If I Should Stay

by Tamara Lynn

  When Dominic first met Lauren, he imformed her that she had one simple choice. She could work for his organization as a “modeling escort”, or he would kill her family. He produced the forms from her photo shoot with the modeling scouts. On the papers she saw both her information and her mother’s.

  As though she did not understand, Dominic laid it out plain and simple. They knew where she lived.

  Lauren was beyond frightened. She loved her family and would do anything to protect them. It didn’t take her long to agree to his terms.

  She never saw her family again, and she was far too afraid to contact them. Dominic made it abundantly clear that he wouldn’t trust her to have communication with anyone from her past. And those he did not trust, he eliminated.

  Every day she lived with the pain of the loss of her family. To make things worse, the guilt was overwhelming. She could not even imagine the worry her parents felt when she did not return from the trip.

  The only way Lauren knew how to cope was to act like she did not have a family. When they came to mind, as they often did, Lauren would push those thoughts away. Lying to herself was as necessary in this job as lying to others.

  ◆◆◆

  Luciana sat behind her desk rubbing her hands thoughtfully together. Something was off about Lauren. Something wasn’t right. A search of her room turned up nothing.

  Was it drugs?

  Was it a lover?

  Was it the FBI?

  Pete reported that Lauren leaves the compound far more frequently than she used to. She even sends Johnny home early and stays in the city after her assignments are completed.

  Why?

  Who could she be meeting there?

  “Giancarlo!” Luciana’s yell echoed through the first floor.

  “What?” his voice did nothing to conceal his annoyance.

  “I want you to have Lauren followed. Everywhere she goes. Bring me a full report,” Luciana commanded.

  “Why?” Giancarlo slouched into a chair. “Lauren is harmless.”

  “Something isn’t adding up. I think she might be talking to the authorities,” Luciana explained. “Or maybe she is running a side gig of her own. If she is, I want our piece of it.”

  “Whatever,” Giancarlo sighed.

  “I want a report. Next week,” Luciana demanded.

  ◆◆◆

  The next night, Lauren shifted in the seat next to Johnny. She was on her way to meet Senator Breckmeyer. She was distracted by her fight with Julia yesterday. Lauren was the first to break down and reach out. She called Julia today. Three times, but Julia hadn’t returned any of her calls. Focusing on her work for the evening was going to be extremely difficult.

  “Do you have any plans for after this?” Johnny asked. He was getting used to Lauren dismissing him early.

  “Not tonight. I just want to go home and go to bed,” Lauren answered. Some people eat, or drink alcohol when they are sad. Lauren just likes to sleep. To escape from reality for a while.

  “You seem kind of down. Do you need something? A pick me up?” Johnny offered.

  Lauren shook her head. She didn’t like the thought of putting drugs in her body. She’d find a way to get some energy. “I’ll be fine,” she murmured.

  She looked at her phone again. Still nothing from Julia. This felt like emotional abuse. She did nothing wrong, and now she was getting shut out. Lauren wanted to fight for this relationship. But how could she if Julia wouldn’t even talk to her?

  How could she prove to Julia that there wasn’t anyone else? Maybe she could borrow Matt’s house, and act like it was hers. He was extremely understanding. No, Lauren really didn’t want to go that direction, it was just more deception. Besides it wouldn’t work out. There would be no pictures, or personal touches that reflected Lauren’s presence.

  She wondered if it would be possible for her to spend the night with Julia. Could she arrange for it? How hard would it be to sneak out? Maybe that would be the direction to take. Saturday nights, they had one guard on the property. Once he checked to see that all the women were accounted for, maybe she could sneak away. Her mind began reeling with the possibilities.

  ◆◆◆

  Julia pulled her car into the garage. She sat in her car and leaned her head on the steering wheel. What was she doing? She was acting irrational again, and she felt like she had little control.

  Why was she being so paranoid? Aside from schedule and availability, Lauren really did not do anything to make Julia think she was married.

  This is why she walled herself off before. Feelings can be so messy. Life in seclusion was so much easier to control.

  Julia sighed an overdramatic sigh and then shuffled into her house.

  She pulled out her phone and dialed Lauren’s number. It rang five times then went to voicemail.

  ◆◆◆

  Lauren noticed her phone light up as she looked over Senator Breckmeyer’s shoulder. She knew it had to be Julia. She closed her eyes and a tear fell down her cheek. 45 minutes. She wouldn’t be able to check her phone for 45 minutes. Being in a relationship while doing this job was killing her.

  She let her mind travel away from the Senator. Lauren felt that she needed to give Julia more. She had to find a way. Maybe she could work out something in the early morning hours. Giancarlo and Luciana never arrived at the mansion before 9am. Possibly, she could drive Holly’s car out in the early morning hours and start the days with Julia.

  Julia was a morning person, and now that she had a farm, it had gotten even worse. Lauren could show up early, help her with the farm chores, they could eat breakfast together and then Lauren could make it back to the house by 9am. Sure, she would be tired, but there were plenty of hours during the day to sleep.

  Somehow, she had to find a way to bring more to the table. Lauren did not want to lose Julia again. It was becoming quite obvious that Julia needed more from her.

  ◆◆◆

  It was midnight before she was free of Senator Breckmeyer. When she got into the car with Johnny, he had already fallen asleep.

  “You are exhausted,” Lauren nudged his shoulder. “What’s been going on with you?”

  He stretched and rubbed the back of his neck. “My daughter has the flu, so we haven’t been sleeping well.”

  “You have kids?” Lauren was shocked. She never thought that Johnny had a life outside of their work.

  “I have one. She is three years old, and this flu has been kicking her butt,” Johnny explained. None of the women he guarded ever treated him like a human being. It was weird to have them ask about his personal life.

  “Johnny, are you married?” Lauren was looking for the soft spot that she could capitalize on.

  “Married my high school sweetheart,” he offered a rare grin.

  “You should let me drive home so that you can sleep,” Lauren offered. “Besides, I miss driving.”

  To her surprise, Johnny pulled over the car, and handed her the keys. “I’m going in back. Drive carefully. I can’t have you messing up my money maker,” he gestured toward his face.

  She barely made it two minutes down the road before his snore filled the car. The man was clearly exhausted. Lauren’s mind raced as she weighed the poor decision rolling around in her head. She wanted to drive to Julia’s. She needed to see her. But logically, how would it work?

  For one thing, it was late, Julia was probably asleep. Besides, how long did she think Johnny would sleep? Maybe not even long enough for her to drive to Julia’s and then back to the house. And once she got there, then what? How much time would they have to talk? Her stomach was sick with anticipation and fear.

  She steered the car onto the highway toward Julia’s town.

  ◆◆◆

  It was late when Julia noticed lights coming down the driveway. She wasn’t expecting anyone, and quite frankly, an unexpected visitor in the middle of the night made her feel unsafe. She reached in her nightstand and pulled out a 9mm pistol. She loaded it and cocked
the gun.

  As she tiptoed to the door, she saw the door handle jiggle. With outstretched arms, she lifted the gun. Julia was not the kind of person to talk first and shoot second. Whoever was at her door was not invited, and she was not playing around.

  A small knock sounded on the door, followed by a quietly spoken “Julia?”

  Was that Lauren’s voice? Julia lowered the gun and moved to the window next to the door to see who was there. Yes, it was Lauren. Julia turned on the outside lights and unlocked the door.

  “Lauren, what are you doing here?” Julia asked as she opened the door.

  “I love you,” Lauren pushed her way into the house and grabbed Julia’s face in her hands. “I love you, and I don’t want to fight anymore.” She pulled Julia into an embrace and began kissing her.

  “I love you too,” Julia managed between kisses. She was not missing the opportunity to tell Lauren. It was important for those words to be spoken.

  Lauren’s hands travelled down Julia’s body, and then she felt the metal in her hand. “Is that a gun?” Lauren pulled back in fear.

  Julia laughed. “You could have called first”. Julia emptied the chamber, released the cartridge and placed it on the table in the hallway. “To say the very least, I wasn’t expecting you.”

  “I can’t stay,” Lauren’s voice was apologetic. “But I just had to see you and tell you that I love you.”

  Julia had so many questions, but she really didn’t want to press. To argue.

  Lauren offered a piece of the puzzle as she nodded to the car. “My bodyguard is in the back seat, sleeping. I don’t have much time.”

  Julia leaned out the door and looked at the car in her driveway.

  “I know you have questions,” Lauren said. “But please trust me for now. I will answer them all someday. When I can.”

  Julia stiffened. Lauren was asking a lot.

  “While I am on this assignment, my life is not my own,” Lauren spoke quietly. “I will give you everything I can. Everything I have. But for the next two years, full access to my life is restricted. Very controlled.”

  Julia couldn’t even imagine what work Lauren did for the government that put her in this situation. Two years was a long time.

  “I do have to go now,” Lauren held Julia’s hands. “I am so sorry. I promise the last thing I want to do is leave.”

  “I want to see him,” Julia stated. “Your bodyguard, I want to see him.”

  It was a weird request. Lauren considered it for a minute. “Ok, but please don’t wake him.”

  “You’re scared?” Julia thought she was picking up on fear in Lauren’s voice.

  Lauren nodded.

  “Okay,” Julia agreed. They walked over to the car, and Julia peered into the backseat. Sure enough there was a man sleeping back there. He was huge. Dressed in a black suit with a black tie. He kind of looked like secret service.

  The mystery deepened. Who was Lauren? And what did she do?

  Lauren moved between Julia and the car. “Look at me,” she whispered. “Try not to think too hard about all of this. Just know I’m giving you all that I can. I promise that.”

  Julia really did not know what to make of it all.

  “I love you,” Lauren continued. “Call me tomorrow, okay?”

  Julia nodded. She had a lot to think about.

  ◆◆◆

  “What happens in two years then?” Jared asked as he reached for a basket. He was helping Julia collect eggs for a cake they were going to bake. “Right at the two-year mark, does she move in?”

  “I have no idea,” Julia laughed. “Who knows if we will even make it two years. You don’t think she’s married, do you?” Julia was still struggling with trust.

  In all reality, Jared picked up on the fact that Lauren was in Ireland because Olivia arranged for it. He even wondered if she was a prostitute that Olivia had hired. It kind of made sense when he thought about all of the fears that Julia had. Still, he couldn’t say anything about it, because he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that if he crossed Olivia, that she would destroy his career.

  “No, I am confident that she isn’t married. I’ve seen her with you. She only has eyes for you,” Jared reassured her. “Sometimes people have stuff they are working through. I think you should just take what she brings to the table, enjoy it, and not waste any energy on the other stuff.”

  “That’s easier said than done,” Julia mumbled.

  “Well let’s just consider this. What if she really has some obligation that she can’t reveal. What if she really is giving you every breath of every second that she has? And you are angry at her for not giving more. Don’t you think that may not be fair?”

  Julia leaned back against the wall, “I guess you might be right.”

  “If she is really doing her best, and her best is not enough for you, how long do you think she will stay?” Jared pressed farther.

  Was her best good enough for Julia? She considered the thought. Could she simply love Lauren the way things were? Could she find a way to be happy with that?

  “I think you expect a lot of people,” Jared said.

  “Now, you are pushing it,” Julia shoved him. “Bake me a cake!”

  He released a deep laugh, “Yes ma’am.”

  ◆◆◆

  Johnny shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

  “Are you sure you didn’t notice anything unusual?” Giancarlo pressed him.

  Giancarlo stood a good foot shorter than Johnny, but his attitude more than made up for it. In reality, Johnny was quite afraid of Giancarlo. Still, he wasn’t going to give up any information on Lauren.

  Sure, he woke up when Lauren drove out to the farm. He pretended to be asleep but he wasn’t. He’d heard enough to know that Lauren had a girlfriend and they were very much in love. If one of these girls could find love in this incredibly unlikely situation, he wasn’t about to mess that up. Especially for someone as nice as Lauren.

  “Nothing unusual. I drove her to the senator, and then we came home.” Johnny put his hands in his pockets and looked out the window.

  “I knew it,” Giancarlo sneered.

  “Sir?” Johnny asked.

  “Luciana thinks that Lauren is up to something, maybe even secretly meeting with the F.B.I. or the police. But I told her that she was being paranoid.”

  “Lauren?” Johnny laughed. “Lauren wouldn’t go to the cops. She’s not rogue like that. Besides, she’s scared to death of going back in the cellar. She wouldn’t do that.”

  Giancarlo moved so close to Johnny that their chests were touching. “Good, because if any of that was happening, on your watch, that would be very bad for you.”

  “Of course,” Johnny mumbled. “I would never let things get out of hand. I take care of business. I always have, I always will.”

  Giancarlo poked a single finger hard into Johnny’s chest. “Good. Get back to work.”

  Chapter 9

  The gallery exhibit was finally ready to go. Julia stood on the edge of a truck as the employees unloaded her paintings. Part of her was nervous, part of her was excited. She was ready for this. Ready to get back on the scene and be part of the art conversation.

  “Good morning, love,” Lauren greeted her as she walked up to the truck. She handed her a cup of her favorite coffee from Starbucks.

  Lauren and Holly had come into town for some shopping. Well, Holly went shopping, Lauren came to meet up with Julia.

  “I’m kind of nervous,” Julia admitted.

  Lauren looked over at her, “Really?” She couldn’t imagine that weakness in Julia.

  “Yeah,” Julia took a sip of her coffee. “You’re coming right?”

  It wouldn’t be easy. She had an appointment scheduled earlier. It was one of those rare middle of the day jobs. Afterwards, she planned to run back to the house and shower before making it a little late to the premier. “I wouldn’t miss it,” Lauren leaned in and kissed Julia’s cheek.

  “Thank
you,” Julia said. This was one of the most important nights of her life. She needed Lauren to be there.

  “Ms. James,” one of the workers approached them. “We have a question about the placement of one of the pieces.”

  Julia looked apologetically at Lauren, “Time to work.”

  Lauren laughed, “Time to shop. I’ll see you later!”

  ◆◆◆

  Luciana weaved her way through a crowd at the hottest gallery in the city. She purchased a new property in town and was looking to decorate the place. When she heard that Julia James had a new show, Luciana determined she would attend. Ever since the Ireland job, Luciana found herself curious about Julia. This would give her a chance to meet the famous painter. It would also be a great chance for her to rub elbows and possibly acquire some new business.

  “Olivia Davenport,” Luciana greeted Olivia as she walked up beside her.

  “Do I know you?” Olivia coldly replied.

  “You worked with my employee, Giancarlo,” Luciana responded equally cold.

  Olivia raised an eyebrow. “That organization is run by a woman?” She couldn’t believe that a woman would be in a career that she considered to be so exploitative. Not that Olivia had any problem with it, she just was shocked that Luciana didn’t.

  “It is,” Luciana replied. “And you took advantage of my brother.”

  “Excuse me?” Olivia was clearly annoyed.

  “My girl did her job, and you managed to scam him out of a payment,” Luciana stated.

  “No, she didn’t,” Olivia started

  Luciana cut her off. “Screw me over again, and I’ll take a razor blade to your face.”

  Olivia’s jaw dropped.

  “Have a nice evening,” Luciana excused herself and moved on to another painting. She didn’t care much for Olivia Davenport and she was confident that very few other people did.

  Luciana took a sip of champagne and continued browsing the paintings, until she came upon a portrait. Staring back at her, with blank eyes, was a painting of Lauren. The painting was flawless, there was no question that it was her.