Filthy Commitments: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  Theo kissed her then was silent for a long time. She could feel the question hovering in the air.

  ‘Jess, it was Jules, wasn’t it?’

  She stared at him for a long moment, tears filling her eyes. Then, slowly, she nodded.

  ‘I want to tell the police I’m positive, Theo, I do but I can’t remember anything.’ Her face crumpled and Theo kept his promise and held her while she sobbed.

  The hospital was quiet, much later, the middle of the night when Jess woke. She saw Theo had gone down to get coffee, was relieved he was taking a break. The dark circles etched under his eyes, the pain in his eyes… it scared her.

  A headache screeched around her skull, and she tried to sleep but the pain in her head was too much. She turned in the bed and gasped. Jules, silent, watchful, sat forward from the shadows. He smiled.

  ‘How are you feeling, Jessica?’ His voice was a caress.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Her voice cracked and he smiled.

  He raised his hands, shrugging. ‘Well, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be, Jessica. Nowhere.’ Again that tone, intimate, tender. It scared her. She turned away, pretending to reach for the cup of water on her nightstand, wanting to grab the call button. She winced as the sudden movement jerked on the I.V. in her hand. Jules stood.

  ‘Allow me.’

  He leaned across her and she caught his scent. As she breathed it in, a jolt, a rush of nausea, of terror. She gasped, a torrent of memories crashing back. Jules’s head snapped around and their eyes locked. In that moment, he realized she knew.

  ‘Oh, Jessica, this would have been much easier if you’d just died when you were supposed to. Because now you’ve made it so much harder for everyone.’

  He stroked her face but she jerked away from his touch, ready to scream for help. He clamped his hand over her mouth.

  ‘Don’t scream. You know why you’ve made it harder? Because it won’t be just you I kill now, Jessica. I’ll kill everyone you care about. Then I’ll make Theo watch when I carve you up.’

  Every cell in her body willed her to scream, scream for help, for Theo now, right now. But she believed Jules in that moment. In her eyes, in her broken, beaten mind, he had grown into a mythical creature, a daemon, an unstoppable force.

  Come back, Theo, please, I need you.

  Jules leaned in and kissed her gently on the mouth. She tried to pull away and his face grew hard, his smile cold, his eyes dead.

  ‘And then I’ll kill him.’

  And he smiled. He picked up the call button, he pressed it and placed it back on her nightstand.

  ‘There now.’ Without warning, he clamped his hand over her mouth and pressed down hard on her belly. The pain was searing and she moaned in agony.

  Jules smiled, released her, leaned in and kissed her gently on the mouth. She tried to pull away and his face grew hard, his smile cold, his eyes dead.

  ‘Get some sleep. I’ll come and see you again. I’ll always come to see you, Jess. I will finish what I started.’

  The nurse came in. ‘Do you want a sedative, honey?’

  Jules smiled at her. ‘I think she does. She was just saying she couldn’t sleep.’

  Jess couldn’t speak. The nurse slipped a needle into her I.V. and she felt herself going under. Jules stroked her hair.

  ‘Sleep now, sweetheart, I’ll be here when you wake.’

  As she closed her eyes, a tear dropped down her face.

  When they told him at reception that Jess ’s brother was in the hospital and asking where she was, his heart had stopped. He knew, he knew that it was Jules who was responsible for raping and stabbing her. Who else could it be? And now he was in the hospital

  Jess. Oh God, Jess.

  When he got to her room, he sighed in relief. She was alone. Asleep, she looked as young as when he’d first met her but the cuts, the bruises made his stomach twist with pain. He bent down and kissed her cheek.

  Not wanting to disturb her, he went back to the corridor and sat down. Leaning his head against the wall, he closed his eyes and sighed.

  ‘She seems fine.’

  Theo opened his eyes and turned towards the voice. His voice. The bastard who stabbed her. Theo was off his chair, launching himself into Gachet.

  ‘Motherfucker!’

  Jules fought back but was no match for the bigger man’s strength and skill. Theo twisted the man’s arm behind his back and got him on the floor, kicking out the back of his knee. Jules’s face banged against the hard floor and Theo was gratified to see blood, but then security got hold of him, ramming him against a wall.

  ‘Okay, okay.’ He yelled. They let him go. Jules was still on the floor, his nose pouring with blood.

  ‘Get up.’ Theo waved the security off. ‘I’m cool, I’m cool.’

  Jules got to his feet. ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’ He brushed himself down, wiped his bloody nose on his sleeve. A sly grin belied his apparent outrage. Theo shook his head, anger radiating from him.

  ‘I know you’re responsible for this, Gachet. I know.’

  Jules smirked. ‘Responsible for what, Mr. Storm? I was at home alone when Jess had her unfortunate accident.’

  ‘It wasn’t an accident. You know damn well it wasn’t.’ Theo glanced around, checking they were alone. ‘You raped her and then you knifed her. You tried to murder her.’

  Jules raised his eyebrows. ‘Murder? That’s a horrific accusation. And where’s your proof?’

  ‘Interesting you don’t deny it.’

  ‘Your proof, Storm?’

  Theo paused and Jules leaped on his hesitation.

  ‘I thought not. Careful, Storm, I think that counts as slander. Now, I would like to wait and see my sister, if that’s all right with you.’

  ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ Theo stepped in front of Jess’s door. ‘You’re not going anywhere near her, not ever again.’

  Jules smirked. ‘I think you’ll find, that as her only family, I count as next of kin. You can’t stop me.’

  It was Theo’s turn to smile then. ‘Oh but you see, as of earlier this evening, I am legally her next of kin. As her future husband, Jess wanted to give me power of attorney while she’s in here. She had a lawyer come in to see her.’

  Jules was silent for a long moment. ‘Please tell Jess I hope she recovers soon. I look forward to concluding our business.’ He grinned at Theo’s anger, turned and strode down the corridor.

  ‘Motherfucker.’ Theo repeated to himself. He turned and went back into her room. She stirred as he bent down to kiss her and whispered his name, smiling even in her sleep.

  ‘I love you,’ he whispered, his eyes searching her face, drinking in every feature, her soft skin, her beautiful mouth. He leaned his forehead against hers. ‘God, Jessie, I promise you, if it is the last thing I do, I will make this fucker suffer for what he’s done to you. I promise. I promise.’

  It had been the longest ten weeks of Jess’s life but now, as Theo flew them back to the house on Whidbey, she felt a tense band tighten across her chest. She had insisted they do this. That they forge ahead with the life they had planned. Fuck Jules had become her mantra. But now, the panic was starting to build. What if she couldn’t cope? What if she freaked out? Theo wouldn’t need much persuasion to burn the house down if it scared her but she was desperate not to be run out of another home by Jules. He couldn’t win this.

  Theo reached over and took her hand. ‘Okay, my love?’ The soft, tender timbre of his voice was like opium flooding through her veins, soothing, loving and she grinned suddenly, and told him that.

  Theo laughed and she realized how long it had been since she heard the sound. ‘Opium, huh?’

  ‘You have the ‘voice crack’,’ she nodded, continuing the joke. Theo chuckled again.

  ‘That makes no sense but thanks anyway. If you like, I give you some serious dirty talk with my ‘crack’ voice…’

  He waggled his eyebrows suggestively but she knew he wasn’t se
rious. She sighed. The lack of sex over the past couple of months was beginning to get to her but the doctor had told her – after repeated badgering – to take things easy.

  And the last thing she wanted to with Theo was to ‘take it easy’. She wanted him to fuck her senseless, to suck his cock, bite down on his nipples… She shook herself. You are a nympho, Wood. But she knew Theo was feeling it too. She caught him looking at her last night, his eyes raking over her body as they shared a bath. The red raw scars on her belly were a stark reminder of why they couldn’t rush the sex thing and he’d traced them gently with his finger.

  ‘Does it still hurt?’

  She shook her head. It wasn’t a complete lie – it was just sometimes when she’d move awkwardly, the healing muscles inside her would screech and she’d curse softly. But, god, she wanted him so badly. She had felt, all this time in hospital that she had become this sexless thing. Someone who smelled of antiseptic and medication, someone as alluring as a bedpan. She’d told Theo that one night when she’d gotten upset, overtired and in pain. He had held her all too gently and told her she was the most beautiful thing in the world.

  If only she could believe him. She looked over at him, saw the stress etched on his gorgeous face even when he was smiling, the smile never quite reached his eyes.

  ‘We’re nearly there,’ he said, obviously sensed her scrutiny.

  The tension in chest became almost crushing but she kept it inside as Theo expertly landed the helicopter and helped her out of the cabin.

  Theo took her hand and they walked slowly towards the house. His mother had been here, after the crime scene investigators and had cleaned up the blood. Jess’s blood. Amelia hadn’t said much to him but Seb, his usual exuberance missing, had told him that she’d gone home and immediately taken a long bath. The twins had heard her heart-broken, stricken sobbing through the silent house. His mother, Seb, and Tom had been frequent visitors to Jess’s bedside when she was in hospital, and even his sister, Milly, had flown into meet her. Jess was their family now. It had helped him immeasurably.

  Now, he unlocked the door and turned to Jess. He could feel her trembling and took her into his arms. ‘Jessie…’

  ‘It’s okay,’ she said, looking up into his eyes, ‘I’m ready.’

  She was okay right up until she saw the blood on the floor. Her hand flexed, tightened in Theo’s. As she took in the place where she nearly died – no, she thought, was almost murdered - she drew in a shaky breath and closed her eyes.

  ‘Jess?’

  She shook her head, put her hand up to silence him. She felt his arms go around her, his lips on her hair. They stood like that for what seemed an age. She opened her eyes finally.

  ‘Okay.’ She whispered. The wall looked bare without the huge mirror. Her stomach roiled when she remembered him, with that lethal shard of mirror raised above his head stab her to death. The indescribable agony when he’d plunged it into her belly. The smell of her own blood. She gagged.

  ‘Honey? It’s okay, it’s okay.’

  She nodded.

  Theo stroked her face. ‘Let’s go.’ He kissed her, ‘We don’t have to do this today. ‘

  She smiled at him but shook her head. ‘No. I want to. However hard it is. Until I do, I can’t move forward. And I won’t let him dictate my life in any way. In any way, Theo.’

  He nodded, understanding. She took his hand and walked into the kitchen. Her legs shook. The bloodstains weren’t so bad in here, the stone floor less porous than the wood of the hallway. Where Jules had stabbed her. Jess kept saying it in her head so that she could accept it. Jules stabbed me. Jules stabbed me. It worked. Every time she said it, she became less scared, angrier.

  She nodded at Theo. ‘Okay. I’m good.’ He smiled at her but she could see he wasn’t convinced. She put her arms around his neck.

  ‘This was a place of horror. For one hour. One night. He doesn’t get to sully all the good times we’re going to have here. With you. Our family. With all of us together.’ She kissed him and felt him respond. He ran his hands down her back, pulling her to him. She pressed her body into his, hearing his intake of breath. He picked her up and carried her into the living room, laid her on the couch. She took his face in her hands as he moved on top of her.

  ‘You are the most wonderful man, Theo Storm. Have you missed this as much as me?’

  He nodded, his smile filled with desire. She took his hand and guided it, under her dress, between her legs.

  ‘Make this is a place of joy again, Theo. Please.’

  He slid his hand into her panties and grinned down at her. ‘My pleasure, ma’am.’ He kissed her as she unzipped his pants and touched him. ‘God, I love you.’

  She laughed, gasping at his caress. ‘I love you, Theo, so, so much.’

  He started to unbutton her dress, kissing her from her neck, between her breasts. He pressed his lips to every scar, every bruise on her stomach. He hooked his fingers into the side of her panties and pulled them down. He smiled up at her.

  ‘You’re beautiful, baby.’ Then his mouth was on her, his tongue caressing her. She moaned with pleasure.

  ‘Theo.’ she whispered,

  ‘Yes, baby?’ He looked up and saw she had tears in her eyes. ‘What is it?’ He moved up her body, concerned.

  She kissed him. ‘I want you,’ she murmured, ‘I want you inside me.’

  Theo frowned. ‘Jessie, I don’t think…’

  ‘Sssh….’ She pushed him onto his back and straddled him, wincing slightly. Theo held her waist, still concerned.

  ‘Jess, we should…’

  ‘Sssh….’ She moved lower and took his cock into her mouth, feeling it quiver and thicken as she sucked, tongued and teased it. She felt his fingers stroke through her long hair, massage her scalp, heard his moan of longing.

  When his cock was rigid, pulsating and hard, she moved up and gently lowered herself onto him, closing her eyes as she felt him fill her entirely, moaning softly. Theo’s hands clasped her hips as she began to rock gently, slowly, taking him in deeper, deeper, deeper…

  Theo gazed up at her as she moved. God, she was so beautiful that it hurt. His cock was being squeezed and massaged by her soft, wet cunt and his head swam with desire, longing, desperate love. His fingers bit into the tender flesh of hips as they fucked but he was aware of not hurting her still healing body. He slipped his hand between her legs and stroked her clit, feeling the small bud harden and pulse against his fingers and was gratified by her gasps of pleasure, the soft moans as she moved on top of him.

  They made love slowly, gently, each experiencing a mellow climax that seemed to linger and afterward, they lay together naked, skin against skin and held each other and listened to the peace of the evening together.

  Theo turned to kiss her temple. ‘You okay, Jessie?’ He felt her arms tighten around him, felt her press a kiss to his chest.

  ‘I am good, very good,’ she lifted her chin to kiss him, ‘I love you, Theodore Storm. I feel like we’re on the way to reclaiming our lives.’

  Theo sighed and closed his eyes. He wanted to feel hopeful, wanted to feel happy in this moment but he slide his hand down to her belly and stroked it. He would never forget that night, the torn skin, the blood. ‘Are you sure we didn’t go too fast? Are you hurting?’

  ‘No,’ but when he raised his eyebrows at her, she smiled sheepishly, ‘…okay, I do ache a little but no more than a regular stomach ache.’

  ‘Aspirin and a hot bath then.’ Theo started to get up but she moaned and pulled him back down beside her. He didn’t protest – her skin was so soft, so warm next to his and she smelled so good. She burrowed into his chest. ‘Theo?’

  ‘What’s up, beautiful?’

  ‘I have to talk to you about something.’

  He looked down at her. ‘Oh yeah?’

  She hesitated for a moment, her brown eyes wary then she took a breath in. ‘I know about Kelly.’

  For some reason, Theo wasn’t shocked o
r surprised. He nodded. ‘I somehow knew you did. Don’t ask me how.’

  ‘How come you never mentioned her?’

  ‘Honestly? I have no idea. Possibly because we have so much else to think about since we met that there was no good time. Ollie tell you?’

  She nodded. ‘It’s a big piece of your past, is all. I thought we said no secrets.’

  ‘We did. I’m sorry, Jess, it was stupid and thoughtless of me. Kelly was troubled for a long time. Before I knew her even. I was too young to see the signs and we lost her.’

  He sat up then and she moved to sit beside him, her hand resting on his chest. ‘You know you can talk about it, you know? With me?’

  He smiled. ‘I do know, and I’m kind of glad you know. But I have to say something about that. I found her. I found her dead and it was awful, horrific, devastating. But, Jess, even that paled to what I felt when I found you that night. My heart was ripped out. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, it was as if everything human in me disappeared.’

  Jess looked stricken and he realized that underneath the distress was something else: guilt. He cupped her face in his palms, made her look at him. ‘None of this is your fault. None of it. It just is what it is. God, I hate that expression, but in this case, if I had to swap everything’s that’s happened for a life without you? Never.’ He kissed her gently. ‘I’m going make Jules’s life a living hell, I swear I am. He doesn’t get to do what he’s done and get away with it.

  Jess hesitated but then met his gaze. ‘Do you love me?’

  He looked confused. ‘You know I do.’

  ‘Then just promise me two things. One, you’ll let me help you bring him down. Yes.’ She added as Theo gave her an incredulous look. ‘Don’t let me be a victim. That’s not what is going to happen. You’re already my white knight. That’s a done deal. This is a partnership. Agreed?’