem fair that I have my fortune, one I do not even deserve, and he has lost the inheritance from his dear grandmother because of me.”

  “What do you mean?” Mama’s eyebrows shot upward.

  Selina wrapped her arms around herself, crossing her ankles beneath her chair. “That is a tale for another time, Mama. It will take too long to explain.” She didn’t want to speak of or even think of Noah anymore. He was vile and cruel, and she had thought herself to be in love with him. It was embarrassing to think of how witless Edmund must have assumed her to be. Fresh tears escaped her eyes, rolling down her cheeks.

  Mama let out a sigh as if frustrated to be kept in the dark but accepting of it, nonetheless. To Selina’s surprise, Mama wrapped her arms around her, pulling Selina’s head down to her shoulder. “You cannot pretend to be indifferent to him now.” She said in a firm voice. “I have never seen you cry like this.”

  Selina shook her head against Mama’s shoulder. She couldn’t remember the last time Mama had held her like this, and the comfort it brought was enough to make her cry even more. “I have cried like this before, but never for you to see.” Selina pressed her lips together. “I cried when I heard you tell your sister that your life would have been much better if I had not been born as your daughter. You told her that you prayed for a son and that you were disappointed the first time you held me.” Selina sniffed, calming her shaking voice. “You told her that you set me in the nursery and hired a wet nurse so you would not have to hold me for weeks. As a child, I had wondered why you favored Rose, and when I heard your conversation with your sister, I finally understood. I was not able to be an heir and save Papa’s estate. Because of me, you lost the prestige you had married him for.”

  Mama’s arm had stiffened, and Selina stared out the window, shocked with herself for even speaking those things aloud. She had kept them in her heart throughout her entire childhood, and they had been festering far too long. What other feelings would she speak aloud if she wasn’t careful? Perhaps it was best that Edmund wasn’t speaking to her of late.

  Mama’s shoulder began wriggling as if to force Selina to lift her head. The moment Selina did, Mama took Selina’s face between her hands, wiping away her tears. “Oh, my dear Selina.” Mama’s own eyes glistened with moisture. “Have you truly felt this way for so long? I—I did not mean to give you the indication that—” she paused, collecting her thoughts. “I love you and Rose equally. I should never have made you feel otherwise, and for that, I am most sorry. It was never my intention. I confess I used to think that your birth meant I was not worthy of a miracle, but now I see that you were a miracle. If I had been given what I wanted—a son—I would not have you. I would not be here in London, a place I have come to love so much. My life would be so different, and so inferior without you in it. What I wanted and what I needed were two different things.”

  Selina’s heart pounded as she recognized those words. Edmund had told her the same thing.

  Mama brushed back the curls on Selina’s brow. “Can you ever forgive me for those things you overheard? I was upset and confused for many years, but I have always loved you. I do not want anything about my life or your life to be different.” She paused. “Well, perhaps I would wish for you to marry Sir Edmund, but only if you would be happy.”

  Selina smiled, rubbing her nose. “I do forgive you.” With those words, Selina’s entire body felt lighter. Her heart still ached with uncertainty toward Edmund, but she had her mother on her side. For the first time in her life, she felt a strong alliance between them as well as a familial bond. Mama wanted the same thing Selina did.

  “And yes. I would be very happy with Edmund,” Selina whispered. It was the first time she had admitted that to herself, and it filled her chest with warmth. “But I fear I have driven him away forever. I cannot make amends if he will not even speak to me.”

  A slow smile of determination dawned on Mama’s face. “You may leave that to me.”

  Chapter 18

  Edmund watched the front of his boots as they displaced small piles of snow. He hadn’t been able to think clearly enough inside the warm house, so he had taken what he had intended to be a short walk, hoping the cold air would clear his mind. By the numbness in his hands and feet, he could assume he had been outside for much longer than a few minutes. The sun had begun descending, leaving the sky a dull grey. The snow had stopped falling, thankfully, but that didn’t make him any less cold.

  And the cold didn’t make him any less confused.

  In his attempt to confront Skinner the day before, Edmund had been unable to find him at his father’s office. The same clerk who had greeted Edmund on his first visit to the solicitor’s office had still been unwilling to answer the specific questions Edmund had, but he had given Edmund a slight suspicion.

  Skinner, an expert in manipulation, might have fooled Edmund as well.

  The clerk had been brief in what he shared, but the conversation had been replaying in Edmund’s mind all day.

  “Who is your grandmother?” The clerk had asked.

  “Mrs. Frederica Sharp.”

  The clerk had disappeared for a few minutes before returning, deep creases in his aged brow. “According to my records, Mrs. Sharp neglected to entrust the will to Mr. Skinner. However, before his journey took him away from the office, Mrs. Sharp did sign the will with witnesses, but she claimed to have plans to leave the will in her grandson’s possession.” The clerk’s eyes had risen to examine Edmund. “Are you this grandson she speaks of?”

  Edmund had considered that the clerk could have simply been confused, but then the possibility that Skinner had been lying seemed to make much more sen
se.

  Skinner reveled in deceiving people, and he had needed a way to keep Edmund silent. When he had heard Edmund speaking of his grandmother’s will that first day in the office, he must have pretended to hold it above the flames when it had been a different document entirely.

  As he struggled to remember every detail of that day, Edmund realized he never had seen the front of the document. He had been just as easily fooled as Selina.

  But then where was the will?

  Edmund tucked his hands under his arms to keep them warm as he made his way back from his second search of his grandmother’s house. He had looked through every cabinet and drawer, every stack in the study. He had spoken to her servants, who also hadn’t heard of the whereabouts. If she had been so ill and had realized Edmund would likely not make it there before her death, why hadn’t she told one of her servants where the will was kept? She had been very slow to trust anyone, but she had always trusted Edmund. He liked to think she was a good judge of character, and that was why she hadn’t left the will at the office with the younger Mr. Skinner.

  His initial relief had turned to frustration as he realized he might never find it. How much better was a missing will than a burned one?

  He stopped when he reached the house, pausing outside to look up to the first window on the second floor. With the fading daylight, he could see the faint glow of candlelight from inside.

  Was Selina in her room? She had spent much of the last two days upstairs, and he had been away for too long to inquire after her. And he was embarrassed to face her after all he had misunderstood about her kiss with Skinner. She had needed him, and he had been too selfish and envious to help her. He had been just as accusatory and unwilling to listen to her as she had once been to him. All he wanted was to be her friend again. If she was willing, perhaps they might grow to be something more. He would not blame her if she didn’t trust him immediately after the betrayal she had endured from Skinner. But he would be patient; he would love her for as long as she let him.