Reckless Abandon (Damaged #2)

by J. C. Hannigan

  "It's yours...if you want it," I told him, my voice shaking.

  "Can I meet her?" Grayson questioned, his eyes searching mine.

  I inhaled sharply, forcing a smile to my shaking lips. "Yes...as soon as I decide how I'm going to tell her who you are."

  ***

  I'd finally managed to catch the damn cat, with help from Grayson. Tom was right—it was a goddamn asshole. The cat hadn't taken to being shoved in the cat carrier very well, and Grayson's arms were covered in angry scratches. The cat had managed to knick him on the cheek, too. The expression on Grayson's face as he set the cat carrier carefully on the front seat of my parents’ car made me want to laugh, but I bit it back.

  "Thanks," I said, touching the cut on his cheek gingerly.

  "Don't worry about it," Grayson told me, his gaze ignited me. I shivered in the thin coat I was wearing. The temperature had dropped, and our breath came out in little puffs in front of us. He looked deeply into my eyes, the storm moving across his. "I want to see you again."

  He saw me hesitating, and his hands came up to cup my face. I watched as his gaze leisurely drifted across my face, lingering on my lips. "You kind of dropped a major bomb on me. Don't shut me out now," he pleaded.

  I was hopeless against the spell of his eyes, full of yearning and need. He was right; I couldn't shut him out anymore. He knew the truth, and I owed him a chance...for Cadence's sake. Even if it broke my heart. But there was a change in him, a change that I wasn't blind to. I could sense it and I could see the sincerity behind each of his words.

  Grayson had only ever promised to try before, and he had tried. He'd never promised me forever. He had already laid it all out on the line for me—more than once. I was more scared than I'd ever been before, but I was hopeless against him. He was the missing piece of my soul.

  I just had no idea how I was going to explain it to Cadence — or the rest of my family.

  My parents didn't know Grayson very well, but they knew that he had broken my heart and disappeared. They hadn't been stoked that he had showed up at our house after the funeral, but what could they say? It was my decision, my life. It didn't seem to matter what course of action I took; Cadence's life was going to change drastically regardless.

  "I could meet you back here and help you finish packing up," Grayson suggested, his hands still hot on my skin.

  I bit my lip. "Okay," I said softly. A smile broke out across his lips, lightening his eyes and transforming his face. Grayson had an incredible smile. Between his smile and his eyes, I was completely powerless.

  "Tomorrow morning then," he whispered, brushing my hair out of my face and kissing me chastely. "Meet me here at ten. We'll finish the rest of it. And we'll talk; we'll try and figure out...this." The burning look he gave me made my blood pressure go up.

  He waited in the cab of his truck as I drove away and I watched as it slowly faded from the rearview mirror. The uncertainty, fear and regret that had reflected in his eyes when he had pleaded with me to see him again made my heart ache.

  I pulled up to my parents’ familiar driveway, frowning when I noticed Kyle's rented convertible in place of my dad's truck. It looked completely ridiculous in the snowy driveway, but that was Kyle.

  Grabbing the carrier, I walked into the house, finding Kyle and Cadence coloring on the living room hardwood floor. Cadence was lying on her stomach. She looked up at me with her wide blue eyes when I walked in the room.

  Kyle had a good bond with Cadence and always had. He had visited her the day that she was born, being the first man aside from my father to hold her, followed closely by Marcus and Cam. When Julia brought Cadence to LA, Kyle would always visit as often as he could and spend hours playing with her and just hanging out. He had a soft spot for her. All the guys did, but Kyle seemed to take more of an interest. Marcus and Cam were a little unsettled by having a child in their midst.

  "Uncle Kyle drew a turtle," she told me matter-of-factly. Kyle grinned, hopping up effortlessly to cross the room and pull me in for a hug as Cadence lifted the picture to show me.

  "Is that so?" I asked, arching an eyebrow as Kyle released me. He grinned, proud of his work. "Look who I found!" I said, crouching down and setting the cat carrier on the floor in front of Cadence.

  "Jinx!" Cadence squealed, a bright smile lighting up her entire face.

  "Now Jinx might be a little scared, okay Cadence? This is a new place for him and he'll be uncertain for a bit. He might hide, but he'll come out when he's ready, okay?" I warned her. She nodded, watching as I opened the metal door of the cat carrier slowly.

  I expected the cat to dart out of the metal cage like a bat out of hell. It had certainly put up the fight when I tried to catch it. Instead, it went straight for Cadence and started to purr the second she wrapped her arms around its body.

  "Well, that's shocking," I said to Kyle, shaking my head with a grin. "He wasn't that friendly when I tried to catch him."

  "Is that where you've been?" Kyle asked, tilting his head and frowning slightly. He still wore his light hair on the longer side. It brushed against his collar and drove our female fans wild. They'd been helpless against his charming dimpled smile and boy-next-door looks.

  I gestured to Cadence with my eyes. He nodded, catching my unspoken request. I walked over to her, crouching down so I could see her face better. "Cadence, Uncle Kyle and I are just going to go in the kitchen for a minute. Could you draw me a picture of Jinx?" She nodded, burying her face in Jinx's soft fur. I smiled at her again before I stood up and followed Kyle into the kitchen.

  "Where are my parents?" I asked.

  "They went to the grocery store. I said I would hang out with Cadence until you got back. I wanted to talk to you anyway."

  "About what?" I frowned, my gaze flitting to Kyle's face. The easy smile he'd worn upon seeing me had vanished. He studied me curiously, lines of concern crinkling his light eyes.

  "Are you okay, Everly?" he asked. He kept his distance, his arms crossed as he leaned against the counter, but his eyes never wavered from my face. "Maddie says you haven't been returning her phone calls or messages..."

  “I’m as okay as I could be, given the circumstances,” I answered as honestly as I could while ignoring the part about Maddie. I hadn't answered her calls or texted her back because I knew she was going to be pissed. Kyle nodded, accepting my answer.

  "What did he say?" Kyle didn't need to spell it out for me to understand who he was talking about. The hard set of his usual gentle eyes was indication enough.

  "I'd rather not get into it right now," I warned him, crossing my own arms.

  Kyle sighed, rubbing his temple with his fingers slowly. He could sense my reluctance to talk about it and wisely switched topics. "Brent is giving us another month until we need to leave for the tour, so instead of January, we'll be leaving in February. We've had to cancel two shows that were already sold out, and a bunch of appearances. The public isn't happy about it. Brent wants us in California in two and a half weeks for an interview...all of us. Hell, mainly you. He thinks the fans will understand things a little better if they hear from you. He's been trying to reach you too."

  "I know." I frowned. I'd been ignoring everyone's calls, especially people from the recording label—especially Brent. "I'll do the interview. I need to meet with the label anyway. Kyle, I can't do the tour," I added, swallowing hard. I couldn't look at him; I was too afraid. "I've already spoken to my lawyer and my financial advisor. I'm going to cover the fines myself. I just can't do it."

  "Everly..." Kyle's voice was just as torn as his expression when I finally looked at him.

  "Kyle, I almost lost her." I couldn't prevent the tears from spilling freely down my cheeks. Kyle stepped up to me automatically, drawing me toward him. "January—hell, even February isn't enough time for me. You know that."

  He exhaled, his shoulders deflating slightly. "I know that. I get it, Everly, I do. It just..."

  "Sucks? Yeah, I know. The last thing I want
to do is let you guys down," I said, leaning against him. My knees felt weak. It was such a relief to finally tell Kyle where I was with things. "You knew I was done after this tour anyway...you all knew."

  "I know." Kyle sighed. He rested his chin on top of my head. "And you aren't letting us down."

  "Are you mad?"

  "No, I'm not mad, Everly." Kyle pulled away so his eyes could lock on mine. "I just don't know what we're going to do without you. I kept hoping you weren't really done. You've been saying it for years, but this time, it felt different. Now...it's definite. I knew it the moment you got the call and I don't blame you."

  "The rest of the guys will." I took a shaky breath.

  "They love you too, Ever. You know that. They get what this means for us all...we'll figure it out. Let me talk to the guys."

  Chapter Eight

  Grayson

  TO SAY THAT MY ENTIRE world wasn't completely rattled straight off its axis was a complete understatement. It wasn’t every day that the one that got away returned bearing the shocking news that your idiot teenage self managed to unknowingly become a father.

  I sat in the cab of my truck after Everly drove away, staring at the picture that she'd given me. It was of the two of them... her and Cadence. Our daughter. I was having a really fucking hard time wrapping my head around this.

  I had always been careful with Everly—with everyone I'd been with. I wasn't careless when it came to protection. Still, condoms ripped, and all it took was one tiny unnoticeable tear or hole. There was no denying it; I didn't need a damn paternity test to know that she had my eyes and my hair, Everly's lips and the olive complexion of Everly's father and late sister. She was beautiful like her mother. It was surreal to see my features in hers.

  Setting the photo down on the bench seat, I let my head fall into my hands. I was too stunned to be mad at Everly, that she'd kept this from me for so long. I felt shell shocked. I'd missed out on so much, and I had only myself to blame. If I hadn't run, if I hadn't left town, if I'd just stayed and tried to sort through my fucked up mind and feelings, I would have been there that day she went to my house. She would have told me, and I would have...

  I frowned, trying to think of what seventeen-year-old me would have done.

  Back then, I didn't have the emotional maturity to handle an intimate relationship. How could I have handled fatherhood? I couldn't have. I was certain of it.

  But could I now?

  Most men have nine months to adjust to the idea of fatherhood. Then they get an additional two years of figuring out their shit while the kid is still unaware.

  Four-years-old was old enough to question why your father hadn't been there for you. It was old enough to see things, to understand them and certainly old enough to feel rejected and unimportant.

  I didn't want her to feel rejected or unimportant; I didn't want my presence to cause her any confusion, but I couldn't just sit idly by after receiving that news.

  I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel, scowling at the empty street.

  Katrina had said not to return to the bar, but I was restless. If I didn't go to Tap's, I would have shown up at Everly's parents’ house...and that wouldn't have been good. Not only was I not in the right frame of mind for that, but Everly likely would have been pissed at me. Besides, we'd made plans for tomorrow. I didn't want to push her too hard or too fast. I didn't want to drive her away from me again.

  I needed to process things, to distract myself so I didn't do something stupid.

  I pulled up in front of Tap's, thankful that the bar wasn't crowded. Only Tom and another patron that I didn't recognize sat along the length of the bar.

  I sank down into the stool, snapping at Katrina before she could say anything. "Just get me a drink, would you?"

  Katrina sighed and begrudgingly grabbed a clean glass and the bottle of whiskey. She eyed me critically as she slid it across the black walnut bar, wiping the condensation trail after I'd lifted the glass to my lips. "Grayson, you're spending too much time here again," she remarked, arching an eyebrow. "I'm beginning to think you're sweet on me."

  I snorted, glowering at her. She laughed easily, the sound piquing the attention of the other two bar patrons. Tom lowered his eyes almost immediately, but the other guy's stare lingered. I took a slow sip of my drink, assessing him.

  He appeared to be in his mid-thirties. He was dressed in gray dress pants, a button up shirt and a deep blue dress jacket. He had dark, pretentiously styled hair. I instantly mistrusted him, and not just because he looked completely out of place. Guys in this small town dressed in casual work clothes and checkered shirts. I didn't recognize him, and I didn't like how he looked as if he recognized me.

  "Easy, killer. I'm kidding. I know who owns your heart." Katrina's voice brought my attention back to her and away from the stranger. "What are you doing here, Grayson?"

  My visits to the bar were never a social call; they were my attempts to quiet the regret. Feed into one addiction to numb the cravings for another and what not.

  I swirled the liquid around in my glass, staring at it. I felt a million questions ricocheting around in my head. "Can you tell me something, Katrina?"

  "Probably," she responded sarcastically, the smirk falling from her lips when I looked up at her. She saw the torment and conflict in my eyes. "Yes," she amended.

  "What happened after I left?"

  Katrina watched me earnestly, her brown eyes sympathetic. "Well, you know they signed on and started recording." I nodded once and she continued. "So...once they started that, they all sort of stopped coming to school, and I didn't see them around often. If you're asking what happened with her, I don't know any more than you do. For a celebrity, she's pretty damn private— same with her family."

  "Did you see Julia ever?" I asked in a low voice. Katrina had to lean forward against the bar to hear me. I glanced toward the stranger; he was occupied with his drink.

  "Not really," she said after a moment.

  "Have you ever met...her kid?" I asked, trying to keep my voice low and my question causal.

  "I saw her around town a few times," Katrina answered, giving me an odd look as she automatically refilled my empty glass. "But no, I've never met the kid." She shrugged, placing the whiskey back on the counter behind her. She crossed her arms and leaned against the counter, a shrewd look on her face.

  I grunted, staring back into my drink. For the first time ever, I wanted to confide in someone. I needed to process what I had learned. I wanted that somebody to be Everly, but she wasn't here.

  But talking to Katrina would be a mistake. Everly had her reasons for wanting to keep things secret, and I had to go along with it. What other goddamned choice did I have?

  Movement from across the bar caught my attention; the man was now joined by the waitress from Day Breakfast, Lindsay. Lindsay glanced over at me, her critical eyes assessing me carefully before she sat down on the stool beside him. She inclined her head to whisper something to him, her eyes never leaving my face.

  I didn't know what her game was, but it didn't matter. The appeal of sitting at the bar had long since evaporated. It was one thing hanging out with Katrina and even Tom Grady, but the stranger and Lindsay were a different story. I tossed back the remainder of my drink before I stomped out of the bar without another word to Katrina.

  ***

  The next morning, I pulled up to the curb in front of the rental unit. Everly was already inside. By the time I arrived bearing two coffees, she'd already managed to pack up all of Cadence's room. The mattress was stripped bare; the stuffed animals, toys, and clothes were all tucked away in boxes that she had piled on top of the dresser. The easel was folded and resting against the wall.

  Everly was dressed in tight black jeans and a plain white v-neck t-shirt. Her long hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail, and she wasn't wearing any makeup. Everly was the kind of girl who didn't need makeup to look sexy. Her pale green eyes and thick lashes, her creamy pale skin and her
sinfully sexy body didn't need the help.

  My lower abdomen clenched with desire at the sight of her, her hips slowly swaying as she approached me. My fingers twitched with the urge to touch her, to squeeze the sides of her hips and pull her toward me.

  "You brought coffee? Thank you!" she said, clearing my mind of the lustful thoughts and smiling as she took the paper cup from my outstretched hand. Our fingers brushed, and she startled at the electricity that passed between our fingertips.

  "Yeah. I didn't know how you took it, so..." I handed her the bag of sugar, milk and creamers. I hadn’t realized until I was sitting in my truck, in the drive thru, that I had absolutely no idea how Everly even liked her coffee.

  That detail made the regret wash back over me, reminding me that I had left her and ran when I could have stayed. I could have let her in and learned every little thing about her; the details that couldn’t be discovered by physically exploring and knowing one another’s bodies. Like how she liked her coffee or even her eggs.

  I could have spent the last five years raising a beautiful little girl with her.

  I swallowed hard, forcing a tight lipped smile. Everly frowned, noting my darkened expression.

  "What are you thinking about?" she asked, her voice vulnerable and curious. I could tell she was torn between coming to me and keeping her distance. It was the constant battle that Everly waged on herself since the moment she locked eyes with me again. Instead, she set her coffee down on the counter and selected a couple of creamers and sugar packets, busying herself with that particular task.

  "Cadence," I answered, my voice gruff and my brows furrowed. "I just can't wrap my head around it."

  Everly drew in a deep breath and looked at me, steadying herself for what she perceived would surely be an attack. She was the only person who knew about the struggles I'd had with my mother, and she hadn't even known the half of it.