by Mary Wood
Following the professor to the lecture room, Richard knew his face was colouring. Arriving with a black eye hadn’t been the easiest of things. Nor had reporting to Biggin Hill with the visible aftermath of Billy’s attack on him – at that ill-fated party Megan had thrown for Billy’s homecoming – helped him get off to a good start. Though all of that had paled beside the awful worry of trying to get news about Sarah. His father, as indeed he did, thought there was more to the bleeding that occurred on that night and to Sarah fainting. Megan hadn’t let them near Sarah, saying she’d call their own doctor. It had all been a bit crazy really, and it had been a relief to hear from his mother that, although she had been laid low for a few days, Sarah had recovered and was busy getting ready for her wedding. His heart ached at the thought.
They’d reached the lecture hall, where the buzz of student noise from his fellow trainees hushed. How he was to get through the next few hours, Richard had no idea. As he slipped into a bench next to Victor Hughes, a man he’d really connected with from day one, Victor leaned towards him. ‘There you are. I heard you hadn’t left. Well, there was a call for you, from a Miss Lucinda Palmer. She said to tell you she is getting the overnight train, so don’t let go of your leave pass.’
The groan came from deep within him, but Richard suppressed its exit and coughed to cover it up. ‘Thanks. Well, I’m sitting in on this as something to do, beside the fact that I enjoy Professor McCleod’s lectures, but I haven’t made any formal arrangements to relinquish the time granted to me, so nothing lost.’
Nothing lost! The last thing he wanted was to entertain Lucinda.
Richard’s taxi pulled up at the station. His heart drummed with the decision he’d taken. He couldn’t marry Lucinda – it wouldn’t be fair to her or himself.
Her wave held eager anticipation. Her fresh-faced beauty and the shining excitement that she exuded compounded his feeling of being a cad of the first order.
‘Darling, why so worried? Aren’t you pleased to see me? A whole weekend together, and no parents around. Take me to the nearest hotel . . .’
‘Lucinda . . . I – I need to talk to you. I – I—’
‘Cold feet, eh? That’ll soon pass. Come on.’
‘No! I – I mean. It won’t pass. Look. I have a taxi waiting. We need to go somewhere quiet. The driver knows of a restaurant where they have booths. We’ll go there, you must be starving.’
Lucinda didn’t answer this. Richard hoped she’d taken in the message that he was trying to convey.
The Charles Brae restaurant was typically Scottish, with a fair smattering of tartan and sprigs of heather in small vases. As the taxi driver had said, there were booths dotted around, which afforded a lot of privacy.
Once seated, Richard took a deep breath, but before he could speak, Lucinda said, ‘Let me do this. We’re not right for each other, are we?’
Richard could only stare.
‘I have to be honest with you, Richard. I’ve fancied the pants off you for ages. I thought I’d come up here and let you bed me, and then make my mind up as to whether I could convert that feeling into something that would last us both a lifetime. I suppose a girl like me becomes desperate, in the normal run of things. There are so few “suitable men” to choose from. But I’m not on the shelf yet.’
‘No, of course not. You’re a very beautiful and desirable woman, Lucinda. I’m so sorry we cannot make a go of it, but please remain my friend.’
‘I will. You won’t be too broken-hearted, will you?’
This surprised him. He decided to leave her thinking that he still wanted her; it was the least he could do. ‘Disappointed, of course, but I believe we both need our freedom right now. Who knows, in the future . . . ?’
‘That’s how I feel. If we survive this bloody war and neither of us has hooked up with someone, then we could give it another go.’
‘Yes. I agree.’ How cold such an arrangement was, but then it was wise to leave open the way forward. Both of them wanted marriage and children, and they got on very well together, when the question of a long-term relationship wasn’t marring things. It was ideal for both of them really. Have a look around, but if no one else came up, there was always each other.
A smile curled across his lips.
‘What’s so amusing? We should be crying. We’ve just split up, haven’t we?’
‘Oh, I do feel pain, of course, dear Lucinda. I was just amused at us making an arrangement to be the last choice for each other. Ha – I find it rather funny.’
Lucinda giggled with him. ‘You’re my insurance, darling, and a very nice one too, so look after yourself and don’t go getting killed, or anything like that.’
‘I will. Now, let’s order breakfast. I didn’t have any before I went in for a lecture this morning, and I’m starving. Then we’ll enjoy a lovely fun weekend together, with no strings attached.’
‘Does “no strings” include sleeping together, purely for enjoyment? If so, I’m up for that.’
A flush reached Richard’s cheeks, but he wasn’t averse to the idea. Lucinda had always been very forward. He doubted she was a virgin, and yes, the idea of sleeping with her appealed. ‘Hmm, maybe – just maybe.’
Lucinda laughed out loud. He joined her, but felt deep inside him a stirring of anticipation. Everything had turned out well, and he had a treat in store later, by the sound of things. One that would serve to keep his mind off the bed that he yearned to be climbing into tonight, with Sarah.
Shaking these thoughts from him, Richard concentrated on Lucinda and what she was telling him about her horses, while entwining her stockinged feet around his and running them gently up and down his leg. The feelings he was experiencing told him that he could get through today. He had to.
Hattie pulled on her gloves. ‘Eeh, Harry, it’s a cold one. I hope Sarah and Sally aren’t going to freeze.’
‘They’ll be fine. They’ll have the excitement of it all to keep them warm. At least it’s a dry, sunny day. “Happy the bride the sun shines on”, eh?’
‘I don’t know about that. I have a foreboding about it all. I just can’t get my thoughts around Sarah wanting to marry Billy. She looks poorly, thou knows, love. I’m reet worried for her.’
‘I know, but then nerves can’t help. Stop being like a mother hen and come here. I could do with a cuddle before we go. You’ve not been generous of late with your cuddles.’
A slither of guilt assaulted Hattie. Why couldn’t she stop thinking about Arthur? Harry was a good man; he’d rescued her when she most needed it, and been there for her ever since. But it didn’t matter how she wrapped it up: he wasn’t Arthur, and that was that. ‘Hey, pack that in. You’ll ruffle me dress. What a time to start your games! We’re leaving in fifteen minutes.’ She slapped Harry’s hand away from her breast. He’d taken her in his arms from behind, kissing her neck and caressing her stomach before moving up higher. She could feel his need as he pressed against her. ‘Harry, love, we’ve no time.’
‘Well, it’ll give you something to think of during the day. Every time you catch me eye, you’ll know I’m lusting after you. Then when we get home you’ll not be able to resist me. Don’t forget: Sally’s staying at Megan’s tonight, so we’ll have the house to ourselves.’
Again he kissed her ears, nipping the lobes and snuggling into her neck. Nothing in her responded – and hadn’t done since she’d seen that newspaper article. A deep regret entered her. Harry didn’t deserve this.
Turning in his arms, she made a big effort and kissed him deeply. ‘Are you trying to drive me crazy, or what?’ Telling Harry she loved him gave her the reward of his lovely smile. Her eyes filled with tears, which she tried to blink away. One escaped and ran down her cheek.
‘Don’t cry, love. It’s all right, I understand.’
And she knew he did. This compounded her guilt, but she had no time to deal with it. ‘Eeh, there’s nowt to understand. It’s natural to have a little cry on a wedding day, especially when
your man shows you how much he loves you. Now, we must go.’
‘Hattie, I do love you. And what I said about catching your eye during the day – I will, you know, just to reassure you and keep me promise.’
‘I know, Harry. I’ll be reet. Now stop worrying and hurry up!’
Still flushed from the feelings that were assailing her, Hattie shivered as they walked towards their car. Waiting for Harry to unlock the doors and crank the engine into life, she looked around. Another car parked a little way down the road caught her eye. Her mouth dried. Oh, stop being silly. It’s just another posh car, that’s all . . .
Once they were in their car, the one that she’d spotted drove past at walking pace. A face – still so scarred, so dear, so loved – looked out at her. Her heart stopped. Oh God, Arthur . . . Arthur . . .
14
Sarah & Billy
The Wedding
‘Well, we’re here, lass. Eeh, you look lovely, Sarah. Come on now, I know as you’re nervous, but a nice smile for all them as are waiting to greet you will make you feel steadier.’
Sarah obliged, for she didn’t want to upset her granna, who sounded nervous herself as she took charge.
‘Sally, love, you get out of the car first and help Sarah out. Then you’d better come around this side and give me a pull. I’ve right stiffened up.’
‘I’ll help you, Ma. Leave Sally to take care of Sarah.’
‘Aye, well, ta, Jack, but don’t be making a big thing of it. Thou knows what yer like.’
Sarah held her breath. Although it was normal banter between her granna and her dad, she didn’t want any of it today, and prayed that her dad wouldn’t take the bait. Sally stopped any further goings-on by saying, ‘Oh, look, there’s the Land Girls from yours. It’s nice of them to have come. Who’re the other two with them?’
‘Happen that’s them from Hensal Grange. Come on, lass – get yourself out. We haven’t got all day.’
‘Sorry, Aunt Issy, I’m getting out now. Ooh, it’s all so exciting!’
Sarah knew some of Sally’s excitement was forced, and for her benefit. But though it was a nice try, it didn’t lift her spirits.
The sensation of going to her own funeral lay heavily within her: how was she going to face seeing Richard with his girlfriend, and how was she going to get through all of this without upsetting everyone; and, most of all, how was she going to face up to tonight, when she had to get into the same bed as Billy?
Waving to old neighbours who stood in groups oohing and aahing over her gave Sarah a brief respite from her fears. As she passed the Land Girls, Dorothy said, ‘You look lovely, Sarah, love. Good luck. Enjoy every moment of today. Lock it into your memory.’
She nodded. She found it difficult to think of a reply, knowing that Dorothy had lost her husband in an accident and must be thinking that Sarah herself had more than a little chance of losing Billy to the war. The brash-looking girl standing next to Dorothy saved her any embarrassment as she piped up, ‘You won’t mind if we join the party, will you, Miss? Only me and Penny here, we’re Land Girls working for the Cromptons, and we ain’t had no fun since we got here.’
‘Rita!’
‘Oh, shut up, Penny. You don’t get nothin’ if you don’t ask. It stands to bleedin’ reason. How’re we going to get an invite, if Sarah don’t know we want one?’
‘Aye, we’d be glad to have yer. Just come along with our girls. Eeh, you’ve made me laugh, and I didn’t think to do that with how nervous I feel. What’s your names?’
‘I’m Rita, and this is Penny. Pleased to meet you. And I have to say you are looking lovely – and you are lovely for letting us come to your do. We’re ever so grateful. See you later, then. Now you’d better get on in there and get wed, so we have something to celebrate.’
Her granna had joined them and laughed at this, but in her role of taking care of everything today she replied, ‘Eeh, you’re a one, I must say. Well, ta for making me Sarah laugh, but I’m to hurry her along now.’
‘Right you are, Grandma. See you later.’
Sarah had to hold her sides at this comment from Rita, as her granna gave a look of astonishment, then indignation. ‘Come on, Granna, don’t take heed. These lassies are from London. They’re a different breed to us.’ But as she took her dad’s arm she said, ‘I like them, though. They have you smiling when you least think you will.’
‘And it’s good to see, lass. Eeh, you’ve had us reet worried this last couple of weeks.’
‘I know, Dad, I’m sorry. None of it’s been easy for me. First, Billy home after all this time, then the wedding to sort out. But we’re here now, so let’s get on with it, eh?’ Clinging onto her dad’s arm helped to steady her.
Without turning her head in a way that could be construed that she was seeking someone out, Sarah let her eyes glance around the church, covering this by smiling at everyone as she recognized them. He’s not here! Disappointment mingled with relief. But, no, Richard wasn’t present. Surely if he were, he’d be sitting with Granddad Edward and Gran Bridget, but only Mark sat there, his eager eyes passing her by and settling on Sally. Poor Mark. Little did he know that Sally had sworn off men for life.
Billy turned around from where he stood at the altar, and for a moment Sarah’s heart skipped a beat. She’d never seen him looking so handsome. Dressed in a dark suit and a dazzling white shirt, with a tiny collar framing a black bow tie and his tall frame upright, he was a real sight. She smiled at him and found it easy to do so. He smiled back and winked. The action caused his head to bob to one side, releasing a curl from his sleeked-down hair. It flopped onto his forehead, giving him a rakish appearance. As she came up to him, his lovely eyes sparkled as if filled with water. Irish eyes, folk said. Billy’s grandmother had come from Ireland and he’d inherited many features from his Irish ancestors. The effect of his look was to give Sarah a sense of relief. Suddenly everything seemed all right. A huge sigh expelled itself from her as she passed her bouquet to Sally.
Releasing her arm from her dad’s wasn’t easy. His hand tightened, his fingers dug into her. Looking up into his eyes, she saw his pain. Her confidence wavered. What was she doing to this man, who loved her beyond anything? The shock of not having realized this before shuddered through her. Always she’d thought of the consequences that might befall Megan if the marriage didn’t go ahead. But now she saw that she was putting her dad through just as much, as he was being forced to give his one remaining daughter to the man who’d deprived him of his youngest. Was he going to refuse to do so at this eleventh hour? Touching his hand, she gave him a smile that she hoped would give him some reassurance. But, inside, she wanted to plead with him to take her away from all of this.
The sound of sobs came to her as she turned back to Billy. She knew they would be from her Aunt Megan and her Granna Issy, but that was natural, wasn’t it? Tears always flowed at a wedding. She wished she could turn around and reassure them, too, but she had to concentrate – she had to get through the next half-hour.
Looking once more into Billy’s eyes, she returned his smile.
As he slipped the ring onto her finger a few minutes later, she thought for a moment of Richard, but banished the thought. She was marrying Billy, and that was that.
His look of triumph, and not of love, gave Sarah the feeling that she was a prize won – but by the wrong man. Oh, Richard!
However, with the sound of the bells pealing joyfully as they came out of the church, and with rice raining down on them – something she hadn’t expected, with all the talk of food shortages, and which caused a sharp tingle as its grains caught her face – the rejoicing took over the space around her and Sarah found herself joining in the laughter with everyone.
Billy latched onto this. ‘We’re going to be happy, aren’t we, lass? Me and you were allus meant to be together, weren’t we?’
There was a plea in his tone. ‘Aye, we’ll go on fine together, Billy. We’ll need to work at making things alreet, but we wil
l. I’m certain of that.’
‘What d’yer mean: work at it? It’s what we both want. Why shouldn’t we just be happy? You’re not . . . ?’
‘I didn’t mean owt, Billy. Calm down. Every couple has to make an effort to adjust to being married and to make sure they make their husband or wife happy. That’s what I’m going to be doing. Now, stop scowling – folk are looking at us. Look, Dad’s got his old camera out.’
Sarah felt Billy relax. His smile came back and he squeezed her to him. ‘I’ll definitely be making you happy tonight. Eeh, I can’t wait, Sarah, you’re me lass now. Me own lass.’
Once again a shudder shook Sarah’s body and she wished Billy hadn’t mentioned what was to come, because she didn’t know if she could face it.
The wedding breakfast had passed without incident, and Sarah felt her mood lifting and a kind of happiness settle in her. Her worries had been unfounded, and she was glad now that Richard hadn’t been able to make it. She’d never have relaxed with him here.
Other guests had now joined the party and a band had struck up. Everyone looked happy. The cider and sherry flowed, and the dancing had been under way for some time.
‘Will you look at him, Penny? He ain’t looked over at me all bleedin’ night. He’s only got eyes for her. Rotten bleeder.’
‘Who’re yer talking about, Rita?’
‘Mr Bleedin’ Terence Crompton, who do yer think?’
‘I know you mean him, but who has he only got eyes for?’
‘That posh cow, Louise.’
‘Someone mention my name?’
‘No – well, not in a way as there’s anything to say to you. I were just having a bit of fun with Penny. Have you noticed our boss? He’s got a fancy for you.’
Rita saw Louise blush. She’d noticed all right.
‘Don’t be silly, he’s just looking around the room. Anyway, it seems to me he is taken – or, as you put it, “he’s got a fancy for” – the dark-haired girl he is with. Can’t say I blame him. She’s very beautiful.’
‘Nah, that’s his sister. They’re twins,’ Penny said.