Learning to Dance Again

by Frankie Valente

  ‘Yeah!’

  Bryden pulled his legs out of the pool and stood up. He picked up a towel and dried his face, and then grinned at Julia.

  ‘Feel better?’

  ‘Much. Thanks Mam. It was a great idea coming over here. I nearly didn’t, but then I thought you might be feeling a bit lonely out here on your own.’

  ‘I’m glad you did.’ Julia smiled to herself as they walked back to the villa.

  Over the next few days, Bryden’s mood zipped up and down like a yo-yo. One minute he was morose and miserable, and then he would become distracted by the sights and sounds of Sicily and he would resume his normal cheerful banter. Julia could tell he really needed a holiday. His first term of teaching had been exhausting, even if he was enjoying it.

  Hearing him talk about his pupils and the school politics, brought back echoes of Duncan, and sometimes it was hard to look at Bryden without seeing glimpses of her late husband. Bryden took after his father in appearance too, and it was both comforting and unnerving to look at the same sea-green eyes and crooked smile.

  Bryden’s time in Sicily rushed by in a blur of archaeological ruins, pizza restaurants, swimming in the pool and shopping in Palermo. He had been impressed by Julia’s confidence, driving around in the little car she had hired. He took a photo of her leaning against the car while it was parked at the side of a winding mountain road. He sent the picture message to Jamie with the words – mam taking a break from driving.

  Jamie replied a while later.

  “Cool, I’m impressed. Wish I could have come over too.”

  Bryden showed the text to Julia.

  ‘I wish he could have come too. Mind you, he’s getting more than his fair share of adventure and travel.’

  ‘True. Jammy git. Although I don’t think I would like to do that job. I know I get tired sometimes, but he’s like a zombie when he’s been on nights.’

  ‘I used to hate nights too. But it will be worth it when he qualifies.’

  Bryden bounced back from his sudden breakup with Anna. Over dinner in a restaurant, on his last evening in Sicily, he opened up to Julia about his feelings for Anna and finally concluded he had been too hasty. He acknowledged that if his father had not died he probably wouldn’t have moved in with Anna.

  Julia hadn’t had a conversation with Bryden like this in a long time. She wondered how much her sons had been holding back on discussing their worries, first because of Duncan’s illness and then because he had died.

  ‘You do know you and Jamie can tell me anything. I may be a little sad and miserable at the moment, but I would still do anything for you two. Please don’t feel you have to only share the good stuff with me.’

  Bryden smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

  ‘You had enough on your plate.’

  ‘I guess I did; but we’re going to get through this together. You, me and Jamie; we will find a way to be happy again. It’s what your father would want for you both.’

  ‘And you!’ Bryden leaned across the restaurant table and reached for her hand.

  ‘And me.’

  Julia went to bed that night feeling uplifted by her conversation with Bryden. She felt closer to him than she had done in a while. As she lay in bed trying to get to sleep, she started making plans for when she returned to Shetland. She was going to do something positive for her sons, and find something worthwhile to do with her life that would make them proud of her.

  On Friday morning Julia drove Bryden back to the airport. She was almost tempted to book a flight back home with him. She had just over a week left to go of her holiday and she was missing Shetland now. But Bryden persuaded her to stay a little longer.

  ‘I think this holiday is doing you good. How can you be in a hurry to leave this sunshine?’

  ‘I suppose so. Marianne sent me a text to say it was trying to snow yesterday.’

  ‘Exactly; and yet here we are, not even needing to put on a jacket. I will definitely come back to Sicily again at this time of year.’

  ‘Next time with Jamie.’

  ‘Definitely; next October we’ll all come back.’

  Bryden hugged Julia at the departure gate.

  ‘Enjoy the rest of your holiday.’

  Julia nodded, and reached up and ruffled his hair.

  She drove back to the villa feeling despondent. In tandem with her mood the sky started to cloud over and a few miles further on it started to rain. It was the first time since she had arrived in Sicily it had rained during the day. She had heard rain during the night a couple of times, but never seen it. She glanced at the sea to her left as she drove along the motorway to Cefalu; it was a dull grey colour and it reminded her of home. She regretted not getting on the plane with Bryden as she wasn’t sure what else she wanted to do on her holiday.

  She parked her car on the drive next to Tony’s and she got out and hurried through the rain to her villa. By the time she reached the front door she was drenched. She hunted through her handbag for the key, cursing the weather. She eventually found it and was about to open the door when a loud rumble of thunder made her jump. She turned and looked back at the sea just in time to see a white fork of lightening light up the dark sky.

  Julia hurried indoors and shut the door behind her. She stood at the kitchen window for a moment waiting to see if there was more lightning. Thunderstorms were quite rare in Shetland and she was fascinated by them, as well as a little nervous.

  The thunder rumbled again, followed swiftly by another jagged flash. The storm was immediately overhead. She watched out the window for a few minutes and then decided to get changed out of her wet clothes into something dry, and warmer. She shivered, feeling cold for the first time in weeks.

  It was gloomy inside the villa without the sunshine to brighten up the rooms. Julia put on a pair of jeans, a tee shirt and her Fair Isle cardigan. She still felt cold so she fetched a blanket from the bedroom and wrapped it around her shoulders. She picked up her iPad and logged onto Facebook.

  There was no interesting news, so she checked her emails. There was nothing of any importance there either. She realised with a jolt she had not heard from Cameron. It had been a week since she had seen him, and she felt like she had imagined their affair.

  Julia prodded her feelings and decided it was probably for the best. She had no desire to pick up the relationship again when she returned home, and she doubted Cameron would either. It had been a moment of madness.

  The thunderstorm stopped, and Julia stood up and went outside to the veranda. The loungers were soaked so she could not sit down. She leaned against the railings that surrounded the veranda and inhaled the scent of dark, damp earth and watched as a glimpse of blue sky started to reappear in the distance. Birds sang in the trees and the sun came out again. It was hard not to feel cheerful.

  The last few weeks in Sicily had made a dramatic difference to Julia. She had turned a corner. The alien landscape and the break away from her normal life had shaken her out of her depression.

  She thought about what she had achieved during the last few weeks. She had tackled the terrors of driving in a foreign land, not just a car, but also a scooter; and she had survived without so much as a scratch. She had brightened up her wardrobe with some out of character purchases and treated herself to some new cosmetics. Her suntanned skin made her feel less washed out; and the hours spent walking around tourist attractions had toned up muscles that had suffered from weeks of lying around at home doing nothing.

  She had made new friends and had proved to herself she could, if she really wanted, embark upon a new relationship. She could survive on her own. She realised the holiday had been a success, even if some of what had happened would have to remain a secret.

  But she still hadn’t worked out wanted she wanted to do with her life. She had absolutely no idea how to spend her remaining working life. She pictured herself at her old desk, managing the staff rota, balancing the budget, and dealing with the usual mundane problems. It didn’t make
her heart sing. It was too far removed from the people she liked to work with.

  She thought of Marianne giving up her job to look after her new grandchild, who was due any day now. She was jealous. She would love to sit at home with a new baby, but that was unlikely to happen for a good few years.

  She was still thinking about Marianne when her phone rang. It was Marianne. Julia smiled at the coincidence as she answered it.

  ‘Hello, I was just thinking about you and wondering what you were up to.’

  ‘It’s a boy!’ Marianne said, shrieking with excitement. ‘7lbs 5oz, Charlie Alexander Johnson.’

  ‘Oh wow, congratulations. How’s Rachel?’

  ‘She’s fine now. Poor lamb; it all happened in a bit of a rush. She went along to an ante-natal appointment at the hospital, mentioned to the midwife she had a bit of a back ache, and promptly discovered she was in labour. An hour later, out he popped. Luckily Ivan had driven her to the appointment otherwise he might have missed it. I was at work, but I managed to sneak off to the hospital to see them and have a quick cuddle. Oh Julia, he’s gorgeous.’

  ‘I bet he his; excellent genetic pedigree!’ Julia said, laughing as she realised Marianne was in tears. She felt her own eyes well up, and for once it was nice to be crying with happiness. ‘I can’t wait to see him. I dropped Bryden off at the airport this morning, and I nearly came home with him. I wish I had done now.’

  ‘Don’t worry; I’ll post up some pictures on Facebook. You’ll be home soon. It will fly by. How are you doing anyway?’

  ‘Pretty good really. I feel like I’m on the mend at last.’

  ‘That’s great. You needed that holiday. And now you can get yourself back home and in a few months you’ll be working again. I’ve decided I’m going to leave work before Easter.’

  ‘Really? That soon?’

  ‘Oh yes. Rachel won’t need me until much later in the summer, but I decided I’m going to take some time off for myself. I feel like I need a break too.’

  ‘You should come to Sicily. This place is lovely. I’m definitely coming back again.’

  ‘I might just do that.’

  Julia realised she was getting warm and she started to shrug off her Fair Isle cardigan.

  ‘Oh, by the way, I ran into Cameron yesterday. He seemed remarkably cheerful,’ Marianne said.

  ‘Really?’ Julia replied, trying not to sound too interested.

  ‘Yes, it was very strange. He told me Laura has just split up with his brother, which is probably why he was so happy. I wonder if they’re going to get back together again. I didn’t get a chance to ask him. His mobile rang and he had to rush off to meet Laura and Amy.’

  ‘Right, well that’s good news I suppose.’ Julia said, as she stood up and walked into her bedroom. She stared at the bed she had shared with Cameron, albeit for just a few nights. It really hadn’t happened. She had imagined it.

  ‘Anyway, must dash, I have to go out and buy something for Charlie and Rachel.’

  Julia put her phone down on the bedside table and lay down on the bed. She felt overwhelmed by the news. On the one hand, it was great news about Marianne’s new grandson. And it was probably good news about Cameron getting back together with his wife, if only for Amy’s sake. She presumed they would get back together; despite his protestations to her he would never consider it. Didn’t Marianne say he looked cheerful? That must be the reason. She had to fight off the feeling of disappointment; hadn’t she only just told herself there was no prospect of a relationship between them.

  ‘Oh God, I’m a dreadful person,’ she said out loud. She sat up suddenly and got off the bed. ‘This won’t do!’

  She glanced in the mirror and then picked up her hairbrush and brushed her hair. She reapplied some lip-gloss and then she marched out of the villa, not pausing even to lock the door behind her.

  Without consciously thinking about where she was going, she marched up to Tony’s house and rang the bell. He answered it a moment later, wearing jeans and a cotton rugby shirt and holding a pair of reading glasses in his hand.

  ‘Hello, everything OK?’ Tony said, opening the door wider to let her in.

  ‘You’re busy writing, aren’t you?’

  ‘I am; but I was just thinking about stopping for lunch. Care to join me? Maria made some pasta earlier, and her famous homemade bread.’

  ‘Um, well if you’re sure.’

  ‘Certainly my dear; you look like you need company.’

  ‘Is it that obvious?’

  ‘It’s written all over your face.’ Tony smiled, and led her into the kitchen, where Maria was sitting reading a newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee. She looked up at Julia and smiled.

  ‘Buongiorno!’ Maria said, as she folded her newspaper and stood up.

  ‘Buongiorno’, Julia replied, wishing she could think of something else she could say in Italian, like “please don’t get up on my account.”

  ‘You like coffee?’ Maria said, walking over to the coffee pot on the stove.

  ‘Actually Maria, I was thinking Julia and I might open a bottle of wine and enjoy the last of the sunshine on the terrace. It might be the last chance to eat lunch outside. I think winter is on its way now.’

  Maria stared at him, and Julia realised she was translating what he had said. They conversed in Italian normally.

  ‘OK! Lunch, it is outside?’ Maria replied.

  ‘Yes, but we’ll manage. You may as well get back home if you like. I’ll clear up afterwards.’

  Maria smiled again, and picked up her handbag and newspaper and said goodbye.

  After she had gone Tony excused himself to go and switch off his computer. Julia sat down at the kitchen table, feeling a little guilty. She had clearly interrupted his day, and she wondered what Maria thought about being sent home early. Would she wonder what they were up to? Julia realised she was becoming paranoid. She took a deep breath, and noticed the kitchen was full of the most heavenly smell of food. In her anxiety she hadn’t seen the rosemary focaccia bread cooling on a rack beside the sink.

  She stood up and walked over to the bread and held her hand over it, feeling the heat rising up. She turned at the sound of footsteps on the marble floor behind her.

  ‘Maria does make the best bread in the world.’

  ‘It smells heavenly.’

  ‘You should get her to teach you how to make it, before you go home.’

  Tony walked over to the French doors that opened out onto the terrace. The sun had come out again, and steam rose from the lawn, but it was definitely cooler than it had been. Julia shivered.

  ‘You know, I don’t think it is warm enough to sit outside is it?’ Tony said, pulling the doors closed again. ‘Let’s just sit at the kitchen table shall we?’

  Julia nodded and looked at the date on her watch. It was 21st October and it was finally too cool to sit outside. Back home it was cold and wintry and she would soon miss the sunshine she had started to take for granted.

  Julia helped Tony lay the table, smiling at how familiar she felt with his kitchen. She opened the fridge, knowing full well what wine she would find inside. She took out a bottle of Prosecco and held it up for Tony’s approval.

  ‘My thoughts exactly!’

  ‘I’ve lost count of how many bottles of this stuff I’ve drunk on this holiday. I must be a borderline alcoholic.’

  ‘I don’t think alcoholics drink Prosecco,’ Tony said, laughing as he set a large terracotta dish of pasta onto an ornately decorated tile in the centre of the table.

  They sat down to lunch and Tony opened the wine and poured a glass each.

  ‘Now, tell me, what’s troubling you today?’

  ‘I don’t really know where to start actually.’

  ‘Does this have anything to do with your architect friend?’

  ‘Partly; mostly. My friend Marianne said his wife has just split up with his brother, and so they might be getting back together.’

  Tony put down his knife and fo
rk and leaned back in his chair grinning at Julia.

  ‘My God, you couldn’t write this, could you? Oh, but I’m sorry; I suppose this must be a bit disappointing for you.’

  Julia smiled back; acknowledging the soap opera nature of the situation.

  ‘Well, I’m not sure what to feel really. I mean, for his daughter’s sake I hope they do get back together. And it’s not as if I expected anything more to happen between us, but…’

  ‘I know. But it probably feels as if what happened between you was totally insignificant to him. You feel slighted.’

  ‘Exactly!’

  Julia sighed with relief. It was good to feel understood, especially when she didn’t quite understand herself entirely.

  ‘Well, if I may say so, it’s probably for the best. It solves the problem of how to tackle the situation when you go home again. You can both pretend it never happened.’

  ‘That’s true. This morning I wanted to go home with Bryden, but now I wish I could stay here forever.’

  ‘It is the perfect place to hide away from the world.’

  Julia turned her head and looked out of the window at the garden. She nodded her head in agreement.

  ‘Have you had any more ideas about what you’re going to do when you get back? I seem to remember you were going to spend some time thinking about your future,’ Tony said.

  ‘I still have no idea. I need some inspiration.’

  Tony stood up and walked to the fridge and took out a bottle of sparkling mineral water and brought it back to the table. He poured two glasses and handed one to Julia.

  ‘I’ve been giving some thought to how you might come up with a solution.’

  Julia looked puzzled. She took a sip of water and waited for him to continue; flattered he had spent any time at all mulling over her problems.

  ‘When I’m starting a new novel I have to spend a lot of time creating new characters. And because I have such a bad memory I tend to write down all the details about these people so I can look at my notes while I’m writing. I have come up with a funny kind of interview questionnaire for my characters I fill in, after asking them a series of questions.’