Learning to Dance Again

by Frankie Valente

  Julia smiled. ‘I suppose you’re right. I’m not really too old. If Martha can run around doing all sorts of part-time jobs, and she’s in her seventies, perhaps I shouldn’t write myself off yet.’

  ‘Exactly!’

  Jamie’s flight was called and he stood and lifted his bag onto his shoulder. They walked over to the security gate and kissed goodbye.

  ‘Love you Mam; you’re the best. I’ll see you in a few weeks, unless you want to nip down to Edinburgh for a visit before then. Maybe you should come down and see the apartment I’m buying. Bring Cameron!’

  Julia drove away from the airport, her head spinning with ideas. She still felt crushed by Paula’s meanness and at a loss of what to do next, and now the weight of the anniversary was starting to make an impact. She did not want to be alone so she drove to Marianne’s house.

  Brian was at home, but Marianne had gone to the supermarket. He invited Julia in and made her a cup of tea. They sat in the kitchen, as Isobel and Sophie were in the lounge watching the television.

  ‘Marianne was going to call you later. Didn’t Jamie go back today?’ Brian said, as he opened up a tin of biscuits and set it down on the table.

  ‘I just dropped him off at the airport. I was going to have dinner with Bryden later, but he’s been invited to play football tonight. I said he should go. He needs to get his old social life back now he’s is living here again.’

  ‘That’s true, but I don’t think it will take him long to fit back in. Why don’t you stay over tonight? I’ll ring Marianne and tell her to add one more for dinner. Or we could go out if you like.’

  Julia smiled with gratitude, and then unexpectedly, she started to cry. Silent tears streamed down her face, much to Brian’s consternation. He pulled his chair next to hers and put his arm around her shoulder. He didn’t speak, but simply let her cry.

  When Marianne walked in a few minutes later, Julia had stopped crying and was laughing with embarrassment at her emotional outburst. She explained what had happened earlier in the day.

  Marianne was apoplectic with rage. She paused in the middle of putting her shopping away, and stood with her hands on her hips as Julia told her what Paula had said about her.

  ‘That evil minded bitch! I’m never speaking to her again. How dare she? Where’s my phone? I’m going to give her a piece of my mind.’

  Brian took the mobile phone out of his wife’s hand. ‘What happened to never speaking to her again?’ he said, as he winked at Julia. ‘Anyway, don’t be too hard on Paula; she has enough troubles of her own right now?’

  ‘Huh, what kind of trouble gives her the right to be such a cow?’ Marianne protested.

  ‘Her perfect husband has been caught shagging someone else, and you’ll never guess who?’

  Marianne looked crestfallen for a moment, and turned to look at Julia who was equally surprised by this news.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Laura Moncrieff. Apparently Dave has said he’s leaving Paula and moving to Aberdeen with Laura.’

  ‘What? No! They can’t!’ Julia shrieked.

  Marianne was startled by Julia’s outburst. ‘Why not; good riddance to bad rubbish.’

  ‘But she’ll take Amy with her and then Cameron will have to leave Shetland too.’

  ‘Oh Christ, I forgot about Amy.’ Marianne said. She abandoned her groceries and sat down at the table opposite Julia. ‘What a fucking mess!’

  ‘It might not be as bad as you think,’ Brian said. ‘I saw Cameron today. He was just coming out of the solicitor’s office. He has started divorce proceedings and has applied for custody of Amy. The solicitor is fairly confident that with Laura’s recent arrest for drunk driving with Amy in the car, and her numerous affairs with different men, drinking, drug taking and making false accusations of child abuse, Cameron is likely to be successful.’

  Julia didn’t know how to react to this news. She was delighted Cameron might get to keep Amy, but she was disappointed he hadn’t talked to her about it. She felt a little hurt to be left out of the loop.

  Brian looked at Julia and smiled enigmatically.

  ‘He told me something else too.’

  ‘What?’ Marianne snapped, before Julia could reply. Both women stared at him, impatient for him to continue.

  ‘I’m not sure I should tell you,’ he said. He picked up a newspaper and opened it as if he intended to read it. Marianne snatched it away from him.

  ‘Tell us!’

  Brian laughed and took the paper back, although he put it down on the table again.

  Julia was impatient for him to spill the beans too, so she didn’t join in with the laughter.

  ‘OK, OK!’ Brian said, raising his hands in surrender. ‘Cameron said he was going to sort out the custody issue, and then once that was secure he was going to ask Julia out. That’s if she was ready to move on.’ Brian turned to face Julia, ‘and if you’re not ready, then he will wait until you are.’

  ‘Oh!’ Julia said, looking from Brian to Marianne. ‘Oh, crumbs. He told you that.’

  ‘He did indeed.’

  Julia sat and talked to Brian and Marianne for a little while longer, but she decided she didn’t want to stay over after all. She needed to be alone to process the events of the day, so she drove home. She went upstairs to her room and sat on the bed and stared at the photo of Duncan, Cameron had given her.

  The late evening sun lit up the bedroom and a blackbird was singing outside. She got up from the bed and walked over to the window and looked down at the garden. There wasn’t a breath of wind outside. She looked out to sea and there were no boats in view, just the lonely, empty island.

  There were no signs of any other human as far as she could see, and as beautiful as the view was, she knew she didn’t want to keep this to herself for the rest of her life. But that wasn’t a good enough reason to get together with Cameron, or indeed, anyone else.

  She wanted to fall in love again. She wanted the real thing, and if that was being greedy, then so be it. She wasn’t prepared to settle for a relationship based on convenience or companionship, or even just sex.

  26

  On Saturday morning Julia woke to the sound of someone moving around downstairs. She went down to the kitchen to find Bryden with his head in the fridge looking for something to eat.

  ‘What’s up; haven’t you heard of supermarkets?’ Julia said, grinning at her son, as he shut the fridge door.

  ‘I’m not very organised yet. I was going to go into town but I thought I would drop in to see you, but you were still in bed, and I was hungry.’

  Julia looked at the kitchen clock.

  ‘Is that the time; I’m getting lazy in my old age?’

  ‘Are you alright Mam, you seem a bit fed up at the moment?’

  Julia shrugged and walked over to the kettle.

  ‘You’re not still upset about that fostering stuff are you?’

  ‘Not really, no.’

  ‘Is it about Dad?’

  ‘Kind of; anyway, how was your first week at the Anderson? I’ve hardly seen you.’

  ‘Great; really great, I love it.’

  ‘I’m glad to hear it,’ Julia replied. She put some bread into the toaster and started to make some tea. Bryden helped himself to a bowl of cereal and sat down at the kitchen table.

  ‘I had a date last night; with Katrina Wilson. Do you remember her? She was in my year at school. She teaches PE now.’

  ‘Wasn’t she the one who swam for Scotland a few years ago?’

  ‘Yeah, and she represented Shetland in the Island Games last year. She got a gold medal.’

  ‘Did you go anywhere nice?’

  Bryden looked a little sheepish.

  ‘Actually we just got a take away and had it at my place.’

  Julia shook her head in disgust, ‘how very romantic!’

  ‘It was actually,’ Bryden replied, ‘although Katrina couldn’t have anything to drink as she’s doing a triathlon this morning.’

 
‘So, are you going to see her again?’

  ‘She’s coming over tonight, and this time I’m going to cook.’

  Bryden picked up his empty cereal bowl and spoon and carried them over to the dishwasher. Julia detected an energetic bounce in his walk as he came back to the table and sat down again. He grinned cheerfully at her.

  Julia smiled, ‘I’m happy for you. I hope it works out.’

  ‘I think it will actually. I’ll bring her round to meet you sometime, if you like.’

  ‘Really? Isn’t it too soon for her to meet me?’

  Bryden shrugged.

  ‘I don’t see why not? It’s no big deal is it?’

  ‘No, I suppose not.’

  Julia sipped her tea and looked at her son. He was embarking on a new relationship without a care in the world. She envied him.

  Bryden stood up again and walked over to the bookshelf where Julia kept her cookery books. He picked up Jamie Oliver’s Italy and brought it back to the table and flicked through the pages looking for inspiration.

  Julia ate her toast and wondered what she would do for the rest of the weekend.

  ‘What are you up to tonight?’ Bryden asked.

  ‘I don’t know; I was going to ask if you wanted to come over to watch a film later or maybe go to the cinema; but you’re busy now.’

  ‘Why don’t you go with someone else? You could ask Cameron. He’s on his own too, isn’t he?’

  Julia put down her toast and looked at Bryden in surprise. He was still studying the cookbook. ‘What about this pizza recipe? Do you think this would be easy to make?’ Bryden continued.

  Julia glanced at the book. ‘Yes I think so. You could borrow the bread-maker if you want. It’s good for making pizza dough.’

  ‘Really? I might do that; thanks. Can I borrow this book too?’

  ‘Keep it. I’ve got loads of cook books.’

  Bryden closed the book and stood up to go.

  ‘So, are you going to ask Cameron out then? Go on Mam, I dare you.’

  Julia choked on her toast, and took a swig of tea.

  Bryden grinned at her. ‘You know he likes you, don’t you? You should go for it.’

  Julia motioned for Bryden to sit down again.

  ‘Are you serious? You really wouldn’t mind if I went out with someone else?’

  Bryden stopped smiling and looked thoughtful for a moment.

  ‘Like Dad said, he didn’t want you to be on your own like Grandma Alice. And neither do Jamie or I. We like Cameron, and we know he likes you, so why not? It’s not like you need our permission is it? But even so I wouldn’t mind.’

  ‘Well then, I might just do that.’

  ‘Good for you. Anyway, I’m off to the supermarket. See you later.’

  Julia washed up the breakfast dishes and thought about what Bryden had said. Despite what he had said about her not needing permission to move on, it was exactly what she had needed. She dried her hands on the tea towel, picked up the phone and dialled Cameron’s home number, before she had time to lose her nerve.

  ‘Hi, it’s me,’ she said, when he answered.

  ‘Hello you,’ Cameron replied. She detected a smile in his voice. ‘What can I do for you today?’

  ‘Well, actually, I was ringing to see if you were free this evening.’

  ‘Hmm, that depends,’ Cameron replied, sounding cautious, which deflated Julia’s confidence immediately.

  ‘Oh, well, if you’re busy, it doesn’t matter,’ she replied, back-tracking a little.

  ‘No; but I have Amy this weekend, so I’m a bit limited as to where I can go.’

  ‘Oh, but you could come over for dinner then?’

  ‘Yes actually, we could. We would love to.’

  ‘You can stay over if you like.’

  Cameron didn’t reply for a moment. She could hear Amy in the distance talking to Jessie J. Julia wanted to know what was going through Cameron’s mind. Perhaps inviting him to stay the night was a step too far.

  ‘That’s a good idea. Amy goes to bed early, so I wouldn’t be able to stay out long otherwise.’

  ‘Great, well that’s settled then. Come over early. We can take Amy for a walk on the beach if it’s still nice out.’

  Julia and Cameron sat on the bench watching Amy as she collected shells from the beach. Amy was singing to herself as she explored the tiny patch of sandy shore, close to Julia’s house. Julia was glad of the distraction, as she had no idea what to say to Cameron now he was here.

  Almost immediately after she had invited him to dinner she had regretted her hasty decision. She had fretted all day about what to cook, what to wear, what to say and, more importantly, what to expect. Frankly, she was exhausted already.

  Cameron seemed equally ill at ease. He sat at the other end of the bench, leaving an unsociable gap between himself and Julia.

  ‘DR loves JR,’ he said, looking down at the carved initials on the back of the bench.

  Julia reached out and traced her fingers over them. She smiled to herself.

  ‘Did you know Duncan and I fell out over you; many years ago?’

  Julia shook her head and frowned.

  ‘He was so happy when you got together. But I told him he shouldn’t settle down so quickly. I thought he should play the field a bit more; have some fun.’

  ‘Well thanks; we did have fun actually,’ Julia replied, indignantly. She turned her attention away from Cameron and watched Amy.

  ‘I know you did. But I was jealous. I never seemed to find anyone I could be happy with.’

  ‘Did you even try? It seemed to us you were happy going out and “playing the field” as you put it.’

  ‘No; I was always looking for what Duncan had with you. I never found it.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘Do you?’

  Julia looked at him and chewed her bottom lip as she considered her response.

  ‘Not really, no.’

  Cameron shifted along the bench towards her and took her hand. Julia instinctively looked to see where Amy was, but the little girl was still stockpiling shells in an untidy heap on the beach. The knees of Amy’s jeans were damp where she had knelt in the sand, but she seemed not to notice.

  ‘After Sicily, I began to wonder if I might finally end up with the perfect woman…’

  ‘I’m far from perfect,’ Julia interrupted, not least because she was uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation.

  Cameron shrugged, as if that wasn’t the issue.

  ‘Since you rang this morning, I’ve been thinking about whether we might have a future or not,’ he continued. He paused and looked for Amy who had wandered a little further away. He half stood as if he was about to call after her, but sat down again when Amy turned around on her own accord and started walking back towards them.

  ‘Duncan was my best friend. It occurred to me today, that if you and I got together, then at some stage in the future, I might have reason to be grateful he died. I’m not sure I want to be in that position.’

  Julia snatched her hand away from his. She felt the urge to get up and walk back to the house. She wished Cameron would just go home without saying another word on the subject. She couldn’t understand how they had suddenly arrived at this situation. It sounded as if he wanted to break up, before they had even got together.

  ‘Daddy, I need a bag to put all my treasures in.’

  ‘I don’t have one sweetie. Why don’t you just pick a few of the best shells and put them in your pocket. Leave the rest for the mermaids.’

  Amy spun around in the direction of the sea and scanned the water as if she was looking for mermaids. She giggled and turned back to Cameron.

  ‘Daddy, that’s silly. There’s no such thing; it was only a cartoon.’

  Julia stood up and smiled at Amy.

  ‘We had better go and have our dinner now. You must be starving.’

  Amy nodded as she bent down to choose some shells to take home. Cameron went over to help her; t
hen he picked her up and swung her onto his shoulders and followed Julia back to the house.

  While Cameron took Amy to the bathroom to wash the sand from her hands, Julia stood in the kitchen and stared out of the window. She had made a fish pie and it was still in the oven. Julia was tempted to ask Cameron to leave, but because Amy was expecting to have her dinner in a few minutes she was too embarrassed to say anything.

  She sighed and reached for the oven gloves and opened the oven door.

  ‘That smells nice,’ Cameron said, as he walked back into the kitchen.

  Julia put the hot dish down on the marble worktop and turned to face him.

  ‘This isn’t how I imagined it.’

  Cameron frowned and looked at the pie and then back at Julia as it dawned on him she wasn’t talking about the food.

  ‘Do you want me to go?’

  ‘I don’t know; maybe.’

  Cameron stood and stared down at the floor, with his arms crossed. Amy was in the lounge and had put the television on and was flicking through the channels with the volume uncomfortably high.

  Cameron walked into the lounge and took the remote control from Amy and turned down the volume. He came back to the kitchen and looked at Julia as if he was waiting for her instructions.

  ‘Brian said you were going to wait for me. And yet here we are, less than a week later, and you’ve changed your mind. I don’t get it.’

  ‘It’s not that simple.’

  ‘I feel so stupid. For the last six months I have been trying to put everything that happened out of my mind, because I wasn’t ready to deal with it. And now, when I finally decide that maybe I do deserve another chance, you shoot me down.’

  Cameron pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and sat down. He rested his elbows on the table and sat with his head in his hands as if he was in pain.

  Julia took a bowl from the cupboard and dished up a small helping of fish pie. She put it on a tray with a spoon and a glass of water and carried it into the lounge for Amy, then came back to the kitchen. She covered the remaining pie with tin foil; then took a seat at the table opposite Cameron.

  ‘After everything that happened with Laura, I never expected to fall in love again. Especially not with you; not even when we were in Sicily. It was all so crazy and so sudden. And then it was all over and we were back home and pretending it had never happened. I stayed away from you. I knew you needed time, and Lord knows I had my own problems to sort out.’