by Mary Wood
The anger he’d experienced had frightened her. It had put it all on another level, as Rita had declared her love for him and had also said something rather strange – something about his sister not wanting him. That she knew who Theresa did want. That she’d seen stuff as would make his hair curl. It had all sounded very sinister. What did Rita know? God, life was complicated. And now this.
‘So you won’t leave me to deal with this on my own then, little brother?’
‘Come here.’ Sitting on his bed, he tapped the place next to him. ‘You look all in, my darling.’
Theresa didn’t do his bidding, but instead went round to the other side of the bed. Sitting then swinging her legs over, she lay down and indicated that he should do the same. Kicking off his slippers, he went gladly into her arms, laying his head on her breasts. ‘Hmm – different, larger.’
‘A symptom of my condition, and not comfortable at all. Listen to me, Terence, I feel frightened. Billy Armitage was raw and inexperienced in the needs of a woman, just desperate to satisfy his own, but I taught him things. It was good, but then he wouldn’t, well . . . He turned brutal. He . . . he kicked me! Oh, Terence, he – he threatened to kill me, and you, and—’
‘No! Oh God, Theresa!’ As he held her close to him, feelings he’d never before had in his safe, cocooned world shook Terence’s every limb. ‘Do you think he meant it? Why did he say it? What angered him?’
As he heard how his sister’s anger at Armitage had flared up in the first place, and why, and the way it had turned the brute’s mood, his fear deepened. The man wasn’t mentally stable, that much was certain. Armitage should have expected her anger, after not taking care to protect her. And after all that talk of him being well again, and of what had happened being put down to a temporary unhinging of his mind. Someone had missed something somewhere.
But what should I do? What can I do? How many others would suffer at this man Armitage’s hands? His wife even? The girl had seemed such a fragile thing, and very pretty, but what if she angered him? But then she must know how to handle him. Besides, her class of women was used to the odd clout – expected it, even. If he did anything about it, it would mean revealing what had happened between Billy and Theresa. He couldn’t do that. It had to be kept a secret, otherwise . . . But then again, why should they keep it quiet? Surely the police would pick up Armitage and that would be the end of it? Yes, that was the solution. ‘Theresa, we have to tell—’
‘Tell what? Whom should we tell? No. No, no, no!’
‘But it’s the only way. Think about it. You tell Pater that it was Armitage. Stick to your story of not telling him about it sooner because you had hoped nothing would have come from it and you hadn’t wanted to cause unnecessary upset to Mater, but now you find yourself pregnant and you have to. Pater will get the police onto it. They will pick up Armitage, the army will discharge him and he will rot in prison. It’s our only chance. Think about it, darling. If he is not exposed and he survives the war, he will have this hanging over you forever.’
‘No. You didn’t see him. I have to keep it a secret. Please, Terence, I know what I am doing. What if they bail him? What if anyone saw me enticing him at his wedding? Look, I have thought about it – thought about nothing else – but every time I come up with possibilities of this or that happening and a disaster ensuing. The only safe option is to keep quiet, seek Pater’s help in getting us away from here, have the baby, give it away, then return home and hope to God that Billy Armitage is killed in the war. If he isn’t, we could go and live in York or London, and just visit here. That way he won’t be able to get a hold over me again. Please, Terence, please.’
For a moment there wasn’t an answer in him. It felt like his whole world had crashed around him. He’d had his own plans mapped out: marry Louise and persuade Pater to buy Tarrington House, which had recently come up for sale and had once belonged to Aunt Laura’s husband’s family. He wanted to settle down to family life. Into that equation, if everything on the sexual front didn’t come up to scratch, he saw himself making visits to Rita, which he could carry on after she’d gone back to London – as she would after the war, if not sooner. Now all of that looked as if it would go by the board. Well, no. For once, he wouldn’t allow Theresa to pull his strings. He doubted she would tell. And if she did, nothing had really happened between them – no thanks to him, of course, as he’d have had her many a time and would have thought nothing of it, but she’d always held back from the ultimate sin. Pity, that. They would have taken it to places he could only imagine – were bound to have done, with the illicit nature of it all and the feelings that lay between them. Even thinking about it, and despite him being as cross as hell with her, gave him a twinge.
Turning on his side and placing his leg over her only increased the feeling. She didn’t move or object, but then Theresa liked to have this power over him. He moved closer and could feel her soft body against the hardness of him. Her arm tightened around him, drawing his head onto her delicious, rounded breasts. Oh God, why were we born brother and sister?
Lord Crompton’s face had a frightening hue to it. Theresa cringed under his gaze. ‘Pater, Pater, I – I’m sorry.’
‘No, no, my darling girl, no. None of this is your fault. You have shown such courage. Oh, my dear, how did you keep this to yourself? And all to save your dear mother from further harm.’
The warmth and love of his arms soothed her. ‘Oh, Pater, help me, help me.’
‘I will, my dear, of course I will.’ He steered her to a chair and, once she was seated, sat down himself. Terence had to remain standing, as Pater only had two chairs in his office: the high-backed one their father had sat Theresa in, and the hard wooden one he sat in to work at his desk on estate business and even household accounts, as Mater was no longer able to take responsibility for such things. This chair scraped along the polished wooden floor, grating on Theresa’s frayed nerves as he pulled it up to sit next to her. With his hand holding hers, he asked, ‘Are you sure?’
‘I am, Pater, though I haven’t seen a doctor.’
He looked away from her and glanced at Terence. ‘How long have you known? Didn’t you think to share this with me?’
‘Only just this afternoon, Pater. I said immediately that we should come to you.’
‘Good man. You did the right thing. So, my darling, you have been in a very lonely place. How did you bear it? And you have still more to face, but this time with our support. Terence and I will be here for you through all of this.’
Terence didn’t hold her gaze. Is he going to go back on our deal? After all I’ve let him do to me? The thought of how far they’d gone disgusted and yet thrilled Theresa. It had been all she’d ever thought love-making between a man and a woman should be. And, best of all, it had bettered what had happened between herself and Armitage, giving her hope of blotting out what Armitage had done to her afterwards. She also hoped that having this intimate relationship with Terence would quiet the longings she’d experienced for what Armitage had awakened. Despite the side of her that was repulsed by the sin she and Terence had committed, she wanted it to happen again. And it could in the future, over and over, many, many times. Her eyes found Terence’s and her heart fluttered. Oh, how much she loved him.
‘Have you any ideas about what you want to happen, Theresa?’ her father’s voice cut into her thoughts. She saw Terence’s body stiffen. The look he gave her held a desperate plea but, despite this, she was going to say what she wanted to happen and if Terence objected then she would carry out her threat and expose what had happened between them.
‘I – I thought, if Terence and I went to America.’
‘No, Theresa. I said—’
‘Pater, Terence and I—’
‘Have discussed this, Pater, and I haven’t been able to come to a position where I can agree.’ Theresa saw fear shadow her brother’s eyes as he hastily blurted out, ‘I – I’m not saying it is out of the question.’ Anger shook his voice. �
�But . . .’
‘I can see the idea is disagreeable to you, Terence, as it is to me. No, Theresa, that just isn’t going to happen. Even if Terence agreed and wanted to, I would block it. I cannot possibly have you both on the other side of the world while everything is so uncertain. Who knows what is going to happen? Let us have a quiet moment. I need to think. The only two certainties I have at present are that, above all, both you and your mother are to be protected, Theresa, my darling. That is why I am not asking you if you have any idea who did this, because knowing would mean that it has to come out in the open.’
‘I don’t, Pater. It is as I said: I was riding at a gentle pace near the woods when a man jumped out. He wore one of those woolly hats you see the miners wear under their helmets. It was pulled down to his eyes, and a scarf covered the bottom half of his face. He spooked my horse by screeching. It – it threw me, and then—’
‘Don’t, darling. Don’t go over it again. I understand. The thought of you feeling so vulnerable, so afraid, causes me guilt. A father should be there at all times, and I wasn’t.’
‘You couldn’t have been, Pater.’ Terence had stepped forward and put his hand on Pater’s shoulder.
On her twin’s face Theresa now saw even more anger. He must be thinking her such a bitch, to have had what she craved, and then to make Father suffer like this because it had all gone wrong. But she didn’t need him to remind her.
Anger of her own boiled up inside her. How dare Terence? Wasn’t it his games with me that brought me to this? He awakened me to the point where I’ve now committed incest, to gain what I craved.
Terence cringed physically under her look, but carried on soothing their father. ‘Neither of us could have been there. It is heartbreaking, after all that Theresa has been through. All we can do is try to put things as right as we can, so that she doesn’t suffer too much more, and so that none of it will affect Mater.’
‘Thank you, my son. Now, we must put our mind to a solution. Your mother will be looking for us all – you know how she hates us to be late for dinner. She thinks it rude to the servants.’ After a moment he lifted his bowed head. ‘First thing is to get medical treatment for you, dear. And that begs the question of whether you want to keep your child.’
‘No, no, I don’t. I can think of nothing more repulsive than having his . . . I – I mean, that man’s child. But neither could I kill—’
‘Oh, no, no! Nothing like that occurred to me. I wouldn’t even suggest it. I couldn’t do such a thing, nor could I put your life in such danger as taking that action would mean. No, I needed to ask, as it affects our decisions.’
‘Please consider me going to America, Pater, please. It is the perfect solution.’
‘Absolutely not! With Germany threatening to invade Belgium at any moment, and us agreeing on the coordination of British and French war production, there is already talk of trying to persuade the Americans to help us. If that happened, the war would cut us off from you. Not to mention the battles raging in the Atlantic and escalating in the air, happening at this very moment and making travel horrendously dangerous. The worry of the journey alone would kill your mother. I’m sorry, I know you are panicking and want to get as far away as possible, but please don’t keep going over that idea.’
The lines in Pater’s face deepened and Theresa knew she was lost. The dream of living with Terence as they would want to live – as she wanted to more than ever, now that they had cemented the feeling between them – died within her. But then . . . Yes, that might be an idea. ‘What about Switzerland?’
‘My dear, you are not thinking straight. You can only see the need to escape, but you have other needs. The baby, we have to consider the baby.’
The baby was the last thing she wanted to consider. If she had it now, she would throw it into the nearest ditch! An overwhelming feeling of hopelessness filled her. Her fate was in the hands of these two men. They loved her above everything, she knew that, but neither man – not even her beloved Terence – really had her wishes at heart. Terence was afraid, even more so now; and Pater worried more about the effect everything would have on Mater than on how it would affect her.
‘I need to make enquiries, but I think Scotland may be an idea.’
‘Yes! That would do us, wouldn’t it, Terence?’
‘I can’t come with you, my dear, I can’t. But I will come up to visit you every chance I get. How would that be?’
The urge to claw at him seized Theresa. And the word ‘traitor’ came to mind. He shrank from the implications of her look. But no; for everyone’s sake, she’d accept this. His visits would have to be often, and he’d have to agree to drop Miss Louise Rothergill. She’d allow him to carry on his pleasure-seeking with the trollop Rita, but him marrying Louise was out of the question.
No, Terence could never marry. Neither could she. They could have their lovers, but would live out their lives together, under the pretext of being nothing more than spinster and bachelor twins. That would leave them free to live as they really wanted to. Of course all of this couldn’t happen while Mater and Pater were alive, but until then they could carry on their secret visits to each other. These thoughts cheered her and had her agreeing. ‘All right, Pater, but what do you have in mind?’
‘I’m thinking to rent a place. Employ a full-time nurse for you, and other staff, of course, to see to your every need. Then arrange with one of the convents that deal with adoptions, to take the baby. You can go under the guise of being a widow.’
‘That’s not fair, Pater. I’ll be all alone. I can’t go through this without at least one of you. Terence, you will have to come with me.’
‘No, I can’t! Pater, please . . . ?’
‘Theresa, darling, we can’t change our minds on this. I will make sure that Terence visits you often. I know it’s abhorrent, but maybe those around you will come to think he is your young man, if neither of you let on that you are sister and brother.’
‘What? Why on earth should we give that impression, Pater?’
‘I know. I shouldn’t have suggested it, but I’m thinking of your sister’s future, and how we can get round everything without causing a scandal.’
‘But I don’t see how me pretending to be anything other than Theresa’s brother can make a difference. They won’t know her there. None of our acquaintances have anything remotely to do with Scotland.’
‘Hear Pater out, Terence. I’m sure he isn’t thinking that you should pass yourself off as my beau; just don’t tell anyone you’re my brother. Then if the time comes when we need to hoodwink anyone, you will be in place.’
‘That’s right. I’m trying to think ahead and plan for when the birth takes place. Until then it will be plain sailing, but once the baby arrives, we will have a big problem. We want everything to look normal.’
Warming to his idea, Pater began to embellish it.
‘Once you have recovered from the birth, Theresa, you can leave the house with your baby. Terence will have been visiting on a regular basis, and we would hope that the staff and local people will have begun to make certain assumptions. On that score you won’t have to pretend, as by the very fact of you being twins, you are highly affectionate towards one another, so you can let people surmise that you have found happiness with him. Maybe take them into your confidence, saying that your marriage was an arranged affair, but that you did have a true love. So when you leave, everything will seem as it should. You will just be someone who has fallen in love. Terence will be seen to have accepted your child, and from that moment we can put in place plans for the baby, without anyone being the wiser. I could come with Terence to collect you, and I will take the baby to the convent and you will travel home with Terence.’
‘Good gracious, Pater, how on earth did you come up with all of that?’
Terence had a blush to his cheeks. His stance looked uncomfortable, whilst Theresa rejoiced at the wonderful opportunity Pater had given them, without knowing what he had done.
‘We could say I am going to do war work. There must be something that is secret enough that I wouldn’t have to tell her about it?’
‘I’ll look into that. Only last week Queen Elizabeth broadcast a message to the women of the Empire, calling them to join the war effort. You will say you are answering that call. Yes, and as long as it is something safe, Mother won’t worry over you.’
‘And I could visit now and again at first, whilst I am not showing. Then we can take it from there. After all, her health isn’t good enough for her to travel, and you don’t like to leave her, so I think she will be happy with the fact that Terence is visiting and bringing back news.’
The look Terence gave her at this cheered Theresa. There was no resistance in him now. His eyes held hers, and within them she read the promise and the hunger. A smile from deep within her, such as she hadn’t experienced for a long time, found its way to her face.
‘Oh, my darling daughter, I am so proud of you. And so happy to see your face light up like that. Thank God we have found a solution. I will get straight onto it. You will be leaving within weeks, so no more worrying. And try to forget the awful experience you went through. We can do nothing about it, only protect you from further hurt.’
‘Thank you, Pater. I love you very much. You are the best in the world.’
As she stood, her father took her in his arms. Over his shoulder she connected with Terence. His look remained on her, holding what she wanted to see. Her world felt like it had been put back together. Billy Armitage had never happened, but Terence had – and he’d continue to happen, for now they had crossed the last divide.