All the Wounds in Shadow

by Anise Eden

  His answer seemed honest and thorough, if not decisive. “Okay, that’s fair.”

  “I know that’s not what you wanted to hear….”

  “I wanted to hear what you thought, and that’s just what you told me.” I sighed. “But you’re right; it would have been nice to be able to cross at least one thing off of my ‘weird new ideas’ list.”

  “I’m sure it would have.” His shoulders relaxed a bit. “I hope you realize how rare you are, Cate. I don’t know anyone else who would be capable of taking in all of the new concepts you’ve embraced over the past week.”

  Annoyance rumbled inside of me like the beginning of an earthquake. “It wasn’t like I had a choice, remember?” At the behest of my former boss, Dr. Nelson, Ben had cooperated in coercing me to stay through the entire first week of training, even when I’d wanted to leave. While I’d come to accept that they’d done so with my best interests in mind, I would never be okay with their methods. “Speaking of undue influence….”

  Ben checked on the other passengers in the rear view mirror again, then slid his free hand onto my thigh and gave it a quick squeeze. In a low, intimate voice, he said, “I was trying to pay you a compliment, not start an argument.”

  The heat of his touch stole so much of my concentration that I couldn’t form a pithy comeback. He left his hand on my leg just long enough to turn it into molten lava. It was all I could do to keep from squirming in my seat. Still, I didn’t want him to remove his hand; it was a delectable torment.

  For what must have been the millionth time, I cursed the ParaTrain program’s “no sex during training” rule. According to Vani, that level of physical intimacy caused the auras of the people involved to comingle, tainting each other’s energies for a week at least—and my aura had to remain spotless, or I wouldn’t get the full benefit of the training exercises. However, Ben’s hand on my leg was putting all kinds of images in my mind that made me want to take the rule book and throw it violently out the window.

  Suddenly, a reckless sedan cut us off and Ben had to return both hands to the wheel in a hurry. I sucked in my cheeks to silence a half sigh, half moan as his touch left me.

  Ben had been jolted out of relaxation mode and was back on full alert. When he spoke again, his voice was tight with worry. “Look, while we’re on this mission, I want you to tell me immediately if you run into any problems or have any questions—really, if anything at all makes you uncomfortable. Also, tell me if you need anything—anything at all, at any time. All right?”

  A fist of anxiety formed in my stomach. I hated walking into the unknown and not being able to ask any specific questions. I wondered why the others seemed so calm about facing real-life secrecy, mystery, and danger. Eve and Asa might be too young and inexperienced to know that they should be scared. Vani seemed to have a preternatural confidence, an unshakable belief that nothing bad would happen to her. Maybe Kai had simply been with Pete long enough to trust his judgment (and Ben’s) when it came to safety. But I couldn’t help it; I was on edge, and there was no use denying it to myself.

  After all, the only real job I’d ever had was working as a psychotherapist at a community mental health clinic. True, we dealt with serious crises and even life-and-death situations at times—but only our clients’, not our own. Ever since Ben and Dr. Nelson had convinced me to leave my former job and work for the MacGregors as an empath healer, my concerns had centered around how hard it was going be to leave my existing therapy clients and my old career behind, not around how dangerous my new job might be.

  I slid my hands under my legs so I wouldn’t bite my nails. “Are you expecting me to run into problems and feel uncomfortable?”

  Ben considered my question for a moment too long. When he glanced over to answer me, he must have seen that I was on the verge of panicking. “No, I’m not,” he said firmly, “but it’s going to be a different world down there—one that I’m simply more familiar with than you are. If you do run into any problems, we’ll deal with them. I just need you to tell me right away instead of trying to deal with things on your own.”

  I swallowed hard. “A different world—you mean, because of the military?”

  “In large part, yes,” he said, “but also because you’re still in training, and we may need to use some paranormal healing techniques that will be new to you.”

  He had a point on both counts. First of all, everything I knew about military culture came from a few clients who were veterans, news stories, and a handful of movies—and that had been enough to intimidate me. And the one time I’d tried to use a new paranormal skill on my own—in spite of Ben’s explicit instructions not to—I’d ended up going into cardiac arrest. I would have died if Ben and Pete hadn’t saved me. Not at all anxious to repeat that incident, I nodded. “Okay, I’ll tell you if anything comes up.”

  “Good. I’m glad that’s settled.” Ben returned his focus to the road.

  I looked out the side window and tried to ignore the knot in my stomach. As I watched the trees rush by in a blur, I thought of my best friend and former supervisor, Simone. She had a tendency to worry about me, especially after the breakdown I’d suffered following my mother’s funeral. I’d been basically homebound for over two months, and Simone had been my only real link to the outside world. After everything she’d done for me, the least I could do was let her know I’d be gone for a while so she wouldn’t freak out if she couldn’t get ahold of me. I told Ben, “I’m going to let Simone know that I’ll be away so she doesn’t get worried.”

  “Good idea.”

  I sent Simone a text saying that I’d be out of town for a few days. She immediately texted back a bunch of questions I couldn’t answer, so I made up a cover story that was technically true: Ben and I had started dating and were going away together. After I dealt with her complete shock about the fact that I was dating someone, reassured her that Ben wasn’t a psycho, and promised that I wasn’t being kidnapped, Simone gave me her provisional blessing—but only after extracting a promise that I would tell her every detail when I got home, and letting me know that if she didn’t hear from me after a week she was “coming to get me.” Although I knew that she was joking, in light of the grim mystery we were facing, I found her rescue vow oddly comforting.

  “That was a long text,” Ben observed as I put my phone away.

  I smiled to myself. “She wanted reassurance that you weren’t kidnapping me and taking me to a remote hideout off the grid somewhere in the mountains of West Virginia.”

  “Hmm.” He frowned. “A locked facility near D.C. doesn’t sound much better.”

  “Don’t worry. I was delightfully vague.”

  We rode in silence for a few minutes before Ben spoke again. “It’s not too late to change your mind, you know.”

  I twisted around to look at him. “What?”

  With his brows locked into a dark, straight line, his eyes shifted between the road and me. “You said yourself that you’re nervous. If you decide you don’t want to a part of this, when we get where we’re going, I can put you in a taxicab and send you back home. No questions asked.”

  I appreciated the fact that he was willing to put my comfort ahead of the perceived needs of the mission. But by being so damn thoughtful, he’d made it even more difficult for me to even think about being away from him. “You said we’ll be safe, right?”

  “Right.”

  “And we’re going to help your colleague, an innocent man whom someone is trying to kill?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well then.” I tilted my head sideways and folded my arms across my chest. “I said I’m in, and I’m in. So unless you don’t want me there, stop trying to give me outs.”

  One corner of his mouth pulled upwards. “Yes ma’am.”

  “Good. I’m glad that’s settled,” I said, smiling as I repeated his words back to him.

  Suddenly, loud cheers from the back row filled the vehicle. Asa and Eve had conquered some treacherous zombie foe. W
ith Vani awakening, and our gaming warriors regaling us with a blow-by-blow description of the battle, Ben and I shared one last stolen glance. Then I turned to face the others and he fixed his eyes on the road ahead.

  Chapter Three

  It took us less than an hour to reach our destination. The National Institutes of Health, or NIH, looked like a cross between a wealthy college campus and a high-tech business park. As Ben navigated the maze of roadways, the rest of us leaned toward the windows to get a glimpse of our surroundings. We drove through a seemingly endless array of huge brick buildings and manicured landscapes interspersed with old-growth trees. All of that disappeared suddenly, however, as we approached the largest building we’d seen so far and entered its underground garage, driving in a dark, downward spiral for what seemed like an eternity.

  “We’re under the NIH hospital,” Ben said. The interior of the Land Rover flashed light and dark as we passed beneath the overhead bulbs. I glanced behind us at Pete’s truck, relieved to see that there were several inches of clearance between the steer horns and the parking garage’s ceiling. We must have been at least six or seven stories underground by the time we finally stopped.

  We parked the cars next to a set of elevators. Two men and a woman were waiting there for us. They wore short-sleeved khaki shirts, olive green pants, and matching caps with straight sides and top creases from front to back.

  We followed behind Ben and Pete as they greeted our welcome party. Their handshakes with the two men turned into brief embraces and warm greetings. Then Ben and Pete turned to the woman, who opened her arms wide to each of them and hugged them tightly.

  The two uniformed men began poking Ben in the arms and chest. “Damn, Rottie, there’s nothing left of you!” one of the men exclaimed, referring to Ben by his old Marine Corps nickname.

  The other man hooked his thumb at Pete and added, “Yeah, man, Slim here was always a lean dog, but this desk job has got you wasting away!”

  Ben grinned. “And I see you two still have nothing better to do than pump iron.”

  “Jesus, you guys,” said the woman, laughing. “Save it for after we get everybody settled in, at least! And where’s everyone’s manners?” She waved to the rest of us. “Hi, Kai! And welcome, MacGregor Group.”

  “Hello, Ness!” Kai stepped forward and hugged the woman, then the two men in turn. “So good to see you all again.”

  “I’m surprised you remember the last time,” one of the men teased.

  Kai opened his mouth to defend himself, but Pete stepped in. “Come on, now, we both know that was Kai’s first time drinkin’ Jäger, and none of us were exactly at our best the next mornin’, so….”

  “You can say that again,” one of the men said, rubbing his forehead to the sound of snickering.

  “Allow me to introduce the rest of the MacGregor group.” Ben urged me to step forward. “This is Cate Duncan. Cate, this Corporal Perez.”

  “Hector,” the man corrected, extending his hand. He murmured to Ben, “Captain told us to use first names only so the civilians will feel more comfortable.”

  “Ah, okay.” Ben led me down the receiving line. “In that case, Cate, meet Kevin and Nessa.”

  I shook both of their hands as Vani, Asa, and Eve followed behind me. Hector and Kevin were both well over six feet tall and did look like they spent a substantial amount of time lifting weights. The woman, Nessa, was close to six feet tall—around Ben’s height—and moved with graceful strength, like a dancer. She had sharp, refined features sprinkled with freckles, and her red hair was pulled back into a ponytail.

  Once introductions were done, Hector grinned and nodded towards our vehicles. “Since Rottie’s turned into a weakling and all, it’s a good thing we volunteered to come help unpack your gear.”

  More jovial trash talk ensued as we unloaded the contents of our vehicles onto rolling carts. Beneath the marines’ relaxed exteriors, however, I recognized something I’d also seen in Ben and Pete—a certain taut readiness, and a firm core of competence. The confident quality of their presence was reassuring, but it also made me acutely aware that I was a mere civilian—and that I had almost no idea what I was stepping into. I focused on trying not to bite my lip as we crowded into the large cargo elevator and headed even further underground.

  I was sure that NIH’s hospital had nice parts, but we weren’t in one of them. Instead, the elevator door opened onto a long corridor that could have been the setting for any one of the horror movies I’d seen in high school. The bare cinderblock walls matched the grey concrete floors, whose high-gloss finish had dulled over time. Low ceilings of white foam tiles buzzed with the sound of ancient fluorescent bulbs. One of the bulbs flickered erratically, crackling like an insect caught in a zap trap. I half expected a masked villain carrying a rusty power tool to come around the far corner and charge us.

  “Cozy,” I whispered to Kai.

  He leaned down and murmured, “Don’t worry, honey. We’ll warm it up.” Then he gave me a conspiratorial wink and steered me back toward the elevator to begin unloading.

  I reached over to take my suitcase from the rolling cart, fearful that if I didn’t have my hands on it at all times, it might get lost in the maze of concrete, never to be seen again. But just as I reached for it, so did Nessa. We both glanced down as our hands simultaneously grasped the handle. I began to explain that I’d take care of it myself when she exclaimed, “Oh my God!” After recovering from a fleeting moment of surprise, Nessa looked up at me and smiled. “Ben didn’t tell us you two were an item!” she exclaimed, glancing over at Ben as her words echoed through the corridor.

  My jaw dropped. “What?”

  Everyone stopped what they were doing. I shot Ben a desperate glance.

  Nessa’s eyes widened. “Oh, was I not supposed to say…?” She clapped a hand over her mouth and turned to Ben. “I’m sorry, I just saw the ring and assumed….”

  “Of course you did.” Ben walked over and stood beside me. “It’s fine. It’s just—”

  It was just that somehow, Nessa knew the significance of the ring I was wearing. But when the other members of the MacGregor group had asked about it the day before, I hadn’t told them that the ring was a gift from Ben, much less what it signified. Ben’s expression was pained, and I could tell that he was searching for what to say next.

  But since I was the one who had wanted to keep our relationship a secret in the first place, I felt like it was my responsibility to deal with the situation. And with the cat at least partially out of the bag, I knew that if I lied, I’d be seen through. I decided to bite the bullet. “It’s just that we haven’t told everyone yet,” I explained, smiling up at Ben. “We haven’t had a chance, really. We only started dating yesterday, and then we were busy getting ready to come here….” I shrugged.

  “Oh, okay,” Nessa said a little too loudly. She cleared her throat and looked at the floor. “Well, I’m sorry for jumping the gun on you there.”

  Even as self-consciousness pumped blood into my cheeks, I also felt sorry for Nessa, who looked truly mortified. “It’s no problem, really,” I said—graciously, I hoped—as Ben’s arm slid around my waist.

  “Cate’s right, it’s no problem,” Kai said, giving me a sly smile. “Most of us already had our suspicions.”

  “Except for Asa,” Eve announced. “Pay up, loser!” She gleefully collected five bucks from Asa, prompting a light outbreak of laughter.

  With the tension broken, Ben and I accepted everyone’s good wishes—which they delivered as nonchalantly as possible, to my relief. I was surprised to find myself feeling more relaxed. Then realized that I had been reluctant to tell our friends partially because I was concerned about how they’d take the news. “I’m glad that you’re all okay with this,” I admitted. “I was afraid you might be weirded out.”

  Asa smirked as he pointed at Pete and Kai. “Puh-leez. It’s not like we’re strangers to having couples in the office.”

  “That’s right,”
Vani said. “Not to mention that we’re all happy Ben is finally dating someone. We’d just about given up on him.”

  “What do you mean, just about? We gave up on him a long time ago,” Hector said.

  Kevin nodded. “We had him written off as a total lost cause.”

  “All right, all right,” Ben said, but I knew that he was bringing the conversation to a close more for my benefit than his own. “Now that the soap opera’s over, can you show us where to put our gear?”

  Kevin made a dramatic show of turning on his heel, grabbing a cart, and rolling it down the hallway. “Five minutes in, and Rottie’s already giving orders.”

  There were several appreciative chuckles as we followed behind.

  Nessa slid in beside me. “I’m really sorry, Cate.”

  “It’s okay.” I gave her the most reassuring smile I could muster. “I promise.”

  “All right, if you say so. Thanks.”

  We traveled down the long hallway to an identical hallway, then another, and another. Finally we trundled to a stop. Hector turned to address us.

  “Okay, everybody. You’ve been divided into rooms according to your functions,” he said. “This will cause the least disruption in your routines. Ben and Pete, you’re over here, closest to our barracks.” He nodded towards a door, then walked further down the hallway. “Kai and Asa, you’re on the right. Eve and Vani, across the hall. Make yourselves comfortable, and if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask anyone wearing Charlies.”

  “Charlies?” Vani asked.