Filthy Commitments: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  ‘Oh god, Mike, I’m so sorry… I just got it into my head that…. Jesus, Mike, I don’t know what’s happening to me, I’m so sorry….’

  And she began to sob in earnest. Mike patted her hand awkwardly. When the sobs turned to gasps and sniffs, he made her look at him.

  ‘Given everything you’ve gone through,’ he started, his voice calm, reasonable,’ It wouldn’t be a surprise if you rocked back a little. Hell, a lot. No-one should ever have to go through what you did and god knows, Mr. Storm, his mother, me, we are all here for you, Jess. But look, I think you should talk to someone. A professional.’ He sighed. ‘I’m sorry if I’m overstepping but I think sometimes it helps to hear it from someone outside your family. Did you really think that guy was Jules?’

  Jess was sucking in great lungfuls of breath. ‘I don’t know, Mike. It’s like I’m losing all reason.’ She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘You’re right, though. I should see someone.’

  Mike was quiet for a moment. ‘You want me to tell Mr. Storm about this?’

  Jess shook her head. ‘No, but I will. We promised no secrets.’

  At home, Jess called her doctor and made an appointment. Her brain felt like it was on a spin cycle, so much happening in such a short time. Her stomach roiled and the pain in her chest became an overwhelming, searing sadness.

  Her cell phone beeped. A text.

  I miss you. I love you. I’ll be home soon. T x.

  She wanted to feel soothed, feel loved but she just felt cold and sick. She went around the house, locking all the doors and windows. She made some tea and took it to bed with her, locking her bedroom door. Blockade. Her whole body ached from tension but she felt hollow. She sat on the edge of the bed, numb. Should she report the incident to the police? What would she say? Amelia looked so happy. Embarrassment flooded through as she realized that people on the island had witnessed her breakdown, would be talking about the crazy lady. Was that all her life would be remembered for? The lady who got stabbed and went crazy?

  But Jules was still out there. He still wanted to kill her, and she knew, he wouldn’t care if it was the last thing he did. She read the message from Theo again, trying to feel something but then she turned her phone off, put it in the drawer of the nightstand. She went over to the window, checked it was locked. When she got into bed, fully dressed, she slid her hand under the pillow, felt the cold, reassuring presence of the knife she had brought up from the kitchen. As soon as she turned out the light, the tears came and she sobbed until, exhausted, she fell asleep.

  ‘She’s different.’ Theo’s handsome face was wan, dark circles under his eyes. ‘I really think she might be sick.’

  He was sitting with Max in the bar down the street from the Stormfront building. It was late afternoon and Seattle was having a pretty comprehensive monsoon. Theo watched the rain lash against the windows of the bar. Jess was at her doctor’s appointment and Theo tried not to feel hurt when she told him she needed to go alone. She had told him about the breakdown and he had seen the raw pain in her eyes. He wanted to try to reach her but she’d told him firmly that this was something she needed to do herself.

  Max looked at him in sympathy. Theo made a frustrated sound. ‘The thing is… what if she isn’t paranoid? What if Jules is on the island, biding his time, waiting for that one second when she’s not protected? She could be taken from me in a heartbeat and… Jesus, I’m sorry.’

  He looked appalled but Max shook his head. ‘It’s okay. I understand that it’s the part about having to live knowing the person you love could be killed any moment. Josh was a total shock. No-one expected it. In your situation, you’re living with the fact this madman wants to murder Jess and is out there somewhere. I don’t know how either of you live like that.’

  Theo felt his body slump, both terrified and comforted by Max’s words. ‘It’s hell. It’s actual hell. Maybe it’s payback from the universe for getting to love someone as amazing as Jess. In that case, I wouldn’t change a thing except I wish it was me taking the physical brunt of it all. How…’ His voice broke and he looked away from his friend. ‘How could anyone do that to her? He ripped her apart, Max.’

  Max put an arm around his shoulders. ‘Maybe you should go get some help too.’

  Theo shook his head. ‘All I need is Jess. And you. And my mom, but don’t tell her that.’

  Max smirked. ‘That’ll cost you. But seriously, dude, anytime, you know that. We’re doing everything we can to protect her. Did she really think your mom’s new boyfriend was Jules?’

  ‘She says not now. She thinks she was being paranoid.’

  ‘Couldn’t hurt to check it out.’

  ‘Nope but then we don’t want to upset my mom either. That’s what Jess is worried about.’

  Theo signaled for more drinks then looked at his friend, a wan smile on his face. ‘Give me some good news, dude.’

  He was surprised to see Max color, a shy smile on his face. ‘I have a date.’

  That floored Theo and a broad smile crossed his face. ‘Dude…that’s so cool. Where’d you meet him?’

  Max colored some more then gave it up. ‘Your mom introduced us.’

  A beat then they busted up. ‘Dude, god, I’m never letting you forget that my mom gets your dates for you, never.’

  Ten minutes later, in the car, Theo was still laughing. God, it felt good to just laugh. He swung the car into the parking lot of the doctor’s office. At the reception, the receptionist told him that Ms. Wood was still in with the doctor.

  ‘She shouldn’t be too long, have a seat.’ She was beaming, swinging from left to right on her chair, her eyes shining hopefully at him.

  Theo nodded, gave her a tight smile and dropped into one of the overstuffed chairs. He picked up one of the glossy magazines, the gossipy kind who pander to the celebrities. In the ‘Sightings’ section, there was a picture of him and Jess, leaving a restaurant a month previously. God, look at her, he thought, so freaking beautiful….and she’s mine. You’re a lucky s.o.b., Storm. Jess was smiling at him in the picture, her long hair tucked into a messy bun at the nape of her neck, the dark red dress she was wearing playing up the red on her lips. He smiled down at the picture. How he’d love to see that smile again. He looked up as the doctor’s office door opened and Jess came out. She looked tired – exhausted – and when she gave him a wan smile, his chest began to tighten with tension. Jess thanked the doctor then followed Theo out to the car. He waited and she put her hand on his, linked her fingers but didn’t say anything.

  Finally, he couldn’t bear the tension. ‘What did he say, Jess? Did he prescribe you something, arrange some counseling?’

  She shook her head and in her eyes, there was some emotion he couldn’t understand.

  ‘No,’ she said, her voice cracking, ‘No, no, he didn’t prescribe me anything. He said he couldn’t risk it, Theo. Because he told me that I’m pregnant…’

  Forever With Me Part Ten

  The woman in the exquisite designer suit leaned over and patted Jess’s hand kindly. ‘Don’t worry, Jess, this will be easy.

  Jess tried to smile at her, this legendary newswoman who was interviewing her and Theo to tell their story when she didn’t know if there was any future. They’d barely spoken since that day. The day she’d told him she was pregnant.

  He’d turned to her with joy and delight in his eyes only for the happiness to fade when he saw her cold face.

  ‘You don’t want it,’ he stated in a dead, flat voice.

  ‘I can’t want it,’ she’d replied, ‘Not now. Not like this.’

  His eyes had grown distant, cold. ‘You’re giving up. You promised me you wouldn’t. You promised me, Jess.’

  And a chasm had ripped between them.

  At dinner the following night, the distance between them felt like a dead weight. Amelia looked between them, her serene face creased with worry. Eventually, the weight of claustrophobia bearing down on her, Jess escaped to the kitchen, draggi
ng long breaths into her tight chest. She didn’t hear Theo enter the kitchen behind her and as he slid his hands around her waist, she yelped in alarm and skittered away from him. She’d never forget the hurt in his eyes.

  ‘I came to see if you were okay.’ That dead voice again. ‘I’ll leave you alone.’

  She reached out after him as he turned. ‘No, wait…I…’ But he stalked out.

  She looked at Theo now, so still, so silent and upright beside her. He turned, aware of her scrutiny, and for a second, his green eyes were cold, accusing. Then his mouth hitched up a little and his eyes softened. He winked at her and Jess felt his hand cover hers. He leaned in and kissed her cheek.

  ‘I love you,’ he murmured, burying his face in her hair for a second. Jess felt tears prick her eyes.

  ‘I love you, so much,’ she whispered back and felt his fingers lace between hers, squeeze them. He stroked a finger down her face.

  ‘Everything’s going to be okay, Jessie, I promise.’

  The floor manager called for silence then and Jess took a deep breath in. As the interviewer – Diane – began her introduction, Jess straightened her back as Diane introduced them. Theo’s words gave her strength, gave her hope that it would be okay. She pressed a hand briefly to her belly, where their child still grew.

  Because Jess desperately wanted this child – desperately. She just couldn’t live with it being murdered along with her. She glanced back at Theo’s handsome face. Maybe you should tell him that. I will, she decided, after, when we are home, when all this was over. As Diane asked her first question, Jess started to smile.

  Max glanced at his watch and wondered for the millionth time how Theo and Jess were getting on. Seth rolled his eyes and handed him a champagne flute. ‘Try this one.’ They were sitting on the porch out the back of Seth’s store. It was late afternoon, a sultry day, and too hot to sit inside. Seth listened out for the store’s doorbell and customers but it had been quiet. The porch overlooked the Sound, and a cool breeze picked up from it, cooling hot skin.

  ‘You trying to get me drunk?’

  ‘Obviously. That and educate you, you philistine. Taste.’

  Max grinned. He’d been dating Seth now for a few weeks and he knew he was falling for him. The big man, taller even than Theo, was a bundle of fun to be with, erudite, kind and made Max feel safe. Max tried not to compare him to Josh but both men shared the same easy-going nature coupled with a quiet strength. But whereas Josh had been model-handsome, Seth was a man of the land, a man who built houses before going into fine wines. He had Max his dream of one day owning a vineyard, building a ranch-style home for himself, his dogs and, if he wanted, Max. Max thought it sounded divine and told him so. Seth admitted he could see them both there but was worried about scaring Max off, maybe it was too soon to talk about that.

  But Max wasn’t scared. For the second time in his life, he knew it was right. ‘I didn’t think it was possible to find two great loves in one lifetime,’ he’d told Seth simply and Seth had kissed him until both their heads spun.

  He thought about that now and sighed. Seth nudged him.

  ‘What are you thinking?’

  ‘That I’m a lucky s.o.b. That I can love again after losing Josh. I didn’t think that was possible. But here you are.’ He grinned at Seth, who chuckled.

  ‘Damn straight. But why the sigh?’

  Max shifted in his chair. ‘I am lucky… but if Theo lost Jess… he’d never even try to find love again. If Jules kills her, Theo would feel dead as well. I know him.’

  Seth watched him carefully. ‘Then we better make sure nothing happens to her. There’s an army around her now, Max, she’s not that scared little girl anymore.’

  Max had told Seth everything, and when Seth had met Jess for the first time, he gathered her in a hug that conveyed more than friendship, it was a promise. Max had fallen in love with him at that moment. With one gesture, Seth had made himself family. He reached over to grab Seth’s hand.

  ‘I love you, big guy.’

  Seth grinned shyly. ‘Right back at cha.’

  Max leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes, soaking up the late afternoon sun. Happiness. He’d missed it.

  The store’s doorbell rang and Seth levered himself out of his chair with a sigh. ‘Business calls.’

  A minute later, Max followed him into the building to use the bathroom. Washing his hands, he could hear Seth talking to a customer. Something about the man’s voice seemed strangely familiar and Max frowned, trying to place it. He walked into the store just as the man, a tall blonde-haired guy, was walking out. Seth was writing something down and Max, trying to be nonchalant, peered over his shoulder. His eyebrows shot up.

  ‘Order for the Storm/Wedding? Who was that guy?’

  Seth grinned. ‘Amelia’s boyfriend, Clem. He’s arranging the pick-up for the wedding. Not long now, huh?’

  Not long at all – two weeks and Theo and Jess would be married. Max couldn’t shake the feeling. ‘So who is this guy? Jess was pretty freaked out by him.’

  ‘Is she okay?’

  ‘She says it was just a panic attack.’

  Seth studied him. ‘You’re not sure.’

  Max scrubbed his hands over his face. ‘I don’t know. His voice sounded familiar is all.’ He glanced at the invoice Seth was filling out. ‘That his address?’

  Seth made a face at him. ‘You shouldn’t be seeing that but yes. Why?’ He looked at Max, frowning. ‘You’re not thinking of going over there?’

  Max shook his head. ‘Oh no. Just wondered how long he’s been on the island.’

  ‘Now you’re sounding paranoid.’

  Max sighed. ‘Yeah I know, but it couldn’t hurt to confirm or deny he’s not who he says he is. Just to be on the safe side.’

  Seth rolled his eyes. ‘Look, next time he comes in, I’ll call you.’

  Sensing Seth wasn’t happy about this line of thinking, Max agreed. But inside her was planning – if Seth wouldn’t condone his snooping, he knew someone who would. The one person who had the most reason to make sure Amelia’s boyfriend wasn’t the man who was trying to kill Jess.

  Jess herself.

  Theo slid a hand over Jess’s belly as they were driven away from the television studio. She smiled at his dancing eyes, his obvious joy. It had been a complete spur of the moment thing: Diane, the interviewer, had been fair and persuasive, but her journalistic instincts had made for some uncomfortable questions. It was when she had asked Theo what his dream was and he’d replied.

  ‘Me and Jess. The two of us, together, forever.’

  It just seemed the right, the true thing to add... ‘The three of us. Theo and I and our child.’

  Theo had been stunned then his smile was breath-taking and she knew she’d done the right thing. Diane had congratulated them effusively and it was all Theo could do to stay in his seat and not take Jess in his arms. She could see his body relaxing and smiled at him. ‘I love you,’ she mouthed at him, not caring if the camera saw her.

  Now, as Theo wrapped his arms around her, she leaned into him. ‘I’m sorry I put you through the last few days,’ she said, ‘I really was scared. But today, I just realized… I’ll never put the little bean in danger. I won’t permit it. This is our family.’

  Theo kissed her, his mouth rough on hers. ‘Miss Wood, when we get home, I’m going to strip every last piece of clothing from your gorgeous body and fuck you all night long.’

  She laughed, tangling her fingers in his short hair. ‘Why wait until we get home? That’s what a privacy screen is for.’

  Deftly, she straddled him, rubbing her hand between his legs, feeling his cock stiffen against the movement of her fingers. Theo sighed happily as he unbuttoned her dress, scooping her plump breasts into his hands, taking her nipples in turn and sucking on them, drawing the tiny bud as it hardened. Theo slid his hands into the bodice of her dress, stroking the velvety smooth skin as he trailed his lips across her collarbone, to the hollow at the
base of her throat.

  ‘God, you are so beautiful,’ he murmured as he felt her hand free his stiff cock from his trousers. Kissing him, she moved the crest against her damp sex, up and down until he was half-crazed with desire then guided him inside, rolling her hips along the length of him. They rocked together, oblivious to the movement of the car, their focus unshifting. Jess thrust herself hard onto him, wanting to take him as far she could, Theo sucking on her nipples, hands gripping her hips hard keeping her impaled on him.

  ‘Fuck me, gorgeous,’ he whispered and she grinned at him, slamming against him as her excitement built. His fingers dug into her flesh as she rode his cock, her muscles gripping him, hitting every sensitive point , driving him insane. She threw her head back and his lips moved to her throat, hungry to taste her skin, feel the pulse of her blood. He bit down on her shoulder as he neared his peak and he felt her cunt tightened around his cock, her thighs around his hips. She came to a shuddering climax a second before he shot into her, hard, groaning, grinding his hips up into her.

  They caught their breath for a few moments before they reluctantly disconnected. Jess’s face had that flush that he loved so much and to him, now, pregnant with his child, she had never looked so achingly lovely. He pulled her into the crook of his arms and she snuggled into him. She tilted her head up for a kiss.

  ‘We should go tell your mom she’s going to be a grandmother. I know the interview’s not shown until Friday, but these days, it’s bound to leak.’

  He rested his forehead against hers. ‘You’re right. We should head over there but I may need to change first.’

  She grinned. ‘And that could take an hour…’

  Three hours later, Theo drove them both to his mother’s house. Jess looked up at the impressive mansion.

  ‘Can you believe in less than two weeks, we’re getting married here?’

  Theo took her hand as they walked up the stone steps. ‘I can’t wait.’