Fall of the Cities: Planting the Orchard

by Vance Huxley

  Harry was chanting “stupid bastard” to himself inside his head, but that didn’t slow him up. His stick was quickly propped against the back wheel and Harry stuck the two air pistols in his belt and grabbed two rifles with each hand. One of the men was watching and then another as he put the weapons in the truck bed, nice and handy, and brought the first rifle up.

  “Quit that now.” Harry thought two of them were going to ignore the shout but the others prodded them, and all six looked across. Then one shouted, a door opened, and two more came out of the nearby house. The “stupid” chant in Harry’s head went up in volume. “Just piss off and leave him be.”

  “You a queer lover? Or maybe you’re his boyfriend?” Laughter rippled among the men. Young men, probably late teens and not second class yobs at all. They all had baseball bats and probably knives but obviously preferred kicking the bloke on the floor.

  “Neither. If you’d been fighting one on one I’d have driven by. Now just leave him be to stagger home or whatever.”

  One of the pair who had come out of the door gestured back towards the opening. “Home isn’t up to much now.”

  One of the kickers who had been reluctant to stop stepped forward. “Toss the rifle down and you can leave.”

  “That’s not how it works. You walk away and I drive away afterwards.”

  “No, because that’s a little gun. Some sort of target job.” He pulled at his belt. “So is this but a bit bigger than that.” The man waggled the barrel on the pistol. “So it’ll put a bigger hole in you. That one looks like something from a fairground so it’ll be crap. Give it up and walk away or I’ll get angry and come over there. You won’t like me when I’m angry.” The group laughed at the Hulk reference.

  “But this will hit you from here, so you won’t get over to me. If you point that thing you won’t even get to fire it.” They were too damn close, all of twenty yards away. Harry thought he might get his shots off but then it was four to one and all armed and biggish lads. Crap.

  “Really?” The man looked from side to side. “This one reckons he can get all of us with one bullet. He’s watched too many films.” Even as the man started to look back at Harry the pistol came up smoothly so Harry shot him through the throat. First shot with lots of time to aim and Harry didn’t even look at him again to check the bullet had hit.

  These were target shooting rounds so Harry aimed at soft spots and since they were coming straight at him, their throats were easiest. The other three rifles came up one at a time and three more men clutched at their throats. Harry dropped the last rifle and did a sort of fast draw as the first two came over the back of the truck. One fell back and the other yelled and clutched his face when both air pistols went off. As Harry stooped to pick up his stick the man in the truck bed caught him by the arm and the stick clattered to the floor, out of reach.

  Harry tried to wrench free, turning to face the last two unharmed opponents. The wounded man’s other arm came over and pulled Harry back against the truck bed so the bastard wasn’t very wounded. The other two were now around the front of the pickup and moving in. Harry got a foot up and the first man reversed quickly so the kick missed, but the step back fouled the second yob. Harry managed to free the grip on his arm but the other arm from behind was now around his throat.

  Twisting a bit to scrabble in the truck bed, Harry found an empty rifle and pulled it up and over the low side. He threw it at the advancing men as they started forward again. The first one ducked and the one behind was struck by the rifle and staggered back a couple of steps. The first man brought his baseball bat down.

  Harry got his forearm in the way and bit back the yell. Maybe the arm wasn’t broken but it was on fire. So much for a bloody deflection. The man raised the baseball bat again and the second one had recovered and was manoeuvring to get in a swipe as well. Crap. Harry let go of the arm around his throat to try and grab his opponent’s weapon this time.

  The arm around his neck went slack! Harry lunged forward, out of the embrace, and lowered his head to avoid the baseball bat. Not so much a head butt, more of a duck that went offensive as the top of Harry’s head got his opponent in the face. The man reeled back with blood spraying from his face and Harry had a free moment. A somewhat dazed moment after the impact on top of his skull. Harry ducked down and scooped up his stick but before he could do anything with it, the men in front of him were running!

  A shape lurched down the outside of the pickup truck, too late to catch the runners, and threw a baseball bat at their retreating backs. “Come back, I’ll give you fucking pouf!” The man stopped and bent over, fighting for breath, and Harry glanced behind. The man in the truck bed wasn’t moving and there was blood on the back of his head. Two of those laid in the street were still moving, but both were kicking and writhing and clutching their throats.

  “Thanks mate.” Harry was leaning on the truck as well, then he had second thoughts and lurched towards the cab. He felt marginally better with a round in one of the rifles.

  “Thanks mate as well.” The grin was ghastly, with a split lip and both eyes coming up black and blue. There was also a cut on his head and Harry realised. This was the victim.

  Harry sniggered, he couldn’t help it. Some victim. “Pouf?”

  “Us poufs can’t fight. The assholes said so but they had to team up. Bastards.” The man straightened and he was a bit taller than Harry and definitely better built.

  “Us? Are you really gay, or whatever today’s name is?” Harry had been out of the country for a while, and sometimes such things were rebranded.

  “Gay still works. Yes, but no frilly panties. Is that a problem?” The man tensed up.

  “Not to me, but Liz is going to be heartbroken.”

  “Liz?”

  “She likes big muscly blokes and reckons I’m too skinny.”

  “I’m Casper and I have similar tastes in men. Do you think she’ll bond with me?”

  “She’ll kill you if she finds a blacksmith and you get him first.” They were both grinning like idiots and laughing as they spoke. “I’m Harry and hoping like hell I’m not your type.”

  “You’re safe. Even if you were, I’m in no fit state to take advantage.”

  “That was what was worrying me, I’m in no state to fight you off.” They both gave up and laughed properly. “I think I’m a little bit drunk on survival.” Harry looked back and his eyes sharpened. “How many ran off?”

  “Two. Why?”

  “We’re one light. I only see five of them down.”

  “Not a problem.” Casper limped back along the truck and kicked something on the floor. “Damn, I don’t think he felt it. What the hell were you shooting with?” Casper was looking at the four spread back to where he’d been laid, who were all still now.

  “Four of these.” Harry waved the rifle. “I had two air pistols but had to shoot too fast to make them count.”

  “This one took a while to mop his face and recover. That gave me time to get up.” Casper gave another ghastly smile. “He was busy watching you so I picked up a baseball bat and brained the bastard. Then that one there had his back to me.”

  “Thanks for that. I was about to get brained myself.”

  “No problem, Harry. Entirely my pleasure.” Casper looked down and stamped. “No, he’s really out and can’t feel a thing. With luck he’s dead.”

  “Do you want a lift home?”

  “Not much point. I live right there.” Casper pointed at the open door and sighed. “Or did. I’ll have to move now. Damn, I’ve been here three years without any strife.”

  “Liz might put you up if you swear off blacksmiths.” Harry thought this bloke would be a definite asset. He’d climbed off the floor after a kicking and was pissed he didn’t get all of them.

  “I like my blokes a bit cleaner. We could compare scandalous stories and such? Will she put me up just like that? Until I get sorted?”

  “Get your gear from in there and we’ll load up the hardware.
Since it’s scattered across the street and a hazard.” Harry looked at the fallen. “We can leave these for traffic calming.”

  “First you’ve got to step into view. For my peace of mind.” The ghastly grin appeared again.

  That really did puzzle Harry. “Why?”

  “So I can see if your underpants are on the outside. Then if you aren’t a superhero, I want to know why you’re driving round with a car full of rifles looking for assholes to shoot.” Casper looked around him and laughed. “Or is God gay and you’re an angel?”

  The big man shook his head when Harry didn’t have y-fronts over his trousers. “You owe me the story sometime.”

  “When we’re safe I’ll tell you. Get your stuff.” Harry limped across the street to collect whatever weapons the deceased or insensible were carrying. Especially the ammunition for that target pistol because it was a decent calibre. He was trying to remember if that bloke hit his leg with the bat when Harry tried to kick him. Possibly, or he’d pulled something. At least his arm wasn’t broken or not properly. Maybe cracked because it bloody hurt. So did Harry’s throat.

  Harry was dragging the one off the back of the pickup when an arm came past to help. “We’ve got one good arm each.” Casper gave his hideous grin. “Something hit my shoulder and only one arm works properly. My batting arm, luckily.”

  “A baseball bat hit mine. You might have to change gears while I steer?”

  “No problem. Are we good?”

  “Yes. Um, Casper. I’d rather not make a big thing of this. Cut down on the numbers and the dead and all that if anyone asks?”

  “Damn, it’s a good story. Never mind, fair exchange. If you ever need anything?”

  “Help with getting rid of three bodies?” Casper looked around but Harry shook his head with a little smile. “No, three others. I don’t want to frighten the neighbours.”

  Casper laughed. “You’re frightening me. Are they secret bodies as well?”

  Harry shrugged. “Sorry.”

  “I’ll survive. Shit, I survived tonight didn’t I?” Casper climbed into the cab. “Home James. Sorry, Harry.”

  * * *

  Casper felt like crap when they got back and so did Harry. So he put the big man in the gun flat, with the weapons, and went home for a soak.

  “Is it safe? Him in there with the guns and such?”

  “No problem Sharyn. The man just saved my life, and then didn’t even demand the traditional kiss of gratitude.” Harry shrugged and winced because that hurt. “I don’t know why, I just trust him.”

  “What? A kiss?”

  “He’s gay.”

  Sharyn had a big smile. “So how come a limp wrister saved my big rough brother?”

  Harry laughed. “Ouch, that hurt. Tell him you said that tomorrow. He’s got a sense of humour.” He tried to work his arm a bit. “This might be a bit broken, so I’ll need a beer and sympathy after a bath.”

  “You’ll get a sling so Daisy takes it easy, and then twenty questions.”

  Harry came out after his bath and had his sling fitted, but went to sleep after about the tenth question.

  * * *

  “You’ll never sleep tonight.”

  “Wah?”

  “Tea time or you’ll sleep straight through and be up at four in the morning. Then you’ll be in a crappy mood all day.” Sharyn waved the mug of coffee. “Is your hero up for burgers and chips?”

  “I don’t know. Bang on the door, gently. If he’s awake, ask him.”

  Sharyn came back with a grin. “He wanted to know if I was Liz. When I said I was your sister he asked what my taste in men was, so he didn’t screw up.” She sat next to Harry. “He also fancies burger and chips and isn’t worried about rugrats. So what’s with Liz?”

  “I told him that if a blacksmith turned up, he should let Liz have first pop at him.” Harry grinned.

  “What, seriously? Where did you meet?” Sharyn giggled. “In a drunken gay bar fight because you sounded drunk when you came in? You still do.”

  “Sort of. It was an odd sort of conversation and we were both a bit high on life.” Harry sniggered. “Ask him. He’s got a real sense of humour.”

  Casper still had his sense of humour, especially after he had surrounded a plate of burgers and chips. Then he topped up the fridge and food cupboard. Half Casper’s luggage was edible. Just to fill up his bags since someone had pissed on a lot of his clothes and he didn’t want them after that.

  Sharyn promised to wait for the full story until they were recovered and she could threaten to beat them if anyone didn’t come clean. She also didn’t want to tell Liz that Casper was gay because he was built just like the ex-boyfriends. Sharyn reluctantly agreed in the end that letting Liz flirt with a gay bloke really would be mean.

  Daisy was very happy to have another pony and pirate drawing assistant, and insisted on two stories. Casper managed to produce a story without a book which impressed the hell out of her. Then Harry took Casper next door so they could clean the weapons, gloat over the new aluminium baseball bats and knives, and count up the cash in the wallets. They also got their story straight. Harry staggered back to Sharyn’s flat and went out like a light until morning. He didn’t even dream.

  * * *

  “Hi Liz. This is Casper, and he’s made a solemn promise about you.”

  Harry was grinning.

  “Really. What’s that?” Liz was eyeing Casper with a little smile.

  “If you find a blacksmith, he’ll stand back while you have first crack at him. If you bounce, then he’ll make his play.” Harry watched Liz try to make sense of that, and then her face change as she did.

  “Ooh, that is mean. Did you scour the whole bloody city to set this up? Or was it that sister of yours?” Liz gave Casper another look. “Were you trying to fight him off or kidnapping him, because neither of you look great.”

  “I was rescuing his honour, then he was rescuing me so it sort of seemed sensible to team up.” Harry really did enjoy some light relief because he’d been thinking about the state of law and order, and that had upset him. He’d actually thought about the aftermath of the fight. Despite gunfire, beatings and bodies, nobody stuck a nose out of a door and no police turned up. That wasn’t a good sign.

  “What? I thought you were, er, straight?” Liz made a mock swipe at Harry’s head when she saw the broad grins. Casper’s still looked ghastly and Harry wasn’t shaving his scraped cheek until it healed up. “Ooh, you bastard, stop that. Now the pair of you get in here and give me the story instead of winding me up.” Liz gave a dramatic sigh. “I suppose it’s safe to invite Casper in, unfortunately.”

  Liz hadn’t been joking about Twisted Sister ornaments. “Where do you sell these?” Harry went to pick up a collection of bent metal and spikes that might have been a vaguely human figure. Then he decided against it in case the thing cut a finger off.

  “Nowhere now. They used to sell at craft fairs, and a few on the internet. Now the internet is usually down and there’s no delivery services anyway.” Liz looked at the collection of sculptures. “I’ve got the materials and the tools in the basement to make more but why?” Then she brightened. “Hey, next time someone tries to break in, we can throw these.”

  “Throw them?” Casper wasn’t sure if he was being wound up.

  “From the third floor, there’s a flat on each side which has a stack of bricks on the balcony just in case.” Liz was looking at her surplus stock from a different viewpoint now. “I could improve these a bit, maybe add some spikes.”

  Casper winced. “Ouch. Remind me why I’m here instead of safe in my flat?”

  “Nobody will piss in your undies drawer?” Harry shrugged. “It’s rent free?”

  “It is?”

  “Oh yes. We’ve got a commune, if only I can get the free love started. Go and clean your gun or whatever, soldier boy, while Casper and I work out the rules of engagement for blacksmiths. Then he can tell me how you got beaten up.” Liz smiled happily
. “Then I’ll give Casper the dirt on you just by way of revenge.”

  As the door closed behind him Harry heard Casper’s voice. “Soldier boy?” Harry headed for Rob’s flat. As soon as Rob realised what Harry was driving at he phoned Finn, and the three of them discussed the possibilities.

  “I don’t want to move if we can keep safe here. Mum is in a bad way, and I’d have to find another supply of medication. At least I know the roads around here.” Finn was unhappy but resigned. “I could try to make a run across to one of the other hospitals in the van.”

  “Paint out your sign on the side. Otherwise the assholes think you’ve got cash.” Rob looked a bit embarrassed. “A customer advised me. Advertising that you’re carrying anything that might be worth cash or that you’ve got cash is a bad idea now, he reckoned.”

  “I’m more worried about the shooting in daylight. Would one of you mind coming as shotgun?” Finn gave a nervous laugh. “Literally if I could get one. That air pistol won’t be enough if I run into some real nasty sods.”

  “I’ve got something as good.” Harry explained.

  “So we should be safe here?” Finn was a lot more hopeful.

  “Not if real bad bastards turn up. Those aren’t really nasty guns and we haven’t got enough people who can shoot.” Harry sighed. “Do either of you know of a bank or library, a big stone place with little windows?”

  “Some churches are stone, but they’ve got big windows. Why?” Harry explained the benefits of thick stone. He was disappointed because this pair got around more than he did and couldn’t come up with somewhere.

  Finn sighed. “So we stick here. We should meet with this new bloke. Are you sure of him?”

  “In a mutually saving life sort of way.”

  Finn gave a little smile. “Good enough these days.” Rob wasn’t quite so sure but went with the other two.

  * * *

  Casper curled his lip. “They smell a little bit ripe.”

  “Luckily the weather has been cool.” Harry showed him the roll of plastic bags and the duct tape. “If we slide them into the rubble sacks, one over each end, they’ll be no problem.”