Filthy Commitments: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  “Please, no more. I’ll be good. I won’t ever put stuff on your face again, ever,” I tell him, in hopes he’ll let me up.

  He holds me still. “Do you promise?”

  I nod my head. “I promise.”

  His eyes turn from playful to serious. “Alyssa, what if someone other than me was holding you down? Do you think you could get away from them?”

  “Eden, you’re really strong. Most people aren’t as strong as you are,” I tell him, then remember the fact that I’m pretty strong as well.

  Who does he think I’ll be coming up against, the Hulk?

  “I’ll lighten up my grip then,” he tells me as I feel a little less pressure on my wrists. “Now try to get away from me.”

  I wiggle and move, but can’t pull away from him. I decide to go for the groin, but not hard or anything. He anticipates my move, though, then sits on me, holding my legs down too.

  Now I really can’t move.

  After a brief struggle, I give up. “I can’t get away from you, Eden,” I confess to him.

  He lets my hands go and then stands up. “We have to get you some self-defense lessons. I’ll talk to Beck about it tomorrow.”

  I sit up with a new realization that I’m completely incapable of defending myself. “Damn Eden, I can barely make it through his workouts. How can I add more to that?” I whine.

  “You’re a lot tougher than you think you are. You’ll get through it,” he says as he lifts me up, placing me back on my feet. “As a matter of fact, you should ask Laura to take them with you. Might give her some incentive to join Kyle when he comes.”

  “Did you forget where we are?” I ask him.

  “This is a big house, Alyssa. I’m sure there’s at least one more bedroom available.”

  “Um … I don’t even know if that would be appropriate. I mean, I have no idea if they’re, well, you know, still together like that.”

  “Oh, I bet they are,” he says, with a smile.

  Moving past him to go back outside, I look over my shoulder, and say, “He told me he didn’t know if he would stay with her or not. Our little situation has him confused and he’s not one to lead a girl on.”

  I open the door to the patio to find dad pulling steaks off of the barbecue pit. “Ally, go tell Scotty to come eat dinner,” he calls out to me.

  “Where is he?”

  “His game room. Go back through the kitchen, then the living room. There’s a door under the staircase. That’s it,” he directs me.

  I turn around to find Eden stopped right behind me. “Game room, huh?” he says as he raises his eyebrows. “I have to see it.”

  We walk back through the house to find the door under the staircase, Eden opens it and says, “Wow, it’s like when the Wizard of Oz goes from black and white to full color.”

  My eyes have to adjust to the complete darkness, only interrupted by the lights of scattered video games, television screens, and game consoles. The room is huge. I can hear Scotty before I see him. Then my eyes adjust and I finally see him. He has a headset on.

  “Scotty,” I call out, but Eden stops me.

  He puts his finger to his lips. “Shh, he’s online. Don’t embarrass him,” he whispers to me, then makes some hand signs at Scotty. Unbelievably, Scotty nods his head at Eden, then we leave.

  “That cannot be healthy,” I state as Eden closes the door behind us. “Our kids won’t be doing any of that.”

  He smiles. “Oh, our kids? So one day we will have kids? Like you’ll quit praying for no kids?”

  “Someday, Eden. Not today though. Apparently I have to get buff and become a lethal weapon in order to stay alive,” I tease him.

  CHAPTER 46

  KYLE

  After a whole month of not hearing a word or a thought from Ally, she called to tell me I need to get to her by the morning and she ruined my night.

  I also have to do my best to get Laura to come with me, and that feat might prove to be a little hard.

  When I left the mansion in New Orleans I was an emotional mess. Laura noticed how quiet I was on the jet ride home and tried to get me to open up to her.

  Talking to her about my Phoenix problems is not a thing I’m allowed to do.

  That burden is mine to bear. I’ve never felt more alone. I can’t talk to my Ally, the one person I’ve always been able to talk to about anything. It hurts us to be around one another. A deeper love for her, I’ve never had. Yet I can never have her the way I crave.

  She’ll be in my life for a very long time. My vow to her gave me a long life—over a hundred years. Along with the gift of longevity, I also got a hell of a lot stronger, and now my plans to go play college football are over.

  I’d probably seriously injur,e or maybe even kill, someone if I played.

  My life is supposedly still mine to live where I want, how I want, and with who I want. As if that’s going to be so damn easy to do without being able to tell people who and what I really am.

  How am I supposed to live a normal life now?

  The Phoenix Foundation will pay everything for me since I’m Ally’s primary guardian and her top protector. I want more than to be a babysitter for my ex-girlfriend. But I’m stumped at just what it is I can do. I still have my scholarships to college and have no idea how I can get out of playing football if I use them.

  My heart and mind have been numb for a month. A solid month with no real emotions flowing through me. My parents have accused me of using drugs. My father asked if I was smoking pot and my mother cried. She blames Ally for the change in my behavior.

  Mom was never an Ally fan, for reasons I’ve never been clear on. My mom thinks Laura hung the moon and was so happy when we started seeing each other. They hang out a lot, going shopping and to the movies.

  It’s probably my mother who’s kept my relationship with Laura going. I’ve been distant to say the least. I prefer to be left alone to read, play video games, or get on my computer to search for Phoenix legends.

  I’ve become obsessed with the legends of the Phoenix and Thunderbirds. Now that I know the truth, they all seem like fairy tales.

  Laura came to visit this afternoon, like she does on most days. I hung out with her for a whopping fifteen minutes before I palmed her off on Mom. I gave Laura the keys to my truck and asked her to go down to Alamogordo to buy me some new jeans and shirts. I gave her the credit card the butler, Niles, gave me before I left New Orleans and told her to take Mom and make a girl’s day out of it.

  My endless supply of money is being questioned only minutely. My parents think it’s money I’ve saved from my jobs the last couple of years. I’ve been given a lot of pats on the back for how well I’ve handled my earnings, a fact which makes me detest myself.

  I was on the internet looking up all things Phoenix related when Ally called. My heart stopped when I saw her name flash across my cellphone screen.

  I answered it without using words. ‘Hello, Al.’ I sent her with my mind.

  “Miss me?” she asked me out loud.

  “So, what’s up, princess?” I asked as I closed my laptop.

  A flash in my head showed me exactly what was up, as she sent me some weird scene with her lying in a dark street as Eden held her, and rain fell around them. A doctor stood near them, looking down.

  Suddenly a short, balding chubby older man filled my mind. He carried some wildflowers as he walked into Ally’s suit at the mansion. Then there was a horrible scene of the guy doing terrible things to someone who seems to be his daughter.

  Her words whispered through the phone filled my ear with an invisible heat. “I need you, Kyle.”

  “Send the jet. I’ll be there by morning,” I said as fierce protection welled up in me.

  “Eden says you need to bring Laura with you,” Ally told me.

  “May I ask why?” I asked, thinking Eden would rather me have my own female to keep my mind on.

  Her giggle hit my ears and my heart skipped a beat. “That’s not why, silly.
Something in the dream told him she helps out with this situation. Somehow she keeps this from happening, along with you.”

  “I’ll give it my best shot. I’ve been a bit on the cool side with her. I’m not sure about us at this point. My heart belongs to another, as you’re aware,” I said.

  “There’s room in there for more. I’m proof of that. So you haven’t broken up with her?” she asked.

  “It was you who said to take that slowly and think about it. She’s had so many guys do her wrong. I’d hate to be added to the list of guys who dumped her for no real reason. She’s a great girl, Al,” I said.

  “Nobody knows that more than I do, Kyle. So how’s that going, then?”

  “I palm her off on my mother a lot,” I said.

  A long period of silence filled the phone. “Your mother likes her?” she asked.

  “Likes her? I wouldn’t say that. She loves her,” I said, and immediately was sorry as the hurt Ally felt filled me.

  “Wonder what I did to make her hate me.” Ally said.

  “Al, come on, baby. You were meant for another after all,” I said.

  “I know,” she said. “Anyway, try to get her to come. Don’t worry about packing anything. I’m getting the two of you some clothes brought over here, as well as all the other things you’ll need. The driver won’t be taking you to the mansion. We’re at my parents’ new place. I gave you separate bedrooms. That’s what you want, right?”

  My head filled with her thoughts, ‘Are you two still sleeping together?’

  Without hesitation, as if I could lie to her if I wanted to, I sent back, ‘Not since we left the mansion.’

  An audible sigh rang in my head. “Not that it’s my business,” Ally said. “See you in the morning, Kyle. Bye.”

  And that’s how she ruined my night.

  I have to see her and stay with her, and Laura has to be there, making all this shit even harder.

  If I could just tell Laura what we all are, things would be so much better.

  The sound of my truck pulling into our driveway lets me know my mother and Laura are back. I walk into the living room where my father dozes in his recliner and an old western on the television blares.

  The front door opens and Mom yells, “Turn that dang thing down!”

  Dad jerks awake and looks at me as if I had something to do with how abruptly he was woken up. I shrug my shoulders at him. “You got the remote, Pop.”

  After a search of his chair, he finds the remote and turns the sound down. “You didn’t have to yell, Gertie,” he bellows.

  Mom drops several large bags on the couch. “You need a hearing aid, Joe.”

  Dad mumbles something about not wanting to hear everything and Mom shoots him a look of irritation. Laura comes inside, holding more bags. I decide to turn on the charm, trying to get her to agree to go with me to New Orleans.

  Taking the bags from her, I kiss her cheek. “Did you have a good time, baby doll?” I ask.

  Her light blue eyes look at me with curiosity as she says, “Baby doll? It’s been a while since you’ve called me that, Kyle.”

  I set the bags down and pull her up into a hug, lifting her off her feet. “I know and I think a break from this place would help our relationship.”

  I spin her around and carry her off to my bedroom. “Kyle!” she shouts as her face turns red. “Your parents!”

  I look back to see my mother beaming at us. “Never mind them, Laura. They love you and want us to be happy.”

  Carrying her into my room, I kick the door closed behind us and lay her down on my unmade bed. Her blonde hair fans out on my pillow as she looks up at me with a twinkle in her eyes. “How sweet you’re being,” she says.

  I sit down on the bed, and run my hands through her silky, soft hair. “I’ve been neglecting you. My mind’s been a mess. We’ve had an offer and I’ve already accepted for my part. I’m going to New Orleans early in the morning. Ally’s parents got a new house and we’re invited to go for a visit. She and Eden are there already.”

  Laura looks away from me and her face is void of any readable emotion. “So that’s why the good mood. You get to go see Ally.” Her words are soft but full of hurt.

  I kiss her cheek and lean my forehead to the side of hers as she continues to turn her head from me. “That’s not why, Laura. It gives us a chance to get away from here for a little while. We need that, don’t you think?”

  “We need something, I agree,” she says, then scoots over, moving away from me. “Why is that do you think?”

  Great! She needs to talk and we’ve little time to get things right with us before I need to leave with her.

  “Things are different and I don’t do different really well,” I say as I stand up and pace around my bedroom. “That’s why I need to spend more time with Ally and her husband, so I can get it through my thick head she and I are over. You and I are together and I need to appreciate that.”

  She turns on her side, resting her head on her hand. “You and I don’t have to be together. You go on without me and see if you miss me at all.”

  I need her to go!

  “Laura, of course I would miss you. Come on, go with me. It’ll be fun. She’s sending the jet for us. You and I can work through this little rough patch. I care about you a lot,” I say, then sit back down on the bed and run my hand up her tanned leg.

  “You care about me. That should be enough, shouldn’t it?” she asks. “You have a bit of trouble telling me that. You don’t say it very often. Yet you have no trouble telling Ally you love her.”

  Ouch! She’s not pulling any punches.

  “You’d rather I tell you something I don’t feel yet?” I ask, taking her chin in my hand to make her look at me. “I care deeply about you, Laura. And may I add, you haven’t told me how you feel about me in a long time either.”

  Her eyes narrow. “Kyle, I’m crazy about you and you have to know that. I come over here, uninvited, every day to see you. You don’t call me, take me anywhere, or walk me home. Yet I hang on, hoping you’ll get it that Ally has moved on and left you behind.”

  My heart contracts at her words. She has done all that and I sit in my room and whine to myself how I love Ally. My life is going to always have her in it and it’s making me nuts. If I could only talk to Laura about this, things would be so much better.

  Threading my fingers through hers, I look at her. “I know I’ve been a crappy boyfriend. I asked you not to see anyone else and have done nothing with you, left you dangling.”

  “Yeah, you have,” she says. “Do you remember the last time we kissed?”

  I nod, because I know it was the night before we left the mansion in New Orleans. Before Ally and I almost kissed.

  “You love her and you still want her. I’m not good enough anymore,” she says, then sits up. “I have to admit, she looked fucking fantastic. With enough money, I suppose most women could look that good.”

  “Money, huh? Is that what you think about her? It’s only money that makes her glow and shine like a star? Wow, Laura, some friend.”

  Standing now, she makes her way to the door. “I’ll make this easy on you, Kyle. We’re over.”

  What? Shit! What have I done?

  She moves quickly to the front door. My mother looks up from her seat on the couch. “Are you leaving, sweetie?” she asks Laura.

  Laura stops her hasty retreat and looks at my mother. “Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry. I’ll explain later,” she says, then turns to look back to me as I’ve emerged from my bedroom. “Have a nice time in New Orleans.”

  She walks out the door, leaving my parents looking at me. My mother jumps up and runs at me. “What did you do to her, boy?”

  I raise my hands over my head in an exaggerated shrug. “Hell if I know, Ma! I asked her to go with me to New Orleans where we’ll stay in the Devlin’s new mansion for a visit. How horrible of me, huh?”

  “Ally’s? You asked her to go with you to see that girl?” my mother asks
, then pokes me in my chest with her skinny finger. “You are an idiot, son! That girl is married. I knew she wasn’t the one for you. You got lucky when Laura accepted your advances.”

  “My advances?” I ask

  Mom turns to walk away from me, but I grab her narrow shoulders and spin her around to look at me. “She told me what you did to her, Kyle.”

  My mother’s words make my world tilt on its axis. Laura told my mother about how we got together. She’s insane!

  Mom looks at me, her eyes growing gentle and her words not coming out as harshly. “She’s a great girl, son. Let Ally go. She’s gone anyway. Hold on to Laura. She’s a keeper.”

  I spin around to walk out the front door. I have to go fight for my girl. I’ve hurt her with my insane notion of Ally and a love which is nothing more than a connection for me to protect her.

  Laura lives three doors down and although she walked out of my house with her head held high and no tears on her face, I see her leaning against the wall by her front door. Her hands cover her face and I know she’s crying. It is killing me, and I jog over, careful to be quiet so she doesn’t hear me and run inside.

  Her cries are quiet,and her body shakes as I approach her. I take her in my arms, pulling her close to me. She buries her face in my chest and clings to me. “I love you, Laura,” I say, without knowing I was going to do it.

  I guess that’s how you know sometimes. If the thought of losing them makes you weak, then it must be love. My mother’s right. Laura is wonderful and patient with a foolish boy who pines after one he can never have.

  I have to get over Ally and be happy with who I have right in front of me.

  The tears have streaked her pink cheeks as she looks up at me. “Really, Kyle?” she asks. “You aren’t just saying that?”

  I kiss the top of her head “No, I’m not just saying that. I love you, Laura. When you said we were over and walked out, something in me broke wide open. I see what and who is important to me now.”

  Her bottom lip quivers as she says, “I love you too, Kyle. I have for a while.”

  She’s loved me!

  Slowly, I lean to touch her lips with mine. Her arms reach up around my neck and she pulls me to her. It’s been so long since our lips have touched, and when they do, I fall apart inside. She makes heat fill my body.