Tomorrow Brings Sorrow

by Mary Wood

  A fist jerked past her and Richard stumbled backwards. Billy threw another punch, but this time it didn’t find its mark, as another arm hooked around his. Standing back, Sarah saw two men in air-force uniforms holding Billy in a grip he couldn’t escape from. ‘Now then, army-lad, there’s no hitting one of ours, so if you don’t want to find out what a good pasting feels like, you should get on your way.’

  They threw Billy’s body forward. He landed on the floor face-down, his rucksack pinioning him there.

  Richard’s voice came to her. ‘Sarah, I’m sorry. Forgive me. Write—’

  ‘Come on, Flight Lieutenant, on the train with you. We’ve got you out of the trouble it looks like you had coming to you. So just count how lucky you’ve been, and get out of the way of things.’

  With one last longing glance in her direction, Richard did as they bade. One of the men followed him onto the train, and she could see him sitting in the carriage with Richard. The other helped Billy up, saying, ‘Now then, mate, I don’t know what’s gone on here, but if this is your young lady, then I can’t say as I blame your reaction. But as it stands, the lieutenant is one of ours and we’re going to defend him. How you take it forward with the girl here is up to you, but us men are fighting a war with the Germans, not with each other, and we can’t excuse you hitting an officer.’

  Billy stood up. He brushed his beret like he was wielding a whip, his eyes, deep and evil, staring into hers. ‘I think as you’ve sommat to say for yourself, Sarah. Well, you’d better have, cos this lot ain’t going to be explained easy.’

  What could she say? What words would get her out of this? She’d been caught in the arms of the man Billy hated most in the world, and she knew had always hated. She couldn’t have committed a worse sin in his eyes. Shame washed over her.

  ‘Well, say sommat, or is your tongue as covered in shit as the rest of yer?’

  ‘Don’t talk like that, Billy. Not in public. I accept I’ve to take your anger, and you saw what you saw, though it weren’t all what it looked.’ At least it didn’t start out to be, but it was soon everything I’ve ever dreamed of. But what price will I pay now?

  ‘Ha, not all that it looked? Well, first we’ll get home, then you’ll tell me how it were.’

  His nails dug into her wrist. The pain this caused aroused anger in her. ‘I’m coming, Billy, there’s no need to hold me like that or to drag me. At least let us leave with some dignity left in us.’

  ‘There’s no fucking dignity coming your way.’

  ‘Don’t threaten me, Billy. I told you afore, if you even think of beating me I’ll go to me dad.’

  ‘Aye, and you just try setting him on me and see how far it gets you, cos it won’t get you far – nor him neither – cos I ain’t above knocking him off his pins if he tries to stop me disciplining me own wife.’

  They were in the car park heading towards her car, when this gave her temper its final shove. Yanking her hand free, Sarah stood staring at him. ‘Disciplining me? Have you gone mad? Or is it that you’ve always been so? That’s it, ain’t it, Billy? Me and you know how your mind still works, don’t we? Well, I’m not standing for it. You just try it. And don’t forget I’m carrying your child, thou knows.’

  ‘Ha! Mine or his? Get in the car.’

  ‘I’m not going anywhere with you, Billy. I’ll get on the bus and get to work, where I’m supposed to be. Here, you take the car. I’m sorry for what you saw, but I’m telling yer, it weren’t my doing. It were just one of them things when you’re saying goodbye. I can understand how it made yer feel, and I know I’m to have the wrath of you, but what you have a mind to dish out to me at this moment, I’m not for taking. You go home. Think about it, then when I come in we can talk about it. I’ll make it up to yer, I promise.’

  ‘You can never make this up to me. You’ve no idea how to go on. I’ve had better in the bloody institution than what you give under duress. I’ll take meself home, but I have a couple of places I can call on to get me pleasure, and you don’t deserve any more of me, so don’t expect it.’

  Not knowing what he referred to, and thinking he was just trying to get revenge, Sarah walked away from him.

  She hadn’t gone far when dust and pebbles showered her as Billy drove within inches of her, at a pace she thought would burn the engine out. Leaping out of the way, she caught her heel. The ground rushed towards her. Not caring about her bloodied knees or her stinging hands, she held her stomach. No, no! Don’t let me babby be hurt . . .

  Arriving at the cottage, Billy had no inclination to go inside. Everything in him sagged with the weight of his Sarah not being faithful to him. And he’d never have known, if it hadn’t been as that Rene had took ill.

  The leave he’d been given had started from last night, but with Rene having a day off and her promising him they’d spend it together before he went home, he’d told Sarah it didn’t start until tomorrow. Not that he wasn’t eager to see Sarah, but Rene was something he couldn’t pass up on. He’d clocked her on his first day, when he’d gone into the NAAFI. She lived near the camp in Aldershot and worked in the NAAFI, serving food and snacks to the soldiers. The swagger to her hips, and seeing her rounded bottom sway from side to side, dried many a man’s mouth, but it’d been Billy as she’d set her sights on.

  The pleasure of her was ten times what he’d had with Sarah, because what Rene gave she gave willingly and she was hungry for it. There was no coaxing, like he’d had to do with Sarah. Mind, he’d had an improvement with Sarah, specially when he’d tried the stuff that Lady Muck up at the big house had taught him.

  Sarah had liked that, and he’d looked forward to picking up where they’d left off. Now she’d spoilt it all and he was going to make her pay, and when he had, he’d find a way of getting at Richard, the lieutenant air-force shit! By, he had something coming to him, did that rat. And he wouldn’t care if it took him a lifetime to achieve it – he’d see Richard got his just deserts.

  The thought cheered Billy. He’d always liked the feeling of the power he could wield over others who were weaker than him, though not if it was through the redness. Funny, he still called the hot, searing sensation that took him at times the redness. He’d given it that name when he was a youngster and had first experienced it, because that’s what it was like: a red kind of mist that clouded his thinking. And in its pain it always held a message – something he had to do – like it was consuming him and his only release was to do as it bade. No one understood it, or they seemed not to. Not even the high nobs, the so-called psychiatrists.

  It’d started to gather when he’d seen Sarah in Richard’s arms. But the shock of Richard’s air-force mates grabbing him had cleared it. He was glad of that, because he hated the feeling. He hated it that much that he could end his life, when the redness was on him.

  23

  Theresa

  A New Chapter Begins

  The two trunks that had littered the floor for the last few hours, while the maids had packed them, had gone and now, as Theresa stood looking around her room, a sadness etched itself in her. All neatness and order restored, like I’ve never been here.

  Letting her eye travel towards her bed, she smiled. Ahh, but I have. Pleasure rebounded through her. What her bed hadn’t seen, and what she hadn’t experienced in it, wasn’t worth talking about; and, though naked of her knick-knacks and pictures, the room – even in its impersonalized state – was still permeated by her personality.

  The silk drapes, a delicate silver-grey painted with pink and purple rosebuds with long stems, were elegant and a beautiful complement to the Regency pink-and-grey striped wallpaper. The light-grey, thick-pile carpet blended the two together, giving an overall picture that mirrored her own natural elegance and beauty. A dramatic contrast came in the deep, rich-purple silk bedspread, and in the stripes of the upholstery of her chaise longue and chair, a reflection of the diverse needs within her.

  Recognizing and indulging those needs had given Theresa an und
erstanding of her former husband. Something in her had wanted to reconcile with him. What he offered allowed her to express all of her sexuality in whatever way she felt the need to do so. If it hadn’t been for her newly formed plan for her future with Terence, and who the real father of her baby was, re-engaging with her marriage could have provided a safe haven for her child. After all, she had spent a night in her husband’s house, and others would think that they had consummated the marriage even though they hadn’t, and that that one time had been enough to make her pregnant. But things were as they were, and now she had to face a lonely existence in Scotland, between Terence’s visits.

  In some ways she was glad she’d decided to go today, instead of tomorrow. She’d rung an old friend who lived about halfway on her journey to Scotland and, without having to think about it, had jumped at the chance offered, not to just stop off for an hour, but to stay a night with her. She hated long goodbyes and knew that, with everything ready and nothing more to occupy their thoughts, that would be the order of the day. This way, she could make a quick exit and have the excuse of breaking up her journey. She was especially glad of these new plans where Terence was concerned. Last night had been wonderful with him and Rita, and a fitting goodbye in itself. It would be spoilt by another day of regrets.

  As if her thoughts had conjured him up, Terence tapped on the door and entered. ‘There you are, old thing. Your carriage awaits you. Come on, it won’t be so bad. I think the house Pater acquired for you looks lovely in the pictures the agent brought round. I envy you. Dumfries and Galloway is a superb area, beautiful and dramatic. It will suit you very well. Besides, my love, you’re not going to be far from Stranraer. I’ve checked trains and I can be with you in around six hours from leaving here, which is a lot quicker than being driven, as you have to be, to transport everything you need with you.’

  He came further into the room and closed the door.

  ‘Come here, my darling. I need to say a proper private goodbye, and to promise you that I will come as often as I can to see you.’

  As she went into his arms she told him, ‘You did that last night – the promise and the goodbye. And, my darling, I will keep the feelings you gave me within me, until I see you again. Oh, Terence, my love.’

  They clung together as they came out of a kiss she thought she would die from, because of the pleasure it gave her. How quickly the familiarity of his visits to me, with the full expression of our love, has made it all seem a normal thing for us to do. As do his kisses – the kisses of a lover: deep, demanding and yet giving. No longer did she berate herself with the sin of it.

  ‘My sweet girl, I love you. We are bound together always.’

  ‘You mean that? You promise you won’t pursue Louise whilst I’m gone?’

  ‘You’re a funny one. You don’t mind me having fun with Rita, and yet you hate the thought of me going after Louise!’

  ‘It’s different. If you married, and I know the relationship you have nurtured with Louise is designed for that outcome, then everything between us – all our future plans – would end. I can’t bear that.’

  ‘I know, and it won’t happen. But how are you going to manage without what Rita gives you?’

  ‘I will. I’ll think of your visits and will live for them. You know, I didn’t expect you to understand, and that’s why I didn’t tell you before last night, but you catching me and Rita together and joining us . . . well, I wish we could do it again. I loved it, and so did you.’

  ‘No! You’re wrong, I didn’t. Well, I did at that moment: the excitement of watching you, I have to admit, felt exquisite. But afterwards – well, it took me longer than you know to get over it, and what I had found out about you. I didn’t sleep at all, and it still doesn’t sit right with me. Besides, I think Rita is dangerous. She’s dropped more than one hint about me rewarding her for her silence.’

  ‘Oh God, and now we have given her proof of what she speculated about.’

  He’d shocked her by saying that he’d not liked the side of her that needed the Ritas of this world, but Terence had to get used to it. She was what she was. But they’d been careless, both of them. They’d traded a half-hour of pleasure for the knowledge of what they were to each other, their forbidden selves. Something had to be done.

  ‘Look, darling, don’t worry. We’ll deal with it. Just humour Rita, and let her think you’re going to play ball. Say you will sort her out the next time you get your allowance – anything to keep her quiet, and to give me time to work out how we get out of this one. The bloody bitch! I could kill . . . Wait a minute. What about Armitage? When I went to his mother to have my last fittings done, she told me he is due home tomorrow. Gave me another reason to feel glad I am leaving today, actually. Anyway, how about you make sure your path crosses his? Offer him a good amount. I’ll help out with it. Get him to sort Rita out.’

  ‘Sort her out? What are you suggesting? God, Theresa, sometimes I feel I don’t know you at all.’

  ‘Oh, come off it, little brother. I’m no worse than you. Don’t tell me you haven’t some scheme or other to rid us of her?’

  ‘I may have, but it’s not the same thing at all. You’re proposing murder.’

  ‘I am not! I just thought Armitage could threaten her, though he’d have to do more than that, as his departure would lift the threat. Get him to give her a pasting – just as a taste of what you are capable of arranging, if she steps out of line. I know that would deter her. After all, I have been on the end of Armitage’s violence. He terrified me. I think if Rita had a similar experience, we would have no further trouble with her.’

  ‘Well, yes, that might work. Anyway, you’ll have to leave it with me to deal with. By the way, talking of his mother, we’ve just heard that Issy Grantham, Jack’s mother-in-law, died yesterday. Good old age and everything. Anyway, let’s get you in the car and on your way. You have a long journey ahead of you.’

  ‘One more forbidden kiss first, my darling. I need us to part on the lingering feel of our love for one another, not the frustrations Rita has brought into our lives.’

  Depression settled in Terence as he waved to Theresa until her car rounded the bend on the driveway and disappeared from his view. How am I to exist without my Theresa by my side? Unlike her, he hadn’t ever had any concerns over what they did together, and would have done it years ago if she’d let him; but now that they had, he didn’t know how he was going to live without her.

  Thank God their erstwhile farm manager, Earnshaw, had returned. Oh, it wasn’t good news for the man himself, of course. Collapsing while training and having to be medically discharged from the army had devastated him. Lucky in other ways, though, as it appeared that the medic on hand had been trained in the technique of re-inflating a collapsed lung and had saved Earnshaw’s life, but the incident had been the end of his war ambitions. But what a stroke of luck for himself. Now he could take a more relaxed approach to running the estate.

  Pater had reinstated Earnshaw financially, but had not given him his old position back, citing his health issues. Of course the real reason was that Pater just didn’t want me going to war, so I had to keep the farm manager’s post. All in all, everything has worked out very nicely, and he now had a lot more freedom to come and go as he pleased.

  Thinking of this, Terence decided he would take a ride out this afternoon – go over to Fellam’s to offer his condolences on the death of Fellam’s mother-in-law and then, whilst there, he’d take a look around. Under the pretence of seeing how things were faring with the horses, he would check out the plans that were forming in his head. Plans that, if they went well, would solve all his problems.

  When he’d discussed his intentions with Godfrey and Cecil, they’d called it ‘spiffing’ and said it was sure to work. They congratulated him on getting to know Fellam’s place and finding the right spot for the fire to start. Both had hated the thought of the horses suffering, but knew there was no choice. Just destroying the buildings wouldn’t be enou
gh, as buildings could be replaced. It had to be all or nothing.

  Yes, he felt better now and, with or without Theresa, life held promise. He just couldn’t wait for the opportunity to present itself. He was certain he had the right person for the job.

  With a smile now playing around his lips, Terence went inside to change into his riding gear. His visit to Fellam’s could have a twofold purpose: with luck, he might just bump into Louise. Despite what Theresa wanted or didn’t want, he knew he’d have to marry. There was the question of an heir, for one thing, and to date Louise presented the best prospect in that quarter that he’d come across.

  24

  Hattie & Megan

  A Feeling of Dread

  Hattie sat her velvet hat on her head and pulled it down over her ears. Harry had his back to her, but his stance told of his worry. ‘Harry, love, I told you: you can come with me, if you want. I’m not at doing owt behind your back. But it’s sommat as I’ve got to do. Thou knows that.’

  ‘Aye, I knows it, but it don’t mean as I have to like it. I’m scared. What if meeting up with Arthur doesn’t put you at rest, as to your feelings for him having long gone? Cos they haven’t, have they, Hattie?’

  ‘I can only be honest with you, love. You know how it ended. You know how me heart were broke. You knew when you took me on, it weren’t all of me as you were getting, but you were willing to take what I could give.’

  ‘Aye, I knew all of that, but it don’t make the hurt less. We’ve been everything to each other. We’ve built a life together. You’ve been happy with me, ain’t you, lass?’

  ‘More than I ever dreamed were possible after what went on, and you allus said as that were enough for you. I – I have to know it is enough for me.’

  ‘Oh, Hattie, love, I can’t bear this.’ Harry’s body slumped. His hand gripped the chair next to him. His legs buckled.

  ‘Harry, oh God. Harry, my love.’