Police Memories

by Bill Williams

  When he saw I had already done it he hesitated then walked to his office without saying another word. Believe me, all day long my phone was red-hot he moaned about everything under the sun. The following day I left the ashtray dirty. When he arrived in he said, “The ash tray is dirty, get it cleaned.” I didn’t hear from him again, “You see he had to find something wrong it was better to have him moan about the dirty ash tray first thing in the morning and then have the rest of the day without moans.”

  The station detective sergeant was also a very experienced officer, a man aged about 45 years with a large moustache. One-day two men arrived in suits and without the need to announce themselves it was clear from their demeanour they were from Headquarters Complaints and Discipline Department. With the introduction of the new Police and Criminal Evidence Act such a department was formed to investigate all complaints against police officers.

  Despite what press reports say they are very thorough and are disliked by all officers, not for the work they do but often the manner in which they carried out their enquiries and in particular how they spoke to officer’s subject of enquiries.

  The team consisted of a Superintendent and an Inspector, they spoke little, were abrupt and demanded a lot, asked for no opinions just simply wanted their questions answered.

  Arriving to interview the detective sergeant asking the first question he had replied, “2 o’clock.” This was noted and so they progressed to the next question receiving the answer “Five past two.”

  The Inspector then asked, “Why do you give the time in reply to questions which bear no resemblance to what is being asked of you.

  He replied, “I will tell you the time of day and that is all I will tell you.”

  They closed their files and left.

  Walking to the police station one mid morning Claude saw a large crowd gathered outside a house. On his arrival he saw masses of smoke bellowing from the windows and under the doors. Confirming the fire service had been called and that a neighbour believed there was a youth in the house, Claude ran to the rear. He found the door locked so kicked it in. Masses of smoke emerged but he noted there was a small area about 18 inches high from the floor, which appeared clear of smoke. He lay on the floor and crawled into the first room and then into the next. There was an electric fire switched on and this had caught fire to a settee upon which was lying a body. Claude dragged the person, it was a youth outside then did some resuscitation and when the youth recovered he returned to the house brought out a dog he had seen tied to the settee.

  The fire service arrived putting out the fire; the youth was taken to hospital. Claude reported the incident and later that evening there was a headline in the evening paper, “Praise for brave Sergeant.”

  Some weeks later he received a commendation from the Chief Constable.

  Claude had good eyesight, for one evening he was driving the police car when he saw a piece of paper fly across the road. He came to a sudden stop and ran out, the officer with him was startled and surprised when Claude said he had seen a five pound note fly across the road as they had come around the corner. The note was safely recovered.

  There was one officer who was so lazy Claude was certain he would not breathe if he could get away with it. During a conversation with the station commander Claude had mentioned this to him.

  “Well sarge,” he said, “You carry those three stripes for which you get paid additional money. It is up to you to kick his arse. Just remember he is on your shift if anything goes wrong it will be your fault lack of supervision they call it.”

  Claude replied, “One day it was raining he was standing in the gutter, the rain was coming down the road and going over his shoes. I am convinced he was too lazy to step up onto the pavement he preferred to have allowed the water to go over his shoes giving him wet feet than to move his feet.”

  His boss laughed and said well serge it is down to you, if you do something wrong I will soon kick your arse, you won’t find me going the Super and saying I can’t control my men.”

  On another occasion Claude was sitting in his office when the boss arrived and announced that he was due in Court that morning and a file had been lost.

  “I don’t care how you get it sarge, but when I stand up I need the file.”

  He turned and left.

  Claude rushed around found various papers and arranged for the typist to retype the file.

  Some days later Claude submitted a report upon the incident and suggested various changes, which he thought would prevent such a thing happening again.

  The following day his phone rang about 11am and it was his boss, “Can you come and see me?”

  Claude arrived and was invited to sit down. His boss was, as usual smoking his pipe.

  After few moments he produced Claude’s report and said. “I have read this report and your suggestions sarge. I must say it is a very good report, very impressive. Before I put your suggestions into operation I have a question?”

  “How can I help?” replied Claude?

  “Well sarge, I have been stationed here for nearly thirty years during that time I have lost about four files. Can you guarantee me if I change to your system in the next thirty years I will only lose three files."

  “Well no Sir,” answered Claude.

  “In that case handing back the report he said “I will stick to my system for I know as I have five years to do I am not likely to lose a file again.

  Claude took the message.

  Life continued from day to day no different than in any other police station but there was to happen an incident that would have ramifications for Claude for the rest of his years in the police.

  One day whilst seated at his desk a young man arrived in plain clothes, he was a detective from another police station.

  “I need the cell keys to speak with a prisoner,” he had said.

  “I will come and get him out and make the entry in the custody sheet and bear in mind he has indicated he wishes a Solicitor present I am awaiting his arrival.” Replied Claude.

  “Ah well,” said the detective, “We don’t want any entries on the sheet.”

  Claude took the message but said, “He is in my care the rules say everything is recorded on the sheet.”

  The detective turned and left the room.

  Some time later another man in plain clothes arrived. He was sullen faced, pale complexion aged in his middle forties. Claude did not know him so the man introduced himself as Detective Chief Inspector Walters.

  “I hear you won’t part with keys to the cells and you intend to enter details on the sheet.”

  He walked around behind Claude opened the cupboard containing the cell keys, took the keys and walked out as he left he said, “No need for you to do anything, you stay where you are.”

  Claude heard nothing more of the incident ever again but over the coming years he would hear a great deal of the sullen man who it would transpire appeared never to forget the sergeant who kept to the rules and wouldn’t turn a blind eye.

  There was a knock on Claude’s door bringing him back once again to the real world, before he could answer Angelina popped her head around the door and said.

  “Have you forgotten it is the funeral of old George from the end room?”

  "No," replied Claude “I have finished typing for today in any event.

  He walked with her downstairs Scouser Joe was already waiting, by request there was no black worn. On the contrary when the funeral director arrived with his assistants they were all dressed in what appeared to be sixties rock kit. Claude could see the battered weather torn features of Mick Jagger in them all.

  Charles arrived with the home transport and announced Matron had given instructions that in view of the financial restraints and as the funeral was not an official home function there would be a charge of £5 per person payable in advance. There was sudden rush and search of handbags and pockets to find the necessary fee. It seemed the deceased has been a Punk rocker in his youth a
nd had requested the dress and in particular no black.

  This was fortunate for Matron had banned the use of anything black being worn by any resident, as being a sign of death and thus likely to encourage bad luck. She was superstitious for there were no rooms numbered 13 they being twelve, twelve “A” then fourteen.

  After the service, whilst standing at the grave side Claude’s mind was cast back many years to when he had attended an official police funeral of a senior officer. An Inspector, sergeant and several uniform constables had provided the police escort plus the force flag was draped over the coffin. All went well until whilst standing at the graveside there had been a massive down pour of torrential rain. The eyes of the police bearers were centred upon the shoes of one officer; seemingly he had no black boots and was too mean to purchase a pair. He had stained a bright brown pair black. As the rain hit his shoes they gradually turned from black to bright light brown. It was difficult from that moment for the officers to keep straight faces.

  The service was very nice and the vicar had said some wonderful things promoting his religious beliefs, the love of ones fellow man. Finally he added. “We will go to a land where nobody works for money; nobody works for fame, but each for the joy or working. There was in recent years too much emphasis on money in our society instead of the friendliness and charity preached by the religious organisations he added.

  When the service was over Joe and Claude stopped at the gates of the church yard, both recalling those fine words whilst viewing the vicar standing with open hand whilst the undertaker was counting out the notes, Ten, twenty, thirty forty, fifty.

  Scouser Joe said, “Nobody works for money, nobody works for fame each for the joy of working.”

  Chapter 21

  Arriving in the sergeant’s office at Riverport one morning the superintendent of all unexpected visitors arrived to see the station commander he called in the sergeant’s office and said.

  “Morning Friendly.”

  “Good morning” replied Claude and he stood up.

  “You have worked well here sergeant and the rescue of the young man put the force in good light.

  “I believe you still have a house in Ashton and your wife hasn’t settled here. I can’t get you a posting back to Ashton but I can get you a posting nearby so that it will be easy for you to travel to and from duty.”

  Two weeks later Claude was reporting for duty at Denton some twenty miles from Copton and twelve miles from Ashton.

  The new police station built only in 1939 was looking the worse for wear, there was a bad omen already, thought Claude as he arrived and saw several grave stones lying in the garden of the station grounds.

  He eventually discovered he knew most if not all officers who worked there, but the station commander he had known from his youth. He had in fact been the officer who years before had a visited the local shop in Hafod when Claude had been standing outside with a large group of children. Whilst the officer was in the shop one youth had put a live banger firework into a pannier on the motorcycle and it exploded as he rode away. Claude could only hope he was not recognised or else revenge may well be sought.

  The station commander was somewhat different Claude came to know him more than when he was the local policeman. When he was in conversation he had a habit of constantly make a reply “Yea, yea, yea” very quickly and so had picked up the nickname, “Muttley” taken from a cartoon film character.

  One day Claude was directed to assist in the enforcing of a speed limit in a village as a result of many complaints from local residents.

  The local beat officer-required assistance and to which end a young officer named Fred Spitz a local man from Ashton who was known to Claude. He had been a painter and decorator now having joined the police was posted to Denton. Claude was also instructed to take part.

  In those days the speeding detecting equipment was much larger that the hand devices of 2015. The equipment was large and heavy. A table was set on a pavement onto which the equipment with his radar tracking devices was set up.

  Once all this was set up the operating officer sat at a table and viewed a screen, which showed the speed of passing vehicles. One direction at a time was checked. The two other officers known as stoppers walked some distance down the road but within sight of the equipment table.

  The official instructions stated that when a vehicle passed through the radar beams and the speed recorded, the officer at the table on his radio would give the make, colour and index number of the offending vehicle to the two stoppers.

  As the vehicle arrived the stopping officer in full uniform of course would stand in the roads raise the right arm in the well and long time known stop sign used by police officers when stopping traffic.

  In the real world of course if this procedure had been followed the offending car would have passed and long gone before the stopping officers received the information. The actual procedure was for the officers to stand, discreetly down the road and view the table see a vehicle approach and as it passed the seated officer called the speed recorded, example “Forty.” The stopping officer then stopped the car, took all the details of the vehicle and its driver, then issued a form for production of driving documents checked the road fund licence and finally reported the driver for the speeding offence and gave the notice of intended prosecution.

  The area at this village was quiet and the local officer was anxious to detect some offences to keep the local parish council off his back.

  Eventually there was an offending vehicle the call was heard, "Forty."

  Claude stood in the road, gave the stop signal and his colleague with a prepared clip board and notes in hand ready to get at least one in the book.

  When the vehicle stopped it contained a vicar in his holy Orders, Claude had said you can have this one, Constable Spitz approached but when he saw the car load of holy orders he hesitated then walked two steps backwards onto the pavement. Claude walked from the front of the car, he too having viewed the victims. There was a brief argument who should do the booking, then laughing between both officers then in their early twenties. The situation was hopeless. Claude did approach the vehicle and through the open window advised the driving cleric to drive in future at a slower speed, he was told thank you and the cleric went on his way, laughing.

  Moments later the local bobby was seen arriving from his table calling did you get him OK? When he was told they had been let off he lost his cool and gave Claude a roasting. There were little or no other offenders that day so Claude and his friends were not in good books.

  On another occasion constable Spitz was on night duty he saw a man the worse for drink sitting on the pavement. The officer approached him to discover the man had a wooden leg fitted and it had fallen off. Due to his condition he was unable to refit it. Being a Good Samaritan Fred knelt down to try and replace the missing leg. Unfortunately the man didn’t like the police and so began to lash out at his Samaritan and so eventually he was arrested. When he arrived at the police station he was locked up for the night. All night long he had been banging the cell hatch door. The following morning the deputy commander arrived in a foul mood having been kept awake all night due to Gimpy banging the cell door.

  He advised the arresting officer to lay it on at court with a view to getting gimpy sent down the line for a while. Fred did his best but that was not good enough and Gimpy was just fined.

  Claude would never know if it was the case of the speeding Vicar but some weeks later Claude was working night duty at Ashton when at about 2 am the telephone rang. On answering it the caller stated he was a high-ranking army officer and had run out of fuel. He requested the police should go to the all night garage in Ashton collect some petrol and take it down to him. Claude advised him that he was unable to do this, he was a none driver at that time. The caller made a fuss and naming the Chief Constable as a personal friend said he was playing golf with him the next day and would bring Claude’s unhelpfulness to his attention.

  Cl
aude had the wind up for of course he had only recently reported the Chiefs wife and by inference the chief for an offence, the last thing he need was to come to the notice of the chief again.

  He telephoned the Headquarters who seemingly had the same wind up for they immediately called the area car and directed the crew to travel nearly twenty miles to help.

  Now this is when practical jokes take a turn for the worse it was the driver of the area car named Ted Watkins who had made the false call. The call now logged there was nothing more to do than to travel the route in case there was another call in that area. And on arrival call in to say no further action was required.

  This crew of officers became known as practical jokers but almost had egg on their faces yet again. They were returning to the police station one night about 10 30pm to finish their shift when the came upon cattle in the road. Having stopped the Police car the officer opened a field gate and chased the cattle into the field.

  They drove off and visited the farm nearby to inform the farmer. When they arrived a party was in full swing. They knocked on the door and the farmer answered and was updated but said the cattle were not his but those of neighbour, he agreed to telephone the neighbour.

  He asked in the helpful officers and invited them to take some food and have a pint before they left. They tucked in and whilst doing so the farmer returned saying he had contacted his neighbour. He added that the officers were very helpful not like the one who had booked his son for failing to comply with a halt sign and was in court on the charge the next day. He related the details of the case and then named his son, if only he could meet the officer concerned he added.

  Fred immediately recognised the name and the details of the case, he was himself, the offending officer. He whispered to officer Watkins that if the son came back and recognised him drinking on duty there would be hell to pay.

  The officers made a hasty retreat to the police car outside and were soon reversing to escape before the son who was expected at any time. Officer Watkins an experienced driver must have lost his presence of mind for he reversed into the farm slurry pit and no way would the car drive out.