Fools Who Dream

by Alex Pitt

  “Why?” I asked, my breath unsteady. I looked at Davies for the answer.

  “Read the letter, mate,” he said, sympathy in his eyes.

  “I can’t. Not yet.” I shook my head.

  I should have read it. I needed to know why she’d done it, and I guess the letter would tell me. I couldn’t bring myself to unfold it. I couldn’t read the words, see her handwriting. I didn’t want to know why she was gone.

  “How could she do that to me?” I roared, anger flaring, standing up and knocking the chair over. “Tell me she didn’t do it. Please, tell me she’s OK.”

  Davies shook his head but stayed silent. They didn’t know what to say. I presumed he’d have seen the body, and I needed to know how she’d done it. What method had she chosen to end her life with?

  “An overdose,” Davies told me, and my mind flashed immediately back to the party.

  “An overdose on what?” I whispered.

  “Pills. She took a load of pills and lay in the bathroom,” he explained, my heart still pounding and my nails digging into my skin.

  “Can I see her?” I asked.

  “Do you really want to?” Richard said. That’s the first thing he’d said since this terrible news had come to me.

  “Yes,” I shouted, then hesitated. Did I really want to put myself through that?

  “Alright, well we have to arrest Chen, but we can go and see the girl first if you want. Her mother is completely devastated though, as you’d expect. So is her father. We have to be respectful. We can only see her if they let us.”

  I nodded, realising that was fair, but also knowing they would let me. They liked me, but maybe they blamed me as well. That wouldn’t be fair though; I thought I’d made her life happier. Obviously not happy enough, though, if she was willing to die. I wondered if she even thought about me, or her mum, or her dad, and how this would make us feel.

  We drove to the Mulligan’s house in silence, leaving Morgan back at the station. I wasn’t in the mood to speak and the others were too afraid to say anything in case it upset me.

  Slowly, with a trembling hand, I took out the letter. I guessed I had to read it now, because they’d probably use it as evidence soon. I was scared stiff of seeing it, but it had to be done.

  Dear Jack (And anyone else who finds this letter)

  There are a few things you need to know. There are a few reasons why I made this decision. The first thing, I am sorry. I am so sorry for bringing this onto you, and my mum, and my dad. I would like for you to keep in touch with them if you can, if it’s not too hard, just to make sure they’re fine. Especially with my mum’s cancer. I don’t want them to be alone.

  I also don’t want you to think that I was selfish for leaving you all. I know how this must affect you, and I am truly and deeply sorry. At the end of the day, this is my life and I am so unhappy in it. You made me feel better, Jack, but it was only temporary. Every time I saw you was like medicine. I was fine for a bit, and then I’d be depressed again. So depressed, like you couldn’t even imagine.

  It all started in June 2015 when, as you know, I let my little sister drown. You’ve all told me it wasn’t my fault, but it was. I should have protected her, looked out for her, and I failed. I couldn’t save her. I was depressed after that, and I started self-harming.

  In December 2016, I was sent to see a therapist. This is the main reason I died today. Mum, when you read this, I don’t want you to blame yourself. You didn’t know, OK? You did what you thought was right, and I should have reported what was happening. For reasons that I’ll get into, I didn’t. I just let it carry on.

  A few weeks ago, he started raping me. I know this is so hard for you, Jack, and I wish I could spare this for you, but you need to know the truth. He raped me several times and I didn’t report him because I was addicted to it. I needed the pain and misery and that feeling of being scared whenever he did it to me. I was able to stop self-harming because of this, because I was being punished in another way.

  His name is Chen Zhang. He’s Chinese, but he is absolutely terrifying. I am so scared of him, and so scared of going to the police and, like I said, I felt like I needed what he was doing to me. I’m messed up inside, I can admit that, and it will never go away. Never.

  The baby is his, Jack. For those of you reading who don’t know (Mum and Dad, please don’t kill me), I recently found out I’m pregnant. Jack thinks the baby is his, but it isn’t. And yes, the baby will die with me and I feel bad about that, but it has to happen.

  I’m not happy in my life. In fact, I hate it. I never thought it would get this bad but I’ve been unhappy for a while. When I found out I was pregnant, that was the last straw. I couldn’t have a baby out of this. I couldn’t bring another life into this world. The plan had been abortion but you were against it, Jack, and I needed out. I needed out so bad, so I killed two birds with one stone. Or humans, I should say. Bad joke, I know.

  Anyway, this letter is dragging on and I’m sure you’ve got an exciting life to get back to. The important thing is this man, Chen Zhang. You have to arrest him. I knew we were having a finally therapy session today. It was the last one because I told him I was through. I didn’t care what happened anymore but I never wanted to see him again, so I asked him for a drink, and he left to get me one.

  I don’t know why, but I needed to snoop. I’d been in his office so many times, but I’d never really taken anything in. I opened his drawers and there were photos in there. Horrible, horrific photos. One was of a girl who died a few weeks ago. The other was of someone I didn’t recognise, but she was mutilated too. I was concerned why he had her photo in with Rachel’s. I pretended like I hadn’t seen anything when he came back, but I was shaking inside.

  He asked to go on a final walk, and I agreed. I shouldn’t have, I know, but I was so terrified and I knew it would be over then. One more walk, and we’d be done. And on that walk, it happened again. Tom saved me. Yes, Jack, your friend. He caught us down by the doctor’s and he saved me. I told him most of this story, apart from the bit about the girls, and he said I had to report him. So that’s what I’m doing. One final good deed in the world.

  I don’t know if he killed them or not, but I have a theory. He never used protection with me, like he was trying to get me pregnant. Rachel was pregnant when she died. I remember it on the news. It was so horrific, the way he ran her over. I can’t believe I spent so much time with a man like that. Anyway, maybe he killed Rachel and this other girl, whoever she was, over something to do with the pregnancy. Then he used my depression as a way to get in my knickers and he knocked me up as well. Maybe he would have killed me one day.

  I’m just spit balling here, but I’m telling you everything I know, and I hope you can do something with it. Lock the bastard up for the rest of his life if you can. I’m just so sorry that I didn’t tell you, Jack, and that I didn’t report him sooner. I thought I was the only one, and I could live with that. I didn’t know there’d been other girls. I didn’t make the connection.

  But this is it, Jack. This is the end for me, but there’s something I need you to do. Have a fantastic life. Forget about the mess that I was and move on. Find someone else, marry her, have babies with her, and live happily ever after. Can you do that for me? All I’ve ever wanted was the best for you. I just wish you’d never met me, so I could spare you all of this heartache.

  Move on, but never forget me. Please, Jack, don’t forget who I was. Remove all of the mess that I had inside of me, and think about the girl who loved you. You were the one bright spot in my life, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you did for me. God, I fucking love you, Jack, but that’s just not enough.

  And when you find the person you’re going to spend your life with, make sure you thank her. Say to her ‘Daisy Mulligan says thank you for making me happy’. Because you deserve all the happiness in the world, Jack.

  Have a great life.

  With all my love,

  Daisy />
  XXXX

  I folded the letter up and put it back in my pocket.

  Then, finally, I was able to cry.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Becky

  “You’ve got to admit, it does make sense,” I said, standing over the body and handing the note to Richard.

  I’d just read through it, and he gave me a nod of the head when he was done to show that he agreed. It did make sense. This man, Chen Zhang, had to be the one who’d done it. All of the pieces fit together. It was just a shame we’d found out from a dead girl’s note. A girl who had taken her own life.

  “So, we’ll go around there and bust his ass,” Richard smiled, but I had to remind him that this was still my job, and he could only do the interrogating. “OK, fine, but can I at least search his place with you?”

  “Yes,” I smiled, knowing how badly Richard wanted to arrest this man.

  The man we’d been chasing for weeks with no real leads. We would go to his work place and find the photos before we arrested him, then hopefully Morgan would confess that he’d given him the knife. That should be enough to lock him away, but a confession from his own mouth and some more evidence at his place wouldn’t hurt the case.

  Jack was bent over Daisy, hugging her, shielding her, as if he could protect her. There were no words to describe how heartbroken he looked. Her parents were standing in the doorway, watching us, distraught expressions on their faces. As wrong as they knew this was, I think they partly blamed us for her daughter’s suicide. We should have caught this man sooner. We shouldn’t have given up when we didn’t have any leads. But we hadn’t given up. Had we?

  Mrs Mulligan moved over to Jack and placed a hand on his shoulder. I knew he was upset, but shouldn’t it have been the other way around? They had lost a daughter, whereas Jack had lost someone he’d only known a matter of weeks. I would never understand what went on in teenage boy’s heads. He probably thought she was the one, that they’d have a life together. Everything Daisy had ever worked for was gone. There was nothing to show for it.

  “Come on, we’d better go,” I whispered to Richard.

  I’d only agreed to visit Daisy first as a courtesy to Jack and because she was an integral part of this case, but we really had to go and make the arrest on Chen. Every second free was another second he was a danger to society.

  “Leave him for a few minutes,” Richard told me, but I shook my head. We needed to go now. There would be time for mourning later. “Then why don’t we leave him here? We don’t need Jack for the case.”

  “No,” Jack said, without even giving me time to respond. “I’m coming with you. I want to bust him as well. Look what he did.”

  “Daisy did that to herself, Jack.”

  “Hold on a minute,” Mrs Mulligan said, removing her hand from Jack’s shoulder and sauntering up to me. “This was all his fault. My fault as well for sending her there. If he hadn’t done what he did to her, she would still be alive.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, “But you’re wrong. I know what you’ve gone through. It’s a tragic situation, but it was going to happen anyway. He murdered people, as far as we can tell, so he’ll get arrested for that and charged with rape, but Daisy said in her note that she was self-harming anyway. She would have wound up dead with or without his involvement.”

  “How dare you,” Mrs Mulligan roared, her husband stepping in to calm her down. “How fucking dare you say that about my daughter.”

  We were all shocked by the outburst. Judging by the look on Jack’s face, he’d never seen her speak this way before. Maybe my words had been slightly harsh, but I’d spoken the truth and she had to accept that. What Chen had done was horrible, but she would have died anyway if that was what went on in her head.

  Thankfully, that was the moment my mobile rang.

  “Davies?” I asked, not even checking the caller ID before answering.

  “Yes, I have him. I know where he lives and I know where he works.”

  He gave me the address of his workplace and I told him we’d meet him there in ten minutes. Shouldering the information to the rest of them, we decided it was time to leave. Jack pressed his lips to the cold cheek of Daisy and then peeled himself away from her body. I apologised about upsetting them, and then we got in the car and drove off.

  Just as Daisy had described in her note, Chen’s office contained the photos of Rachel and April. There were several of them, in fact, both before and after they’d been killed. He was sick in the head, keeping stuff like this. It had been horrible that Daisy had died recently, but I was also glad she’d been the one to lead us here.

  “Bastard,” Richard shouted, seeing the deformed photo of April. He’d got quite close to her ever since he’d found them in bed together.

  “I know,” I whispered, thumbing through all of the photos.

  Davies was searching the office for any more incriminating evidence, but he came up short. He wouldn’t have left it lying around for anyone to see, and he clearly didn’t think anyone would snoop through his drawers to find the photos. I wondered why he even had them there though, why he didn’t keep them at home?

  “Come on, this place is giving me the creeps,” I said to the others, and we headed out.

  The place was dimly lit, cold, haunting. I never wanted to come back, and I prayed we’d never have to. I needed this man to confess. After all the trouble he’d put us through, he could at least do one good act and admit to it straight away.

  We drove around to his house, and my heart started beating. I was so nervous to finally meet this man, finally click on the cuffs, finally lock him away. I knew vaguely what he looked like from a picture online, but meeting him in person would be a whole other matter. I’d have to touch the hands he’d used to murder young girls with, and that disturbed me more than anything.

  Pulling up outside his house, it didn’t look like anyone was in. The curtains were drawn, there was no car on the drive, and it didn’t look like there was a singe light on at all. Still, I had my fingers crossed. If he wasn’t in, we’d wait. I was a patient woman, I could wait for this bastard to show up and arrest him in front of his neighbours.

  I pressed my finger to the bell, Davies and Richard standing next to me. For a few seconds, nothing. Then, unexpectedly, a woman opened the door. I looked to Davies, silently asking if he was sure we were at the right house, and he gave me a small nod.

  “Mrs Zhang?” I asked, unsure who she was.

  The woman wasn’t Chinese, she was very much English, but she looked scared, as if she shouldn’t open the door. Chen’s actions didn’t strike me as a man who had a wife at home, but that explained why he’d had to leave the photos at work. I really hoped this was the man who’d given Morgan the knife. At the moment, until we could get that positive ID, all we had were some rape charges and pictures in his office.

  We’d decided to leave Jack in the car, just as we’d done at Chen’s office. It was just easier for the case, despite all of his protesting.

  “I am Mrs Zhang,” the woman whispered, eyeing us up.

  She didn’t know, I was sure of it. She didn’t know why there were two policemen and a detective on her doorstep, but maybe she suspected. Either way, she was about to discover the harsh truth.

  “Let us in,” Davies shouted, barging through the door and almost toppling the woman over. “This is an arrest.”

  We found Chen upstairs, lying in bed. He’d checked out early that night, but I held his chin and slapped him awake.

  The disturbing thing was, as he saw the three figures leaning over him and his wife cowering in the doorway, he didn’t look surprised. He looked as if he knew this would happen, as if he’d been expecting it all along. He wouldn’t know about Daisy yet, but he still suspected someone would come for him. That’s what the smirk on his face told me anyway. Maybe the smirk was because it had taken so long to find him, despite the clues he’d left for us.

  I picked him up off the bed, snapped on the cuffs and d
ragged him downstairs. I read him the rights, spitting intentionally into his face. He didn’t look scared in the slightest.

  “You’re under arrest, bitch,” I said, making sure he understood.

  This man was going away for a long, long time. I would make sure of that.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  “Sit,” Becky barked at Chen, and my lip bristled.

  I was in the room next door, just as I was when they’d been interviewing Morgan. I wanted to be in there, with them, but I could see and hear everything they were saying so it didn’t make too much of a difference.

  The one thing I knew, I absolutely hated Chen.

  It wasn’t the fact that he’d murdered girls, but everything about him repulsed me. The creepy smile, the eyes that never quit staring, that moustache. I didn’t even know Chinese men had moustaches, but I don’t want my sheer ignorance to offend anyone.

  Morgan was sitting next to Chen, with Becky and Richard on the other side of the table. The young boy looked so awkward, like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world. I am sure, whatever the reasons were for taking the knife from the man, he didn’t expect to end up here.

  My body still hurt from where he’d attacked me, but it was nowhere near as painful as the hole in my life was. Daisy was gone, and I was never getting her back.

  Some people reading this might tell me to get over myself. They might say ‘you only knew her for a short while’. And you’d be right, but it’s not that easy. I had only known Daisy for a short amount of time, but we did a lot with those precious moments together, and I was completely in love. I loved her, and I wish I could tell her that one more time.

  All I needed was one more minute so I could have one last hug and one last kiss, and maybe that would be all I needed to convince her to stay. She knew this would hurt us, but she’d done it anyway. How had I not noticed that things had been this bad for her?