The Guarded Widow

by K M Gaffney

Instead, he tried to smother a grin and asked sarcastically, “Are you going to have a long engagement then?”

  Gavin dropped back down on the chair with a painful groan. “No, not if I can help it. I don’t think I can survive more than another month or two as it is.”

  After noting the agonized expression on his partner’s face, Ron threw back his head and roared with laughter.

  Gavin on the other hand, was not nearly as amused.

  Olivia and Elsa spent the afternoon baking cookies with the boys, enjoying the casual atmosphere in which they learned more about each other. When the men returned home from their afternoon sojourn, they enjoyed a Christmas Eve dinner together. Afterwards, they all settled in with freshly baked Christmas cookies to watch a classic holiday movie.

  As everyone attempted to find seats Olivia tried to slide onto the family room couch, but Gavin wouldn’t have it.

  He deliberately reached up and pulled her down beside him. While she tucked her feet underneath her bottom, trying to get comfortable, he leaned over and whispered in her ear, “I’ve missed you today. Right now, I want you near me.”

  Struggling to put a little distance between them, he abruptly tugged her back to where he wanted her.

  “Gavin, the boys and our parents are right here,” Olivia whispered as she again sought to separate their bodies.

  “I promise not to grope you during the movie,” he quietly stated, casually draping his arm over her shoulders.

  However, as soon as the room darkened, he teasingly started lowering his hand down toward her chest. Gavin chuckled as she elbowed him, hard in the ribcage, but then he couldn’t help but laugh out loud when was shushed by his own mother.

  “We can’t push Olivia out of her own bedroom,” Elsa argued for the third time since she’d entered the house that day.

  “Mom, just go to bed,” Gavin firmly whispered, trying to tiptoe back down the staircase. It had been difficult getting the boys to bed; he didn’t want to risk anyone waking too soon.

  As he rounded the corner into the hall, he noticed the powder room light was still on. Out of curiosity, he tried the knob but door was locked. Just as he lifted his hand to knock, Olivia threw open the door.

  In the mornings she’d always made sure she was dressed appropriately before possibly running into Gavin. So when she stepped out wearing only a thigh skimming cotton night gown with her hair piled high upon her head, she felt embarrassed.

  Gavin, on the other hand, felt as though he’d just been punched in the gut. The physical need which exploded through him was so powerful, he couldn’t move. He just stood there, staring.

  His searing gaze began with the loose curling tendrils of hair lying softly against her neck, swiftly traveled to the short line of her night gown, and then back up again. He swallowed hard before giving her a lazy sensual smile.

  “Do you wear anything under that, Olivia?”

  She hit him with her handful of clothes and smiled coyly.

  “That’s none of your business, Gavin.”

  He groaned as he backed away, muttering, “You’re killing me here.”

  She smiled with delight, experiencing a sense of female satisfaction as she witnessed his reaction to her.

  “Actually, I forgot to bring down my robe, this wasn’t intentional.”

  He continued torturing himself by watching her walk further down the hallway. The kitchen lights shone brilliantly behind her as she turned around and looked at him. He groaned again, a little louder this time, as he caught a glimpse of her curvy silhouette lurking beneath the thin fabric of the nightgown.

  “Good night,” she told him, completely unaware of the torment she was continuing to cause him.

  After flipping off the lights and verifying that the security system was armed, she retired to the living room sofa.

  I’m never going to be able to sleep now, he realized as he pulled off his shirt and dropped down onto the family room couch. Not with the mental image running through his head of Olivia standing before him, in only her nightgown. His own overactive imagination kept him awake for quite some time as he tossed and turned in sexual frustration.

  At some point during the night Gavin must have dropped off from sheer exhaustion. He woke up a short time later, thinking he heard footsteps quietly shuffling along the first floor of the house and lay perfectly still, straining to listen for creaking floorboards. Sitting up, he rubbed a hand over his chin as he listened one more time. Sure enough, he heard a shuffling sound once again.

  So he crept out into the kitchen, prepared to deal with whoever he found.

  Just as he rounded the corner into the dining room, he came face to face with a shocked Olivia. Or more accurately, she came face to face with Gavin’s wide bare chest.

  “What the hell are you doing?” he snapped as she yelped, nearly tumbling into him.

  Her fingers briefly grazed warm muscular skin. Realizing he was shirtless, she abruptly snatched them off, but not before marveling over the feel of him.

  “What are you doing?” Olivia asked as she tried to ignore how his sweatpants were riding enticingly low on his hips. Her fingers were involuntarily flexing at her sides, the need to touch him again was so great. My gosh, the man was sexy.

  “I woke up to the sound of footsteps so I was checking out who it was,” he replied, his eyes skimming over her.

  His body tensed as he recalled her earlier omission of disclosing what exactly was worn under her thin excuse for a nightgown. “You?”

  Sensing the change in his demeanor, she slowly backed away from him.

  “A sound on the porch woke me up. I was walking around, checking to make sure all the downstairs windows are still locked,” Olivia said with great difficulty, avoiding his gaze. Gavin had leisurely begun trailing a finger down her arm; it stopped and then deliberately slid the strap of her nightgown back into place. It didn’t seem to matter what his intentions might have been, not now when every nerve ending within her body seemed to be pulsating, acutely aware of his presence.

  When she finally mustered up the courage to look into his eyes she saw intense desire storming through them.

  “I’m going to say this once, Olivia. You and your ridiculous excuse for bedclothes need to get out of my way. I’ll check the windows. Go to back to bed.”

  She started to walk away, but Gavin stopped her by grabbing her wrist.

  “Don’t you have any flannel high necked pajamas you can wear?”

  She flashed him a taunting smile.

  “No, I enjoy to wearing feminine night clothes. I like the way they make me feel.”

  Gavin frowned.

  “Then remember your robe tomorrow night,” he grumbled.

  With a sigh, Olivia wrenched her wrist out of his hand.

  “I hate to break it to you, Gavin, but I still need to go down into the basement and bring up the kids’ gifts. Tomorrow’s Christmas morning, and I’m the Mom, so this is my responsibility on Christmas Eve.”

  His gaze scanned over her as she stood there with one hand fisted, resting on a hip which was flared out defiantly, and decided the last thing he needed was to be following her up the flight of basement steps while she was only wearing that nightgown. As it stood now, he wanted to grab her up, carry her down the basement steps and…

  “I’ll bring them up for you, and then you can organize them however you want,” he bit off, brusquely.

  Twenty long, torturous minutes later he sat ramrod straight on the couch, trying to look anywhere but at the woman who was scurrying around arranging gifts.

  “Thank you, Gavin. I really appreciate your help,” she said once she was finally satisfied with how her family room was staged.

  As Olivia bent down to kiss his cheek, her nightgown dipped dangerously low while her loose tendrils of hair gently brushed the side of his face.

  I need to get her out of here before she lingers too long, he thought as a strong wave of desire raced through him.

  “Olivia, you re
ally need to go to bed,” he told her again.

  After he watched her hurry off toward the living room, Gavin decided he should be awarded a commendation for exceptional use of self control.

  Four, wildly shrieking, excited boys barreled down the staircase during the wee hours of Christmas morning. Although he was exhausted, Gavin was thrilled to be there as they ripped open gifts and shared their new treasures with him. After breakfast, knowing she’d be bringing more presents, they began asking when Aunt Maddy would arrive.

  But Maddy, being Maddy, never graced them with her presence until around noon. Ironically, the holiday dinner was just about ready.

  Elsa, immediately taken with Maddy and was shocked, nearly speechless, when she found out she wasn’t spoken for yet.

  “My my,” Elsa muttered. “It’s a pity I never know where my Ahron is.”

  Olivia and Maddy exchanged knowing smiles as they went about setting the dining room table. While they worked, they talked.

  “How are you doing?” Maddy asked, nodding her head in the direction of Gavin’s parents and her own father.

  Olivia laughed at the expression on Maddy’s face as she poured water into glasses. “I’m certainly glad to have all the distractions.”

  Maddy raised a brow. “From what?”

  After noting her sister’s sly look, Olivia responded in a rush of words.

  “Well for starters, from the man who threatened to kill me, from Gavin who I’m desperately attracted to, and from the knowledge that the two year anniversary of Tom’s death is four days away.”

  Maddy walked over and wrapped her arms around her sister.

  “I’m still so angry with Tom. I know I need to acknowledge the twenty ninth for the kids’ sakes, but I really don’t want too.”

  Maddy noticed the boys were milling about, within earshot, waiting for dinner and since she didn’t think it was wise for them to overhear their discussion, she decided to change the subject.

  “Well, Dad can’t stop telling me how much he likes Gavin. Why don’t you guys come to the New Years Eve Party at Mulligan’s next week? It’ll give you both some time together, just the two of you, as a couple. It would be your first real date.”

  Olivia glanced around to see if Gavin was near by. When she saw he wasn’t, she spoke earnestly.

  “I don’t know what we are exactly. I mean he did mention in passing the other day that he wanted me to consider marrying him.”

  Maddy stared at her sister for a moment, and then began chiding her.

  “And you’re just now getting around to telling me this. Sheesh Olivia, this is huge. What did you say?”

  Olivia looked up and noticed Gavin’s mother was now straining to hear their conversation so she lowered her voice.

  “I told him I need to get through this whole drama first. I was able to identify my attacker, Maddy. He’d worked with Tom at Viccerroy. Right now, I feel like I can only handle one day at a time.”

  Maddy nodded in agreement. “I can understand that, Olivia. But you have to admit, it would be a nice break for the two of you to go out on New Year’s Eve.”

  Then, unable to resist teasing her older sister, she added. “It’s probably a good idea to go out on at least one date before you marry the man.”

  Olivia narrowed her eyes, playfully.

  “Ha ha, you’re pretty funny. Actually, even if we wanted to go, I don’t have anyone to watch the kids. Dad’s no longer up to it, he recently shared with me that his physician now describes him as a brittle diabetic. I’d never saddle him with four active boys.”

  Elsa had been trying her best to listen in and having only caught bits and pieces of the conversation, she decided now would be the best time to deliver the basket of hot fresh rolls into the dining room.

  “Girls, I accidentally overheard your conversation on the way in. Frank and I would love to stay for the week. If we do, then we could watch the boys so you and Gavin may go out and enjoy New Years Eve.”

  Maddy stifled a grin, thinking Elsa Rafferty would make a great mother in law someday.

  Olivia, realizing the matter was already settled, smiled graciously at Gavin’s mother. “Thank you, Elsa. I’ll be sure to speak with Gavin. I’m sure he’ll be pleased since we’ve never had an evening out together. Now, let’s enjoy our Christmas feast,” she declared. As she reached out to affectionately squeeze Elsa’s hand, Olivia’s gaze met Gavin’s and instinctively she knew her life would never again be the same again.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The morning of December twenty ninth brought forth howling bitter, cold winds complete with snow drift covered roads. Olivia awoke before anyone else and lay on the sofa, reflecting upon the last two years of her life.

  She realized her anger regarding Tom’s lies overshadowed any grief she’d expected to experience on the second anniversary of his death and wondered miserably, how I will ever get past this betrayal?

  The sound of an upstairs toilet flushing inspired her to get up and start breakfast. After donning the new robe Maddy had given her for Christmas, to replace the tattered terry cloth one, she walked into the kitchen and began to prepare the morning coffee.

  Gavin had known she was awake even before he heard her coming down the hallway. After pulling on his shirt, he paused to study her for face for a few seconds before greeting her in the kitchen. Since he’d gained nothing from his assessment, he asked, “How are you doing this morning?”

  He knew this would be a rough day for her and the kids and had every intention of being there for them.

  Olivia glanced up at him, momentarily, and then shrugged.

  “I’m still so angry, to be honest, I don’t feel any grief at all about Tom’s death.”

  With a sigh, she confessed.

  “It makes me feel so guilty. Not only was he my husband for twelve years, but he was the father of my children. I need to forgive him. Unfortunately, I’m just not ready to yet.”

  Abruptly spinning around to face him again, she erupted with pent up emotions. And since Gavin knew she needed to vent, he slid onto a stool and gave her his full attention. “Anger isn’t even the word for what I’m feeling. Fury, sheer fury is all that flows through me when I think about those last few years. I do not like lies. I hate lies,” she hissed, vehemently. “Why didn’t he just level with me? I had loved him. I wanted a family, our family.”

  Gavin finally understood what people meant when they’d say that they could feel someone else’s pain. To know Olivia was hurting and there was nothing he could do made him feel helpless.

  He wanted to hold her or even just pick her up and carry her right out the front door, away from the pain she was experiencing.

  Instead he reached out and placed his hand firmly overtop of hers.

  “Maybe he was afraid of losing you and the kids, Olivia.”

  She lifted her eyes and searched his concerned blue gaze, acutely aware of how important he’d become to her.

  Somehow along the way I’ve come to rely on this man as a friend, she silently acknowledged to herself. The realization surprised her. Other than Maddy, it had been a long time since she’d trusted anyone, especially a man. The slow death of my marriage had definately created some trust issues, she thought as she studied Gavin. It’s funny how when it happens slowly, over time, you don’t even realize it.

  “Thank you for listening to me,” she said, with a smile, sliding her remaining hand over his huge steady one so both her hands embraced his. “I’ve really been dreading today.”

  Olivia looked up and noticed her father standing at the hallway entrance to the kitchen. Suddenly feeling very self conscious, she abruptly snatched her hands away from Gavin. As Walter entered, he nodded Gavin a greeting before walking over to Olivia and kissing her cheek.

  Then he embraced her.

  “Let the past go,” he firmly instructed his oldest daughter. “I lost your mother, the love of my life twenty years ago and I speak from experience, Olivia. Her death paralyzed
me. We didn’t have a perfect marriage and after she died, I spent a number of years, too many years, being eaten alive with guilt and anger over things I’d said or done. But with time, I realized we’d lived a full life and I’d loved well.”

  He smiled at his daughter and gestured toward Gavin. “You have a strapping young man here, who’s obviously enchanted with you and your children.”

  “Dad,” she began, trying to admonish him as a rosy embarrassed blush crept up her neck to stain her cheeks.

  Walter looked at Gavin and asked him, “Am I wrong?”

  Although he noted Olivia’s obvious discomfort with the conversation, Gavin smiled.

  “Not at all Walter, enchanted is a fine word to use.”

  Satisfied with the answer, Walter returned his attention to his daughter and placed his hands on her shoulders.

  “Not many people are given a second chance to be loved, Olivia.” Then he nudged her aside. “I will finish breakfast this morning, Livvie. Your sons will need you today.”

  She smiled at her Dad, feeling love well up inside her.

  “I’ll go take a quick shower before they get up. Gavin, I’ll be taking them to the cemetery later in the afternoon.”

  He nodded. “I expected that. Does it bother you that I’ll need to go along?”

  She leaned in and give him a peck on the cheek.

  “Not at all, Gavin. Not at all.”

  The snow had tapered down to a light flurry by the time Olivia and her sons trudged across the cemetery toward Tom Jones’s grave. Gavin had offered to walk down with them, but Olivia decided it would be best if he waited for them in the car.

  Promising to stay within his view, she weakly smiled at him before linking hands with her children and leading them to their father’s final resting place.

  Since James and Luke had been only five years of age when Tom had passed away, they really could not remember much about him. So they remained quiet with their heads bowed down, trying to look solemn, as they stood beside the grave. Tommy and Michael vividly remembered their Dad and dropped to their knees in the powdery snow. Their mournful wails echoing in the empty cemetery was heartbreaking.