Katie Opens Her Heart

by Jerry S. Eicher

Katie pulled on the rope and led Molly up and down the hill again. Mamm watched her go, thinking she’d won the argument. But when Katie arrived back at the bottom of the hill after a few rounds, she stopped Molly in front of Mamm.

  “I’m sorry to disobey you, but I’m going to that birthday party, Mamm. And Ben Stoll didn’t ask to bring me home on Sunday night. I just wanted to see what you would say about that.”

  Pain crossed Mamm’s face. “What is wrong with what we have, Katie? We love each other, don’t we?”

  “Yah, we do,” Katie agreed. “And I’ll never stop loving you. But I was created to love more than my mamm. And I didn’t make myself like that, Da Hah did. So I guess you’ll have to blame Him.”

  “You’ll come to your senses in the morning.” Mamm took the lead rope from Katie’s hand. “I think it’s time we got back to bed.”

  “It’ll be morning before long.” Katie motioned toward the horizon where the first faint signs of dawn were streaking skyward.

  Mamm looked that way but didn’t move for a few seconds. “Come!” she finally said. “Molly has had enough walking for one night. If she doesn’t get better soon, we’ll call the vet again.”

  Katie ran ahead to open the barnyard gate.

  Mamm spoke up as she walked through with Molly. “You’re not going in to work at Byler’s today, Katie. I need you at home.”

  “I can’t do that!” Katie said as she opened the barn doors.

  Mamm didn’t answer as she led Molly into the barn.

  The first contest of their wills had arrived, and Katie decided she needed to win. The stakes were too high not to win.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Emma stood on the front porch watching Katie drive down the lane. Her daughter slapped the reins hard against Sparky as she turned right onto the main road. She gave her mamm a little wave before she disappeared from sight. Emma returned the wave, but she couldn’t shake the sadness of what had happened this morning. Her own daughter, her precious little girl, had shown a streak of rebellion. Tears formed in Emma’s eyes. Not only was Katie refusing to obey, but she also couldn’t wait to get away from the house. Emma made her way to the front-porch swing and sat down.

  “Oh Ezra!” Emma moaned, holding her face in her hands. “Where are you when I need you? Why did Da Hah take you from me? She held still, as if she awaited an answer. Soon she began rocking. She lifted her feet from the wooden floor with each move forward as her thoughts drifted. With Katie gone to work, a deep stillness lay over the farm. This morning Emma could almost see Ezra. He used to sit beside her on this very swing during the cool summer evenings. They would talk and laugh even during the time she’d been heavy with Katie. Emma could almost smell the hay on Ezra’s clothing as the breeze stirred. It was enough to bring a sigh and a smile to her lips. She even remembered how things had been when Ezra had come in from the fields. His scent, after a hard day’s work, would be mixed with the smell of the barn and the horses. Was Da Hah having mercy on her this morning? Emma wondered. Was He sending a clear memory from the past to comfort her in this sorrow of Katie’s rebellion?

  “Oh Ezra, I miss you so!” she cried as she began to weep again. As the memory of Ezra faded, Emma saw Katie’s face. It had been so set this morning, so focused on having her way. Emma’s words had meant nothing. No warning she had offered moved Katie from her determination to continue working at Byler’s Store or having that Mennonite girl pick her up tonight.

  In spite of Katie’s rebellion, Emma knew she needed to stay strong. But what good would even that do? she asked herself. She’d been strong last night. She’d told Katie she couldn’t go back to Byler’s to work. She’d told Katie the same thing this morning, but her daughter had simply gone out to the barn, harnessed Sparky, hitched him up to the buggy, and drove off. What was a mamm supposed to do about that?

  Surely Katie would be back tonight as usual. Surely she wouldn’t go so far as to move out, would she? Was it possible she would speak to the Mennonite girl today and arrange some way of never returning home? Nee, that wasn’t like Katie, Emma decided. But did she really know her daughter anymore?

  Emma caught her breath as another thought took hold. What if Katie planned to join the Mennonite church? Emma clutched the edge of the swing. If Katie did such a thing, sorrow and loss would be unbearable. Surely that wouldn’t happen. This time of defiance was rebellion pure and simple. She must not make things worse than they already were.

  What had she done wrong in bringing up Katie? Children weren’t supposed to turn out rebellious. She’d tried her best. Katie had always been such an obedient child—until yesterday. How could that have changed in such a short time? Oh, if she’d just seen this coming she could have prepared for it somehow.

  If only Ezra were still alive. He might have seen this awful thing coming weeks ago and done something about it. But he wasn’t here, so Emma might as well stop thinking about it. It was wasted effort. Katie was the one who needed her focus right now. How could she awaken Katie to the dangers that lay ahead of her?

  Emma stopped the motion of the swing with her feet. She listened for any sound of Katie’s horse that might linger on the morning air. There was only silence. Emma stood and went into the house. In the kitchen the dishes were dried and stacked on the counter. Katie had seen to that this morning, even in the middle of the lecture she was hearing. Fresh tears rolled down Emma’s cheeks as she pictured Katie standing there, her face so stubborn as she washed dishes with all her might so she could get out of the house to get to work on time.

  Katie was a gut girl. Emma would just have to pray more and cry out to Da Hah for help. He would answer! Did Da Hah not care for widows and orphans? Yah, He’d made her a widow in the first place, but He still cared for her, did He not? With that comforting hope, Emma remembered her duties for the busy day ahead. She must get to work. Today was wash day. She turned and headed for the basement. There the stillness of the room swept over her. All around her were the familiar stone walls of the old house’s foundation. She’d lived here since she’d married Ezra, but today the walls seemed like they belonged to another woman’s house. It was almost as if she’d never seen them before.

  Emma sat down on the bottom step, put her head in her hands, and wept again. Did the house feel what she was feeling? Did it know she’d failed as a mamm and no longer belonged here? Was Ezra seeing her from that land on the other side and feeling a great disappointment in how she’d lost their daughter? Certainly Ezra wouldn’t want Katie attending a Mennonite’s birthday party. If he knew, he would have a look on his face like the clouds from the north before a great thunderstorm. Did he know? Emma trembled at the thought. Who knew the answer to that question? Clearly she had failed Ezra, she had failed Katie, and she had failed Da Hah.

  But she must go on, Emma told herself, forcing herself to stand up. Regardless of her failures, there was work to do. Perhaps she could redeem herself yet. Katie might see the error of her ways before the evening came. Maybe some words she’d spoken this morning had more effect than she thought they did. Katie was a gut girl. She’d always been a gut girl. It simply wasn’t possible she could turn so quickly and go so bad.

  Was this just a phase Katie was going through? Emma had never participated in the rumspringa, so she’d forbidden Katie from it as well. She expected Katie to see things as she had in the past and as she did in the present. Obviously Katie didn’t.

  Emma walked to the washing machine and stood there for a moment before bending over to give the starter rope a strong jerk. The motor roared to life. Emma turned on the spigot and stood back to watch the water stream from the hose and into the tub. Perhaps Da Hah had given them a gut sign last night. Hadn’t Molly survived? That was an encouragement, was it not? Even with the vet bill still coming, it could have been much higher if they hadn’t stayed up and walked Molly. Perhaps this storm would blow over soon, and they could go on with life as it had been.

  Emma loaded the washer with dirty dresses. She
paused to listen. Had someone driven down the lane? With all the racket from the washing machine, Emma wasn’t sure. She took a moment to glance outside the basement door, but she didn’t see anyone. She returned to check on the wash before heading upstairs for another hamper of dirty clothes.

  As she walked through the kitchen, a knock sounded on the front door. Emma quickly shoved the hamper underneath the kitchen table before going to answer the door. She paused at the window and noticed a familiar buggy in the driveway. Jesse’s buggy. What nerve the man had, coming around again after she’d firmly sent him on his way last time.

  When she opened the door, she was met with a broad smile and a hearty, “Gut morning! How are you today, Emma?”

  If he only knew! Emma thought. But then again, it was none of his business. No doubt Jesse had all five of his children under control. He would probably scorn her efforts if he knew the problems she was having with Katie.

  “We’re doing okay.” Emma knew her voice was tense, but the man had no reason to barge in on her like this.

  “I’m glad to hear that.” Jesse was still smiling. “The vet stopped by my place late last night. Some of my cows have mastitis problems so I’ve been working with him. He told me about your bloated cow. I thought I’d stop by after chores this morning to see how you’re doing with her.”

  “We’re doing okay,” Emma repeated, not moving away from the door or inviting the man in. If he thought he was going to weasel his way into her heart by offering to help with her farm troubles, he had another guess coming.

  Jesse seemed unfazed by the look on her face. “Do you mind if I take a look at her? Perhaps there’s some way I can help.”

  “I think Molly’s fine,” Emma said. “Katie and I walked her last evening and again very early this morning. She seems much better.”

  “Is Molly your smaller cow?”

  He is a stubborn man, Emma thought. I have to get rid of him somehow. If answering his questions sends him on down the road faster, then she would do so.

  “Yah. I have a load of wash going in the basement right now, so I really have to get back to it.”

  “I’ll take a look at your cow then.” Jesse gave her a bright smile. He didn’t wait for an answer before turning and walking across the yard toward the barn.

  Emma watched him go with her mouth open. The gall of the man! If this went on, he would be setting the wedding date with the bishop whether she agreed to it or not. Well, that was not going to happen! Not in a hundred years of him making trips over to take care of her farm or her animals. Emma almost hollered after him to stop, but instead she picked up the hamper and continued down to the basement.

  When the first load had finished, Emma peeked over the basement steps to see if Jesse was still around. If he was, she’d make a quick dash for the wash line by going around the back of the house.

  But his buggy was gone.

  Jesse must not have found anything wrong with Molly so everything was okay. Emma caught herself just before heaving a huge sigh of relief. She pushed the feeling away. That was exactly the reaction Jesse was trying to stir in her heart. She would not be tricked. Molly was fine before he arrived, and Molly was certainly no better off after he left.

  Katie and she would make it through this hard time together. They had to. They only had each other in this harsh world.

  It was then that Emma paused, hearing Katie’s voice echo in her mind. The sound came clear as a bell, “You act like Jesse committed a sin for wanting you as his frau.”

  “I do not,” Emma said out loud. And yet it was true. She knew it was true.

  Katie’s voice came again in Emma’s mind, stronger this time, only it wasn’t Katie any longer, it was as if Ezra was speaking.

  “You could have more. Jesse Mast is offering you a whole lot more. You could be a mamm to more children who need you. You’re not that old. You might even have another baby in the house, not to mention the five children Jesse already has.”

  Emma caught her breath. She wasn’t dreaming, not hearing things. Katie had said those very words not that long ago. But now she could hear Ezra saying them. And yah, he would say them.

  Had she been wrong then? Would Ezra approve of Katie’s plans tonight? Not likely, but then neither would Ezra approve of what she had become.

  Emma sat on the basement steps and covered her face with her hands.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jesse brought his horse to a stop near the barn after driving home from Emma’s place in a great rush. As he climbed out of the buggy, he saw Mabel running toward him. Her face had a worried look.

  “Is something wrong?” he asked as she approached and gasped for breath.

  “Joel is still not off to school,” Mabel said. She paused to catch another breath. “He wouldn’t put on a clean pair of pants, and I wouldn’t let him go wearing his dirty ones from yesterday.”

  “Oh my…” Jesse allowed a smile to spread over his face. “Are you sure they were really that dirty?” This wasn’t as bad as he feared. But then Mabel was that way sometimes—easily overwrought.

  “Daett!” Mabel protested. “They had grass stains all over them. Joel doesn’t know how to stay clean when he plays prisoner’s base with his friends. I couldn’t let him go out of the house looking like that.”

  “Okay, okay.” Jesse tied Lucy to the hitching post. “Let’s go into the house. I’ll talk to him. But tell me what happened. Joel seemed ready to leave for school when I saw him at breakfast.”

  “That’s because he only acts stubborn when I’m alone with him,” Mabel said. “Now there’s going to be a scene at school when he arrives late. Can Joel stay home today? That would be better than Ruth thinking I can’t take care of him.”

  “Now, now…” Jesse placed his hand on Mabel’s shoulder. “It’s not right that you make all these decisions on your own. You’re still young yourself without having to take care of your brothers and sisters like Mamm would.”

  “Don’t pity me, Daett,” Mabel said. “Just whip Joel’s behind gut, and perhaps he’ll listen the next time I tell him what to wear.”

  Jesse almost laughed but held back. The vengeance in Mabel’s voice wasn’t gut. And it really wasn’t funny, he supposed. Mabel was right. He too had noticed that Joel only acted up under her authority. The boy knew weakness when he saw it—as most children his age did. What Joel needed was a mamm—and rather quickly from the looks of things. Maybe the boy also needed a couple whacks on the behind. If nothing else, it would alleviate Mabel’s despair.

  When they walked into the house, Joel was sitting on the couch kicking his feet. Mabel marched up and glared at him. “See, Daett? Aren’t those awfully dirty pants? They aren’t fit for barn work, let alone for school.”

  “They’re not that dirty!” Joel protested. “They’re nice and clean.”

  “You should listen to your sister,” Jesse said. “Especially when I’m not around. Mabel knows much more about clean clothes than you do. Now get up to your room and change. I’ll be taking you to school when you’re ready.”

  Joel hung his head and marched upstairs, obviously unhappy over this outcome.

  His pants were dirty, Jesse noted, but he had to admit that he wouldn’t have noticed or cared if Mabel hadn’t pointed it out.

  “You should have smacked his backside gut,” Mabel muttered at Joel’s retreating back. “I’m going to next time myself.”

  “Nee, Mabel,” Jesse said. He repeated his standing instructions that Mabel wasn’t to discipline her siblings. Having her spank the younger children was a bridge he didn’t wish to cross.

  “He doesn’t get spanked enough,” Mabel asserted. “He saves all his misbehaving for when you aren’t around.”

  Mabel was probably right, Jesse figured. Children were that way. They caught on quickly regarding when they could get away with things.

  “I’ll talk with him on the way to school,” Jesse said.

  Mabel nodded and retreated to the kitchen.
>
  Jesse looked out the window toward the back fields while he waited for Joel to come back downstairs. Leroy was busy cutting the hay pasture, and Willis was spreading manure. He should be helping with both projects, he thought. Instead he was playing mamm right now and suitor less than an hour ago at Emma Raber’s place. Everything seemed to be turned upside down since Millie had passed. And he hadn’t gotten them turned right side up again.

  “Please help me, dear Hah,” he whispered. He heard the sound of Joel’s footsteps approaching and walked over to open the stair door. He took a quick look at what Joel was wearing.

  “They’re clean!” Joel announced, his face beaming. “They’re the cleanest ones I have.”

  “He has lots of clean ones!” Mabel hollered from the kitchen. “Don’t let him start blaming me for his naughtiness.”

  “No one is blaming you,” Jesse responded as he paused at the kitchen door. “You do much better than anyone else could hope to do, Mabel.”

  His daughter didn’t turn around to look at him. Her hands were deep in the soapy dishwater.

  Jesse hesitated. Mabel was obviously troubled about something since she didn’t at least look up. But what was he supposed to do? He guessed he should ask her what was wrong. He walked up to her and slipped an arm around her thin shoulders. “I’m sorry for the load our situation is placing on you,” he said. “I really do think you’re doing a great job.”

  She looked up at him, her eyes sorrowful. “You went to see that woman again this morning, didn’t you?”

  “Yah. But it’s not ‘that woman,’ Mabel. Her name is Emma.”

  Mabel rinsed the dish in her hand. “I wish you wouldn’t see her, Daett. But I guess what happened with Joel this morning will make you want to marry her even sooner.”

  “Mabel, listen to me,” Jesse said, his hand now on her shoulder. “You’re not responsible for this household of children. You’re still young yourself. You’re only sixteen years old! It’s time you go with Leroy and Willis to the young folk gatherings. You’re taking way too much responsibility on yourself.”