by S A Clayton
Mel goes to say something, but I stop her.
“I know you mean well, but let me have this, okay? I need to wallow a bit more before I figure out my next move.”
She takes my hand as she gives that sad smile again.
“I’ll stay if you want?” she suggests and this is exactly why I love her so much, but I shake my head.
“Go home, you need to be ready for work tomorrow. We have lots more painting to do.” I plaster on my best smile, pulling her in for a hug. “I’m fine.”
She gives me a knowing look as a smile breaks out on my face.
“Okay, maybe not totally fine, but I will be. All I need is a good night’s sleep.”
We both know that’s a lie, but she nods anyway.
“You go to bed, and I’ll let myself out.”
I nod, making my way back into the bedroom where I close the door and take a deep breath. The entire room smells like him, and the tears start to fall again, and I let them. I need to figure out a way to make this hollow feeling in my chest go away, and I have a gut feeling that the only way to get rid of it, is for a certain baseball player to come home and wrap his arms around me.
I lay my head on his pillow, inhaling his scent and wishing everything would go back to before I ruined everything, and as I drift off to memories of Josh, I wish I would feel his arms around me one more time.
I wake to the sound of the front door shutting and I sit up straight as my heart leaps up my throat.
He’s home.
I pull the covers off and get out of bed, adjusting the shirt I’m wearing as I walk softly down the hall.
“Can you just back off, I’m not ready yet,” Josh says into the phone as I make my way down the hall and when he comes into view, I see the tension in his shoulders.
My hands graze my thighs, fighting myself to take deep breaths and calm down.
“Will, seriously shut the fuck up. I do not need you to tell me what to do concerning my relationship.”
My intake of breath must startle him because he turns so fast I recoil. His eyes meet mine and my whole body freezes as we stand there staring at each other. Will must still be talking because Josh mumbles that he’ll call him back before turning off his phone and setting it on the kitchen counter.
Every instinct I have is telling me to run into his arms but I stay rooted in place. He walks around the kitchen island and stops a few feet from me. He looks gorgeous, even with the bags under his eyes that seem to match mine. He still makes me weak in the knees. If he tells me to leave, at least I got one last look at his face and I know he’s okay.
“What are you doing here, Harper?” His hands twitch at his sides as if he’s fighting the same instinct to touch me. “Harper!” he repeats as I jump, shaking the memory of his hands on my body from my head.
“Umm, I don’t know?” My mind is blank. It’s as if he robbed me of all coherent thought the second he stepped into this apartment.
“You don’t know why you decided to come into my apartment while I wasn’t here?” The tone is accusatory but his eyes are sad.
“I have a key,” I whisper as he grunts, turning away and walking back toward the kitchen.
“That’s not the point and you know it. I told you I didn’t want to talk to you.”
Knife to the heart.
That’s what those words feel like as I take a deep breath and follow him. I pull on my shirt, wishing I had had the forethought to put on some pants. He opens the fridge and stops.
“You stocked my fridge?” he questions as I shrug my shoulders, watching as he takes a beer in hand and opens it.
He leans back against the sink, taking a huge swig as I sit at the island. The cold steel stool sends shivers through my body. His eyes never leave mine as he takes another swig and after what feels like hours, he sets the bottle down and leans his palms on the island. I close my eyes and take a deep breath and let the smell of him take me away from the look of anguish I see on his face.
“What are you really doing here?”
I open my eyes and try to look at anything but him.
“I wanted to talk to you,” I admit.
“Talk to me about what? Huh? How about the fact that you lied to me for God knows how long, or maybe that I had to find out from fucking Angela, of all people?” My body tenses at the mention of her name and our eyes finally meet.
“I was trying to protect you.” My voice cracks and my heart leaps into my throat once more as his eyes widen.
“Protect me?” He chuckles. “From what exactly? Because the last time I checked, I was a grown fucking adult.”
I roll my eyes and hop off the stool, walking toward him, my fear gone.
“You know what? I get that you’re angry, you have every right to be. You also have a right to be upset by the photos and even the video because, hell, I’m pissed. But do you know the first thing I thought of when I held them in my hands?”
His eyes bore into mine as I continue.
“It was that those photos could ruin your career. I didn’t and still don’t give a shit about me, I didn’t want you to lose everything you worked so hard for because of me.”
I walk away, feeling the emotions rising as I head toward the bathroom and start packing up my things.
“Harper…” he murmurs as he enters the room but I turn to stop him.
“Josh, I get it. I fucked up. I should have told you, and I know that now. But at the same time, I didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t want this to affect your game and I really didn’t want it to affect the way you see me.”
He says nothing, just stands there and watches as I throw all my clothes into my bag and zip it up.
“I went to the police, they were no help without proof, so I was trying to figure out a way to make this go away without it touching you.”
He sits on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.
“Why haven’t they been posted online yet?” he asks and I wonder how much Angela really knows.
She knew about the photos because she either overheard Mel and I talking or found the hard copies in my desk, but clearly she didn’t tell Josh everything. When I sit next to him and explain about the note and the video, he’s up and pacing the room.
“For fuck’s sake, Harper, this is ridiculous!” he yells, making me jump. “What the hell were you thinking? How could you possibly think I wouldn’t want to know about someone filming us!”
I shake my head because there is no way I’m sitting here while he yells at me for trying to do the right thing.
I can’t.
I grab my jeans off the floor and pull them on as fast as I can and as I turn to leave, he’s right there, blocking the door. His hair is wild, shielding his eyes from me but I can sense the anger radiating off his body.
“Josh, let me pass.”
“No, we need to talk about this.”
I shake my head, dumbfounded.
“Now you want to talk? What happened to never speaking to me again, huh? I’ve tried to explain everything and more, and you’re still fucking pissed, so please let me leave so I can have some time to think things over.”
It’s his turn to shake his head as I push past him, heading into the living room.
“Of course I’m still pissed!” he yells after me. “I’m pissed because the woman I love decided that a bunch of fucking pictures were more important than our relationship!”
I stop dead.
“What?” I whisper, turning to face him and not believing what my ears just heard. The look of shock must pass over my face because he slowly walks over to me. “You what?” I ask again, needing to hear the words again to make sure they weren’t just in my head.
A big smile crosses his face as the pit in my stomach starts to slowly crumble.
He stalks closer and cups my face in both of his hands as the warmth of his touch elicits a moan from me that I’ve been holding in since he walked through that front door.
“I love you, Harper Stevens,
” he says with so much conviction that every ounce of fight leaves my body and I fling myself at him. He catches me with ease as I wrap my legs around his waist as his lips softly touch my neck. “Sunshine…” he moans as he pushes me up against the hallway wall as his face leaves the crook of my neck and my gaze meets his.
“I love you too,” I whisper as his lips finally crush against mine.
My body melts into his as his fingers dig into my skin. I’m cursing my decision to put on jeans as I grind myself against him. His lips release mine, only to travel across my jaw and down my neck. I moan at the sensation of his lips against my skin as my entire body lights on fire.
We part slowly as his forehead rests against mine and we’re both breathing hard.
“Harper, I need you to know that I wasn’t upset that the pictures or even the video exist, it’s the fact that you lied to me.”
He’s right.
He walks us to the couch and sits with me astride his hips. “I remember asking you about some photos you were holding and you told me it was model headshots. It was them wasn’t it? You lied to me right to my face…Are you even looking for models?”
Shame washes over my entire body as I shake my head. I knew I should have told him that day. I know that if I left it too long, it would only cause more issues, but I was scared. He takes hold of my chin and brings my eyes back to his.
“I don’t like lying, Harper, even when you’re trying to protect me.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” My lips lightly touch his in a featherlight kiss and it calms my nerves. “You deserve to know what’s going on.”
He gives me a grateful smile as he pulls me closer. As if on cue, my stomach growls which makes us both laugh.
“My girl hungry?” he asks as he takes me off his lap and places me on the couch beside him.
“Well, considering I haven’t really eaten since our phone call, my stomach is probably ready to eat itself.”
A dark look crosses his face for a split second, and then it’s gone. I give him my best smile as I get up.
“What happened can’t be undone, but we can move on. We both made mistakes, me more than anyone, but it’s over now. Okay?” He gives me that smirk I love so much and bends to kiss me lightly.
“Okay,” he whispers against my lips. “And we will figure this out, okay? The pictures exist and we need to figure out who’s taking them and who is threatening you.”
My eyes cast down as the shame once again overtakes my body.
“No matter what happens, I love you. Okay?”
“I love you too,” I say as my lips softly touch his once more.
“Let me feed you since your stomach won’t shut up.”
I laugh as he takes his phone, orders some food, and I watch as he putters around the kitchen, and I finally allow myself to relax. As I watch him from my seat on the couch, I realize that the happiness I feel right now is directly associated with Josh being in my life, and for the first time in months, that doesn’t scare me anymore.
To be continued…
About the Author
S.A. Clayton lives in a small town outside of Toronto, Canada with her husband and her scary large collection of books that seem to take over every room.
She has worked on both sides of the publishing industry, both in a bookstore and for actual publishing companies. Although she loved both for different reasons, she found that writing was her true passion and has spent the last few years breaking into the industry as best she can.
She is a lover of all things romance and began her writing journey in her late twenties. Since then, she has immersed herself in the romance genre and couldn't be happier.
When she's not writing or reading, she enjoys binging a great Netflix show (Stranger Things anyone?), baking (because who doesn't love cookies!) and spending time with her family.
Also by S.A. Clayton
Standalone’s
Wrapped in Red
Dipped in Gold
Sweet Valentine
Holiday Hookup
Forbidden C.E.O
Stadium Series
Hard Ball
Lady Boss Press
Pick Six
Easy to Lose
Tempting Fate
In Plain Sight