Los Perdidos: The Novel (Sons of Glory Motorcycle Club Romance)

by Daphne Loveling

  “What?” he laughed in disbelief. “I didn’t break up with you. I got mad, yeah, and maybe I said some things I didn’t mean. But darlin’, you gotta understand that if you’re gonna be with me, there are some things that it’s better you don’t know about. Old ladies aren’t involved in club business. That’s just the way it is, and there’s good reasons for that. To keep you safe.”

  Smoke shifted his weight under me and wrapped his strong arms more tightly around my body. “This thing with Liana… She’s someone I never should have been with in the first place. But you know, I was young, and it took me way too long to see the light. I swear to you, she has been handled. She will never hurt you again if she values her life. And no one else will, either. I’ll protect you. I promise.”

  I knew Smoke’s words were meant to reassure me, but in a way, they only made it worse. I had thought I knew what I was getting involved in when I decided to keep seeing Smoke. But the truth was, only now was I beginning to grasp what the future held if I stayed with him. All of Kara’s and Dana’s words of warning came back to haunt me as I lay there in the arms of this dangerous, sexy man.

  “Darlin’, you’re with me now.” Smoke brought his hand up to my chin and raised my face to his. “I love you.”

  What I wouldn’t have given to have heard those words even just a few hours ago! As it was, right now I didn’t know if it was what I wanted to hear, or not. An immense wave of fatigue washed over me as my mind tried to wrap around all of the events of the past few days. I needed some time away from all of this, I realized tiredly. I just wanted to stop thinking about all of it.

  “Um, I need to get back to campus,” I said, sitting up. “I have class at ten.” I tried to keep my tone light, unemotional, but the fact was that suddenly I was desperate to get out of this house, far from all the craziness. Right now, the comfortable, boring predictability of my university routine was the only thing I wanted.

  Smoke frowned but didn’t argue. “Okay. You want me to drive you over and drop you off?”

  “Yes, thanks,” I said, already out of bed and heading to the bathroom. “I’m gonna take a quick shower.” I shut the door and locked it behind me, grateful for the welcome solitude. I turned up the water as hot as I could stand it and stood under the stream for a few minutes, as though the heat could wash away everything that had happened since last night. When I was done, I towel dried my hair hurriedly and pulled it back into a quick pony. I unlocked the door and went back into Smoke’s room to throw on my clothes from the day before. He had risen and gotten dressed in my absence, and his eyes followed me wordlessly as I bustled around.

  “Okay, I’m ready to go,” I said brightly when I was finally dressed. Smoke looked at me for a long moment, then abruptly crossed the room without a word. When he had finished up in the bathroom, he motioned to me and I followed him out the door to his bike. The trip to campus seemed longer than usual, and I was grateful for the roar of the Harley’s engine under us, which made conversation difficult. Once we arrived in the parking lot in front of my dorm, Smoke silently waited for me to hop off the bike and hand my helmet to him. “I’ll see you later,” he murmured, kissing me so deeply it made me dizzy.

  “Okay,” I replied, giving him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. I waved goodbye to him and let out a huge sigh of relief as I reached the front door of the dormitory.

  I practically flew up to my room to get my backpack. Normal, that’s what I wanted. Boring. Easy. Predictable. My whole life as a student was so scripted, a robot could do it: Get up, go to class, go to work, eat, study, go to bed. The only real dangers I faced were forgotten assignments and getting plowed into by a bicycle rider late for class. No gangs, no crazy ex-girlfriends with guns…

  No Smoke.

  My first class of the day was an upper level class for Communications Studies, my major. As the professor droned on about intercultural communications, I found my mind wandering back to Smoke and the Perdidos. Talk about a different culture, I thought sarcastically. No wonder I didn’t understand anything that went on there. I tried my best to pay attention during the lecture, but it seemed like everything the professor said sent my mind on another tangent having to do with Smoke and the MC. I walked out of the classroom at the end of the hour not having taken a single note. As a testament to my distraction, the only thing I had scrawled on the otherwise blank page of my notebook were the words: “What the hell am I doing?”

  Best intentions aside, being back on campus did little to distract me from my worries. By my third class of the day, I was already having Smoke withdrawal. Despite my earlier decision to take some time and stay away from him and the club, I was too jittery and unable to focus on anything. Finally giving in to my nagging thoughts, I called in sick at my library job and phoned Josh, begging him to borrow his car for the afternoon. I could tell from his tone he wanted to ask why I needed it, but thankfully, he simply agreed to meet me at the student union to give me the keys. When we’d made the exchange, I went to retrieve his car from the campus lot where he paid for a contract spot, and soon I was headed back toward the Black Dog.

  Smoke wasn’t there when I arrived at the nearly deserted clubhouse, but Roxy and Rosie were. They told me that the Perdidos had gone on a “run” (they were vague about what kind of run it was) and that Smoke and the rest of them would all be back the next day. Disappointed, I asked Rosie if they knew anything about what had happened with Liana the week earlier. From what Rosie said, they knew only that Liana had been “dealt with,” but they didn’t know how, only that she hadn’t shown up at the bar since.

  Rosie was working as bartender at the Black Dog for the afternoon. The place was almost empty at that hour, and she alternated between filling drinks behind the bar and hanging out in a back booth with her mom. I sat down with Roxy and Rosie brought me a diet coke, then went back to the bar to check on a couple of the patrons.

  “How’s it going with Smoke?” Roxy asked me. She had some paperwork spread out in front of her that looked like it might be receipts and bookwork from the bar. “It looks like he finally managed to knock some sense into Liana after what happened. Haven’t seen her around since.”

  “Yeah,” I blew out my breath. “Smoke says there won’t be any more trouble with her, but I’m not sure I believe him.”

  “Liana’s always been trouble,” Roxy said, shaking her head. “She’s not very good at getting the message when she doesn’t want to hear it. But I’m pretty sure the boys put the fear of God into her. She won’t bug you again.”

  “You don’t think they beat her up, do you?” I gasped, shocked at the possibility.

  Roxy looked at me like I was crazy. “The club don’t hit chicks,” she said. “They got other ways to get their point across.”

  I didn’t ask what those other ways might be. I suddenly didn’t want to know any more.

  “So, what’s going on with you and Smoke?” she repeated. “You two a thing now? Seems like you must be, if you’re here lookin’ for him.”

  “I…” I began, and then stopped. The truth was, I had no idea how to respond to her question. “I’m not sure. We’re… well, I think we’re trying to work it out, but… I don’t know. I guess we’re just from two different worlds. It’s a challenge.”

  Roxy laughed, but not unkindly. “Yeah, I bet it is. Your college friends know you’re seein’ a club member?”

  “My friends think I’m crazy,” I admitted. “Maybe they’re right. I don’t know. All I know is… there’s something between us. Something I’ve never felt before, you know? But we’re so different… I don’t know anything about club life, and what I do know… Well, some of it kind of scares me.” I looked at her helplessly. “I just don’t know how this is supposed to work.”

  “Yeah.” Roxy stared off into the distance for a moment, silent. “How’s Smoke feel about it?” she queried.

  “I’m not even sure,” I sighed. “Before the thing with Liana, he told me I was in over my head and th
at it would never work between us. Then afterwards, he told me we were together, that he’d protect me and make sure I was safe. I’m getting whiplash from all this back and forth. Are we together? Are we not? It’s so much to try and figure out.”

  “I’m not surprised,” Roxy said mildly, leaning back in her seat. She looked at me for a long moment, as if considering her words. “You know, honey, Smoke’s got more reasons than most to be conflicted about getting involved with a civilian.”

  “A ‘civilian’?” I asked, perplexed.

  She laughed. “Yeah, a civilian. Someone who’s not affiliated with the club. You’re a civilian, baby.” Taking a breath, she continued. “Smoke’s father, Rooster, used to be the president of this MC, back in the day. His wife, Maria, was a civilian. She could never accept the life of an old lady. She tried as hard as she could to keep her family separate from the club. Rooster loved that woman more than his life. Would have done anything for her. But if you’re in the MC, your duty to the MC comes first. We all know that, and if you’re in the life, you accept it.

  “Rooster’s old lady never got to the place where she could accept that part of his life. She wanted more than anything for him to get out of the club, and when she got pregnant, with their first child – Smoke -- she started making more noise about it. Tried time and time again to get him to leave. She told him their child deserved to have a ‘normal’ life, with a mother and a father who were always there for him. A daddy who would be home every night, who could take him to ball games on the weekends. White picket fence kind of stuff.

  “Maria was about five months pregnant when Rooster had to go on a run with the club one day. There’s always a certain amount of risk in a run, and the deal turned bad. There was a shootout – and Rooster got killed. Smoke grew up without a father as a result, and Maria never forgave the Perdidos for it.”

  “Oh, wow,” I breathed. “I didn’t know any of this.” I looked at Roxy. “So, what happened to Maria and Smoke after Rooster died?”

  “The club did what it could to take care of them financially. Rooster was family, after all, and family takes care of its own. But Maria never forgave us for what happened to him. She kept John, Jr. – Smoke -- from us as best she could while he was growing up. She said he wasn’t a Son of Glory, that he wasn’t ever gonna be one of ours. But the thing was, that baby had Rooster Sumner’s blood in his veins. Deep down, he was one of us, whether Maria liked it or not. Smoke started coming around the club in his early teens, and prospected just as soon as he could. Broke his momma’s heart, I know. But he just couldn’t stay away. Bein’ patched into his father’s club was the only thing he ever really wanted.”

  “So… Where’s Smoke’s mom now?” I asked, and took a drink of my diet coke.

  “She’s around,” Roxy replied, “but she doesn’t see much of Smoke these days. When he got patched, she turned her back on him. My guess is, the idea of losing him the way she lost Rooster hurt her so much, she decided to cut him off on her own terms before something happened to him. To protect herself from the pain.”

  “But that doesn’t make any sense!” I protested. “She’s lost her son when she didn’t have to! Why would she do that?”

  “We all have different ways of dealing with grief,” Roxy intoned. “I don’t understand Maria’s way, but then, she and I never really did see eye to eye about Rooster or Smoke. You can imagine, when his mom cut him off, it hurt Smoke. A lot. Losing his father before he was born, and losing his mother because she needed him to choose between her and his father’s club.” Roxy looked at me now, with a directness that made me blanch. “Look, darlin’. I’m sure you’re very nice and all, and I’m sure you have feelings for Smoke,” she began. “But the thing is, he’s been hurt enough by having one woman in his life who doesn’t understand or accept the club.” Her gaze turned hard, unforgiving. “He don’t need an old lady who’s constantly pulling at him to step back from this life. That kind of old lady, well, she’s a distraction. A danger. A woman like that, she makes a man’s head cloudy, when he needs to be sharp. If you can’t accept this life… then you need to let Smoke go. For both of your own good.”

  Roxy’s eyes bored into mine as she said this, and after a moment I couldn’t handle her gaze anymore. I looked down at the table, my eyes moistening. “I know,” I whispered. “I just don’t know whether I can accept it. It’s so… so overwhelming. You know?”

  “I know. But you better decide.” Roxy drew herself up in her seat and gave me an appraising look. “And once you do, no going back. This isn’t child’s play, darlin’. This is real life. And real life is dangerous.”

  Just then Rosie came up to our table. “Hey, Ma, Ram just called. He wants you to give him a call back on the secure cell.”

  Roxy got up from the booth, stretching as she stood. She looked at me one last time. “You think about what I said. If you care about Smoke, it’s something you won’t take lightly.” She turned and walked back toward the clubhouse, leaving her daughter and me behind.

  “What was that all about?” Rosie cocked her head at me.

  “Nothing,” I said, sighing deeply. “Just your mom giving me some background about Smoke.”

  “Oh. About his mom and dad, I s’pose? Yeah, Smoke’s dad was my dad’s best friend, back in the day. My dad was his V.P. Took over as president when Rooster died.”

  “So your dad’s been president ever since. And you’ve always been around the club,” it was a statement rather than a question.

  “Yup,” she replied. “Never known anything else.”

  I tried to imagine what it would be like for a kid, growing up around all of this. “Rosie,” I began pensively. “What do the Perdidos do, exactly? I mean, how do they make their money?”

  “Drugs,” she shrugged. “Weed, mostly, I think. Some harder shit, too, but only recently. They got some other businesses, too. Like running protection, and the Black Dog.”

  “Running protection? What does that mean?”

  “Just what it sounds like,” said Rosie patiently. “Say you’re a business owner in San Cristobal, and you got a problem with break-ins, people stealing your shit. You set up a deal with the Perdidos to protect you, and word gets around, nobody’s gonna bother you anymore. You see what I mean?”

  “Yeah…” I wondered if the Perdidos did any arm twisting to get the local businesses to accept this ‘relationship’ with them. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. “Anything else?” I asked her.

  “I dunno. They don’t tell the women much. They say the less we know, the more protected we are.” Rosie dumped the melted ice out of her drink and reached in to the freezer to get some more.

  I frowned at her. “Doesn’t that bother you? Make you feel a little weird, how they earn their money?”

  “Nah,” Rosie scoffed. “They’re not doin’ anything that bankers and politicians don’t do all the time. Everybody cuts deals. Everybody who has money does bad shit to get it. Anyway, I’ve been around it my whole life.” She looked at me. “I suppose to a college girl like you, it all seems wrong.”

  “I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “Dangerous, yeah. Scary, maybe. It’s… I don’t know. It’s different thinking about it in the abstract, and thinking about being part of it. Like you said, you’ve been around it your whole life. I’ve been around it for less than a month.”

  “Sure, I get that,” Rosie said easily. “But there’s obviously something about this life that you’re attracted to. Maybe there’s something you’re missing in your other life. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here now.”

  She had that right, anyway. I marvelled at her perceptiveness, given that she barely knew me. “Rosie,” I continued, changing the subject slightly. “Do you want to be an old lady some day?”

  “’Course,” she replied easily. “But it’ll have to be someone who isn’t scared of Ram.” I thought of Rosie’s father, and realized that would be a tall order to fill. She leaned into me, and said with a conspiratorial grin, �
�I kinda got my eye on one of the prospects!”

  I smiled at her. “Really? Which one?”

  “The hot one with the tattoos on his skull. And I think he’s been eyein’ me, too. But he won’t make a move until after he’s patched,” she reasoned. “Too risky.”

  I laughed. “Good point.”

  “Come on,” Rosie said, hooking her arm through mine. “Let’s play a game of pool.”

  “I’d love to, but I have to get my friend’s car back to him. I’ll see you later, though, okay?” I was genuinely sorry to have to leave. I liked Rosie more and more all the time.

  “Sure,” she replied easily. “The guys are gonna be back from the run tomorrow, so I imagine I’ll see you then.”

  “Great,” I smiled. “Hey, can you give me a call when you know something?” We exchanged cell numbers, and I waved to her as I walked out the door.

  I contemplated Rosie’s words on my way back to campus: There’s obviously something about this life that you’re attracted to. Maybe there’s something you’re missing in your other life. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here now. She was more right than she knew. But how could I choose between the life I’d always known and this one, exciting but terrifying and uncertain? As Roxy had said, I would need to decide once and for all if I could be Smoke’s old lady, with everything that entailed. For his sake, I had to be all out or all in.

  Once I returned Josh’s car to the campus lot, I texted him so we could do the key exchange. He told me Kara was looking for me and that I could just give them to her when I saw her. So, I texted Kara, and she immediately wrote back:

  Hey girl u wanna go 2 dinner w Dana n me?

  Oh, yeah. Dinner. I realized I hadn’t eaten anything since early this morning, when I’d grabbed a granola bar between classes. My stomach growled in protest at the thought of food. Sure, I typed back. A flood of warmth surged through me at the thought of my two friends, who loved me and wanted the best for me even when we didn’t agree. Suddenly, I missed them both terribly. Yes! Can we go 2 Lenny’s? Im dying for a burger.