BOMAW 1-3

by Mercedes Keyes

  "I just hope to God he's gotten Angela."

  "If you haven't talked to him, how did you know she was there? You never explained that." Georgiana asked softly in the quietly gliding jet. The lights were dimmed for them so they could sleep. Her daughter lay across from her as she voiced her thoughts. Deidre was quiet and thinking, trying to figure a way of telling her mother, then thought, what the heck! "I called back after the police left to give him an update, and someone else answered the phone," she admitted. Her mother came to full attention, leaning up on her elbow to glance across the dimly lit space at her daughter. "A woman?"

  Wrestling with the discomfort of it, Deidre answered, "Yes, a woman."

  "Oh my...well, there you go. Hmph, see...and you were going to try and move where he is. Maybe it's a good thing you gave up those plans."

  "I made a mistake...so many mistakes," Deidre said, laying quietly.

  "How so?"

  "He asked me to leave California. He asked me to put our family first. He asked me to trust in him. To believe that all my material things meant nothing. He wanted me to follow him, have his babies, so that together, we could farm some land...just as his parents did. Raise our children unspoiled by all the trappings of wealth and corruption. He was right, because all that I have...means nothing to me. If I don't find a way out...I'll...end up…like you. God help me, I don't want to end up like you," she spoke from her heart, not caring how it sounded to her mother.

  Georgiana lay thinking about that, she chuckled softly after giving it some consideration. "Seems to me, you will never find your peace, or your place. You may not think much of my life, but I don't waste time on trying to fix something that is obviously irreparable. I live my life for me. Because when it's all over, I'll only have death to face. Nothing left after that. I don't believe in Hell, and I sure as hell don't believe in Heaven. Just here…and now," she said, laying back, her arm up over her forehead as she reclined contemplating her daughter. "You were such a silly child. Silly girl, and now a silly woman, and Shawn Everett McPherson was too much man for you."

  "When we get to Madison, do me a favor...leave me there. No need for you to stay."

  "Don't be ridiculous, you're…so…sensitive," her mother drug out slowly, grinning. "Now did I get all worked up when you insulted me? No...besides, you need me present to see that matters get taken care of correctly. She's my granddaughter, I have every right to make sure she's okay."

  "Whatever, mother, whatever. Were it not for the pictures of her arranged around the house, you'd probably forget what she looks like."

  "Beg your pardon, she looks like her father...so there. Anyway, who's this woman?" her mother asked, her mind going back to her main concern.

  "Her name's Sylvia Payne. Angela told me about her. Shawn's been seeing her for sometime, so it seems. She's…black."

  "What! As in, African American black?"

  "Yes."

  Georgiana threw her head back and dissolved into uncontrollable laughter. "Ohhh, my poor daughter...give'im up! She'll eat you alive. Haven't you been watching Jerry Springer? Hmmm, I wonder what she's got that's attracted him? Oooh, I do so love a challenge," she muttered the thought, shivering.

  "You so love a challenge? What have they to do with you?" Deidre asked.

  "Oh, hush, I'm thinking. I mean, for you, of course! Leave it to me, give me a little time, and I'll come up with the perfect formula to break them up. Won't be that hard. One thing about them, they're about nothing but the bling-bling, being seen, and a fancy ride. I'll have to get to know her a little bit. So, when you talked to her, how did she sound?"

  "Like a woman!"

  "Well, duh! Of course! I mean, did she sound smart and white, you know, educated? Or did she sound like one of the bimbos off of Jerry Springer? Or country?"

  "I don't watch Jerry Springer mother, might I suggest you leave off from it as well? I would have thought you above those kind of talk shows."

  "You are so narrow-minded! Try thinking outside of the box! I happen to think he's a genius. Don't you get it? By opening the stage for them, he's making it possible to expose them all for what they really are. He's educating the world and giving them enough rope to hang themselves. Oh, when I think of some of them, I can't believe Shawn would even consider a relationship with one."

  "Excuse me, if I'm not mistaken, there are white persons on his show as well!"

  "Southern, hillbilly white-trash and rednecks! He can't only use the blacks, then it would be too obvious what he's doing."

  "Mother, you are truly twisted. The more I know you, the sadder I get. So if you would please, don't say another word. I'd like to get a little rest before we land."

  "Yes, yes, go to sleep, leave it to me…I'll fix it as usual."

  * * *

  It took another half an hour for the officer to list what was expected of Shawn. He could not return to his residence until the investigators of Juneau County searched his home from top to bottom, and confiscated his laptop and computer. At no time could he be left alone with Angela. Sylvia had to read over the release and check off all that she would be expected to do when they released Angela into her temporary custody. She had to answer a number of questions asked by the officer that all started with, "Do you understand that at no time..." She also had to sign for a release for them to run a check on her background, everything there was about her had to be run. Having done all that was asked and answering, it prompted her to state, "We're all too tired to drive back where we live and so we'll be getting a room—"

  "He'll have to get a separate room. He cannot bed down in the same place with her. Also, you must both keep your cell phones on. As soon as the judge can attend to this matter, you will be called back to the courthouse, so stay in town until we contact you to appear before him. When you all return to your home, she will have to go home with you. She cannot sleep where he sleeps, until his things have been thoroughly searched and checked over by Social Services and they have spoken with her," he went on carefully until they understood without any doubt, making Angela slip deeper into her sorrow.

  Sylvia sat yawning as she followed behind Shawn in his SUV. It was almost 4:30am and they were all exhausted as he led the way to a Ramada Inn, after she drove him to his vehicle where Angela leapt out. She now trailed behind while she kept glancing to her right at his daughter. She was most certainly his child. Her hair, eyes, beauty...she was breathtaking to look at. The very image and essence of him. Hair so black, thick and long, she should be a child model. She was dozing now. Sylvia had mixed feelings surrounding the whole ordeal. While she was both hurt and disappointed at her for what she'd put her father through, she supposed this child was in an ugly emotional tug-of-war. Looking at her, seeing her the way she was earlier at the police station, only helped to support her reasons for never leaving her husband. Divorce did very unfair and sometimes tragic things to children, especially young girls, whose early years should be spent building their self image, character, and confidence.

  Not fighting for her right to have a mother and a father with her, as every child deserved.

  She couldn't help herself, she felt stupid doing it, but she took her hand from the wheel and laid it on her lower belly and wondered, was her cycle changing, or was she at that very moment carrying Shawn Everett McPherson's second child? If indeed she was, then what? She didn't want any more children. After what his daughter had put him through, would Shawn? She yawned again, and turned on her right blinker to exit the interstate for the Ramada Inn ahead, following Shawn up the off ramp. They pulled in and parked right next to one another. Shawn was the first out, coming to her side of the car and opening her door for her. "Are you okay?" he asked, concerned, apology clear in his tired eyes. With all that he had gone through, he was worried about her, she could see it written all over his face. She noted that there was even a touch of fear, insecurity for what he was putting her through.

  "I'm okay, Shawn, just tired…like you. Angela's asleep," she informed him
. He bent down into Sylvia's car and called his daughter awake.

  "Angela...wake up. We're at the hotel." She stirred and slowly turned, opening the car door and tried to get out, then remembered her seat belt. Unbuckling it, she got out of the car, shivering.

  Inside at the front desk, they requested two rooms right across from each other. Shawn walked them to their room, opening the door for Angela to go in first. He grabbed Sylvia's arm, held her there a moment looking at her, really searching her eyes. "I love you," he said softly. "Thank you for coming. For doing this, for going through it with me...and I'm so sorry to put you through it."

  "Well, I have no choice, Shawn, but to go through it with you. I promised to always be by your side, remember? I'm sorry I didn't come with you when you asked. I love you, I'm in it for good, as I promised." She lifted her hand and showed her ring to him, then winked. "You go get some sleep, we'll be okay," she finished. He pulled her to him and kissed her hard, next her cheek and forehead, holding her head to his lips as if he said a short prayer there. Pulling away, she turned and entered their room. Angela was in the bathroom as she walked with her bag Shawn gave her and sat it on one of the beds.

  She sat on the opposite bed, exhausted, waiting for Angela to come out of the bathroom. When she did, it was slowly. Leaning against the door frame, she showed herself gradually, as if ashamed, staring at Sylvia. "Does my dad hate me now? He didn't say goodnight to me." Her tears started rolling.

  "Ohhh, don't cry honey, come here...come sit down across from me."

  Swallowing and wiping her eyes, Angela came and sat across from Sylvia in the short space that separated their beds.

  She glanced up at Sylvia and then down, feeling shy and needing someone to understand how she felt.

  "I got my dad in a lot of trouble," she admitted softly.

  "Yeah…yeah, you did."

  "I didn't mean to...I just… I-I want them…to be together so bad...I want things back the way they use to be, so bad that I thought…I don't know." She shrugged. "I guess you don't really like me, either...after what I did."

  "Sweetheart, I've always anticipated meeting you. Seeing you because I know your father loves you so much. He's so very proud of you, always has been. Annnnd, I'm not about to judge you on tonight. I know that nothing has been easy for you since your parent's separation and divorce, so while what you did is not at all good...I wouldn't dream of holding it against you."

  "Would it make you mad if I said...I kinda wish he didn't love you...so he could love my mom again?"

  "No, darlin', hearing you say that is not going to make me mad. It's perfectly understandable for you to feel that way. In fact, it saddens me that you have suffered so with them having to live apart."

  "I don't understand why you're being so nice to me, when I've been wishing that my dad didn't love you."

  "You think that if I weren't here, your dad would love your mother again then?"

  "Well, maybe...if he didn't have you, there would be no reason for him not to at least listen to her."

  "What you say may be true, however, if there was no me, chances are…there would be someone else. Your father is a very charming, kind, person. He's someone that is easy to love, so...even if I weren't in the picture, there very well could be someone else."

  "Yeah...I guess that's true. He is handsome," Angela said with a slight smile. "Sometimes, I-I wish I'd never been born. If I wasn't here, they could both just go on with their lives, and I wouldn't be so much trouble to them."

  "Honey, listen. First off, you were born and they don't regret you, so you shouldn't be feeling as you do. Believe me, when they fell in love and married, they hadn't planned on it turning out this way. No doubt they made plans to live together and be happy and raise a family."

  "Then what happened?" Angela asked, needing to know.

  "Things happen, Angela, other people happen, outside forces and circumstances. It's like...sometimes you make up your mind to do something for a certain reason. In your own head, you see how you want it to turn out. Then someone comes along and makes a mess of all of your plans. Sometimes the mess they make is so bad, that nothing you do brings it back to the way you intended it to be. Like tonight, for instance. You made a snap decision to say that terrible thing concerning your father. Your plan may have been to shock him, make him take you seriously so that he would do things your way, however…it didn't turn out as you planned it. The police were there and they took what you said, made a big mess of it. No matter what you said to try to fix it, it couldn't be fixed, the damage is done. Now because of that...your dad must live with the consequences of your actions...even though you didn't mean it to be this way."

  "I didn't! I swear I didn't!"

  "I know you didn't, sweetheart, but can't you see, Angela...it was the same for your mom and dad. Even though it wasn't the police that made a big mess of it, other people and things did. Annnd, no matter what your mom or dad did to try to fix it, it was too late, the damage was done...and you are the one who has to suffer with the consequences of it, even though they didn't mean for it to turn out this way. Just as you can't go back and make this…what happened tonight right, your dad can't go back and make things right with your mom. It's done for him, no matter what your mom wants, or you want, it's done."

  Large gray-blue eyes rose to stare into Sylvia's, making her catch her breath...this young girl really was stunning. "I wish so bad with all my heart and soul that I could go back and take those words back. Never say them, because my dad doesn't love me anymore now...like he doesn't love my mom."

  "Wrong...that's not true. Come here...come on." Sylvia held her arms out to her. Angela hesitated, then finally, she rose and went to her, sitting next to Sylvia who wrapped her arms around her. "Your father will always…always love you. He's hurt...very badly...but he still loves you. Right now he's thinking about it all. He will reach the same conclusion that he always has, that you're his little girl...and he'll understand that all you've ever wanted, was to have him and your mother. Sometimes, you can want something sooo bad, that you do things that only make it worse, but that feeling inside...drives you crazy, makes you crazy…and, baby, tonight you was crazy!" Sylvia chuckled. Angela grinned and sniffed, wiping her nose.

  "So he'll forgive me?"

  "Yeah...he will and he'll love you just as much as ever."

  "He didn't hug me, though, or kiss me goodnight. He doesn't smile at me anymore, either."

  "Give him some time, Angela, it's all still fresh, he has a lot to sort out with this. The next few months, maybe even the next year or more, is going to be really tough on him. A lot like what you've been going through since he moved away here to Wisconsin. Just like they need to give you time to handle what's happening, he needs time to get his head together to handle what the authorities are going to put him through. Even so, he will love you no less. As for me, I can honestly say that I happen to like you a lot. You sat here and was completely honest with me. I respect that in you. So...let's just take things one day at a time, okay?"

  Angela nodded, then sat back away from Sylvia. "I'm really tired."

  "Yeah...so am I, let's try to get some sleep."

  Chapter 33

  If it wasn't for the connection sex had to love…the cleaner, decent, wonderful, wholesome side of it, Shawn lay feeling he'd rather never have sex again. Yet there was Sylvia. She made him feel things so deep from within, the urge to connect with her, to fill her, was uncontrollable at times. She made the difference in what he felt about the act. Such a contrast from the women he'd known in the past. There were times when they actually got on his nerves because of the way they were with him, especially those that knew his size. He felt it was a repellent to have a woman throwing herself at him, willing to do anything to be laid.

  His head hurt, it was a headache from stress. He lay in his hotel room, on his back, head on his pillow, knees up, wearing only his boxers, arm slung over his eyes. Eyes that had been running with tears for the last half an
hour. While he should be sleeping, would like to be sleeping—as exhausted as he was, truly weary to the bone—yet all of that was not enough to get him off to the land of rest, with his mind packed and racing with haunting acts and memories from his past. So much going on in his head that it wouldn't leave him to drift off. It had been a long time since he'd felt this blue, bummed out, downhearted...degraded.

  He swallowed and then sniffed, letting the tears roll, because he'd left off trying to wipe them away.

  "I knew it would all come back to me...one day, god. I knew it would. But…not from my daughter...God Almighty, you know me! Not my sweet little girl. I would never...never—"

  He stopped, feeling a sob well up from his prayerful mumbling. He sat up, walked to the white marbled bath and pulled the Kleenex box from the encased holder under the sink. Blowing his nose, he stared at himself in the mirror. There was so much to regret. He thought that his past was just that, in the past…all behind him. Yet it seemed not to be true that one could bury their past and leave it there, because there would always be reminders to bring back to you what a low state you had sunk to.

  Shawn stepped over to the toilet, lifted the lid and parted his briefs to relieve himself. Standing there holding his penis, the size of which was a gift from his father, had at times in his life become a curse to him. Of course, with no one else to blame but himself. Giving himself a quick shake then a dry off with the toilet paper, he washed his hands and went back to his bed, propped himself up against the headboard and flicked the TV on. Not watching, just thinking...about his life and the stain on it. There had been no need for his checkered past, yet he certainly had one. He'd come out of high school resentful, tired, angry, cocky, full of himself, and wanted by many of the girls. He had been lead player in high school football, wrestling, hockey, top swimmer, and track runner. He remembered clearly that back in high school, he could make a girl wet her panties just by leaning her way, touching her, flashing his eyes, giving her a smile. The phone was constantly ringing off the wall at home which drove his parents crazy. Anyone who answered it, just about knew that it was for…