Filthy Commitments: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  I don’t recall how it all happened. Pure anger sped through me, took me over and all I knew was that I was looking at Sebastien Greenberg as he was laid out. His eyes were closed and a red bump on his chin was getting redder by the second.

  “Jett!” Madison shouted then doubled over and held her stomach. “What the…?” She turned and ran off and I saw Asia grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland as she watched her run.

  I reached over Sebastien’s fallen body, took Asia by the hand and left the room. “Should I even ask for an explanation, Jett?”

  “No.” Without saying a word, I took her up to our hotel room, closed the door and leaned back on it. My head was spinning. I wasn’t sure about anything. I’d never been so rash. I’d never done anything like that.

  What was happening to me?

  Asia

  Jett was over the top. I was sure he’d overheard what Sebastien had said to me about stealing me away. But punching the guy out was uncalled for. As much as I didn’t agree with his actions, I had to admit, I was impressed. And I’d done something just as bad myself. The cake I took to Madison had a nice size bite of what seemed to be a chunk of chocolate, but was really a chunk of fast-acting laxative. And it seemed to hit her at just about the same time, Jett hit her brother.

  In our hotel room, I stood and watched Jett as he leaned against the door and looked at the floor. “This isn’t working for me, Asia.”

  Everything in me stopped; my heart, my lungs, my life. I didn’t know what to say. I found myself staggering back until my legs hit the bed, then I sat on it and tried hard not to pass out. It was over. He didn’t want me anymore.

  All I could do was shake my head and try not to cry. I had no idea what I’d done wrong. I didn’t know what I could do to make things right. “I’ll leave.”

  “What?” He came to me and got on his knees in front of me, taking my hands. “Why?”

  My eyes were clouding with tears. “Because of what you said. This isn’t working for you.” A sob came out of me, and I sucked it back in as best I could.

  I was his sub. I wasn’t supposed to make him feel guilty for anything he did. He didn’t want me, that was his right.

  “I didn’t mean that. I meant the lie.” He took my chin in his hand and rubbed the pad of his thumb across my lips. “You deserve a real love. You deserve so much more than I’m giving you. Making you lie about a marriage feels wrong to me now.”

  I didn’t understand at all. “Why would you be okay with lying to your family? But lying to a bunch of strangers bothers you?”

  “I can’t explain it. The wedding just brought things to my mind. Things like you deserving to have a real wedding. You deserving to have a truthful relationship. I took that all away from you, Asia.”

  “Look, things aren’t that bad, Jett. I signed the contract. I knew what I was doing. And I feel lucky that you got me. I could be strung up in some dungeon right now, being whipped into submission. Instead, I’m in a lavish hotel with a man who cares a hell of a lot about me. Things could be worse.”

  He looked at me with storm clouds in his sea green eyes. “Asia, you’re too good to be true. I don’t know how you do it. You can take my foul mood and turn it all around. Maybe it’s hearing you lie that upsets me so much. I don’t like that it’s me who made you do that. I don’t like that it’s me who’s making you into a liar.”

  “Do you feel like I’m a liar, Jett?” The thought irritated me.

  He nodded. “You’re all into the act of being my wife. It’s as if you’re actually believing the shit that’s coming out of your mouth. The whole front story. The way you touch me. It all seems so true when you tell it or touch me. You’re a little too good at it. Like it was in you the whole time.” He moved his hand off my face and got up, turning his back to me. “Have I turned you into a liar?”

  I didn’t know what the hell to say to that. He paid me to be his fake wife and make people believe his whole story. And I was doing as he wanted me to. “It was you who didn’t think things through, Jett. Don’t blame me for going along with you and saying things you told me to say.”

  He spun around with a glare. “Asia, the number one thing I told you was to be quiet. Don’t say anything unless I ask you to. And there you went on a trip down a false memory lane with a fucking stranger. That woman didn’t need to know a thing about us. She’s nobody to me.”

  “Okay, I admit, I forgot about being quiet. Fuck, Jett!”

  Getting up, I kicked off my shoes and went to the mini fridge to see what kind of alcohol was in it. My brain was pulsing with aggravation. If Jett told me to go left, I went left. If he told me to jump, I jumped. But now the problem was not that I was doing as he’d told me to, but that I was doing it for too damn long.

  I was sick of it.

  “And why in the hell did you look at me for an answer when that dumb-fuck asked you to dance? Are you without a will of your own, Asia?” His hand was on my shoulder, spinning me back around just as I’d reached the fridge.

  “You had me confused, Jett. That’s why I looked at you for the answer. You told him in the car that he could dance with me. You told me later not to dance with him. And when he asked me, I thought you’d be the one to tell him no. I didn’t know what to do then you told me to go dance with him and I did.”

  “And he told you he wanted to steal you away from me. And you did nothing.” His glare penetrated me, it was so intense.

  “You hit him before I could say a word.”

  “What would you have said to him?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know. I didn’t exactly have a chance to think about it. You’d spun him around so quickly, it nearly made me fall. I was concentrating on staying on my feet. And then you punched him, and I was shocked. I don’t know what I would’ve said. But I probably would’ve told him that was inappropriate and probably walked off the dance floor.”

  “I’ve never been that mad.” He turned away from me. “Frankly, I don’t like it.”

  Turning back to the fridge, I found small bottles of all kinds of things and pulled out a bottle of vodka. I needed something that would take the edge off and quick.

  The man was making me nuts.

  “Sorry for making you give a shit about me, Jett.”

  “Jealousy isn’t comfortable, Asia. And what are you doing?” He held out his hand, wanting me to surrender the tiny bottle I was chugging it too. “Are my actions not only turning you into a liar but an alcoholic too? I’m very bad for you.”

  Maybe he was right. Maybe he was bad for me. Sure, my life with him was full of lavish things, and the lifestyle itself was grandiose. But he was right. I was falling into lying quite easily. And turning to alcohol to still my nerves had never been a thing I’d done before knowing him. Maybe it was all too good to be true. Maybe we were both trying too damn hard to make a relationship when neither of us was looking for one.

  The lie of a marriage seemed to be too much pressure to put on two people who hadn’t even had normal relationships in the past. “We should stop this, Jett. We should go to a normal Dom/sub relationship. Only do the pretend marriage when we have to. We’re living as if we’re married. Sharing the same bed, doing things as a couple, instead of what we really are to one another. You are my owner. For the matter of one more month, anyway. This is just too much pressure on us both.”

  I handed him the half empty bottle. He put it down and took me in his strong arms, rocking me back and forth then kissed the top of my head. “I’m more than just your owner, baby. You know that. And I think the fake marriage is undo stress. You have no idea how guilty I feel about it now. But I don’t want a normal Dom/sub relationship with you. You’re my girlfriend. Not my wife, not my submissive partner. You’re my very first real girlfriend. And I’m your first boyfriend. The lie is robbing us of what would be a normal thing. And it’s all my fault. I wanted to take what I perceived as the easy way out of situations that I felt would be uncomfortable. For the m
atter of bypassing that feeling, I made an innocent girl lie and miss out on having a nice, normal relationship. For that I am sorry. But I’m not sorry that I found you and made you mine. I’ll never be sorry about that.”

  What he said made sense to me. We’d passed up normal right from the start though. How does one go back to a place they’ve never been before?

  Jett

  I didn’t know how I was going to change things, but I was slowly growing more determined to make some drastic changes. Swaying with Asia in my arms, my heart grew soft, and I wanted to show her she meant more to me than anyone ever had.

  Turning her around, I unhooked the necklace then unzipped her dress. “How about we get into bed?”

  It wasn’t but five in the evening, but I was tired. Tired in so many ways. Who knew that making up a false marriage could be so damn exhausting?

  As I pushed the dress down, exposing her creamy shoulder, I ran my lips over it. “I love you, Asia.” My heart was swelling with that love. I hated the intense reactions I had over her, but I fucking loved that woman. I’d kill for her, or at least wound a man, it seemed. Caring for someone that way, was new to me. And not comfortable in the least.

  Her hands caught up in my hair as she whispered, “I love you, Jett.” She moved her hands under my jacket, taking it off me. It fell to the floor, joining her dress. Moving my hands over her shoulders to her back, her skin felt like silk. Her body felt good in my arms. I lifted her up and took her to the bed, laying her on it and looking at her. I didn’t deserve her, but I wasn’t going to let her go.

  Trailing one finger down her stomach, I slid my fingers into the top of her blue satin panties and pulled them off her. Her bra was all that was left, and I took it away too. Her body was naked and gorgeous. My cock was rising in need to feel her. I finished undressing myself then laid on my side next to her, leaning up on my hand and stroking her stomach.

  The wedding ring on my finger glistened, and I thought about what I should do about the thing. I took it off then took the rings off her finger too. We’d be what we really were. Not the fake married couple I felt like was ruining what we really had found.

  The smile she gave me told me she got what I was doing. She ran her hands up and down my chest. “Hi, I’m Asia and single.”

  “Hi, I’m Jett, and looking.”

  “Are you?” She ran her hands up, taking my face between them. “What is it you’re looking for?”

  “A woman with a gorgeous body, stunning face, beautiful heart, and it wouldn’t hurt if she were a real tiger in bed. Do you happen to know anyone like that?”

  Her cheeks went pink as she batted at my chest. “You sweet talker.”

  “I only speak the truth, my little Asia.” I leaned over, taking her plump, rosebud lips with mine, leaving them with a nibble then looking down at her once more.

  I really could look at her forever, it seemed. Her eyes were closed, then she opened them. “You know, now that I think about it, I’m looking too. You don’t happen to know where I could find a strong, handsome, sweet, caring, virile man who knows his way around a woman’s body, do you?”

  “I might.” I caressed her breast as I gazed into her brown eyes. “If I find one, what should I tell him you want from him?”

  “You can tell him that I’m looking for a man I can have fun with, talk to like we’re old friends, do silly things with, and find a love to end all loves.” She put her hand over mine and pulled it down to her sweet spot. “And learn new and exciting ways to please each other.”

  “Oh, baby. I know a guy who’d be so right for you. Now, he’s a bit on the brooding selfish side, I hope you can take him with all his flaws and faults. He can be foolish, stubborn, pig-headed…”

  She stopped me with a kiss as she pulled her head up off the pillow, “And wonderful too. Mostly, he’s wonderful.”

  “You think?” I grinned at her as I moved my hand in a way that would please her. Her clit pulsed under my fingertip.

  She nodded. “I do.”

  Asia was something else. A woman who could take my heart and run away with it. And I was beginning to let her do just that. Giving into her was easy. The hard part was learning where to draw the lines we both needed. As I kissed her, I moved my body over hers and pressed my cock into her warm recesses. She pulled her legs up, bending her knees. Her hands roamed over my back as we both moaned. There was nowhere better to be than inside of her.

  My lips left hers to nuzzle her neck and kiss the soft place behind her ear. Our bodies moved in slow waves, taking us out of our heads to a place we were fast becoming familiar with. A place only she and I could go. Heat radiated off her and I as we began to move faster, the urgency to get to the release was taking us over. The beast inside me grew. The soft kissing wasn’t enough anymore. I bit her between the shoulder and neck as I took her hands and held them down over her head.

  She moaned and arched as I pulled back to watch her give me what I wanted. “I want you to give it to me, Asia. Give it all to me.”

  Her body was quivering as she looked at me. “Together, Jett. Let’s do this together. I’ll hold back until you’re ready.”

  And I knew then exactly what she meant. She’d hold back until I was emotionally ready to be more than what we were. She’d wait, patiently for me to grow the way I needed to. How long would that take, I didn’t know, but I had the sense that she’d wait forever or as long as it took me to become the man she deserved. Thrusting into her soft body, I was acutely aware of how fragile she was and how powerful I was. I had the power to break her, but she had the same power I did.

  She could so easily break me. It would be so easy, it scared me.

  But as I looked into her eyes. Eyes that held strength I’m sure she had no idea she possessed. I saw the love she had for me. She wouldn’t break me. If she did, she’d hurt herself too. I was safe with her. There was no need for fear. With her, I’d always be safe. And she’d be safe with me. I was about to make sure of that.

  My inner demons that focused too much on doubt grew silent as I plunged into her, taking her strength and giving her mine. We needed each other’s strength. I wasn’t her master or her owner. We were equals, with different attributes. Just like a great business, two minds were better than one. There I was, thrusting away, trying my hardest to get to where she was. I wanted to be there with her. I wanted that peace of mind. That serenity of soul, she’d gotten before me.

  And just as that thought went through my mind, something inside of her gripped my cock and took me over the edge. She came too, and we both made loud war cries as our bodies converged into something that almost seemed unreal. I fell on top of her, barely able to breathe. We both shook as the orgasms quaked within us. I could feel hers, and she could feel mine. I’d never shared sex so deeply before. Not ever.

  It felt as if our souls connected even more strongly than ever before. The fakeness that had brought us together was gone. She wasn’t a woman I had a contract with. She wasn’t my sub or fake wife. But she was mine and I was hers. In that moment, at that time, we were just us. A couple of people who were finding out that we were most likely meant for each other. I found a new part of me and I thought she might’ve found something new, as well.

  Once I’d caught my breath, I pulled my head up, my hair damp as it clung to my face. “Hi, I’m Jett Simmons. It’s nice to make your acquaintance.”

  “Hi there, Jett Simmons. I’m Asia Jones. I think we should date. What do you think?”

  “I think that’s a great idea. I’d love nothing more than to call you my girlfriend.”

  “K.” She laughed, lightly. “Boyfriend.”

  Kissing her again, our deal was sealed. We were normal. A nice normal couple. Not a couple of liars. Not a couple of people in an odd contract. Just a couple. A nice normal couple.

  Asia

  We spooned as we slept the rest of the evening, all the way through until the next morning. When I opened my eyes, I saw the three rings that were on
the nightstand next to me. The weight of the heaviness of those rings were now off. And I very much liked it. Part of me wondered if that was wrong of me. I loved Jett after all. Wearing his ring, even if it was under false pretenses, should feel great, right?

  But the way it felt with them off was obvious. It couldn’t be ignored. The feeling was better. I felt light, airy, and normal. Jett’s arm was flung over me, and so was one leg. It was the usual way I’d woken up since the first night we were together. Nothing was different, yet it all seemed different.

  His body jerked then he rolled over and stretched as he yawned loudly. “Damn, we slept all night long.”

  “We must’ve been very tired.” I turned over so I could see him.

  “I think you’re right.” He looked softly at me and kissed the tip of my nose. “Hey, girlfriend.”

  “Hey, boyfriend.” I laughed and threw my arm over him then kissed his cheek.

  “Aren’t we just too cute!” he said then rolled over and got out of bed. “Let’s get showered, dressed then I’m calling the car to come take us home. I don’t want to see anyone who’ll fuck up our day.”

  “I’m with you. You shower then I will.”

  He stopped walking and turned to look at me. “Why?”

  “Well, I don’t think newly dating couples shower together.” I winked at him.

  “Get your ass up and come get in the shower with me. We’re not going back to step one. We’re just not acting married.”

  I laughed as I got up and followed him to the bathroom. It had been almost two months that we’d been acting married. We had no bathroom rules, we did as married people did. We put privacy away and had immersed ourselves in that lifestyle. It had been hard for me in the beginning, but I started liking it. Being with Jett was easy. We brushed our teeth in the double sinks, took turns peeing, then got into the shower. It was a normal sized shower, not like the one in our house. As I thought about that, it made a bit of the weight I’d been carrying show itself. He and I did share a home.

  We were closer to being married than not. Even if it had all begun with a lie. His hands ran through my hair as he shampooed it while I ran my soapy hands all over his upper body. We’d really gotten into a routine. I washed his back, he washed mine. We didn’t even have to talk; we just did like we always had.