BOMAW 1-3

by Mercedes Keyes

  "Why don't you like me?" He asked, the expression on his face telling Sylvia he was sincere in the question.

  "I don't like how you treat your brother! I don't like the way you've disrespected him. Where's your loyalty to your brother?! You cannot be trusted and even if I wasn't in love with Shawn, I wouldn't have anything to do with you, because you are about no one but yourself. There's no reason aside from sex for any woman to 'like' you."

  For just a split second, Sylvia almost regretted being so harsh with him, because for just a second, all pretence fell away to reveal a little boy needing with all his being to be looked at differently, for someone to see there was more to him than what she said. However, the second ended and the grin was back on his face. He walked to the door where she stood, she stepped away to keep a distance between them.

  He stopped at the kitchen door with the screen open, "You know what... you're the marrying kind. Maybe... had I encountered one like you earlier in my life... I might have married, but they all let me in too easy. Man don't want a woman he can't trust."

  "Jake... just drop it okay? I love - Shawn! No man will lay his hands on me but Shawn, get that through your head."

  "Emmm, maybe... it's early yet. I just have to change my strategy - that's all... despite what you say, I am a gentlemen - while you were laying there, I could have kissed you then, touched you then... but I didn't."

  "You're boring me Jake... goodbye. And - don't - come back. God above knows, I mean it."

  Jake winked at her and warned, "Its not over yet." And left.

  Chapter 61

  Sylvia was starting to feel overwhelmed with Shawn. Being with him, as had been the case with Armundo brought to mind an old saying that was certainly true, "You don't know a person until you live with them."

  Just as Armundo had shown only one side of himself until they married and then the other man that he was came out - so it was happening again with Shawn. She was starting to have her doubts. He was larger than life - aggressive. This life of peace and tranquillity that she worked to obtain was unravelling at the seams. She was trying to reason with herself, trying to get a grip on her feelings, on her fears... but he was choking her sense of well being. Living with violence for so much of her life had been disturbing for her, yet, after all that Armundo had done to her, she'd stayed with him. She was not a violent person by nature, everything connected with it, put her system through a wringer, and so she preferred to stay clear of it. All she wanted was a quiet life, flowers and vegetables in the garden, happy visits from her family and restful evenings at home. She wondered was she asking too much? 'Maybe so.' She thought, because there was no reasoning in her mind that she could justify ever parting ways with Shawn when he wasn't even half as bad as Armundo had been to her.

  Shawn didn't hit her, and she suspected that he never would. Shawn didn't curse her or demean her. She doubted that he would ever cheat on her, yet Armundo had done all of those things and she'd stayed with him. Thus the comparison left her wondering what was the problem? It wasn't as if she didn't love him, she knew that she did, and she was carrying his child. No she hadn't wanted any more children in the beginning, but that had been because she'd had to basically raise her first two alone, Armundo had contributed very little to their upbringing other than to tell them be quiet, or shout, "GO TO BED!" Her first marriage had felt like a prison sentence and now, it was causing her to cringe at the tiniest problems brought on by Shawn...because between the two men, during that short time period of respite, she had known independence and peace. Every new interruption to it irritated her, made her wish it back. No such thing was going to happen, because there was Shawn in her life now. She fantasized about an arrangement were he could live somewhere else, come and give her a little time, attention, some loving, occasionally some wild sex, then back off to his world to leave her in her little perfect, peaceful cocoon. She wondered, was that what was called having your cake and eating it too? Having everything... your way. No drama, no stress, no decisions, no sacrifices, just mellow sweet bliss.

  Since Shawn, her life was anything but that. Yet... as she watched them before her, Kathy Ann, Shanna and Shawn with Angela sent to the basement to play on the PlayStation until the adults talked, she realized that was just a dream and that thatrespite she'd enjoyed and missed so much was perhaps a little gift from GOD. Maybe it was a message to say, rest while you can. Reflect while you can. Grow while you can... because what's to come, well... the road ahead, its about to get rocky once again. And the man, he's going to be teaching you the second part of your lessons for life. Rest time is up, he's coming your way... and he's a humdinger! Hope you're ready. Sylvia sighed, she wasn't ready, but she knew it was time to get ready. She'd gained so much strength and determination for herself, but it was slowly draining from her, like a car battery sat on concrete, her power was waning.

  She knew that being pregnant the first few months would make her emotional and tired. 'God... was this too your plan for me? I'm 38 years old and pregnant and this man you sent me, did you happen to hear that he wants more... maybe two more? Funny how I sometimes forget that I'm actually pregnant. Only remembering in the mornings when I rise. Heavenly father, if he is my test... help me not to fail it please... because as you know, it has crossed my mind to just flee, and once again... be free.'Sylvia shook off the nonsense prayer, running was not the answer, but working it out in her mind to accept who this man was - is the answer.

  Whomever he was. Every new week, she discovered something new about him, and stood mesmerized by his stance, his solid body, his gestures, his smell, his smile. His laughter and that mischievous twinkle in his eye. To hear his voice, stirred her innards. To receive his touch, sent shivers through her, thrilling her, enrapturing her. Then to stand witnessing his bursts of anger - that too... gripped her deep within, exciting her while shocking her. Shawn... no... there was no way for her to return to that all so important morning that she hobbled across the road and asked for his help... bats. 'Two freakin' scary looking bats, got me into this shit!' She thought, wondering if they were indeed, the works of the father... or the devil.

  The things they were saying seemed to mesh together in one muffled sound as she'd drifted in thought. Shaking off her trip into wonderland she tried to get back into what was being discussed. Just an hour earlier - Shanna and Kathy Ann had brought Angela home from school for them as Shawn asked them to, then they both stopped and began talking to her when she had a ton of things on her mind that needed to get done. For one, she had to contact her mother and make arrangements for her to come up. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate their company, but she was still a bit shaken from Jakes visit. He was driving her crazy, she knew for certain that he'd been sent by the devil. So bad she wanted to tell Shawn about him, but she didn't trust how he would handle it, even though she knew he would not attack her, that rage of his, it shook her up, disturbing her in a way she just didn't want to deal with, she didn't have the energy. There was also the added stress of coming between brothers, no - shewould deal with Jake. He would have to learn that every woman he pursued would not just fall for him. There was only one man in her mind and heart 24/7 and that was Shawn Everett McPherson...period! So she would have to adjust to all of a sudden being thrust in the center of his family and them showing up at her home more and more. It wasn't until then that Sylvia realized she probably wasn't a people person - as in - too many people at once coming in on her.

  However, her smile had been in place. Her hospitality was warm, not wanting them to think she didn't like them and didn't appreciate what was being done for their wedding. That day - was looming closer and closer, making her feel as if a noose around her neck was growing slowly uncomfortable. They settled in at the kitchen table and basically told her what was going on. That Shanna's husband was now stalking her. That he'd ignored the Ohio restraining order and was now here in Wisconsin, trying to persuade Shanna to come back to him. While she could totally relate to Shanna, had been in a very
similar situation herself she couldn't shake the feeling of trepidation that was slowly creeping up the back of her neck. It finally dawned on her that they were there to inform Shawn of this. Well, not Shanna, but Kathy Ann was, who kept overriding Shanna's request not to involve her brother.

  Sylvia stood stuck, frozen as to what to say. What to do. She didn't want to come off as if she didn't care about what happened to Shanna, but to thrust Shawn in the midst of it wasn't the answer to this problem either, it could only create more problems... especially with his temper. As everyone came back into focus and the topic regained clarity Sylvia's stomach tied up into knots. 'Drama - drama - drama.' She thought while listening. Just a moment ago she was struggling with all these new discoveries about her future husband, and afraid she might not wish to deal with it all - and now she stood battling fears of him actually going up against this man, it all of a sudden dawned on her right then, that she probably couldn't live without him now. She couldn't imagine anything happening to Shawn, or having to deal with not seeing him each day. She shivered at the thought. According to Shanna, her ex wasn't just a bit screwed up in his thinking about hitting women, but that he was actually - sadistic! Armundo had been bad yes, but she didn't see him as "evil" - he was just very selfish, reckless and believing that if he felt it right to keep a woman in place by slapping her, or knocking her around a bit, then so be it. The thing about him was, that he often regretted it, truly felt bad after doing his deed, whatever that might have been, most of the time it was brought on by his drinking.

  John Sykes was a different story, many of his acts had been done with him stone-cold-sober. There was a cruel streak that ran clean through him according to Shanna, that was frightening.

  Before Sylvia could get her concerns out... they heard Shawn's SUV pull into the yard. Because he saw Shanna's jeep, he came straight in instead of unloading the tools he and his father had just purchased. He walked in to see Angela at the table eating a grill cheese sandwich and veggie sticks that Sylvia fixed her for after school. "Pum'kin... take your food in the basement and eat while we talk." He stated. She looked up and around the room at the three women present, then resigned herself to obeying her father, grabbing her plate, she went down stairs as he directed.

  He looked at his sisters and then Sylvia leaning against the sink. "I hope you guys weren't talking about certain things in front of Angela." He said to all present.

  Sylvia looked him in the eyes and said, "Yes... we were."

  "I don't want her exposed to whatever is going on." He informed them.

  "Sorry, I'm going to have to disagree with you here dear. This is real life... and it's important that she learn early, how serious it is to get involved with the wrong man. She's been exposed to far worse on TV, none of which is going to benefit her one bit."

  "She's too young Sylvia!"

  "Shawn don't you dare fall into believing that - when it comes to young girls. The right seeds need to be planted in her mind now... she needs to grasp early on, that a smiling face on a man giving you a lot of attention doesn't mean that he means you any good."

  "I agree with her." Shanna spoke up. "You guys protected me too much! By the time I got out into the real world, I was bowled over too soon, too easily and look where its gotten me. If she's willing to listen and learn... she needs to hear it."

  "She's barely ten years old!" Shawn reminded them.

  Kathy Ann stayed quiet because she and Shawn argued enough, she wasn't going to get him stirred up when she felt they needed to pool together for the sake of Shanna right now.

  "Shawn... she's not going to stay nine, she's turning ten really soon, and then eleven... she'll began developing physically and get her first monthly, it won't be long now before boys come into the picture as well, we cannot wait until the last minute to start letting her see life as it is." Sylvia informed him.

  "Look... let's not talk about that right now...okay." He said to Sylvia, then turned to Shanna, "What's going on?"

  "Shawn... I wish Kathy Ann had not started telling you this. I don't want any problems."

  "Tell me - what - is going - on." He repeated firmly, standing in the middle of the kitchen floor.

  Shanna sighed closing her eyes looking away from him.

  "Her soon to be ex is harassing her. Shanna had a restraining order put out on him in Ohio... obviously it doesn't cover once she leaves the state. He's here now, here in Wisconsin, I saw him in town talking to her."

  Shawn stood a moment digesting that.

  Sylvia felt her temples throbbing and went and sat at the table with the other two.

  "What did he say to you Shanna?" He asked finally.

  "He was trying to get me to listen to him, to come back to him."

  Shawn stood thinking, eyeing her for a moment, then asked, "I need to know something here, why did you leave him? Second, is this for good... is this final?"

  "Yes... it's final. I'm done with him, for good."

  "Why?" Shawn asked, all he knew for certain was that she had that one healing black eye they witnessed the day of the sap rush, he needed the big picture, he needed to know exactly what was going on.

  Shanna sighed, propping her elbow on the table and leaning her forehead into her palm, not wanting to tell him all the details of the nasty and horrible things John Sykes had done to her. "Tell him Shanna! Tell him what he's done to you!"

  "Shut up Kathy Ann! God! Will you just back off for a moment!" She snapped.

  "Tell me!" Shawn pressed.

  "Shawn... listen to me. The date for my divorce is up in about 6 weeks. Until then, I'll just have to be careful and not go any-..."

  "I don't wanna hear that right now. Answer the question that I asked you, why did you feel the need to leave him? Why do you need a restraining order? That's what I wanna hear."

  Shanna took a deep breath and said, "It's none of your business Shawn. I'm asking you to stay out of it."

  "He beat her friggin' ass on a regular basis! She's miscarried twice-..."

  "SHUT UP KATHY! IT'S MY BUSINESS! STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS!!" Shanna shot up from her chair to scream at her sister, who ignored her and stood as well.

  "...-because that asshole beat her until she miscarried - both times! He's broken her arm, fractured her jaw-..."

  "BUT ITS OVER NOW KATHY!! I LEFT!" She yelled and then turned to her brother. "I left Shawn... its over now."

  Shawn stood with his jaw clenched tight looking down at her, imagining the things Kathy Ann just described.

  "But he's here now right?" He asked her.

  Sylvia felt that tightening in her gut, she could see it building in him, she sat back in her chair and covered her mouth, a gesture to keep quiet...for now.

  "Yes." Shanna squeaked out.

  "Does Jake know?" He asked.

  "No... please Shawn, I'll go to the police and tell them what's happening and see what advice they'll give me."

  "So... where's he staying?"

  "I don't know Shawn...."

  "What does he drive? What does he look like?"

  "I'm not telling you! AND YOU!" She spun to Kathy Ann. "Don't you say another word! You do, and I'm gone! Do you understand me!?" She demanded of Kathy Ann and looked back at Shawn. "If you pursue this Shawn, I will leave town. I swear I will... I'll just go!"

  "Is that how you're going to live the rest of your life! Hm? Rushing from one town to another to avoid this bastard?! Then he catches up with you, somewhere far away from your family... and you know what... we get to hear there's a dead Jane Doe that matches your description somewhere out there for us to come and identify! Then what do you suggest we do Shanna!? Hm? What then can we do... but bury you! I want the truth and I want it now - is he capable of that Shanna... is he? You tell me... is he capable of that?"

  She began crying because she didn't know what to do. Shawn felt his insides on fire and pulled her into his arms hugging her close to him.

  "Come on..." He coaxed gently stroking her hair, "Tell me, what do
es he drive?"

  "Shawn! Please... don't." Sylvia asked from her chair afraid for him, she'd lost one husband - but this one... she couldn't bare the thought of losing him.

  Shawn held his sister and fought back tears of anger. He couldn't take the idea of this man doing anything to harm his sister, the images of what she must have gone through surged through him powerfully. He glanced at Sylvia but had to look away from the expression on her face. How many times had his father drilled it into their heads, especially his head, it was a man's responsibility to protect his family, his women. Any man that would leave another to harm those within his household, was not a man. How many times had he been forced to endure his father in the barn. He was the oldest, the one to take the brunt of Bart in his early years. The years when Vietnam was still there in his mind. Those years he spent a great deal of his time exercising his demons. Doing whatever it took to get it through Shawn's head, that the oldest above all others had to be the strongest, toughest, to stand tall and do the most damage when it came time to protect the family. Repeatedly his father had pounded that into him, literally, forcing him to put on boxing gloves, a head guard and in the barn, when Shawn was barely 12, he began punching him in the chest, knocking him down, making him get back to his feet and clipping him to the head for falling so easily, emphasizing over and over, "Stand up! Brace yourself! Goddamn pretty boy! I barely touched you! You got to take it boy! You think that hurt? Them ain't no bullets hittin' you! Just my fist - got a glove on at that. Now hit me, and you best hit hard! When you punch, you punch your weight! You don't punch with your arm! You don't punch with your chest! You punch from your feet up - your weight boy - your weight! That first hit is suppose to knock seven layers of shit out of'em! You hear me boy!? Your brothers, your sisters... you don't let nobody harm them! 'specially your sisters! You gotta guard our women! You hear... you don't let nobody... come take our women! You fight, you fight to the death - you fight to kill! You hear me! Is that a tear? WHY YOU CRYIN'? Hm pretty boy?! Stop it! Dry your goddamn face - and you learn like I said... that way when they come... if I'm gone... you - you protect our women! The women - in your family - they belong to you! Like a lion of his pride, like a bull among his heifers, like a stallion among mares... you protect them with your dying breath! Now - stand strong... dry your eyes and don't you let me knock you over."