Penelopes Wedding

by Maurice Northmore

  "Yep. Fire away". Rodney writes the number down. "Now don't worry Pen'. Everything will work out fine. We'll talk later".

  Australia being seven hours in front, it is eight at night when Aunt Ada answers Rodney's call.

  After talking to Aunt Ada, Rodney visits Penelope and showers her with flowers, and complements her about her hair. Then a false smile appears on his face. "You know Pen', I don't know how to say this, but".

  "But what Rodney" says Penelope looking at him searchingly.

  "Well." Rodney takes a deep breath, and says with a serious face. "I rang Aunt Ada, and she said 'she was sorry, but she wouldn't be able to make our wedding'. I offered to pay, but she reckoned it wasn't the money stopping her from coming, but the fact that she has already arranged to go on a cruise. She apologised profusely, but said she couldn't cancel her cruise".

  Penelope is shocked and fuming. "You mean my father lied to me". Her face has reddened and she's determined now, and adamant. "We are getting married Rodney, and nobody is going to stop us, especially not my father".

  Rodney tries hard to hold back a smile, "it will be our big day, darling".

  "My big day," she corrects him.

  Later after Rodney has left; Penelope strides into the study and confronts her father. "Why did you lie to me father"?

  "I don't know what you mean", he says.

  "Saying Aunt Ada was coming to the wedding. Rodney rang her and found out she had never intended to come. She's booked to go on a cruise".

  At the mention of Rodney's name, Lord Montgomery's blood begins to boil. Sweat appears on his brow. "Aunt Ada did say she was coming. I guess it could be due to her old age. Maybe she got confused over the date".

  "Perhaps she did", says Penelope, deciding to leave it there. Penelope leaves her father's study, determined, nothing is going to spoil her big day.

  CHAPTER 11

  Lord Montgomery is rankled. He drums his fingers on his desk. He's concerned too. He saw the determined look on Penelope's face, and saw the fire in her eyes. He leaves his study and goes outside to a shed where Jack his loyal gamekeeper is cleaning his tools. "Have you found out anything suspicious about Rodney", he asks?

  Jack, a short stocky unshaven man, wearing brown tweed trousers tucked into his socks, walking boots and a brown tweed coat looks up and peers at Lord Montgomery over the rim of his glasses. "Nothing so far. Nobody has heard a thing. It seems like he's the invisible man".

  "Right. Keep checking, and let me know the moment you hear anything. Anything at all".

  "I will. Rest assured, I will", says Jack, beginning to hate Rodney Johnson for complicating his normally relaxed life.

  Lord Montgomery retreats to his study and rings a couple of friends who are attending the wedding to see if they have any ideas. But his friends are no help at all.

  But Harold Benjamin Montgomery the Third is a determined man and will never back down in his quest to protect his daughter, and the only way in his mind to do that, is to stop the wedding, no matter what it takes. He decides to call upon all his army training skills and tries to concoct as many obstacles as he can think of in an attempt to try and stop the wedding from going ahead. He even thinks of trying a combination of obstacles, some he's already thought of before. But he's struggling to think of something plausible. He can't get Rodney's smirking face out of his mind. He goes outside and walks to the garden where Rodney is working. "I need to talk to you straight away, in my study".

  "Okay Mister Montgomery, Sir, I will be there in an hour".

  "Now, this instant, right away" says Lord Montgomery.

  "Yes Sir. Okay" says Rodney, wondering what this is about. Rodney follows Lord Montgomery who is setting quite a pace, all the way to his study.

  "Right Rodney. Sit down". Lord Montgomery places a huge bulging package on the table and beckons him to open it.

  Rodney sits, opens the package, peers inside, and sees bundles of one hundred-pound notes. A puzzled look appears on his face.

  "There's fifty thousand pounds for you to walk away and never see my daughter again. You will receive another fifty thousand pounds when you have told my daughter you are having an affair, and you are going to marry the lady in question".

  Rodney is rattled. But soon thinks of a cunning plan. "Okay, Mister Montgomery, Sir. You win. I shall do as you say". Rodney stands looking serious and leaves with the package.

  As soon as Rodney is out of eyesight, a huge grin surfaces on his face, and a chuckle of laughter escapes from his gaping mouth.

  Later that night, Rodney places the fifty thousand-pounds in his safe and rings Penelope. "Can you come over and see me Penelope? I have something I need to say to you".

  "Can't you tell me now"?

  "No. I need you here".

  All the way to Rodney's house, Penelope is racked with thoughts of what could be so important that Rodney couldn't tell her on the telephone. He's never done that before.

  As she arrives at Rodney's cottage, he greets her with a kiss on the cheek, which she finds strange. "What is it Rodney" she says as she walks down the passage to his lounge?

  "Sit down Pen". He takes deep breaths.

  Penelope is thinking, he's going to dump me. That's it. Why else would he get me over here?

  "Your father has tried to buy me off Pen', if I will say I'm having an affair, which is an outright lie". He lets his words sink in. He doesn't want to say; 'I'll show you the money'. He doesn't have to.

  Penelope pulls him close and whispers in his ear. "Ignore my father Rodney. He's just trying to protect his darling daughter".

  "Are you sure Pen"?

  "I'm sure. Everything will work out fine".

  Mission accomplished thinks Rodney, his face beaming as he looks over her shoulder.

  CHAPTER 12

  Over the days that follow, Rodney continues to work in the gardens at Montgomery Hall, prompting Lord Montgomery to go to where he is working and ask. "I thought you agreed to go away and never see my daughter again".

  "I did, and I will. But there's a matter of a further fifty thousand pounds, and I thought I'd work my week's notice. It might look very strange if I leave right away. Some of the staff might make a fuss. We wouldn't want that, would we". He looks at Lord Montgomery with a smirk on his face.

  "One week. That's all. You'll get your fifty thousand pounds then. We'll call it redundancy pay. Right". Lord Montgomery looks at him inquisitively, knowing if he doesn't cooperate, Rodney could cause more trouble.

  "A deal. One week" says Rodney with a false smile, knowing he will be married by then.

  Lord Montgomery leaves the gardens, his hate of Rodney growing by the second as he makes his way to his study, to consider his position, and decide what to do next. In his study he drifts deep into thought. I could just get rid of him. Maybe make it look like an accident. But I don't fancy life in a prison cell. No. There are a few other little tricks I can try. He grabs some writing paper and a pen, and begins drafting a letter: 'Dear Vicar'.

  After finishing his letter, Lord Montgomery drives towards the vicarage. He parks his car a hundred yards from the vicarage, and walks the remaining distance, staying close to the trees so as not to be noticed. He treads quietly up the path to the vicarage's front door, pushes the letter through the letterbox, and retreats quickly away to where his car is parked.

  Later that day, Richard Finley stoops down to his doormat and picks up Lord Montgomery's letter. He rips it open and reads it. 'Dear Vicar. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond everyone's control, the wedding of my daughter Penelope to Rodney Johnson will not proceed as originally planned. Please accept my most sincere apologies for the inconvenience. Yours sincerely, Lord Harold Benjamin Montgomery the Third'. The vicar gives a wry smile. Just another of the Lord's tricks, he thinks, having heard all the gossip that is circulating around the village. He places the envelope on his mantle-piece and plans to take no further notice of its contents.

  Lord Montgomery is ple
ased with what he has done; convinced he has finally outwitted Rodney, and prevented him from marrying his daughter Penelope.

  Meanwhile, plans for the wedding are progressing well.

  Rodney has chosen his best man, who he met at the village pub. John he's called. He's an educated, clean-shaven, dark haired handsome man, a few inches shorter than Rodney is.

  Stanley and his wife are preparing the village hall for the wedding reception.

  Richard Finley is in his lounge holding a piece of paper as he practices his speech. His wife Mary is making sure the church is clean, all the hymn books are in place, the organist is ready, and she has spoken to Lady Montgomery about the flowers, who assures her they will be delivered to the church on time.

  Penelope has gone with Debra to the wedding shop in the next village and is trying on her wedding dress.

  "Fantastic" says Debra. "I love how it fits you, very classy".

  "Try yours on", says Penelope, her eyes as big as saucers.

  Debra disappears behind a curtain and appears a few minutes later.

  "I love it", says Penelope, chirpily.

  Penelope and Debra leave the shop, walk one hundred yards, and disappear into the village coffee shop, to reminisce about times passed.

  Lady Montgomery has chosen what she will wear at the wedding, a conservative two-piece in crimson, with a matching fascinator pinned to her hair.

  CHAPTER 13

  A few days have passed since Lord Montgomery posted his letter through the vicarage letterbox and now it's only two days before the wedding is scheduled to take place, and so far, he has not heard a word from the vicar. He has noticed though that the wedding preparations appear to be still progressing. He has seen Penelope's wedding dress hanging up in the dressing room, and he has listened to Lady Montgomery fussing over the reception and church arrangements. He is beginning to think that his attempt to stop the wedding by sending a letter to the vicar has failed. He thinks about ringing the vicar, but is unsure how the vicar will react, he decides not to. It suddenly dawns on him, he needs to find another solution, and quickly, if he is to stop the wedding from going ahead. He racks his brain searching for a backup plan. He thinks of several in fact. Perhaps a roadblock, or maybe he could sabotage the wedding car. Perhaps he could plant a bomb in the church. Or he could blow up the church. No, that would be too risky. For the rest of the day, he considers his options, employing the six "P's", perception, patience, planning, procedure, punctuality and perfection. It is certainly testing my perception and patience, he thinks, and if I am to pull it off, my planning and punctuality will have to be perfect.

  By the time nightfall casts shadows over Montgomery Hall, Lord Montgomery is convinced he has devised the perfect plan to sabotage the wedding. He will construct a roadblock, which will make it impossible for the wedding car, and the guest's cars to make it to the village on time for the wedding.

  The next day there is nothing for Lord Montgomery to do but wait for the following morning to arrive. It's the longest day he has ever known. Longer than anything he ever had to endure in the British Army. Almost as long as the time he has been married to Lady Montgomery.

  So it is with some relief that Lord Montgomery watches the day of the wedding dawn. In a few hours the wedding is due to take place. He knows that what he has in mind, if it's discovered that he has done it, could land him in jail for quite a stretch. He dresses in casual dark clothes and then makes his way outside to the garage where his car is parked. All he has to do is place his trusty chainsaw in the car's boot, start his car, and drive to a nearby wood, where, with the help of his trusty chainsaw, he will cut as many trees as he can, and let them fall across and on to the road. Walla, a perfect and substantial roadblock, which will prevent even the keenest wedding guest from making it to the church on time. Once he has finished the roadblock, he will drive to the garage where the two wedding cars are kept, and disable their electric systems, just as a backup plan. He nervously places his key in the car's ignition switch, and turns the key. But nothing happens. No lights come on. No sound comes from under the bonnet. He turns the key again, and again, and again. Not a sound of life comes from anything mechanical or electrical that is mounted under the bonnet. It's dead. He pulls the bonnet release lever, and steps out of the car. He lifts the car's bonnet, and sees the petrol line has been removed, the ignition wires are missing, and there is a strong smell of petrol drifting up his nostrils. Someone has drained the petrol tank. He starts to spout and curse. "Damn you. Damn. Damn. Damn". Rodney has outwitted him yet again.

  Lord Montgomery walks disconsolately out of his garage, up the gravel drive to the Hall, through the front entrance, and plods heavy legged down the passage as he makes his way into the sitting room.

  "Are you getting dressed? It's your daughter's wedding today", says Lady Montgomery, with a cutting stare coated with a touch of acid from her tongue.

  Lord Montgomery keeps walking through the sitting Room. "Yes dear. Right away dear". He trudges all the way back to his study, his mind racing, trying to find another solution to solve his problem. He enters his study and slumps into his chair; the brow of his frowning face deeply creased with a load of frustration. He knows his time to prevent the wedding is disappearing fast.

  CHAPTER 14

  Lord Montgomery is close to tears. Never before has he been beaten at anything, or by anyone. Is this to be his first defeat? He urgently and erratically sifts through the multitude of books on his bookshelves. He has books about the CIA, FBI, MI5, crime thrillers, war stories, mystery stories. Stories of indescribable hardship. Books relating to some of the greatest conflicts that have blighted the world throughout the ages, and yet his mind is as blank as the grey sky outside.

  Stanley and his wife Barbara have finished preparing the village hall and it is fit enough for a queen. Stanley's wife has excelled herself like never before cooking and preparing the food. Bunches of exquisite flowers have been arranged to perfection in the church, transforming its appearance and ambience and softening its cold stone walls. Mrs Henderson the organ player has just left the church after her final rehearsal. The two Rolls Royce cars have been cleaned, and the wedding car, which will take Penelope and her father to the church, now has white ribbons draped across its shiny bonnet.

  Penelope has just returned from the village hairdresser. "You look amazing", says Debra with a gleam in her eyes.

  "Beautiful Penelope" says her mother, after seeing her, the tears in her eyes suggesting for once; she means what she says.

  Debra follows Penelope to her bedroom, where they sit in front of the dressing table mirror and begin to apply their make-up.

  In Rodney's workers cottage, he admires himself in the mirror for the umpteenth time, and adjusts his sky blue tie a little. His best man John holds a piece of paper in front of him and checks and rechecks the speech he has prepared to recite at the wedding reception.

  Lord Montgomery has checked all his books, replaced them on his bookshelves, and scanned the Internet for any ideas. But so far, he has drawn a blank. He sighs, and grimaces as he realises, there is only one option left for him to try. He checks his watch. It's a bit too early yet, he thinks. He sits quietly in his study, watching the big second hand on his grandfather clock nudge its way around the clock face, and the minute hand slowly following it, and the smaller hour hand crawling after them both. He yawns, and his mind goes back thirty years to the time he was getting married to Lady Montgomery, and how his father had tried to stop it. He sighs a deep sigh, and thinks, why didn't I listen". He allows himself a slight smile.

  One hour later, Lord Montgomery is ready to play his final card, which he prays will be an ace. He lifts the telephone handset and places a handkerchief over the mouthpiece to muffle the sound of his voice. He is nervous and practices what he wants to say. "A bomb has been placed in Sunny Dale church, and it is set to explode".

  He lifts the telephone handset to his left ear, and then strikes the cut-off switch, an
d strikes it again repeatedly. But there is no sound coming from the earpiece. He races outside and desperately follows the phone wire fastened to the outside wall, until he reaches a point where he sees it has been cut and he notices, a large section of wire has been removed. "Damn you Rodney", he curses, knowing Rodney has outwitted him yet again. He retreats back into his study and slumps into his chair. His resolve plummets as he realises, all his efforts to stop the wedding have been in vain, and he has finally exhausted all his ideas. Even if he can get the phone working again, it will be too late.

  CHAPTER 15

  Time has run out. Within the hour, Penelope and Rodney will be in the church, where Richard Finley the vicar of Sunny Dale parish will pronounce them husband and wife.

  Lord Montgomery sits in his study, looking like a beaten man. He hears a knock at the door. He looks up, walks to the study door, which leads to an outside courtyard. Through the glass, he can see Jack, his gamekeeper standing outside. He opens the door.

  Jack, dressed smartly for once, winks, leans forward, and whispers in Lord Montgomery's ear. "Me and Barry have removed Rodney from the scene and taken him to a secret place, somewhere where he won't bother you any further, if you know what I mean, and for good measure, we've removed all his clothes and shoes and buried them. So I'm afraid he might be a bit late for his wedding". Jack smiles, dips his cap and walks away.

  Lord Montgomery closes his study door and gives a huge sigh of relief, ever grateful to Jack the gamekeeper for having found a solution to his problem. A solution which; he himself couldn't manage to find. Lord Montgomery is comfortable in the knowledge, that even if Rodney does escape, dig his clothes from the ground, and has the nerve to arrive at the church looking like a scarecrow, the vicar and all the guests will have left by then. Lord Montgomery thumps one fist into the other. "Brilliant" he says out aloud.

  Lord Montgomery walks to Penelope's bedroom, and knocks twice. The door soon opens. "You look fabulous Penelope. Are we nearly ready for your big day"? He tries to act naturally as if everything will be okay.

  "Nearly ready father. Just give me a few more minutes and I'll be with you". Penelope closes the door.