Anywhere With You

by Stephanie Hoffman McManus

  “Yeah, there is, and I need to warn you about something.”

  I twisted my head to peer up at her, but before she was able to give her warning, one of the doors in the bathroom area opened and out stepped the person I assumed she wanted to warn me about.

  Meg looked bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as she softly chirped, “Good morning.”

  “Morning,” I mumbled and then discreetly shot a questioning look at Shae as Meg walked over to her bunk.

  Shae’s expression was a combination of nervous and sympathetic, and it left me feeling uneasy.

  The quick tug of a zipper was the only sound that filled the room, though Shae looked anxious to say something.

  “I’m just going to go get checked out and take my stuff down to wait. See you down there.” I watched as Meg hefted her duffel over her shoulder and lugged the guitar case to the door. The second she was out of the room, I stood and turned to Shae again.

  “What was that about? Is she coming to breakfast with us?” I did nothing to hide how much that idea did not excite me. Shae’s face had bad news written all over it.

  “Well, Meg was only here to try and find an apartment and line up some gigs, which I guess she did, so now she has to go back to Colorado to get the rest of her stuff, and last night, Luke sort of offered to drive her to Denver since we’re going through there?

  “What?” No. No. No.

  Shae actually winced. “I think he was just being nice and trying to help her out. He asked if we were okay with it, but on the spot, what else were we supposed to say?”

  No. That’s what she was supposed to say.

  “Oh.” The one syllable reply fell pathetically from my lips, because of course she was right. What else could she have said when Luke was trying to be the nice guy to the rescue?

  “Are you okay with it?” Clearly, I wasn’t.

  “It doesn’t really matter if I am or not. It’s his car. Besides, why wouldn’t I be? She needs to get to Colorado. We’re going to Colorado, so why shouldn’t we offer her a ride?”

  “Okay,” she drew out slowly, as if she wasn’t buying it. “But if you weren’t okay with it, you could talk to me.”

  “Of course I am,” I said with a false smile. “I better get in the shower so we can get going.”

  Shae was sitting on her empty bed when I emerged freshly showered and dressed. Zara and Marco had finally woken, and we said brief goodbyes during which we exchanged numbers and emails. Hardly a word was spoken between Shae and I as we gathered my things and made our way down in the elevator. The guys and Meg stood waiting in the lobby area. I could see the Range Rover pulled up to the curb out front of the doors. All that was left was for us to do was turn in our room keys.

  We stopped at a café around the corner for breakfast. I hardly spoke a word except when I ordered my food. It didn’t go unnoticed, but I claimed being tired as the reason for my quietness, while internally I continued to wrestle with unpleasant and unwelcome thoughts that made it difficult even to stomach the plate of decadent cinnamon roll French toast in front of me. I left most of it on the plate while I stared out the window. My eyes only drawn back to my plate when Luke casually stabbed a bite of my breakfast off it in the middle of a conversation.

  I pretended I didn’t take immense satisfaction from it, but I did, and a bit of relief broke over the tension in my stomach. It was nice to know we were back to this, back to our weird version of normal. We’d fought last night. Luke had acted weird and like an asshole, but only because I’d acted weird and goaded him into a reaction.

  But Luke, finishing my breakfast for me, seemed over it. Before we paid the check and left, he caught me watching him steal more bites off my plate, and gave me his usual warm smile.

  I’d really worried that our argument last night had driven a wedge between us, but Luke was never one to stay mad or hold grudges. Not with me anyway, and I realized in that moment just how much I counted on that. Counted on him. He was the one who, no matter how far I went or how foolish I acted, was always there at the end of the day to call me on my shit when I needed it and still be there in the morning to eat my breakfast.

  He was my constant, my rock steady, and he meant too much for me to screw it up with these stupid feelings. They had to go.

  I returned his smile with an unsteady one of my own. If he noticed there was something off, he didn’t let on. He went back to the conversation and I told myself this was how things were supposed to be between us. Anything else would ruin it and I could lose this. The thought of that was harder to bear than Meg coming on this trip, or the smiles she gave Luke.

  With her sandwiched between Shae and I in the back seat, I pulled my headphones on and laid my head against the window to watch the miles to St. Louis roll by.

  Five hours later that felt like twice that with my headphones confining me inside my own head, we were pulling into St. Louis. My eyes, which had remained closed most of the drive, were now focused out the window, taking in the city that rose up around us. I tugged my headphones down around my neck and the chatter in the car finally broke through my thoughts.

  “Where is the arch?” Meg was peering anxiously through the windows. My own eyes searched, but more subtly.

  “Down by the water. Don’t worry, once we get checked in at the hotel, we can do some exploring. There are some great places to eat around there too.” Luke made a right turn and expertly navigated the city traffic, following the directions his GPS was spitting out. It helped that this wasn’t his first visit to the city.

  St. Louis was so different from Conway and Myrtle Beach. It had that big city vibe, and it was easy to see as we made our way to the hotel which parts of the city had seen the worst decline through the years. It was night and day from one part to the next and then we’d turn a corner and the graffiti and abandoned buildings were once again polished and bustling with activity the closer we got to downtown.

  Luke found our hotel easily and handed the keys off to valet as we unfolded ourselves and our cramped legs from the vehicle. It took some time to decide what bags had to come up and what could stay with the car, but eventually we got everything loaded onto a cart that Luke manned through the doors and over to checkin.

  “I reserved us two rooms,” Shae said as we approached the desk. “So, I guess guys and girls. Unless Meg, you want to get your own room.”

  “I don’t mind sharing, if it’s alright with you two. I know I sort of just barged in on your trip.”

  Yes, you did.

  I kept my opinion to myself and didn’t object when Shae told her it was no problem for her to crash in our room. At least the pull-out sofa made it so that no one had to double up. I claimed the first queen bed, dumping my bag at the foot and then making use of the bathroom while they settled in. The room was nice and the large jacuzzi tub in the bathroom looked inviting, but would have to wait if everyone wanted to head out into the city.

  With a last wistful look at the tub, I rejoined the other two, plopping down on the end of my bed. “Bathroom is nice as shit,” I told them. “Big ass tub and shower. I think I could live here.” I let myself fall backward onto the mattress.

  Shae’s response was a soft chuckle while Meg bounced over and stuck her head in the bathroom. “You’re right. This place is ritzy.”

  I still had my back on the bed and my eyes on the ceiling when the guys beat on the door a few minutes later. Their hunger was making them impatient. “You girls ready?” Luke asked the second Meg pulled the door open.

  I groaned as I forced myself up from the bed. I knew I shouldn’t be tired, having done nothing but sit in a car all day and sleep for half of that, but still I lacked the energy and enthusiasm Meg showed when she declared, “I’m ready!”

  “I just need a second to change my shoes and use the bathroom.” Shae kicked off her flip flops and pulled a pair of blue Chucks from her bag. I remained in my khaki shorts and my own pair of black Chuck Taylors, but grabbed a light sweater to pull over my tee late
r when the sun went down. I shoved the sweater in my cross-body bag after emptying it of a lot of the excess clutter that weighted it.

  Finding a Reese’s in the mess, I tore open the orange wrapper as we made our way out of the room. The sugar would do me good and hopefully perk me up. I’d barely taken a bite out of the first peanut butter cup when the wrapper with the second was plucked out of my hand. “Hey!”

  Luke simply grinned as he uncovered it and plopped the entire thing in his mouth. “Thanks, I was starved,” he mumbled with his mouth full.

  I gave his shoulder a shove. “That was mine.”

  “Sharing is caring and all that.” It was impossible to pretend to be mad at his dopey smile. As our group shuffled toward the elevators, his smile relaxed and he lowered his voice. “You feeling okay? You were quiet on the drive, slept most of the way.”

  “Just tired,” I lied. “Guess I had a little too much fun in Nashville.”

  He came to a stop and I did the same. “I’m sorry I was a dick last night. I just …”

  I put a hand on his forearm. “It’s okay. I don’t know what got into me. Guess you’re just too irresistible for your own good and I went a little crazy with the bar dance trying to get a rise out of you,” I teased, hoping to take some of the seriousness out of it. Thankfully it worked and he laughed.

  “Irresistible?”

  “Don’t pretend you don’t know it.” I gave him a playful shove and we both started moving again to catch up with the others who were waiting outside the elevator bay for one to open up.

  “I know that word describes you, not me,” he said, all traces of humor gone.

  I shook my head, but before I could form some kind of response, the elevator doors farthest from us opened up and everyone else filed in. “You are. You have to know it. Which is why sometimes I forget that you are who you are. That’s why I got so upset last night. Wasn’t your fault. You were, just like you said, having fun.” He started to follow after the other three but I stopped him with my hand on his elbow.

  “And what exactly am I?”

  The corners of his mouth tugged into an affectionate smile. “My best friend. And someone too important to mess it up with thoughts like the ones I had last night. If you could just stop being sexy, it would make things easier.” He nudged me with his elbow, grinning playfully and then he too stepped inside the elevator and I was the only one left standing outside of it.

  The doors were just starting to close and I scrambled in after him, replaying the conversation we’d just had, trying to decide what to do with it and how to feel about what he’d said. Warm and fuzzy because I was his best friend and our friendship mattered to him as much as it did to me? Or like I’d lost an entire future where we were something more? No that wasn’t right, because that had never been a possibility. Yet, the warm and fuzzies didn’t come, just a familiar sense of resignation that had me casting a sidelong look at Meg.

  Was she really what I wanted to be? Did I wish I was a girl like her? One that had a nice, normal upbringing? One that Luke could look at without seeing every dirty deed I’d ever done, and what about the ones he didn’t know about? Did I wish I could take it all back, change my past and be someone different?

  The doors dinged open and let us out on the lobby floor. Our group emerged and headed for the city that waited just outside the hotel doors. A cool breeze tickled my arms, but when it faded and we stepped out of the shadow of the hotel’s awning, the heat was almost stifling and only slightly less humid than it had been in Nashville.

  “This way,” Luke took the lead. “We’re not too far from the waterfront.” It wasn’t long before we rounded a corner downtown and the arch came into view, peeking over the tops of buildings.

  “There it is.” Meg said excitedly.

  Luke pointed out other places of interest as we walked, growing animated when we walked past the baseball stadium and what he referred to as Ballpark Village. It was there that he recommended a sports bar and restaurant for us to eat at.

  No one objected to coming back after we’d been down to the water. I was entertaining thoughts of dipping my toes in the Mighty Mississippi until I got a look at it and realized why it was also called the Muddy Mississippi. It wasn’t really a dip your toes in river. At least the arch was as impressive up close as it had seemed in the distance.

  “I want to go up in it,” Shae announced as we all stood around looking up at the massive gateway.

  “Can you do that?” I asked.

  “Yeah. There’s an elevator egg inside that you sit in and it takes you up.”

  “I went up the last time I was here,” Luke said. “It’s pretty cool.”

  “Well I’m in.” I could only imagine the view up there.

  “How long is the line?” Kellen asked, less then enthused.

  Shae cocked her brow at him. “Come on, how often do we get the chance to do this? The restaurant won’t run out of food, I promise.”

  With a shrug, he sighed. “Fine.”

  “You guys go ahead. I don’t do heights,” Meg admitted, eyeing the top of the arch warily. “Yeah, I’ll just wait down here.”

  “I’ll wait with you since I’ve been up before,” Luke offered.

  Lovely.

  “But you guys will need tickets.”

  Shae immediately pulled out her phone, and, after a minute, informed us that the next ride she could get tickets for was in twenty minutes. Kellen grumbled, but ultimately conceded and suffered through the wait in line. We chatted with the couple behind us and all ended up riding up on the tram together. Shae’s description of an egg elevator was right on.

  “Okay, this was worth it,” Kellen admitted when we stopped at the top. He was not wrong.

  “Wow. The city looks so different up here.” It was like all the ugly parts faded away and all that was left were the lights and big buildings and the tiny little people on the ground.

  Much too soon, the tram brought us back down to Earth. Once our feet were firmly planted on the ground again, Kellen wasted no time reminding us how hungry he was.

  We found Luke and Meg waiting on the steps down to the waterway. Kellen caught Shae admiring the riverboat at the edge of the water.

  “Noo,” he groaned.

  “But it’s a riverboat cruise. How fun would that be?”

  “Not as fun as sinking my teeth into the burger and fries waiting for me at the other place.”

  “But riverboat cruise,” Shae emphasized her point to no avail.

  “But burger and fries and onion rings and cold beer.”

  Shae frowned and Kellen’s shoulders slumped. “If you really want to.”

  Shae eyed it one more time, but then shook her head. “It’s okay. We’ll do it next time. Let’s just go eat.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes,” she assured him and Kellen took her hand in his as he led the charge back toward the sports bar. Some might have thought it was a sweet, romantic gesture, but I suspected he also wanted a good hold on her in case she got distracted by anything else.

  Sixteen

  Luke

  Present

  I leaned back in my chair, feeling like I needed to pop the button on my shorts, but I wasn’t one to leave a beer unfinished, so I raised the bottle to my lips as my eyes landed on Ci. Sitting across from me, her chicken sandwich mostly uneaten in front of her, she was completely tuned out of the conversation happening at our table. Something was up with her. Something had been up for two days now. I wanted to shrug it off as just this trip and our pending arrival in California, but six years of friendship with the girl told me it was more than that. I also knew it was useless to try and get it out of her.

  She wasn’t the sharing kind. Still, I couldn’t resist nudging her foot under the table. When she looked up, I gave her a silent are you okay?

  She read the question on my face, tried to smile like everything was cool, and then turned her attention to what Shae was saying, but she remained quiet. That aside
from her uncharacteristic lack of appetite was enough to convince me everything was not cool. Ci was a lot of things, but quiet was rarely one of them.

  After dinner, we took to the downtown streets, wandering so the girls could see some of the sights. I would have been happy finding another joint that served adult beverages and offered non-stop sports networks, but Kellen and I were outnumbered so I didn’t even suggest it.

  “Look at that,” Ci finally spoke up and our heads followed the direction of her gaze to see what had caught her fancy.

  “Oh, carriage rides!” Meg gasped excitedly. Sure enough, straight out of something Disney, there were a handful of horse-drawn, coach carriages for hire on the next street over. All three girls were eying them with that gleam in their eye as if their inner princesses were coming out. Even Ci, which surprised me, because fairy-tales and romantic notions weren’t the kind of whims she entertained. At least not the Ci I knew, but maybe every girl secretly wanted to be a princess whether they admitted it or not.

  “Want to take a ride?” I kept my eyes fixed on her face and I was taken by the smile that momentarily lit up her features when her twinkling blue eyes met mine.

  “Oh, yes, we should all go for a ride,” Meg exclaimed. I watched something dim on Ci’s face and she glanced away. Shae was quickly on board too, which meant Kellen resigned himself to the idea, and the group started moving in that direction, but when I glanced back at Ci again, thinking it was decided we were all going for a silly carriage ride, her face was drawn and she was hanging back.

  “You guys go ahead. That’s not really my thing. I think I’m going to head back to the hotel.”

  I felt my face pull into a frown. “What?” The only damn reason I’d suggested this was because of the look on her face.

  “No, you should come. It will be fun riding around the city like Cinderella,” Shae tried to persuade her.

  “Like I said, not really my thing.”

  “It’ll still be a fun way to see the city.” Shae was frowning at her. “I’m sure we can all take one together.”